Musings from the Fishbowl
by daydreamer4
Summary: A look at certain events over the course of the West Wing through Gail's eyes. Multiple pairings and characters.
1. New Home

Author's Note: Now that the show is over, I'd thought I'd take a look at what Gail thought of being in the White House and her take on certain events. This will be a mutli-chapter story and I hope to be able to update weekly. As always, I don't own anything associated with the West Wing. Reviews are appreciated and encouraged!

* * *

"New Home"

Most people wouldn't believe that life in a fishbowl is glamorous. In fact, I bet some would think it was slightly intrusive with everyone watching your every move. I suppose my life is not unlike that of my owner, but I'm getting ahead of myself. I should probably start at the beginning.

I was a mere babe when I felt the net dive into the large tank and scoop me up and into a plastic bag. Many people think that goldfish have no long term memory and some don't, but I remember things. My mother used to say I had the memory of an elephant. How she would know the memory of an elephant is beyond me, but she'd always tell me that.

The first clear memory I have of him is his eyes peering at me through the plastic bag. He had orange hair that wasn't quite as colorful as me, but it was nice. It reminded me of my relatives. I felt a little sick because of all the jostling around, but the feeling eventually passed and he looked at me with wide, happy eyes when he told the clerk I was perfect.

"Does she have a name?" he asked the clerk.

"I'm not even sure it's a 'she' buddy," he replied.

"Let's assume she is," he replied. "You think Gail is a good name?"

"Gail the goldfish?" the clerk replied with a smirk.

"Yeah."

"Sure, Gail the goldfish it is," the clerk said apathetically.

That was the first time I'd heard the name Gail and apparently, it was my name now. The man with the goatee and shaggy hair picked up my bag and another bag, which I hoped contained a larger bowl and we left the store. He set me down on a very nice seat and the movement began again. He talked to me on the way and he seemed a little apprehensive if I had to put an emotion on it.

"You're going to be a little surprise for someone very special," he told me. "I'm a little nervous about her reaction because I'm not even really sure we're at the goldfish stage yet. Not that every relationship has a goldfish stage. Who knows?"

He paused for a moment and turned the radio on. It seemed to calm him for a few minutes until he started babbling again.

"You're a good gift right?" he said to himself as much as to me. "Josh said she likes goldfish and you're a fine looking goldfish if I do say so myself, Gail."

I gave my tail a swish upon his compliment and he glanced down at my bag.

"I'm sure you're hoping for better digs," he continued. "Don't worry though, we're almost there and I'll get you all set up in a real home. I bought you a nice bowl all for yourself. I got the high end food too. You're gonna be all set. CJ will hopefully love you, which will be really good for me and really good for you too."

CJ. Finally someone had a name beside me. Two simple letters was a name? Personally I found Gail to be much classier, but it was clear that the man who bought me was quite smitten with this CJ character. I hoped she liked me as much as he thought she would.

I took a moment to compose myself as we drove along. I could see why this man was nervous. There was a lot of pressure associated with being a gift. I'd seen too many fish returned to the tank after an owner decided they weren't wanted. Some of those that came back had horror stories about something called a toilet and I knew that above anything else I didn't want to end up there.

The man picked me up again and walked me into a huge building. I couldn't believe this was a house. Whoever this CJ lady was, she certainly was well off. Not bad prospects for a fish from lower D.C. We made our way inside, which was apparently hard because the man needed to juggle me back and forth while he searched for a badge of some sort.

When we finally made it inside he placed me on a very messy desk until he finally picked up the bag I was in and opened it. I will say that it felt pretty good. I never thought I was claustrophobic until this trip.

"Okay, brace yourself Gail," he said as he tipped the contents of my bag into a new bowl.

It took me a moment to regain my bearings until I dashed from the left to right a few times. He was right. The new fishbowl was quite large and all mine. He sprinkled a few fingers of food into my bowl, which I gratefully accepted after the long journey.

"Hey, that's all this?" a dark-haired woman asked.

"A present," he answered.

"For who?" she asked with a sly grin. It was almost as if she already knew who I was for.

"She in her office?" he asked ignoring her question.

"Reading today's Post," the dark-haired woman told him. "You didn't write anything inflammatory did you?"

"Carol, would I do something like that?" he asked with an impish smile.

"Yes," she replied confidently.

"Yeah, I would," he sighed. "But not today."

"Today you come bearing fish," Carol said seriously.

"Something like that," Danny said. "So she's in?"

"All by her lonesome," Carol said glancing into my bowl before walking away with a grin on her face.

"You ready Gail?" he asked me peering into my bowl. "It's show time."

We made our way down a hallway and made a few turns until I was completely lost. He finally approached a doorway and I knew it was CJ's because he slowed down and took a breath before entering. He crept slowly into the room and she looked up. I finally got a good look at her.

She sat looking at something and she wore glasses, which made her eyes look huge through the reflection of my bowl. She looked puzzled at first and then when the man told her I was a gift she burst out with a guttural laugh that at first startled me, but then I found it endearing and I could tell why he liked her so much. Her laugh was what I can only associate with the feeling of pure joy.

They conversed for a while, but I was too bust sizing up CJ to really pay attention much. She'd taken her glasses off and she was still chuckling over something, but she smiled brightly at the man holding my bowl. I could tell that she liked him just as much as he liked her, though I suspected she hadn't admitted it to anyone yet. I finally decided to pay closer attention to the conversation after a moment.

"The crackers Danny," she chuckled.

Danny. So the man had a name. Danny bought me as a gift for CJ. I swam in a slow circle and gauged his reaction to her laugh. He didn't look pleased. My nerves got the better of me and I missed part of the conversation, but I eventually picked it up again.

"You named her Gail?" she asked amused.

"The guy at the store did," he protested.

"Liar," I thought with a giggle. I guess it's not manly to name a fish.

I tried to figure out if CJ was pleased with me or not, but I couldn't tell. I looked at Danny and he looked slightly hurt to be honest and he pulled my bowl toward him protectively. I had a sudden feeling of panic. Where were we going? Was I not a good gift? Did I not look like a good fish?

Very quickly my fears were put to rest when CJ reached out and grabbed the bowl from Danny.

"You'll kill it," I heard her say.

Kill it? Kill me? 'Please leave me here!' I wanted to shout.

Danny gave my bowl over to CJ and she placed me on the desk while she still chuckled slightly. I tried to calm down and swim slowly around my bowl. I wanted to get a good look at my new surroundings, but I couldn't help but glance up. I guess they'd cleared things up because CJ was talking again.

"Come here," CJ said leaning in.

Danny leaned toward her and she gave him a light, though somewhat lingering, kiss on the cheek. She pulled back and smiled and I quickly turned to see is reaction. A kiss had to have been what he'd hoped for by buying me, right?

Danny looked a little shell-shocked. It was like he hadn't expected the kiss as a thank you. I felt happy for him as he walked out of the office. CJ stood there for a moment with her hands on her hips and then she looked down at my bowl.

I made sure I put on a show of my swimming ability and gracefully cut through the water. She sat down and watched me swim for a while with a chuckle and grin on her face, which made me feel like I'd served a greater purpose. Eventually she was called away by an overwrought man with a dark beard, but I didn't care, she liked me. I could just tell. When she left I swam slowly and got used to my new surrounding. I could definitely learn to like this.

TBC


	2. Meeting the Family

Author's Note: Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm excited about this story and I'm going to try to let you know where these little vignettes would fall in the West Wing universe. This chapter would fall after The Short List but before In Excelsis Deo. I also intend to have Gail comment on everything, and everyone, she see. This includes relationships, people and events so all you JD shippers out there will eventually have something to keep you going as will CJD shippers. :)

* * *

_Meeting the Family_

"Hey," the woman said as she entered CJ's office.

"Hey," CJ replied glancing up from the paper.

The blond entered the office and I could tell she noticed me right away. I was an oddity not usually found on CJ's desk. The woman perched in the chair opposite CJ and sat. CJ looked at her for a minute and then sighed.

"You're here to see my fish aren't you?" she asked.

"There's a rumor that it was a gift from a certain red-haired reporter," the blond replied.

"Wow," CJ said before raising her voice a bit louder. "Good news sure travels fast."

I had a hunch that CJ raised her voice for Carol's benefit. I'd only been here a day when I realized that while Carol was a devoted and hard-working assistant, she was quite the gossip.

"So, what's her name?" the blond asked peering into my bowl.

"Gail," CJ said happily as she finally put down her paper and looked at me for a moment.

Once again I had to put on my best showmanship and I dashed quickly back and forth giving my tail a few flamboyant flicks for effect.

"Danny bought you a fish," the blond said almost dreamily. I could tell that she thought I was a very nice gift. There was also a hint of something else there. Personally, I felt that she was hoping someone would buy her such a thoughtful gift.

"Yes, no thanks to your boss," CJ replied as she dropped a few kernels of food into my bowl.

"Josh had something to do with this?" she asked.

"He told Danny I liked goldfish," CJ replied. "He neglected to mention that he was talking about the crackers."

CJ still seemed amused by this fact, though I didn't quite understand it. The blond woman smiled shyly at CJ's comment and she simply shook her head.

"I think it's sweet," she said.

"I think it's very sweet," CJ said looking at my bowl again. "I've never had a fish before. Now there's pressure."

"You'll do fine," the woman said standing.

"So that's it? You just came to ogle my fish?" CJ asked.

"Did you need something else?"

"I need some advice on how to take care of a goldfish," CJ admitted.

"I'll see what I can find," he woman said. "So, what did you say to Danny when he gave you the fish?"

"I laughed my ass off," CJ said. "Then I took her."

"I heard there may have been a kiss involved," the woman teased her.

"Was this from Carol or did Danny send out a press release?" CJ asked bemused.

"My source would like to remain anonymous," Donna said. "He likes you, you know."

"Thanks for pointing that out Donna. I wasn't sure I got the memo," CJ said sarcastically.

So the blond woman's name was Donna. That would be a good piece of information to remember. Although they seemed to be engaged in a passive aggressive conversation involving a lot of teasing, I could tell that CJ and Donna were friends. Plus, Donna seemed to have something else going on under the surface. I was going to keep an eye on that.

Donna wouldn't let her off the hook and she continued to stare at CJ until she responded further. "It was kiss on the cheek. It was no big deal."

"I think it was to Danny. I think it's sweet. He's a nice man."

"In my Press Corp," CJ interjected.

"So you've got that in common," Donna said with a smile. "Gail's a nice looking fish."

I'm sure I blushed slightly at the compliment. It was exciting to be so noticed and special.

"Thanks," CJ said as she left. She glanced over at my bowl again.

"Well I hope you're ready for the attention Gail," she told me. "I think you're going to be the talk of the office until the next national crisis."

I wished I could have told her that I didn't mind. I felt a sense of duty. I had to make Danny, and CJ, proud. I was determined to make a good impression on everyone who dropped by to see me. After all, I couldn't have everyone thinking that Danny had picked out a bad gift. I was obviously a hot topic and I wanted people to continue to think like Donna, that I was a nice looking fish.

* * *

A while later a man entered CJ's office with a handful of papers rolled up in his hand. He approached her desk slowly and looked directly at my bowl. I could almost see the wheels in his head turning, looking for just the right sentiment to extend to her. I saw the moment his eyes flashed as if he'd hit upon just the right comment to both irritate her and make her laugh.

"I thought single women of your age usually started adopting cats," he said with an impish grin. At that moment, even I, a mere fish, knew he was in trouble for even uttering a comment like that.

CJ turned from her computer screen and gave him an icy look before picking up a crumbled sheet of paper and tossing it firmly and accurately at his head.

"Just for that, you get the first tour of duty cleaning out Gail's bowl," CJ said confidently.

"I really don't think--"

"Seeing as though you're the reason there's a fish on my desk, Joshua, _you're _cleaning out her bowl," she said seriously.

"How is that fair?" he whined.

She didn't respond, she simply gave him a hard look and removed her glasses do he could see into her eyes.

"Okay," he relented. "I'll clean out her bowl. Once."

He took a seat in the chair that Donna occupied earlier and he looked into my bowl.

"Here," he said with a slight smirk. He handed over the rolled of sheets of paper he'd had in hands to CJ. "It might help you learn more about goldfish care."

She took the papers from him and glanced at the information.

"I see Donna has been busy this morning," CJ said looking at the papers.

"I told her to help you out a little," Josh said casually leaning back in the chair.

"You mean you told her to get information on goldfish care since, in actuality, it's your fault that Danny Concannon showed up with a goldfish for me?"

"Okay first of all, I didn't tell him you liked_ goldfish_, I told him you liked Goldfish," Josh said leaning forward.

"Very big distinction, I can see that now," she shot sarcastically.

"You love the fish," Josh said leaning back again.

"That's not the point," CJ said.

So it was true. She did love me. That was good news for me and bobbed up and down a few times to show my appreciation.

"Look, he gave me some good information and I felt like I owed him one."

"So you told him I liked goldfish? You decided the way to repay Danny for some good information was to pimp me out in exchange for a goldfish?"

"Wait, wait, whoa, you pimped yourself out for this goldfish? Gosh CJ if I'd have known it was that easy," he mused.

"You know what I mean," CJ insisted. "Your idea of repaying Danny was to give him some personal information about me. What if he gives you a real hot tip? Are you going to sell me to him for a flock a sheep?"

"No," Josh said. "You're worth at least a yoke of oxen."

I found the comment amusing. In fact I found the entire exchanged amusing and I thought that I might like this Josh guy. He seemed like a friend and if he was the one responsible for sending Danny to the pet store then he was aces in my book, if I had a book, that is.

"Josh," CJ said with a tone of irritation.

"CJ," he countered.

"Thanks for the information," she said grudgingly as she held up the handful of papers. "According to this, your day to clean out Gail's bowl will be Thursday."

She smiled at him wickedly as if she would relish teasing him about the task she had assigned him. My bowl wouldn't be that dirty by Thursday would it? I'm a fairly clean fish.

"Donna will be looking forward to it," Josh replied.

"Oh no mi amour, this is all you," she said. "If I find out Donna cleaned out the bowl we're gonna have words."

"Four letter words? Because they're my favorite," he taunted her.

She finally just shook her head. "Do you like my fish?" she asked hopefully.

"I think she's an incredible specimen," Josh said. "But you know, I was flipping through that information and you should get some sort of toy to put in her bowl. Goldfish need visual stimulation."

This clinched my affection for Josh. As much as the bowl was roomy enough and CJ's office was bright and colorful, I really needed somewhere to explore. His knowledge of my need made me want to jump from the bowl in agreement.

"Really?" CJ asked looking down at the papers.

"Page three," he said.

She quickly flipped to page three and Josh left the office.

"Thanks," she called absently as she scanned the page Josh had given her. She was silent for a moment as she read until she finally looked over at my bowl again.

"He's right," she told me. "Now, don't ever tell him that I told you that. Josh and I have a competitive relationship and he'd lord it over me if he knew I said he was right."

I swam up and down in the bowl slightly to let her know that her secret was safe with me. As much as I found Josh interesting, I had my loyalties and they lie with the woman who fed me.

"We have to get you a treasure chest or something fun Gail," CJ said. "Does that sound pretty good?"

"A treasure chest sounds kind of boring to me," he said as he entered her office.

Danny! He came back to visit. It had been a day since he'd dropped me off and as weird as it sounds, I was kind of beginning to forget his scruffy face and kind eyes. I was happy that he stopped by to visit.

"I wasn't set on a treasure chest," CJ said putting down her sheet of paper. "I'm a very creative woman."

"I have no doubt," he said with a grin.

Were they flirting right now? They're voices seemed to be lower than usual and there was something palatable in the air that even I felt under inches of water.

"Did you know that goldfish like to be visually stimulated?"

"I did not know that," Danny said entering. He walked over to the desk and stuck his fingers in the bowl. I swam up to brush them with my fins in welcome.

"So let me get this straight," CJ said. "You bought Gail at a store where they named the individual fish, but they didn't tell you anything about care?"

"Pretty much," Danny affirmed. Man, he was not going to admit he'd named me for anything.

"Danny, just admit you named the fish," she pressed.

"I'll admit nothing," he said.

"Fine," she smirked. "What do are you doing back here anyway?"

"Visiting our fish," he said simply.

"_Our_ fish?" she asked.

"Sure," he said. "I thought we had a joint custody thing going on."

"I thought she was a gift," CJ replied.

"She is a gift," Danny said.

"A gift that you get to visit?"

"Sort of," he said. "Maybe I wanted to visit you too."

For the first time since I'd met her CJ seemed to be at a loss for words. Judging by the color in her cheeks and the stammering I assumed that this didn't happen very often.

"I have to brief," she said suddenly standing and picking up a notebook.

"Okay," he replied genially pulling his finger out my bowl and wiping them on his pants.

He gave her a smile and turned to walk out of the room. CJ looked at her desk for a minute and took a deep breath.

"That one is trouble Gail," she said.

She shook her head and walked out of the office. I had a feeling she didn't mean Danny was trouble in the bad sense, but the rather, the complicated. Regardless of what she thought, I thought he was a good catch. Between Danny and CJ and the intriguing feeling I got from Josh and Donna, I figured, with or without a toy for my bowl, I was going to have a lot to keep me occupied around here.

TBC


	3. Tis the Season

Author's Note: Thanks again for all the reviews. I'm glad you're enjoying it!

* * *

_'Tis the Season_

"CJ?" the short brunette said tentatively as she stood in the doorway. I'd never seen her before and she seemed a little shifty to me.

"Hey Mandy," CJ said not really looking up. It was clear to me that this was someone that CJ didn't necessarily have time for today.

"I was wondering if you'd had a chance to talk to Toby about the thing?" she asked tentatively.

"Not yet," CJ said walking around her desk and gathering notes for her briefing.

"Okay," she said. I could tell she was disappointed as she entered the office a little bit further. She perched herself on the arm of CJ's couch and watched her as she scrambled for notes.

CJ, in the height of her preparation for her afternoon briefing, wasn't really in the mood to entertain a conversation.

"You know, you could bring it up to him Mandy," CJ reminded her.

"He doesn't take criticism well," she said.

"So what makes you think that I want to tell him?" CJ countered.

"He takes constructive criticism better from you."

"Mandy, it's not my job to give Toby input on his speeches. That's your job. I told you I'd casually bring it up when I had a chance, but if this is something that's time sensitive then you're going to have to bring it up with him."

Mandy was silent for a moment as she contemplated CJ's response. I was proud of her. It must be hard to be a woman in a job with so much responsibility and she handled herself very well.

"Okay, I'll talk to him," Mandy said finally.

"Good," CJ said softening her tone. "I'm sorry I'm just a little frantic to get my notes together for the briefing."

"No, I understand," Mandy replied. "I'll bring it up."

"Okay," CJ said looking back down at her desk to find something.

"Is this the fish I've heard so much about?" Mandy said looking at my bowl.

"That's Gail," CJ replied absently.

"Danny Concannon has interesting taste in Christmas presents," Mandy commented.

"She wasn't a Christmas present," CJ insisted.

"Just a regular gift?" Mandy asked suspiciously.

"Yeah," CJ said simply.

"Hmm," she said.

"What?" CJ asked.

"The Press Secretary and a reporter dating?" Mandy mused.

"We're not dating," CJ said. "He's a friend."

"A friend who buys you a fish."

"Yeah."

"Okay," Mandy said.

"We're not, it's not what you think, there's nothing going on," CJ stammered.

"Danny is a very attractive man," Mandy reminded her.

"What's your point?" CJ said. I could sense she was beginning to get irritated with the tone of the conversation.

"Nothing," Mandy said trying to back peddle. "I'm just saying no one could blame you, although it would be horrendous for the White House."

"So noted," CJ said. "I hate to cut this short, but I really have to get ready for the briefing."

"Sure," Mandy said. "I'll talk to Toby."

"Fine," CJ replied.

"She is a nice looking fish CJ," Mandy said as she exited her office.

CJ's shoulders dropped when she left and she stood for a moment thinking. She looked at my bowl, back at the door and then back to my bowl again.

"What do you suppose that was about Gail?" she asked me.

I didn't know, but I didn't like it. I also sensed a hint of jealousy in CJ's voice, which both surprised me and made me happy to know that Danny had a chance.

"Of course Danny is attractive," CJ continued to tell me. "But who is she to tell me not to go out with him? I can go out with whomever I choose."

"Sing it sister," I thought. "Don't let that little pixie tell you what to do."

"I'm not saying I'm going out with Danny," she rattled on quickly. "I'm just saying that it's my choice and I'd have to really think about it before I committed to anything."

"Understandable," I thought. "You've got a high profile job. You can't put that in jeopardy, though I don't see it as a total conflict of interests."

"Okay, Gail," CJ said. "I've got to brief in a few minutes and I'm standing here talking to you like you understand me. That's disturbing to me on many levels."

She looked at my bowl for a minute before she was bombarded by the whirlwind I'd come to know as Josh.

"Hey CJ, you have minute?" Josh asked as he bounded into her office.

"I've got like ninety seconds and then I have to brief," she replied.

"So you literally have a minute," he said.

"Pretty much."

"Now probably wouldn't be the time to approach you about a Christmas gift for Donna," he said knowingly.

"Probably not," she said gathering a few more papers and starting to walk out. "But Gail's here, why don't you bounce the list of her and we'll narrow it down later."

"Bye," I thought as I turned to watch her walk out of the office. I watched Josh turn and contemplate my bowl. He surprised me by taking a seat across from me and then he began to talk.

"Skis are a little extravagant for an assistant's gift don't you think?" he asked me. "I mean, she specifically asked for them and if I get them, then where's the fun? Where's the look of wonder when she opens them?"

"Good point," I thought.

"But if I don't get her the ski stuff then what do I get her?" Josh continued. "No offense to you Gail, you're a fine specimen, but Danny sure screwed us all by giving you to CJ as a gift. Who would've thought a goldfish would be seen as the most thoughtful, cute, perfect gift by every female staffer here?"

"I would have, but I guess you don't really expect me to believe otherwise," I pointed out.

"So, now that Danny has wrecked Christmas for the rest of us, I need some ideas," Josh said. "I was thinking about a rabbit. What do you think?"

I swam frantically back and forth in an effort to communicate that a rabbit was a horrible idea. I hoped he understood my message.

"Yeah, you're right," Josh said leaning back in the chair. "A rabbit is a little bit high maintenance, not to mention the cage and the smell around the office."

"Maybe a pet isn't the wisest decision," I thought. "Danny got me on a hunch. It was ultimately bad information, perpetrated by you, but lucky for me CJ now has a thing for goldfish."

"Maybe a pet isn't a good idea," Josh said as if he'd read my mind.

"Maybe a gift from the heart," I tried to suggest. "Women like the thought behind the gift."

"Donna is so hard to shop for," he whined.

He sat there for a minute staring at the television. I saw CJ at the podium looking very composed. I think I even caught a glimpse of Danny standing off to the side.

"Okay," Josh said standing after he'd listened to the briefing for a moment. "I have to go get some work done. Thanks for the pep talk Gail."

"Anytime," I thought.

"Though the fact that I'm talking to you like a person is a wildly troubling, I'm just going to go with it," he said running his hand over his head. "I'm sure CJ talks to you, right?"

"Oh you have no idea," I thought as I rolled my eyes.

"Well, this is just between us 'kay?"

"You got it Josh," I affirmed.

"'Kay, I really have to stop talking to a fish," I heard him mutter as he walked out of the office.

I turned my attention back to the television and watched CJ finish her briefing. I hoped that Josh would come back and talk to CJ about the gift. The curiosity of his Christmas gift to Donna was going to get to me otherwise. I wondered if Danny was going to get CJ something for Christmas, or if CJ had thought to get him anything special.

While I wasn't exactly clear on the concept of Christmas I now knew that it involved gifts and it would be interesting to hear about what everyone received.

* * *

The next day and a long conversation with Josh later another man showed up outside CJ's office door. 

"Hey CJ, have you got a second?" a man asked as he poked his head into her office.

"Anything for my sunshine man," CJ replied.

"Sunshine man?" I thought. That's a curious name, or term of endearment, especially coming from CJ to a man I had yet to meet. I'd been here five days after all. I would have thought I'd met everyone that mattered at the time. Little did I know there'd be much bigger fish, pardon the pun, to meet in the future.

"What are you doing in this neck of the woods anyway?" she asked. "I'm usually the one hoofing it to your office."

"Nothing much," he replied shoving his hands in his pockets.

"So what are you up to?" the man asked walking in and flitting between wanting to sit and stand. He had a very crisp way of speaking and although he appeared slightly nervous, he had a strangely calming presence.

"Waiting for you to get to the point," CJ smiled at him.

"Okay, so Christmas is coming up," he said finally deciding to sit.

"That it is," CJ agreed.

There was that word again. Christmas. I knew gifts were involved. I was kind of hoping that Josh might decide to get Donna a fish, simply so I'd have someone to talk to, but from what he'd told CJ he'd settled on a book. Josh ran a few thoughts by CJ earlier for what to write in the book and I just knew Donna would love it. Had I not already been immersed in a bowl of water I might have cried enough to fill my bowl at the sentiment. Now this man wanted to talk about Christmas too. It was obviously an important thing.

"So, I need a woman's perspective," the man said. "And you, being a woman and all, I figured you could provide it."

"I'll see what I can do," CJ replied.

"I don't know what to get Mallory for Christmas," he said quickly. "I'm not even sure if we're at the Christmas gift stage, but if she shows up with something and I have nothing then it's going to be awkward, as if it isn't already, but I don't want it to be because it shouldn't and I'm turning into Toby because right now I think Christmas gifts are the most horrible concept in the world."

"Wow that was some sentence," I thought to myself. My head hurt a little just trying to follow it. I hoped CJ understood it though because I quite curious.

"Are you serious Sam?" CJ asked. Sam. He had a name. I was putting that one in the vault because not only did Sam intrigue me with his nervous, yet calm demeanor, but he was quite pretty to look at considering my bowl still sat void of any accessories.

"We have a country to run and between you and Josh I'm playing Santa's Little Helper around here," CJ sighed.

Sam smirked slightly and CJ caught him.

"What?" she asked.

"Well it's just that I wouldn't use the word little to describe you," Sam snickered. "Maybe Santa's Big Helper might be more appropriate."

She shot him a look and he continued to try to back his way out of it. "Not big like rotund, but big as in tall."

He continued to laugh and CJ didn't look thrilled with his tangent.

"I'm sorry," he chuckled. "I'm just imagining you in the tights and the floppy hat right now."

"Well stop," she said half-seriously and half-affected by his chuckle. "I'll have you know I'd look damn fine in tights and a floppy hat."

"I have no doubt," Sam agreed with a last little chuckle.

I was a little confused because I almost detected some sort of flirtation between them. This wasn't the first time I'd noticed how the guys seemed to tease her and she'd joke back. First there was Danny, then Josh, now Sam, and don't get me started on Toby. I could do an entire chapter on Toby.

Watching CJ interact with them it was clear that she was part of the boy's club. There used to be a fish back at the pet store and she'd run with the boys all the time. They accepted her without question and they'd sometimes forget she was a girl, but there were other times when they'd chase her just to test their skills. I wondered if they all flirted with her because none of them got out much.

"May I ask why you're Santa's helper today?" Sam asked.

"Josh was in here yesterday and today bouncing his Donna gift off me."

"Well that's tradition," Sam pointed out. "I think we all remember the sock Christmas."

CJ shuddered thinking about it. "That was bad," CJ agreed. "So what's up with Mallory?"

"I have no idea," Sam sighed. "That's the problem. We've seen each other sporadically and went on possibly one date, there's really no way to tell definitively without asking."

"Which would lead to a whole other set of problems," CJ finished for him.

"Right," Sam nodded.

"Since you've technically never been out on a date, I'd say have something small on stand-by just in case, but I wouldn't go all out," CJ said finally.

"Like what?"

"What does she like?" CJ asked.

"She's crazy about Chinese opera," Sam replied shrugging.

"Chinese opera?" CJ questioned.

"Says the woman who loves goldfish so much her friends spread the rumor," Sam retorted.

"Point taken," CJ said moving on. "What about the collected works of Chinese opera on CD?"

"It's a start," Sam said. "But it's not a very big gift."

"But it's thoughtful and you're not really even dating," CJ replied.

"That's acceptable in a woman's head?" Sam asked surprised.

"Have you kissed her?" CJ asked.

"No," Sam said blushing a little.

"Then you're good," CJ said.

"Have you kissed Danny?" he asked.

"Danny? What? Why?" CJ stammered slightly as her cheeks turned the same color as Sam's.

"I just wondered because he bought you a fish," Sam said gesturing toward my bowl. "If kissing equals a gift then I'm curious."

"Kissing doesn't equal a gift," CJ shook her head. "It's, Gail is here…Josh told Danny I liked goldfish."

"I've heard the story," Sam said. "Have you kissed him?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't," Sam said. "I think Danny is a nice guy. Toby might have a stoke and Mandy's head might explode, but I don't see why you shouldn't kiss Danny if you want to."

"Thank you Sam," CJ said in agreement.

"So?"

"So what?"

"So what did you do to earn this fish Claudia Jean?"

Claudia Jean. Now that name made a lot more sense than CJ. CJ was simply an abbreviation. I liked it though. It seemed perky and fun. Claudia Jean seemed a little more formal.

"Nothing," CJ protested with her mouth hanging slightly open. "I may have kissed him_ on the cheek_ when he gave me the fish, but that's it."

"Okay," Sam said with his lips lightly curled as he stood up.

"That's all Sam," she reiterated more forcefully.

"I believe you. So are you getting Danny anything for Christmas?"

"I got the Press Corp coffee mugs," CJ said absently staring at my bowl. I did a little figure eight to make her smile.

"But what did you get_ Danny_?" Sam asked.

CJ looked away from my bowl and gave Sam a long look. There was some sort of bond there. The friendship was clear but there was something else, which I felt related specifically to Danny and this Mallory woman.

"Between us?" CJ asked quietly.

"Of course," Sam said sitting down on the edge of the chair.

CJ still looked hesitant to share and Sam attempted to make her more comfortable.

"We're both walking a fine line here CJ. I could possibly be dating Leo's daughter and you've got Danny buying you a fish."

"I got him a new pen," CJ said finally. "It sounds stupid, but he likes these really specific pens, hard to find pens so I got him one with his initials engraved in it."

"It sounds nice," Sam said with a small smile. "He'll like it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Sam affirmed standing again. "Thanks for the help with Mallory."

"You're welcome," CJ smiled.

"And CJ?" Sam added as he walked toward the door.

"Yeah?"

"She's a nice looking fish," Sam added. "You should get her some decorations for her fish bowl though. Goldfish like visual stimulation."

"Is there like a website with goldfish facts that everyone has seen but me?" CJ asked rhetorically.

"I thought everyone knew that," Sam said.

"Yeah, thanks," CJ said sarcastically. "I'm working on it. Carol has a whole Christmas theme planned."

"I can't wait to see it," Sam said before he left.

"Me too!" I wanted to shout enthusiastically from my bowl.

"I'm working on it Gail," CJ told me. "I swear by Christmas you will have something in there."

It looked like CJ was Santa's helper to everyone including me. It was an exhausting couple of days getting ready for talking about Christmas presents and I, for one, would be happy when the holidays were here.

TBC


	4. Whispered Conversations

Author's Note: This takes place during the time of Lord John Marbury in season 1. A few lines of dialog between CJ and Toby were borrowed from the actual episode and no infringement is intended. Thanks again for the reviews!

* * *

_Whispered Conversations_

I would like to use this time to let you all know that I'm not a nosy fish. I simply observed my surroundings while in the White House. Yes, CJ had several televisions in her office and it's not like I_ had_ to listen to conversations, but I've always felt that the real action of the White House didn't take place on CNN or C-Span, but in and around the offices of the West Wing.

That being said, I was privy to a lot of conversations that were probably supposed to be private. Really, you can't blame me for listening in on them though. Josh and CJ, and eventually everyone else, would talk to me as if I was capable of answering them verbally, so it should have been up to them to move my bowl or leave the room if they wanted to keep their conversations private.

There was a day, not too long after Christmas, that seemed ripe with private conversations. It all started when CJ came into her office and shut the door behind her. I hadn't seen her do that much and it concerned me. It wasn't like her to shut everyone out.

I swam slowly as I watched her collapse into her chair and pinch the bridge of her nose. To this day I can't figure out why you humans do that. It looks like it hurts, yet you all do it when you're stressed, but I digress.

CJ sat quietly for a few minutes and stared out the window. There was a light rap on the door and CJ just sat silently. The person on the other side of the door tried again.

"Come in," she finally said sullenly.

"Hey," Danny said.

"What do you need Danny?" she asked impatiently.

I was sad to see her so sharp with him. They'd had such a nice moment a few days ago when they exchanged Christmas gifts. I thought they were on the right track.

"Rough day?" he ventured.

"You could say that," she said.

"It's only nine," he pointed out.

"I know," CJ replied.

"Is there something going on?" Danny asked.

She paused for a moment as if to consider the question carefully. I wondered if there really was something going on, but if there was she certainly didn't want Danny to know about it.

"Do you ever feel cut off?" she asked him instead of answering his question.

"Cut off?" Danny said sauntering in and taking a seat. "From reality? Life? Friends? Pick your poison."

"That's not quite what I meant," CJ replied.

"What did you mean?"

"Nothing."

"You can talk to me you know," Danny reminded her gently.

"I know," she said absently.

"Just not about this," he finished for her.

"I'm fine," she replied sitting up a little straighter in her chair. "Did you need something?"

"No, just wanted to say hi," he said with a gleam in his eye. He was trying to turn on the charm, but I sensed it wouldn't help him in this instance.

"Okay, well I have to brief in a little while," CJ reminded him. I thought I saw dread in her eyes as she told him. There was obviously something she didn't want to cop to in her briefing.

"'Kay," Danny smiled. "See you there."

"You certainly will," she replied. She watched him walk out of her office and then she rubbed her eyes. Something had happened and it wasn't good, that much I could tell.

"Carol," CJ called after Danny had left.

"Yeah?" her assistant asked as she entered the office.

"I'm gonna need information on India," CJ said.

CJ left to brief the press a short time later and I decided that I'd get in a little nap. I know, call me lazy, but CJ had decorated my bowl a Poinsettia for Christmas and as much as goldfish need visual stimulation, I think I might have overdone it. I didn't figure I'd miss much but I was awakened to the sound of loud voices. I jerked myself awake and found CJ fuming and Toby standing on the other side of desk. I decided to pay extra close attention to the conversation at this point.

"There is a concern that you're too friendly with the press," Toby told her finally.

"Really," CJ said flatly.

"We know it's important that you have a friendly relationship with them-"

"It's important for all of us," said cutting him off.

"I don't disagree," Toby sighed.

"Does this have to do with Danny Concannon?" CJ asked suddenly.

Oh, this was about to get good! It was somewhat clear to me, based upon the short interactions I'd seen, that Toby had an affection for CJ, which she didn't necessarily return. She definitely flirted with him and she cared about him but her face didn't light up the way it did when Danny entered the room.

"People see you with Danny," Toby said.

"This is outrageous," CJ dismissed him.

"This is one time, and if we erred, it's on the side of trying to-"

"You sent me in there uninformed so that I'd lie to the press-"

"We sent you in there uninformed because we thought there was a chance you couldn't," Toby reasoned.

"Okay. I have all this work to do," she said making it very clear that the conversation was over.

"Okay."

Toby left her office and CJ threw some papers across her desk spitefully. From what I could surmise Toby had not given CJ some piece of information, which she in turn lied to the press about, which made her feel like an idiot. I could see how she'd be angry.

"People see me with Danny," she muttered to herself. "People see me with the President too. Maybe the press will misinterpret that as a torrid affair."

She leaned on her desk and stared at the scraps of paper lying around. She sighed heavily and rubbed the back of her neck.

"Were you out of the loop on this?" Danny asked from the doorway.

"How did you get back here?" she asked looking up. "No, wait, let me guess, Carol."

"She can't resist my boyish charm," he said sauntering into her office. "So you were out of the loop and they just told you about it this morning."

"You really need to go," CJ said in an irritated tone.

"I'd be angry too, especially since you got the question last night," Danny reminded her, as if she'd forgotten.

"I wasn't out the loop," she lied to him.

"CJ, come on you denied the build up of Indian troops less than 12 hours ago," Danny countered.

"I'm not talking to you about this," CJ dismissed him as she looked back to the papers on her desk. "I've given you all the information I have and now I have to get back to work."

"Hey," Danny said attempting to get her attention again.

"What?" she said looking up.

He must have seen the look on her face because he decided to back down.

"Nothing," he said. "It's just…sometimes this happens. It's a hazard of the job."

"Yeah," she said.

"Okay, well I'm gonna," he said gesturing to the door behind him.

"Yeah," she replied.

She continued to look at her desk until she was sure he had left her alone. It was then that she rubbed her finger under eye and I saw that she wiped away a single tear that she couldn't manage to contain.

* * *

In the midst of CJ's trouble I did happen upon an interesting conversation between Josh and Donna. It kind of broke up the tension of what was going on between CJ and Toby. I was swimming casually the same day and I heard Josh over in his office. This was, of course, when CJ and Josh had connecting offices. Some mild construction a few months later would move CJ further down the hall, but I liked when Josh was right next door. Not only was he good for a few laughs, but when he got angry he shouted loud enough for me to hear him through the door even if it was closed. I think that may have been the impetus for the move now that I think about it.

Anyway, as I said it wasn't too long after Christmas and though I didn't get to see Josh give Donna the book he'd picked out, I did get to hear the touching message he'd written inside, well at least the part he shared with CJ. I could tell he was holding something back, but she didn't press him. If only I could have had a chat with her about getting more information out of people.

I was swimming around when I heard Donna enter Josh's office. Luck for me the door between the two office happened to be open and CJ was no where to be found. That was quite helpful since the clack of the keyboard often drown out other conversations.

"I'm not so sure about this caddying idea Josh," Donna said.

"You'll be great," Josh dismissed her in his very Josh way.

"And the fact that its mid-January doesn't faze you at all does it?" Donna asked.

"Well I wanted to get you psyched," Josh said.

"Oh I'm psyched alright," Donna said. I could practically hear her eyes roll as she replied. "You do realize that you gave me a book on skiing for Christmas."

"So?" Josh asked. I couldn't quite see around the door but I could tell he'd stopped what he was doing and gave her his full attention.

"Well a book on caddying might have been more helpful," Donna pointed out.

"You'll be fine," Josh said absently. "So, did you read the book?"

I caught a hint of something in his voice. I knew he cared about Donna, but there was something in his question. It was almost like he was looking for reassurance that she really did like his gift. I knew for a fact that she'd probably read the message he scrawled in the first page many times over. In fact, I figured she probably had it memorized about an hour after he gave it to her.

"I started it. So, Josh," Donna said hesitantly.

"Yeah?" he said.

"Did you mean what you wrote?"

"Donna," he half-whined.

"No, I really want to know. Did you write because you thought I'd like it or did you write it because you meant it?"

There was a pause in the conversation and I wished that my bowl was perched on the opposite corner of CJ's desk. I might have had a chance to at least see what was going on. I could sense that Josh was trying to come up with an appropriate response. I knew he'd meant what he wrote in that book, but admitting it out loud to Donna was a lot scarier than writing it down.

"I thought we weren't going to talk about this?" Josh asked finally.

"It's the last question I swear," Donna replied.

"Yeah, of course I meant it," Josh said after another moment's pause. "I wouldn't have written it if I didn't mean it."

There was another pause in the conversation and so I took to picturing the exchange in my mind. I could see Josh standing there looking at her, one hand on an important document on his desk, his foothold onto something that made more sense than Donna getting all sentimental over a book with a personalized paragraph in it. Donna, at this point, would have a huge smile on her face and her eyes would dance with the acknowledgement that Josh truly cared about her.

"Even the part about divine providence and roads not taken?" she asked with delight in her voice.

"Donna," Josh whined whole-heartedly.

"Okay, sorry," Donna said putting on her work voice again. "Sorry. It was just very touching."

"I can be quite the poet," Josh pointed out.

"And Sam didn't write it for you right?" Donna ventured.

"Your complete lack of faith in me hurts Donnatella," Josh replied. "I picked out the book and wrote in it on my own. I don't need a Cyrano de Bergerac to help me write…stuff."

"Well put," she mocked him.

"Thank you," he replied seriously.

"So the part about being lost without me-," Donna continued to press.

"Donna I swear on all that is holy if you don't drop it," Josh said getting frustrated, though I could tell he was delighted in her pleasure over the gift.

"Okay, okay," Donna said agreeing to drop the subject. "Oh, Claypool's office called again about the subpoena."

Josh took this moment to peak his head into CJ's office and note that it was empty before shutting the door, effectively blocking me from the conversation. Although I do have to admit that I think the portion of the conversation I was witness to was much more important than anything about Claypool.

* * *

A few hours later Toby dropped by CJ's office again. Luckily this time CJ seemed much calmer and Toby seemed less threatened by her relationship with the press and he apologized. I did find out that it was Toby's idea to keep CJ out of the loop on the India situation.

I couldn't figure out why he'd do something like that to her. Earlier in the day he claimed that it was because she was too close to the press, but part of me wondered if it wasn't his way of making sure than CJ didn't give Danny any leads before she should. There was definitely some tension brewing under the surface concerning CJ and Danny. But, he apologized and she accepted and they continued on as normal. The only loose end left for the day was the way CJ had spoke to Danny earlier. I had assumed I wouldn't see him for a few days because of it. He usually liked to give her a few days to cool off before barging into her office unannounced.

"You got a minute?" Danny asked poking his head into CJ's office just before dinner.

She looked up from the papers she was reading and cocked her head to the side. It seemed to me that she was sizing him up. His tone was much crisper than usual.

"Yeah," she said moving the papers to the side and gesturing for him to take a seat.

"I need a clarification on Lord Marbury," he said in a very business-like tone.

"Shoot," CJ said pleasantly.

"I need his lineage," Danny said not really looking up from his notebook.

"You need his lineage?" she asked surprised.

"How exactly is he a lord?" Danny replied.

"You don't want to know that," CJ scoffed.

"I really do," Danny said seriously.

"Your readers care about the lineage of a British lord?" CJ countered.

"When he's called by the president to broker peace in India they do," Danny replied a little curtly.

He wasn't looking directly at her and I could tell that he was still licking his wounds from their last conversation. She had dismissed him so abruptly and he knew she was taking out her frustration with the job on him, but it didn't make it sting any less.

"Fine," CJ replied picking up on his tone. "Do you need a flow chart?"

"CJ," Danny said warningly.

"No, I'm just asking because I have an actual flow chart," CJ made light as she dug through a few piles of paper. "I don't know if you want to waste your valuable column inches on the lineage of Lord John Marbury is all I'm saying."

"You're looking out for me," Danny replied. "Doing me a favor."

"I guess you could look at it that way," CJ said.

"I'd rather not," he said.

"Okay," she said taking a moment to think. She pretended to dig through her papers but I knew she'd found what she was looking for at least a minute ago. Right now she was reevaluating the conversation. It was clear that as Toby had owed her an apology, she owed Danny something of one herself.

"So earlier," she said as she waded through her papers. "I was a little short with you."

"You noticed," Danny commented.

"I did," CJ replied looking up at him. "You caught me at a bad time and I'm sorry if I was curt."

"I get that you were cut out of the loop on the India thing," he replied. "And I get that you were pissed about it. I just wish you hadn't have taken it out on me."

"I know," CJ said sinking a little in her chair. "I'm sorry about that. You just showed up at a very bad time."

"I was an easy target," Danny said.

"I guess," she replied glumly.

"Did they tell you why?" Danny asked.

"Danny," she started to protest.

"This is all off the record," he said tossing his notebook casually on the end of her desk. The tiny thud made tiny ripples in the water in my bowl. I rode the miniature waves with delight until they disappeared.

"It wasn't ready for the press last night," CJ replied.

"That's bull and you know it," Danny said. I could sense that he was getting ramped up, but it surprised me because he was obviously getting angry_ for_ CJ. "The Pentagon source leaked it, how could it not be ready?"

"It just wasn't," CJ said simply not wishing to fill Danny in on Toby's reasoning.

"It wasn't ready for the White House to comment on? Are you in the business of keeping things like this from the press now?"

"No, though I'm sure you'd beg to differ," CJ tried to joke. "They just weren't ready for me to field the questions."

"Who said it wasn't ready?"

"The president, Leo, Toby, Josh, Sam, take your pick," she replied leaning back in her chair.

"All of them decided to leave you out?" Danny asked incredulously.

"It was a joint effort," CJ confirmed. "So I'm sorry I was short with you earlier, but I had a little bit going on."

"I see that," Danny said. "I'm sorry, but like I told you earlier, it's a hazard of the job."

"The less I know the less I can tell you," CJ replied. "Doesn't that bother you?"

"Of course, but it bothers you too," Danny pointed out.

"Yeah, I guess it's my fault," she said letting that piece of information slip. I saw her sit up straighter in her chair when the words slipped out. I thought it was funny that her attempt to pull back the words, was to sit up straighter.

"Your fault?" Danny asked. "How is your fault?"

"It's not," CJ said shaking her head. "I don't know why I said that."

"You've got a good relationship with the people in that room. Not many press secretaries handle us as well as you do. You've got a natural ability in that room."

"Thanks."

"I mean it," Danny said sincerely. "You shouldn't second-guess yourself. They had their reasons to for keeping you out. We might not like 'em, but there's nothing we can do about it."

"You're right," CJ agreed with him. It was easier for her to go along with the story Danny told than to tell him that Toby thought things between them were far more than professional. I figured she was right. What good would telling Danny do? It might help _her_ to tell Danny, but it wouldn't help Danny feel any better about the situation. In fact, it might make it worse. I silently hoped that she would keep that tidbit to herself.

Danny stood up as if he was happy with this conversation. He picked his notebook up off the desk and shoved it into his breast pocket.

"You don't want the lineage of Lord John Marbury?" she asked waving her flow chart on front of him.

"You were right," Danny said with a smile. "I don't think my readers need the breakdown on his family line."

"You just came in here to be mad at me didn't you?" CJ asked knowingly.

"No," Danny scoffed. "I just changed my mind on the question."

"Okay Fishboy, keep telling yourself that," CJ said with a smirk.

"Fishboy?" Danny asked.

"I'm trying it out," CJ replied.

"Okay," Danny replied skeptically. "How about not settling on that term of endearment just yet?"

"I'll keep my options open," CJ agreed.

"So you agree that it's a term of endearment," Danny said.

"Goodnight Danny," CJ said trying to suppress a grin.

"Because if it's term of endearment I was thinking that maybe dinner might be in the cards," he ventured. I wanted to giggle at his attempt. He came into her office ready to fight and left wanting a date. Only Danny could pull this off in a matter of minutes.

"I'll see you tomorrow Danny," she said more forcefully.

"Okay," he said with his boyish smile. "'Night CJ."

"Goodnight," she said as she watched him walk away.

She stared at the empty hallway for a moment and then glanced over at my bowl.

"What do you think Gail?" she asked. "I think Fishboy might stick."

I let out a few bubbles as I chuckled, though I'm not certain she noticed. Danny was right, it was a term of endearment and I, for one, hoped it would stick.

"You know, he can be a pain in the ass and he could be trouble for my career," she said softly. "But there's something about that scruffy face."

"It's his eyes," I thought. There was something about Danny's eyes that made me think you could see into his heart and soul and CJ was becoming slowly hooked.

TBC


	5. Kisses

Author's Note: This takes place during He Shall From Time to Time. Thanks again for the reviews, which are still more than welcomed:)

* * *

_Kisses_

I have something to admit. It's probably going to sound funny and I hope you'll reserve judgment on my naïveté. For the first few months of my life I didn't know what a kiss was. I know that admitting that probably makes you think of me as a rather unworldly fish, but it's the truth.

It was a rather hectic day when I first discovered what a kiss was. Or, should I say, what a real kiss was. CJ had been running around the office with papers and poll numbers and Toby and Josh would occasionally poke their heads in and inquire about drafts and paragraphs. Although I didn't know what would happen at the time, I did know that this day would be something special.

CJ seemed calmer by the time she went off to yet another meeting. It was around that time that Danny decided to drop by for a visit. I caught sight of him and noted how he reached for my food. I loved it when Danny would drop by and sneak me a mid-afternoon snack.

"This is just between us, right Gail?" he said as he broke up a few flecks of food into bowl. "Go easy though. I don't want to over feed you."

"I got it," I replied nibbling a few crumbs. "This is our little secret."

"How's the State of the Union coming around here anyway Gail?" Danny continued to make conversation with me. "Are Toby and Sam driving CJ crazy?"

"No more than usual," I thought with a grin.

"It's a big day," Danny informed me. "My part doesn't come until after the speech, but around here, they've probably been scrambling all day."

"Do you always come in here and talk to CJ's fish?" a woman's voice said.

Danny spun around on his heels, startled by the feminine voice that wasn't CJ's and he put the cap back on the food quickly.

"Mandy," he said turning and giving a forced chuckle.

Ugh, the dreaded Mandy. She didn't drop by often, but when she did I always got the feeling that she was up to something. She always needed something or wanted CJ to feel something out or put in a good word for her. It was almost as if the woman had no social skills outside of CJ or Josh's office.

Danny placed my food gently on the desk and wiped his hands together as Mandy entered the room.

"I'll have you know I bought this fish," Danny informed her.

"So I heard," Mandy replied as she sauntered closer.

I say sauntered because she really did her damnedest to swing her hips as she approached him. She knew Danny had a thing for CJ so I wasn't quite sure what she was hoping to accomplish.

"CJ told you I bought her Gail?" Danny asked.

"You remember that game telephone you used to play when you were a kid?" Mandy asked.

"Sure," Danny said perching on the edge of CJ's desk.

"Well the news of Gail's arrival went something like that except there were Palm Pilots and e-mail involved."

"Damn, I was kind of hoping for an official memo put out by the Chief of Staff," Danny joked.

"Sorry to disappoint you," she said gazing into my bowl. I felt a shiver as she cast her eyes on me.

I should take this moment to point out that CJ never disliked Mandy, much. She was usually very pleasant and accommodating of Mandy and her requests. I, on the other hand, never trusted her. There was something about the way she lingered that made me feel uneasy. Apparently CJ and Josh never got that feeling, but I did.

"This White House never disappoints me. Much," he added with a smirk. Was he flirting with her? What was going on? My tiny goldfish brain was spinning.

"So, why the goldfish?" Mandy asked him. "It doesn't seem to be the most romantic gesture ever made."

"Thanks," Danny said wryly. "It wasn't really romantic."

"No?"

"I had some bad intelligence," Danny said.

"Well since it came from Josh that's rather unsurprising," she chuckled.

"So you've heard the story?"

"Bits and pieces here and there. CJ doesn't exactly confide in me," Mandy replied.

"You don't have slumber parties and braid each other's hair?" Danny teased her.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Mandy taunted him.

"Not just me," Danny defended himself. "I'm sure many men in the hallowed halls would love to know."

"You know what I think?" Mandy asked.

"What?" Danny replied casually.

"I think that you'd look nice with a full beard," she said changing the subject.

"Okay," Danny said cautiously.

"No I'm serious," Mandy persisted. "The goatee doesn't really say serious journalist."

"What does it say?" he asked.

"Goldfish-sitter?" she mocked him.

Now she had gone too far. Danny wasn't babysitting me. On the contrary, I was minding my own fish business when he appeared. It's not as if CJ had asked him to check on me. He stopped by all on his own and his company was welcome, unlike Mandy's.

"I don't know about a beard," Danny replied. "It's a lot of work."

"I think you'd look distinguished," Mandy continued to insist.

It was at that very moment that I saw a shadow enter the room. I turned toward it and my eyes widened. It was CJ. CJ had walked in and witnessed Mandy making time with her man. Now it was on! And I had thought that the bustle of the morning would be all I had to occupy myself that day.

I looked at CJ and I could tell she was jealous immediately. She saw Danny laughing with Mandy and it ate away at her. She quickly asked Danny if he needed something and he hastily removed himself from the room. Say what you want about Danny Concannon, but he knows his women and he sensed the hostility in the air.

CJ spoke to Mandy in a brisk tone. It was the kind of tone that she reserved for especially odious people like Mary Marsh. Mandy tried to talk her way out of what CJ had accused her of, without so many words, but it was no use. She finally gave up and left her office.

"What were they up to Gail?" CJ asked me.

"I honestly couldn't tell you, but the woman was up to no good," I tried to tell her.

"This is ridiculous," CJ muttered. "This is the one of the biggest days on the political calendar and I'm sitting her worried about what was going on between Danny and Mandy."

So she was worried. That was a good sign. Would she finally admit to me that she liked Danny as more than a reporter and more than a friend? I suppose she had already admitted it, again, in that very CJ-way of not saying it in so many words. Still, it would be nice to hear her say and I bet Danny would like it too.

"What do you think Gail?" she asked me. "You think Danny likes her? Oh who am I kidding? He doesn't like her. He was flirting with her to irritate me because if there's one thing besides writing that Danny is good at it's irritating me."

"He's under your skin," I chanted lightly as I flicked my tail back and forth happily.

"Okay," CJ sighed. "I gotta go. Good talk Gail."

"Good talk!"

* * *

CJ was out of her office for most of the rest of the day. The sun had set by the time another person stayed in CJ's office for longer than a minute and coincidentally enough that person was Danny.

He walked in and looked around, noting the empty office as Carol shut the door behind him.

"What's this about Gail?" Danny asked. "Did she talk to you about this?"

"I wasn't expecting you," I thought. "Though CJ did talk through her raging jealously over you and Mandy. Flirting with Mandy was a good tactic by the way, if that's what you were going for."

"The speech is in," Danny said checking his watch, "an hour and now she chooses to summon me."

"You love it," I said.

"Who am I kidding? If she summoned me to her office at four in the morning I'd come," he told me.

We waited for a few more minutes when there was a knock on the door. I thought it was odd that someone would knock because most of the time people just barged in without waiting for admittance. I was even more surprised when I heard CJ's voice on the other side of the door asking if she could come in.

Danny very wisely pointed out that he was in her office and she could come in whenever she pleased. She opened the door and walked in slowly and I could sense her nervousness. I didn't know what she was up to, but I knew it was big.

CJ entered the office and Danny stood there unsure of what to expect. She looked nervous and not at all like the confident woman I'd grown to know. She started talking about how she felt something for Danny and that she wanted to get passed it by kissing him…on the mouth.

There was a nervous pause and before I knew it Danny had reached out and pulled CJ's head toward him and kissed her. He kissed her hard and fast on the mouth, as she told him she was planning, and she returned his fervor with enthusiasm. I felt like somewhat of a voyeur as I watched them, but I couldn't pull my eyes away from them. It was like watching two magnets attract from the farthest corners of the room and when they connected the clinch was electric. I had to swim quickly back and forth to generate a breeze. I felt like the water in my bowl rose ten degrees from the heat between the two of them and then, just as suddenly as the kiss began it ended.

Danny looked at her with a happy grin and CJ returned it awkwardly. She looked flustered and I wanted to laugh because I'd never seen her look so giddy. However, before I could think about her reaction I suddenly realized that my bowl was airborne. She picked me up and was turning to walk out of the office. The water sloshing in the bowl made it difficult to see, but I heard Danny ask her if she was taking me with her. She told him no and soon I was placed safely on the desk once again. I tried to fight the motion sickness that overcame me and I watched CJ slink out of her office with her back to the door. She was still wearing the contented grin I noticed before as she walked out of the office.

Danny was left alone, with his back to me, but I could tell he was smiling brightly. He turned with a smirk and gently grazed his lips with his fingers as if he was trying to determine if what just happened was real.

"Well how about that Gail?" he said to me with a chuckle as he walked out of the office.

How about that was definitely the right turn of phrase. I'd never seen anything so passionate and romantic in my life. It was the first true kiss I'd witnesses, and though not the last, it was most definitely the best.

* * *

Of course in addition to passionate, longing kisses, I've been witness to other types as well. In fact, it was the same night that Danny kissed CJ, though she'd tell anyone who asked that she made the first move, that I witness another type of kiss. It must have been after the State of the Union because the offices seemed to be buzzing and Josh came into CJ's office like a whirlwind, which is how he usually entered the room when he was panicked.

He quickly began to thumb through the pages that littered CJ's desk and it was clear he was looking for something and whatever it was he needed it in a hurry.

"Donna," he bellowed.

I wasn't used to hearing his call for Donna at such a close range and I have to say that it kind of hurt my tiny fish ear. In fact, the tone and volume of his voice made the water in my bowl ripple slightly.

I saw Donna through the open door and she entered Josh's office and looked around.

"Josh?" she called.

"Yeah," he said more quietly.

She moved toward the sound of his voice and entered CJ's office as well.

"What are you doing in CJ's office?" she asked.

"I need that memo," he said absently as he dug through CJ's papers.

"What memo?" Donna asked.

"The memo," he said slowly still rooting through CJ's desk. "The one with the numbers."

"That narrows it down," Donna replied dryly.

"Very funny," Josh said looking up. "CJ is on Capital Beat right now and they're asking her for numbers, which she doesn't have at hand and when she gets off the air and yells at me I'll politely point out that she could have had those numbers sooner had my trusty assistant helped me."

"See what happened there?" Donna asked. "You just spent a good thirty-seconds being snotty with me when you could have used that time to clarify which memo, out of the thousands you get each day, you're looking for."

Ha! Donna was good. Josh just looked at her with his mouth hanging open for a moment before he scratched his forehead and sighed.

"I'm looking for the blue memo from Labor with the statistical breakdown of the new jobs we created."

"Thank you," Donna said. "See how easy that was?"

"Yeah," Josh grumbled.

"So did you have this memo, or is it CJ's?" Donna asked.

"Donna," Josh sighed again as he was getting frustrated. "It was my memo okay? It was mine. I had it this morning, but I gave it to CJ and she lost it."

"Okay," Donna said drawing out the word. "You don't have to get to snippy."

"I'm sorry, I just don't really want CJ on my ass because I didn't get the numbers to her. CJ goes on TV without numbers and she yells at me. Toby sees CJ on TV without numbers and he yells at me and finally Leo sees CJ and Toby yelling at me and he wonders why and then it's a whole big thing."

"Fine," Donna said walking back into Josh's office.

He noticed that she walked away and he stopped his search for a moment.

"Donna?" he called.

"Yeah?" she called back.

"I told you I gave the memo to CJ."

"Yeah?"

"So you're looking in my office because?"

"Because it doesn't hurt to look."

"Because you think I didn't give the memo to CJ?"

"I didn't say that," she said.

"Because I gave it to her after senior staff this morning," Josh explained looking through the papers more slowly. "We were talking about the numbers because Toby said he revised the jobs portion of the speech. I gave her the blue memo Donna."

"This blue memo?" Donna asked as she walked in the door holding a blue sheet of paper.

"I gave it to CJ," Josh said looking incredulous.

"So you said," Donna replied.

Josh walked over to Donna and pulled the memo from her hand. He gave it a quick once-over and pulled Donna toward him by the arms. He leaned in and kissed her hard on the cheek quickly before kissing her again on the forehead and once again on the other cheek.

"Donna in case I don't tell you this enough," he said letting her go.

"I'm the best?" she asked as he let her go and started to dash out of the office.

"The best!" he shouted as he cleared the door and I heard his footsteps slam away from CJ's office.

I glanced at Donna. She never hung out in CJ's office much. She usually popped in and out but tonight she just stood there for a moment and slowly raised her hand to her cheek. It seemed to me that she was savoring the moment and the quick kisses Josh had given her were being engrained in her memory.

It was at that moment that I knew for certain that Donna had more than platonic feelings for her boss. I felt happy for her that she got a few quick kisses, but I couldn't help but wonder what Josh would do when he found out about Donna's feelings. I wondered if he felt the same. Maybe he did deep down inside, but I knew he didn't know it yet. I sure hoped I'd be around when he finally figured that one out!

* * *

The State of the Union brought out the kissing I tell ya. It must have been because everyone was on such an emotional high from the planning and the preparation for the speech, which I gathered was extremely important.

Anyway, the last kisses I saw that night told me a lot about the people I saw on a relatively regular basis. I had already seen Danny and CJ kiss, which was as about romantic a kiss as I'd ever seen. Josh kissed Donna with a friendly familiarity, but I could tell that she savored every minute of it. I figured that was my fill of kissing for the day, but I was wrong.

The whole gang, CJ, Josh, Sam and Toby, were all going to gather in CJ's office to watch a tape of the State of the Union. They each arrived one by one and CJ, on a natural high from the speech, the interviews and of course, kissing Danny, was happily greeting them as they arrived.

CJ was preparing for her visitors and so she was tidying up her desk, which appeared to have been rummaged while she was gone. She didn't pay much attention to it as she danced to the music she played in the background. She was usually an oldies kind of girl, but tonight she was fixated on the local Latin station. She sashayed around her desk until Sam appeared in her doorway. He stood there for a moment just watching her dance. He cleared his throat loudly to get her attention.

"Sam, Samuel, Sammy," she said as she danced over to him. "Did I tell you how great the education section was?"

"Not recently," Sam smiled.

"Well they loved it," CJ said enthusiastically. "_Loved_ it. I love it when you make my job easier."

"I love to make your job easier," he smiled looking as giddy as she did. There was definitely something in the air. I wondered if Sam had found someone to kiss that night as well.

"I love that you love to make my job easier," she replied happily.

Okay this was getting ridiculous. If Sam's response included the word love I thought I might be sick. Luckily CJ surprised me and walked closer to Sam, put her hands on his cheeks, pulled his lips to hers and gave him a chaste kiss. Sam covered her hands with his and smiled as she pulled away from him.

As far as the kiss went it was definitely one that conveyed happiness and friendship, but there was a sincerity to it. CJ and Sam often joked about sex with each other. Sam would mention that he'd like to see CJ in her bikini and CJ would counter than she'd like to see Sam in his tight jeans, but it always seemed to be said in a way that indicated playfulness. Don't get me wrong, when they fought, they were vicious with each other, but it was nice to see them have a moment of closeness that didn't involve joke and innuendo.

"You did well today," she said.

"Thanks," Sam smiled.

"Anytime," she said with a gleam in her eye.

At that moment I saw Toby enter and he gave them a quick look up and down as if he had interrupted something.

"Am I early?" he asked. I loved how Toby never usually asked what he wanted to know with CJ. With everyone else he dropped direct questions, but with her he often beat around the bush.

"Don't get jealous," CJ said teasing him as she dropped Sam's hands. "Dance with me."

"Why?" he asked as he took her hand before she could answer.

"Because I'm happy," CJ said as Toby circled her around the small table in her office. "Because you and Sam wrote a brilliant speech, which the president delivered flawlessly--"

"He fumbled the line about social security," Toby interjected as he twirled her around the room.

"Stop talking and dance with me Toby," she said swatting him playfully on the back of the head.

"Is this salsa?" Sam asked as he took a seat out of their way.

"Latin," she corrected him. "It matched my mood."

"Saucy?" Toby kidded her.

"Happy with a hint of sexy," CJ replied as Toby dipped her carefully.

I saw the way Toby looked at her when he dipped her and I blushed. There was something in his eyes that I saw that made me feel as if I was interrupting his inner-most thoughts. Sam and CJ didn't notice it, but I did. I had a feeling that if Toby had the opportunity to kiss her at just that moment that he would have.

The song ended and Toby lifted CJ straight up and she leaned into him giving him a kiss on the top his head. It was a kiss that lingered for a moment, probably longer than it should have if I was truthful. I saw Toby's cheek turn a light shade of pink before he made a movement to swat her away.

"Now I have lipstick on my head," he said trying to be sour.

"You most definitely do," CJ smiled at him. "Consider it a gift from me to you for your wonderful speech."

I wondered why CJ chose to show Toby her affection with a kiss on the head instead of on the lips like Sam. I sensed that maybe a kiss on the lips would've been too much. It would have crossed an invisible line between them that had long ago been deemed uncharted territory. The kiss she gave him in many ways was more intimate than the one she'd just given Sam. She had touched his head lovingly and placed her lips gently there. I assumed it wasn't something Toby would allow just anyone to do.

"You've branded me," Toby said pulling a tissue off her desk and wiping the spot where her lips had been, though I noticed he wasn't making a very concerted effort. He took a seat in another chair while he tried to wipe of the lipstick.

"Who branded you?" Josh said entering the office.

"Suzie the serial kisser over here," Toby said still wiping his head.

"Ooh, serial kisser?" Josh said with his interested piqued. "I'd be a willing next victim."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh. Josh, for his ability to get things done and receding hairline, was nothing by an overgrown boy sometimes.

CJ walked over to Josh and grabbed his tie forcefully pulling him toward her. She gave him a firm kiss squarely on the mouth which he returned by wrapping his arms around her before they both pulled away. The funny thing about this kiss was how, to the outsider observer, it might have looked like a lover's embrace, yet there was nothing overly sexual about it. It was simply the embrace of two friends who were sharing a good day. I figured it had something to do with the fact that both CJ and Josh were dominating personalities. When I first met Josh I felt like he was a male CJ in many ways. Of course they were vastly different in others, but they were both vibrant, passionate individuals.

"Good job today," CJ said.

"You too," Josh replied giving her a tap on the shoulder with his fist.

CJ reached over and wiped some of her lipstick off of Josh's face.

"Oh sure, you clean him up," Toby groused.

"Passionate puce isn't his color," CJ shot back at him as she chuckled at him still wiping his head.

"Passionate puce?" Toby asked giving her a look.

She walked back over to Toby and once again grabbed the top of his head quickly as she planted three more kisses on his head in an effort to spread more lipstick on his recently cleaned skull.

"Hey, hey," he said swatting at her in a half-hearted attempt to keep her lips off his head.

"It suits you quite nicely though," she said giving him a self-satisfied grin as she ran her hand over his arm as she walked over to her chair.

The laughing died down and they all got to work critiquing and taking notes on the speech. I had heard the speech and the politics never really appealed to me anyway. Instead I swam around my bowl and contemplated the kisses of the day. I'd seen the hopeful kiss of a possible new relationship between CJ and Danny. I'd witnessed the joy of Donna when Josh expressed himself with his lips instead of a wisecrack. I'd seen the kiss of three different friendships, each with its own unique etiquette and feeling. It was a lot to take in and I had a feeling I'd probably dream about finding a nice fish to kiss myself. I had certainly learned a lot for one day.

TBC


	6. The Details

Author's Note: Sorry I've been long in updating. My muse has been elsewhere but rest assured I will stick with this story until its end, which will most likely be season 7 episodes. The updates might come a bit bi-weekly for while. Thanks for sticking with me though! This vignette takes place during Celestial Navigation.

* * *

_The Details _

I'd heard people use the phrase, 'It was like watching a train wreck. You couldn't take your eyes off it,' before, but I never knew what they meant until Josh showed me. CJ walked into her office and turned up the volume on her television. She settled into her chair and I was puzzled because it was almost time for the afternoon briefing. I noticed that she was holding her cheek, which looked much larger than usual.

CJ reached for a tissue and she wiped the corner of her mouth and that's when I noticed she was having some trouble with a drooling problem. As puzzled as I was over this I was even more confused when I noticed that Josh was now behind the podium from where CJ normally briefed the press. Josh, while very capable at his job, wasn't what I would call a press-friendly person. He often said the first thing that popped into his head, which I had found could be a detriment to the administration.

CJ leaned forward in her chair and rested her elbows on her knees. I think I even spied her crossing her fingers as she watched the press conference begin. Josh quickly explained that CJ had emergency dental work and I suddenly understood why Josh was at the podium instead of CJ. I'd never seen CJ look so apprehensive. I'd seen her look nervous, angry, sad and even excited and happy, but I'd yet to see her with a look of so much fear. After a few moments it was clear to me why her face looked so panicked.

"Oh no," she mumbled almost inaudibly as Josh answered Danny's question with a sardonic remark.

"Pwease stop," she murmured.

I snorted a little when I heard her speak. The effects of the dental work had obviously not worn off and although I felt bad because she looked so miserable, I just couldn't help myself. We listened for a few more minutes and as Josh continued to dig a deeper hole until finally CJ popped some pills and rested her forehead on her desk with a light thud.

"Why?" she sighed.

While CJ had decided that resting her head on her desk was the best course of action, I decided to finish watching Josh brief the press. Now I understood the idea of people not being able to look away from a train wreck. Josh looked uncomfortable and his forehead glistened with fresh sweat as the reporters continued to press the issue about the President's secret plan to fight inflation. He stammered and clutched the podium until his knuckles were white.

I heard Danny's voice as he questioned Josh and I thought I detected a hint of laughter in his tone as he asked yet another follow-up question. This line of questioning was, in fact, Danny's doing and judging by his tone I sensed that he was relishing giving Josh something of a hard time.

"Are you watching this?" Carol said coming into CJ's office.

"I can't bewieve dis is happ'ning," CJ said raising her head slowly. "How is dis pawssible? A secwet pwan to fight infwation?"

"They've turned on him," Carol said.

"They're not de onwy ones," CJ mumbled as she glanced back at the television.

Josh was in the middle of a forced laugh and I noticed him swallow hard.

"That's all for now," Josh said. "Someone will be back here in a few hours to give you another briefing."

He quickly exited the stage as the throng of reporters shouted and tried to get his attention. They were hoping for just one more quotable sound bite from Josh before they're contact from him was cut off forever.

"Joshuwa Lymawn is a dead man," she said standing up forcefully and walking out the door.

At that moment I wished I was more mobile because I would have loved to have seen CJ confront Josh in the hallway. I heard some of the confrontation, with Josh's stammering and CJ's slurred mumblings, but to see their faces would have been something.

CJ was gone for a while after that. I assumed she was probably plotting damage control with Toby and Sam while Josh was off licking his wounds. By the time she got back to her desk I'd seen the most of the nightly news shows rebroadcast Josh's snafu at the podium. Right now it seemed dire to everyone, but I knew, years from now, when they looked back that they'd all laugh.

CJ was typing furiously at her computer when I noticed a shadow in the doorway. He walked in with a Styrofoam cup in his hand which he placed on her desk lightly.

"What's dis?" she asked.

"How's the mouth?" Danny asked casually.

"The mouwf is fine," she still slurred. "My headache on the udder hand is vewry vewry painful."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he replied with a half-smile. "So you've had a pretty bad day then."

"Yeah, I've had a pwetty bad day," she agreed.

"I thought the milkshake might help," Danny said nudging it toward her.

"Wreally? You thought a miwkshake would help?"

"It's chocolate," he said trying not to laugh at her current speech impediment.

"You do reawize that you're the weason for my current discomfort wight?"

"Me?" he asked feigning shock.

"You asked the question," CJ said. "Don't think I wasn't watching. You set poor Josh up."

"Poor Josh came into_ your_ press room and told me he was going to put us in our place," Danny defended himself. "He said you coddled us."

"Maybe I do," CJ said. "You were awl so owbviously out of hand today."

"He started it," Danny insisted sounded like a third-grader.

"So you were just putting him in his pwace?" CJ asked.

"Something like that," Danny smiled. "You don't even want to try your milkshake? It's good."

"I joke wif awl of you awl the time," CJ said. "You've never taken anything so compwetely out of context."

"The White House Press Corp has never taken you out of context?" Danny asked raising an eyebrow. "Please tell me that was on the record."

"You know what I mean," CJ said. "He was joking and you know it."

"Yeah, I know it," Danny said. "As for my colleagues, I can't say that they did. We know when you're teasing us CJ. Josh on the other hand has a very dry wit. Try your milkshake. It's really good."

I had to laugh. He knew he'd really messed up her day and now he was trying in his very Danny way to get back in her good graces. I wasn't sure she was going to take the bait this time though. She seemed pretty ticked.

"How do you know it's so good? Did you taste it?" she asked eyeing the cup.

"I had to be sure it was up to your standards," Danny said. "It'll make your mouth feel better."

CJ reached across the desk and picked up the cup. She took a sip and I could tell that it did make her mouth feel slightly better.

"I think you'll find that in tomorrow's Post the big story won't be Josh's secret plan to fight inflation," Danny said.

"What wiwl it be? What other damaging infawmation are you sitting on?" she asked as she sipped her milkshake.

"I don't have anything," Danny said. "Why is there something I should know about?"

"No," CJ said shrugging.

"Actually my piece is going to be on the importance of regular dental exams," Danny teased her.

CJ was about to respond when I noticed the door in between her office and Josh's kick open.

"Hey CJ," he said entering while reading a sheet of paper. "I don't really have to put this out do I?"

He began to read from the sheet of paper. "I am sorry if my misguided attempt to brief the White House Press Corp in any way confused or alienated reporters or the American public. It has been and always will be the goal of this White House to disseminate accurate, up to date information on the important matters of running the country. I apologize if my glib and acerbic comments at yesterday's briefing offended or confused the American people."

Danny gave a small chortle and Josh looked up and finally noticed him standing there. His eyes widened as he stole a glance from Danny to CJ and back.

"You're having milkshakes with the enemy?" Josh asked her as if he'd just been betrayed.

"Josh," CJ started.

"I'm not the enemy Josh," Danny said calmly.

"The hell you're not," Josh said offended. "You asked the question today Danny."

"Yeah I asked the question," Danny admitted. "How was I to know how you'd respond to it? Although, I have to tell you Josh, you made the day of about half the Press Corp out there."

"Yeah, I noticed," Josh replied scrunching up his nose.

I observed the scene and noted how CJ continued to casually sip her milkshake as they conversed. She was obviously in no hurry to jump into the middle of this argument. She was ticked at both Danny and Josh, though I'm sure she saw the point of each. CJ herself had been ripped down by the Press Corp before, especially in the early days. I'd heard her retell the tales a million times whenever the reporters were especially brutal. But, at the same time, CJ saw how Josh responded to their questions and she had a mild breakdown just watching it.

"Did you think I was joking today?" Josh asked CJ dragging her into the conversation against her will.

"Of course she did," Danny answered for her.

"So why didn't you?" Josh asked Danny.

"I did," Danny said. "But when you're a reporter you have to be sure. How are we supposed to know there isn't some truth in your joke?"

"Because it's a joke," Josh said. "It was a sarcastic quip."

"Which could have some truth buried beneath it," Danny countered. "You know what they say about a grain of truth."

"President Bartlet is_ not_ working on a secret plan to flight inflation," Josh insisted. "It's ridiculous to even think it's true."

"So it's ridiculous to think that a Noble Prize-winning economist could ever come up with a plan to fight inflation?" Danny asked calmly.

"Yes," Josh replied.

"Why?" Danny asked.

I watched CJ's eyes dart back and forth between the two men. For the first time all day I sensed that she was enjoying herself. She was annoyed with both of them and if they ripped each other down then she wouldn't have to do it herself. This was a win-win situation for CJ.

"Because," Josh whined. "It's stupid."

"Okay," Danny said.

"Danny," Josh started to say.

"Look, I get it," Danny said. "You were joking and I was having fun with you."

"Your fun turned into huge problems for us," Josh reminded him.

CJ looked at Danny and nodded as she sipped her milkshake.

"I know, but that wasn't my intention," Danny said. "I'm sorry if it mucked things up for you guys. You know I'm usually on your side."

"You'll call off the dogs?" CJ finally spoke.

"I can't control the Press Corp CJ you know that," he replied.

"But you can tewl dem what you think," CJ said.

"Yeah I can do that," Danny said.

"I will do that," he added looking Josh in the eye.

"Thank you," CJ said.

"You're welcome," Danny said.

"I bet of the White House Press Corp washed up on a desert island they'd be a pretty cannibalistic bunch," Josh said.

"You're probably right about that," Danny smirked. "Sorry about the trouble today. Like I was telling CJ, the story in the Post tomorrow makes this merely a footnote."

"Yeah?" Josh asked hopefully. "Well that makes one paper."

"Too bad he doesn't work for AP," CJ said.

"I apologize for my comment to you before the briefing," Josh said. He then looked down at the sheet of paper and read once again, "I am sorry if my misguided attempt to brief the White House Press Corp in any way confused or alienated reporters or the American public."

Danny chuckled as Josh bumped CJ's shoulder and pointed at the line.

"I can't believe you wrote that," Josh said.

"Talk to Sam," CJ said. "Toby put him on apowogy duty."

"What did you get?"

"I get to go in there tomorrow and cwean up your mess," CJ reminded him.

"Right," Josh nodded. "Tomorrow is better because you've still got this whole lispy thing going on."

"Stop," CJ said swatting him on the shoulder. "You've used up your goodwiwl for the day."

"So we're good then?" Danny asked them as he started to back out of the room.

"We're good," Josh nodded.

"'Kay," Danny said. "I'll see you tomorrow. I hope your mouth feels better."

"Thanks," CJ said.

"Night," Josh said.

CJ and Josh watched Danny leave the office before Josh turned to CJ.

"I think your boyfriend was worried he messed up today," he informed her.

"He's not my boyfriend," CJ insisted. "You boff messed up today."

"Yeah," Josh said. "I guess I was a little overconfident in there today."

"A wittwle?" she continued to slur.

"So you're talking to me again I take it?"

"For now," CJ said.

"I was beginning to think that Donna was my only friend," Josh commented.

I noticed how his voice got a little bit softer when he said Donna's name and there was a flash of affection in his eyes when he thought about how Donna had been for him that day.

"She probably was for whiwle," CJ agreed.

"Gee thanks," Josh said feigning hurt.

"Anytime," CJ grinned.

"Are you talking to him?" Toby's voice came from the doorway.

It sure was a busy night in CJ's office. It was obvious that the day had been crazier than usual.

"Yes and you shouwd to," CJ informed him as he came in and took a seat.

"He desecrated your podium," Toby pointed out with his usual gruffness.

"Uh, I'm standing right here," Josh said.

"Your point?" Toby retorted.

"You can't stay mad forever," Josh said.

"Try me," Toby said.

"Toby," CJ sighed. "It's over. We're cweaning it up."

"You think?" he asked.

"I think," she replied.

There was a look that I couldn't quite define that passed between them. It was a look in which CJ told Toby without words that it was time to let it go and move on. I marveled at they're ability to communicate so thoroughly without words.

"Fine," Toby sighed after a moment. "You're prepping for that talk at the university?"

"Yeah," Josh said.

"You're fine going there?"

"I'm fine going there Toby," Josh said forcefully. After a brief pause Josh added, "I'm very good with captive crowds provided their not compensated to write about me."

He shot Toby his boyish grin and Toby responded by rolling his eyes.

"Between you and Donald Duck over here it has been one hell of day," Toby sighed as he stood up and exited the office.

Toby had a point, but it was just yet another day in what I was beginning to find, was a pretty exciting life.

TBC


	7. 100 Years Ago

Author's Note: Takes place during the White House Pro-Am.

* * *

_100 Years Ago_

It was another slightly uneventful day in the White House when I noticed that CJ tensed up during her briefing. Danny had asked a question regarding Mrs. Bartlet's preference for a certain man to be the new Fed Chair and it threw her. She seemed to stammer slightly, backtrack and then Danny finally let her off the hook by thanking her and moving on. He could be so chivalrous sometimes, though I doubt CJ would see it that way.

I assumed, because of that question, that CJ would be busy and in and out of her office all day. Just as I predicted following the briefing CJ breezed into her office and picked up her phone quickly.

"Kathy is he in?" she asked.

I'd been in the White House long enough to know that she was calling Sam. When she picked up the phone and talked to Margaret that meant she needed Leo, who I had yet to meet in person. When she talked to Charlie she needed the President, whom I'd also never met aside from his speeches on television, which were quite good. Donna of course equated Josh, although she usually just shouted through the door they shared when she needed him. Talking to Bonnie and Ginger signified a need for Toby, and finally, Kathy meant she needed Sam.

"The gym? Are you serious? He's got a half percent of fat on his body," CJ said into the phone.

"No, I'll track him down," CJ said. "Thanks."

She hung up the phone quickly and was making ready to leave her office when Carol and Donna walked in with a bag of food.

"Did you forget about lunch?" Carol asked as CJ passed her.

"Yeah, there's a thing I'm trying to fix," CJ replied. "Start without me. I'm off to find Sam."

Donna and Carol exchanged a look and shrugged as she left the office.

"I wonder if Josh needs to be in on whatever she's working on?" Donna asked.

"I'm sure she'd have told you," Carol shrugged as she unpacked the salads.

I'd come to find that there were days when the women of the West Wing got together to have lunch. I assumed it had something to do with the fact that many of the staffers were male. The 'girl's lunch' was a way for the women to vent about the men and get some much deserved female bonding time. The lunches were very sporadic, but they always occurred in CJ's office. Sometimes Margaret would come by, which was always fun for me. Her orange hair mesmerized me as she moved about CJ's office. She always had such funny stories too. Leo, though I'd not had the pleasure of meeting yet, seemed to be cantankerous and hilarious all at once.

Today it seemed that only Donna and Carol were joining the 'girl's lunch' and I secretly hoped they'd stay. I got so much good gossip this way. For example, I learned at the very first girl's lunch I'd witnessed that Sam is a boxer-brief kind of guy. Apparently Donna had accidentally walked into his hotel room on the campaign trail while he was in a state of undress. If you ask me she had that memory engrained in her memory, which I couldn't really fault her for.

I had apparently been too preoccupied with thoughts of Sam in his boxer briefs because I realized that I missed the beginning of the conversation. I'd hoped I hadn't missed anything good.

"Really?" Carol said. "Bromide?"

"They slipped it into their tea," Donna explained.

"I thought guy's liked a healthy sex drive," Carol replied as she dug into her salad.

"Apparently not 100 years ago," Donna replied spreading dressing on her salad.

"Do you think it worked?" Carol asked.

"I don't think so," Donna replied.

"No, I mean, do you think the motion of the sewing machine petal was a turn on?" Carol asked.

"I have no idea," Donna laughed as she blushed a little.

"I sew you know," Carol added. "Well, not much anymore, but I used to when we first started working here."

"Oh yeah?" Donna asked. "Do you think there's any truth to the sewing machine myth?"

"It could explain my attraction to Ed and Larry," Carol confided.

"Seriously?" Donna said gapping at her.

"Not anymore," Carol grinned as she blushed too. "But when we first started working here…"

"Well which one was it? Ed or Larry?"

"Does it matter?" Carol smiled.

"Carol they're two totally different people!"

"But they do everything together I just assumed…"

Now it was my turn to blush at what Carol was implying. I'd seen Ed and Larry around before and it was true. They did seem to do everything in tandem.

"You're bad," Donna giggled. She paused for a moment as if she was considering Carol's confession. "So now do you have anything for either one of them?"

"No," Carol shook her head vehemently. "No, not now, but then, who knows? Come on you must have had someone you crushed on in the beginning."

I saw a look pass over Donna's face and I assumed that she was going to say Josh. Hell, her crush on him was still in full bloom, but she surprised me.

"Yeah," Donna admitted. "There was a time when I thought Sam was pretty much the living end."

Really, Sam? So I guess I was right about the boxer brief incident being engrained in her head. I smiled in self-satisfaction.

"Who didn't?" Carol said. "It was when I realized that he would always be prettier than me that I dropped the crush."

"No kidding," Donna giggled. "No, Sam was just so nice. I mean, everyone on the campaign was really, but Sam just seemed to take the extra time to get to know me."

"Josh must have known you," Carol pointed out.

"Oh yeah, well actually Josh had this way of sizing me up that was really pretty scary. His powers of perception were much greater back then."

Carol and Donna ate in silence for a moment before Carol began to pick at her food.

"So when did you discover Sam wasn't for you?" Carol asked.

"We became friends," Donna said. "I feel like I could probably talk to him about anything."

"Yeah, because that's definitely a quality you don't want in a boyfriend," Carol pointed out with a laugh.

"No, I know," Donna shook her head. "It was just a little crush. It went away. Sam is more friend material anyway. Hey, whatever happened with Rick over at Treasury anyway?"

I noted how Donna diverted the conversation and I wondered if Donna's crush on Sam went away when she realized that she liked Josh. Even a goldfish like me knows that no self-respecting girl can crush on best friends at the same time. It's simply not done. I hadn't seen Donna and Sam interact much but I saw a friendship between them when I did. I thought she was much more suited to Josh though. They seemed to be able to read each other's minds.

"Rick?" Carol said as I snapped back to attention. "Let's just say his name was really Richard and he picked the wrong nickname."

"Really? What happened?" Donna asked sympathetically.

"Well things probably would have worked out wonderfully if I hadn't found out about his other girlfriend," Carol said.

"Oh Carol I'm sorry," Donna said.

"I'm over it," Carol sighed. "He wasn't really my type anyway."

At that moment, like a whirlwind, CJ came rushing into the office.

"Okay, I've got like five minutes before I have to be in the Oval," CJ said as she walked in and picked up the third, untouched salad. "What'd I miss?"

Carol and Donna exchanged a glance and laughed slightly.

"What?" CJ asked feeling left out. "I always miss the good stuff. Hit me with the highlights."

"100 years ago men slipped bromide into seamstress's tea to quell their sex drive," Donna informed her.

"Why would any man want that?" CJ asked as she shoveled some salad into her mouth.

"My question exactly," Donna replied.

"That's all I missed, seriously?" CJ asked after a moment.

"Donna used to have a crush on Sam," Carol pointed out.

"Hey!" Donna exclaimed.

"Aw who didn't?" CJ asked wistfully. "It's the dimples."

She sighed nostalgically and I got the feeling that at one point CJ really enjoyed looking at Sam across a conference table.

"Carol had a thing for Ed and Larry," Donna said forcefully. I knew immediately that it was retribution for Carol outing her crush on Sam. In my opinion Donna shouldn't have felt ashamed. Carol, on the other hand, should feel much more horror at having that little detail revealed.

"No way," CJ exclaimed. "Which one?"

"Both?" Carol admitted sheepishly.

"Seriously, how do you tell them apart? They're attached at the hip," CJ replied eating quickly.

"I don't know," Carol blushed. "It was just a little crush. We know you've had them."

CJ shot Carol a slightly disapproving look.

"Who?" Donna asked. "Besides Danny Concannon of course."

"No one," CJ shook her head. "I don't have a crush on Danny by the way."

"You just like to trap him in dark corners," Carol commented with a grin.

"You do?" Donna asked. I sensed that this was the first she'd heard of Danny and CJ's little clinches. For some odd reason I got the feeling that it kind of empowered her and her crush on Josh in some way.

"Thank you very much Carol," CJ said pointedly. "No, I don't trap Danny in dark corners."

"Anymore," Carol quipped.

CJ sighed and continued on. "I cornered him in my office a few times, but I'd hardly classify it as dark."

She gave Carol a self-satisfied look. Donna looked at CJ with a look of shock or awe, I'm not sure which.

"So are you and Danny?" Donna asked.

"No," CJ shook her head, though I got the feeling that her response had a remorseful tone. "Danny and I are emphatically _not_."

"He does have quite the crush on you though," Carol said.

"I think the feeling might be mutual," Donna said perceptively.

"I think," CJ started to reply, but she was cut off by her phone ringing loudly.

CJ tossed her fork casually onto her salad and reached back to pick up the phone.

"This is CJ," she said as she picked up the phone. "I'll see you in a minute Chazz."

CJ stood up and took one last bite of salad before she turned to Donna and Carol.

"I hate to cut this short, but when the President of the United States calls," CJ said letting her sentence trail off.

"You get a reprieve from answering the Danny question," Carol finished for her with a smile.

"Whatever, Mrs. Ed and Larry," CJ smiled as she left the office.

"That is pretty bad," Donna commented.

"I know," Carol said sheepishly burying her head in her hands. "It doesn't leave this office."

"I promise," Donna said with a grin.

I myself, made the same promise, though I don't believe they noticed.

* * *

A few hours later CJ had returned from the Oval Office. She seemed a little more worked up than before and I heard her mumbling something about reading a signal wrong. I wasn't sure what she meant and I was having a hard time figuring out. This little game was getting kind of boring. It was boring, that is, until Danny showed up at her door.

"So I came by for my thank you," he said a little cocky as he stood in her doorway.

"For what?" she scoffed.

"Earlier during the briefing," he said sauntering in. "I believe I let you off the hook quite quickly as far as Mrs. Bartlet's unnamed sources were concerned."

"Did you now?" she asked rhetorically.

"I thought there might be some sort of reward for my good behavior?" he fished.

I had to laugh. There were times when his smug conversation could be taken as egotistical, but right now it was just funny. He was hoping that CJ might, how had Carol put it? He was hoping CJ might 'trap him in a dark corner.'

"You're not happy with the knowledge that I appreciate you backing off?" CJ flirted with him.

"Oh I'm happy with the knowledge, I was just hoping there might be something else to be happy about," he replied.

CJ said nothing. Instead she shook her head and looked back down at the papers on her desk.

"Hey, do you sew?" Danny asked changing the topic of conversation slightly.

"Sew? As in clothes?" CJ asked.

"Yeah," Danny nodded.

"No."

"Ever?"

"Never."

"Your mother must have been so proud," Danny replied.

"Growing up with brothers I don't think she had very high hopes for my conversion to normal womanly duties."

"So the rhythm of the sewing pedal wouldn't be a turn on for you," Danny surmised.

"Have you been talking to Donna?" CJ chuckled.

"It seems to be the talk of the water cooler today," Danny said. "But if you did sew and you were working the foot pedal, what are the odds a certain dashing red head would be in your thoughts?"

"Danny Bonaduce?" CJ asked. "I was never really a big Partridge Family fan."

"Funny," Danny replied without laughing.

"I know," CJ smiled.

"So you wanna know my question about the sewing machines and Bromide?" Danny asked.

"Why would any man want to suppress a woman's sex drive?" CJ ventured.

"That's all I'm asking," Danny replied in agreement.

"I really don't know," CJ said. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to go talk to man about talking to a woman about talking to her boss who happens to be married to my boss."

"Sounds complicated," Danny said.

"Yeah," CJ said standing up and walking to the door. "Don't let him get too out of hand in here Gail. Keep the classified documents under wraps until Carol kicks him out."

"You got it," I said swishing my fin enthusiastically back and forth.

"I bet Gail would think about me if she sewed," he said dropping a few kernels of food into my bowl.

"Sorry Danny, but the Starfish Tuna guy is more my style," I thought to myself.

"I think Nemo is more Gail's style," CJ shot at him with a grin as she walked out.

"I'm just as cute as Nemo," Danny mumbled as he brushed off his hands, shot me a smile and walked away.

All the talk of things 100 years ago made me wonder if people had fish back then. Their bowls were probably far less elaborate. For example, right now it appeared that I had something akin to a golf bag in my bowl. I wasn't much for golfing and neither was CJ, but there must have been some significance. I sighed and went back to my swimming. I was certain, that regardless of fish bowls 100 years ago, I was in a far more interesting situation than fish of the past.

TBC


	8. Politics and Women

Author's Note: Takes place during Let Bartlet Be Bartlet.

_"Politics and Women"_

As the days went by I'd come to realize that the dull moments were usually very few and far between. Hot on the heels of CJ dealing with the party and subsequent drug bust that Zoey Bartlet attended, she was hot on another case. I liked to call it 'The Case of the Missing Memo.' It made her quest to find it seem that much more urgent, which, I guess it really was.

I was a little sad that Zoey wouldn't be stopping by for a while though. She seemed nice and I'd liked to have gotten to know a little bit more about her. Her timid demeanor masked what I thought was a very strong presence. I also thought that getting to know her might help me figure out a bit more about the elusive President of the United States. Alas, it wasn't to be. CJ was on a memo mission.

She found what she was looking for and, lo and behold, it was something Mandy had done. Actually, it turns out that she wrote something called a memo, which outlined the weaknesses of President Bartlet and his staff. CJ sat at her desk reading it and every so often a light forced laugh would escape her lips. I wasn't quite sure if she thought the memo was funny or if it was true, but I could see her shoulders tense as she read further.

"CJ," Donna said poking her head into CJ's office as she read the memo.

"Geez Donna," CJ said looking up startled. "Don't you knock?"

"Sorry," Donna said. I could tell she was slightly hurt by CJ's tone of voice. I'd never heard CJ be so short with her before. I wondered if Donna's feelings were hurt.

"What do you want?" CJ asked in a short tone.

"I just wanted to let you know that Josh is going to be at OEOB for a while," Donna replied sullenly.

"Yeah," CJ said. "Fine."

"Okay," Donna said in a irritated tone.

I think it Donna's tone that finally forced CJ to snap out of her memo stupor.

"Ahh," CJ sighed. "I'm sorry Donna. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I'm just working on this thing and it's not good. I apologize."

"It's okay," Donna said rather timidly.

"Thanks for letting me know about Josh," CJ said trying to make amends.

"Yeah," Donna nodded before closing the door.

CJ sat there for a moment and I could tell she felt like a heel for her response to Donna, but she had bigger fish to fry at the moment. She picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Ginger is Toby still in the Roosevelt Room?" she asked.

With that CJ was off and running. It would be a few hours before I saw her in her office again. I figured that the memo incident would take a while to resolve. She had to talk to Toby and Mandy and then she had to figure out who had the memo. That alone could take a while. I wasn't surprised when, a few hours later, she returned to her office looking drained and muttering things that a good goldfish wouldn't repeat.

CJ sat at her desk for a good hour trying to work. Every so often she'd rub her temple and mutter something incoherent. I thought I picked up Danny's name at one point, but I couldn't be sure. An hour later I positive that it was Danny's name she muttered because she told Carol to call Danny to her office as soon as possible.

"I was summoned?" Danny asked as he entered CJ's office. His demeanor seemed agitated and I wondered what had transpired before this exchange with CJ. It seemed to me that they'd probably had words before this conversation.

"Yeah, close the door," she said in a very business-like tone.

It was clear to me that this wasn't a social call. This interaction would have nothing of the usual flirting and playfulness that was exchanged between them. They were both equally miffed about something. For a moment I wondered what it was all about until it dawned on me that CJ had found the person who had the memo. It was Danny.

Danny did as he was asked and turned to face her, shoving his hands deeply into his pockets.

"Well?" he asked.

"Well, have you come to your senses?" CJ asked.

"Come to my senses?" Danny asked in a tone that clearly indicated outrage.

"Have you figured out that this isn't a story yet?" CJ asked.

"I don't believe this," Danny scoffed walking over to her desk. "It's a story and you know it. I can't put this on the back burner just because you ask me to."

"It's not a story," CJ replied standing. She was clearly trying to regain some sort of physical advantage, which she didn't have when Danny hovered over her desk as she sat. "It's a memo that Mandy wrote when she was pissed at us Danny. She works for us again. It doesn't make a difference."

"Yeah she was pissed at you guys and she wrote a fabulous strategy outlining point by point how to beat you guys in the next election. If you don't think that the American public has the right to know what a major player on the Bartlet election team has to say about this administration's deficiencies then you're seriously out of your mind," Danny in a forceful, loud voice.

"Yeah I guess I am out of my mind thinking that you'd see things my way," CJ spit back at him leaning on her desk to get in his face. "The President's favorables just went down Danny. The numbers just came, which I'm sure you've seen. We're doing our own polling in a few weeks. Do you have any idea how this memo is going to play?"

"No, being utterly moronic in anything having to do with journalism I don't," he said sarcastically. "You'll have your rebuttal. As you so generously pointed out earlier you'll have a comment for me by the end of the day. Hell, you've got Mandy on staff. You can have her stand up in the Press Briefing Room and claim she was high when she wrote it. One in five White House Staffers are said to be users you know."

His attempt at humor was lost on CJ. She wasn't in the mood to joke, though I, being emotionally removed from their current argument, found his attempt to lighten up the conversation quite humorous. I turned away from CJ while I chuckled even though she wouldn't have been able to tell anyway.

"This is gonna dominate the news cycle. For the next week I'm going to be cleaning up the mess you created. It's not a story."

"It is a story even if you don't want to admit it. If this were a Senator or a Congressman you wouldn't care. You'd probably love to read all about it. You just don't like it because she's right. Mandy's memo is dead nuts and you know it."

"You've been waiting for a day like this when you could stick to us haven't you? You sit here lulling us into a false sense of calm, acting like you're a good guy, when in reality you're just like every other reporter in that room. You don't give a damn about who you hurt as long as you sell papers."

She had gone too far. I saw immediately in hurt that flashed in Danny's eyes. The anger took over both of them, but Danny had stayed the high ground and attacked her position. CJ had resorted to spite.

"That," he practically growled as he hit his knuckles on the desk a few times before turning away, "is not true and you know it. Whether you like it or not this is a story and I'm running with it. I gave you a professional courtesy even answering your question about who had the memo and I get this in return? How many other reporters would you have hauled in here and harassed?"

"Danny," CJ sighed realizing that she had in fact hurt him with her comments.

"No, I mean it," he said. "How many? Would you haul Katie in here? Steve maybe?"

"No," CJ answered honestly.

"Yeah that's what I thought," Danny said.

Danny had walked over to the door and put his hand on the handle. It was clear to me that he was ending this unfortunate conversation. Just as he was about to turn the handle CJ decided to speak.

"You see," she said feebly. "This is why it'll never work."

Danny, curiosity peeked, turned to face her again. I noted how he had calmed down. I swam around to glance at CJ who looked like a little girl. Her anger had passed and now she just looked sad.

"What'll never work?" he asked.

"How many times have you given me the heads up on something so I could be prepared? How many times have I called you in here and asked you sit on something for another hour or another day? How many times have you done it?"

"That's not personal," Danny said. "I'd have given any Press Secretary the same tips I give you. I'd like to think the same goes for you."

"I don't really believe that," CJ said.

"Maybe not all of 'em," he conceded. "But most of 'em."

"Yeah," CJ sighed.

They stood there looking at each other for moment and suddenly it seemed as if the sadness turned into anger again. I could tell they weren't really angry about the memo, which I would have loved to read, by the way, provided I could read of course. The anger came from a different place now. It was resentment toward what this conversation really was, which, as I saw it, was just a bit of further proof that CJ might be right; the Press Secretary and a reporter couldn't date.

"I have a story to write," Danny said after a moment.

"Go then," CJ said.

"Fine," Danny said quickly turning on his heels and exiting her office. He did one last thing before he left and that was that he slammed the door forcefully behind him.

CJ sighed audibly and sank back into her chair. She slunk down into it and there was a light rap on the door she shared with Josh.

"CJ," he said through the door.

"Yeah," she called.

I saw Josh peak his head into the room and crack the door a little wider to look inside CJ's office.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," CJ lied.

"Yeah okay that was convincing," he said entering her office. "Was that Danny in here shouting?"

"You heard that?" CJ asked sheepishly.

"Not the conversation, just the tone," Josh said. "That and the door slamming."

"Yeah, he's in a mood today," CJ said as Josh took a seat across from her.

"Was he helping you out with Mandy's memo?"

Even Josh was preoccupied with Mandy's memo. I didn't really have much feeling for Mandy, but apparently the woman knew how to write a memo to get the town talking.

"Pft," CJ let the air escape her lips as a scoff. "Yeah Josh, Danny was real helpful."

She leaned her head back on her chair and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Danny has the memo," she told Josh.

"Danny?" Josh said surprised. "And he's gonna write about it?

"Oh you bet he is," CJ said bitterly.

"There wasn't anything you could say to make him, you know, not?" Josh tried.

"That was attempt number two," CJ said sitting up straighter. "Did it sound like it went well to you?"

"No," Josh admitted.

"Attempt number one went slightly better than that," CJ said. "There were no doors slamming, but the yelling was really great."

"Great," Josh said bitterly leaning back in his chair.

"How was your day?" CJ asked.

"I spent the afternoon on the Hill being threatened by Senate underlings," Josh informed her.

"I'm sure you loved that," CJ said wryly.

"You know," Josh said leaning forward and resting his hand on her desk. "When Leo asked me to take the meeting I was convinced it was the biggest waste of my time. But, after the meeting, man, I wish we could get our people on the FEC."

"Yeah, but it's never gonna happen," CJ reminded him.

"Why?" Josh replied. "Isn't this why we're here? Shouldn't we be able to accomplish something while we're here?"

"Not if we want to be here in four years," CJ retorted sarcastically.

"Yeah," Josh sighed sitting back. "So you feel it too?"

"Feel what? Ineffectual?" CJ asked.

"I don't know," Josh said. "It was something Donna said earlier. I kind of snapped at her and she asked me why everyone was like this today."

"Yeah, that was probably my fault," CJ admitted sheepishly. "I might have been a little more forceful than I meant to be with her earlier."

"What did you do?" Josh asked.

"I had asked her to tell you to come see me," CJ said. "It was when I found out what the piece of paper was. She came by my office as I was reading Mandy's memo and I may have been a little short with her."

Josh just looked at CJ.

"I was very short with her," CJ admitted. "I apologized, but yeah, I snapped at her okay? I'm not proud of it."

"It's fine," Josh said waving his hand. "Donna understands."

"I feel bad."

"Join the club," Josh said. "I'm printing up t-shirts."

They sat in silence again and I could tell that they both felt completely drained. I felt that a lot lately. CJ would come into work smiling and she'd leave looking extremely exhausted. I wondered what it was about working at the White House that seemed to have that affect on her. Apparently it was affecting Josh too.

Donna once again poked her head in and gave CJ an apologetic look. It was as if she was waiting for another awkward interaction.

"Sorry," she said. "Josh you wanted me to give you the 15 minute warning on senior staff."

"Thanks," Josh said.

"Hey Donna," CJ said as Donna was starting to turn. "I really am sorry about earlier."

"It's okay," Donna said.

"I feel bad too," Josh told her. "CJ and I are forming the Donna Moss Appreciation Committee to make up for it. It's our first meeting."

"Josh, of course, is President," CJ said. "I'm definitely the V.P. after today."

"It's okay, really," Donna said, her cheeks turning a light pink from the attention.

"It's not," CJ said.

"Definitely not," Josh affirmed.

"Apologies accepted," Donna said. "Really, forget about it."

"I think this concludes the new business portion of meeting," Josh said looking at CJ.

"I think it probably covers the public communication portion as well," CJ added.

"Wow, this the most efficient committee I've been on since we came into office," Josh said.

"Okay," Donna smiled. "Well, you have a meeting in Leo's office in ten minutes."

"Thank you Donna," Josh said in a sing-song voice.

"Shut up," Donna she laughed as she exited the office.

Josh watched Donna walk out of the office and once she was securely away from the door Josh shared a comment with CJ.

"You know, Donna called me 'baby' today," Josh said in a tone that I took to mean he was a little bit proud of her use of the word. Oh, poor clueless Josh.

"Did she?" CJ asked with a small grin.

"I'm not saying it means anything. I was just surprised is all."

"And you're not overly proud of it at all," CJ teased him.

"It was something different is all I'm saying," Josh said. "It seemed a little intimate or something."

"Intimacy?" CJ stifled a laugh. "Yeah I can see that."

I could tell that CJ was mocking him, but in a very loving way. Josh, however, seemed to be oblivious to her teasing.

"It was different," Josh asked as if he had just processed CJ's response. I could sense him becoming slightly nervous. "You think she, I mean, it doesn't mean anything right?"

"Oh please, Carol calls me baby all the time," CJ said.

"She does?" Josh asked. His eyes seemed to flash as if he were hopeful to hear about the details surrounding those conversations.

"No," CJ replied forcefully with a chuckle.

"See now if that were true that would be a news story," Josh said laughing. "Danny would definitely want to write about that one."

"I'm not so sure about that," CJ said as she continued to giggle.

"Well, I'm sure his wounded pride wouldn't be the way for long anyway," Josh said.

CJ's phone rang at that moment and she answered it while trying to get her giggling under control.

"Yeah, okay," she said hanging the phone up almost as quickly as she picked it up.

"I have to go see the president," CJ said standing as she grabbed the folder containing Mandy's memo off her desk. "Thanks for the laugh mi amour."

As CJ was walking out of the office she turned around.

"Uh'oh, did I just up our intimacy level?" she said with a laugh.

"Shut up and go see the president," Josh said waving her off.

"Yeah," CJ grinned as she left.

Josh stood to leave and he surprised me by addressing me before he left.

"Gail, though I assume you are of the feminine species," he said. "I have to say women are, at times mysterious, frustrating, elusive and, in rare and exquisite moments, the greatest thing to know. A little like politics I suppose."

With that he exited CJ's office and left me with my thoughts. Today had been another full day filled with laughter, yelling and frustration. I think I finally understood how CJ felt at the end of the day. With that, not even my curiosity could keep me awake. I promptly turned my head and fell asleep.

TBC


	9. The Last Regular Day

_Author's Note: This takes place during What Kind of Day Has it Been. There is some dialogue that has been loving ripped off from the actual episode. No infringement is intended._

* * *

"The Last Regular Day"

Looking back now I can say that there was one day that stood out more than others in my first months at the White House. It's a day I like to think of as the last regular day. Everything that happened after just seemed different. Everyone seemed changed and for good reason. Up until the last regular day everyone was going about their business as if the work was life and death. It was always do or die, even after the day it happened, but the feelings were different. The air was always a little thicker after the last regular day. Sure, there were times when the air cleared and it was light and funny again, but those moments seemed more fleeting, especially in the months following what happened.

I suppose I should start at the beginning to be clear. Since Danny and CJ's blowout over the memo things had returned to almost normal. The polling numbers came back and President Bartlet's approval ratings got a nine point bump, much to CJ's relief. Joey Lucas was back at the White House and Josh continued to flirt with her, even under Donna's watchful and encouraging eyes. Sam got his call girl friend into a little bit of trouble and Toby was, as always, Toby.

Things seemed to be on track on that fateful day when everyone congregated in CJ's office for lunch. They were going over their final preparation to get the president ready for something called a town meeting. I'd never seen a town meeting before and lucky for me it was going to be broadcast live on MSNBC. I hoped CJ would leave her televisions on like she normally did. This way I'd get to watch the town meeting myself.

I'm not sure why everyone decided to meet in CJ's office, but I was secretly happy that they did. It was rare when all four of them were in CJ's office and I always liked to see how they interacted. Of course one-on-one conversation often revealed much more, but as a group I liked to see how they worked. Maybe it was because of the solitude of my bowl, but I liked when a lot of people were around.

Sam came over first, followed by a more sullen than usual Toby, followed by Josh who had Donna carry the large box of lunches into CJ's office.

"Turkey on whole wheat," Donna said rummaging through the box.

"That's me," Sam said reaching over for the container. "Thanks."

"Caesar salad," Donna said holding out the next container.

"That's mine," CJ said as Josh took the container from Donna and handed it to CJ.

"Hamburger," Donna said handing it to Toby. "And, one grilled chicken with a side of pasta, garlic bread and salad."

Donna handed the last container to Josh with a roll of her eyes. It did seem like an unusually large lunch for Josh, but I giggled at Donna's reaction to his order anyway. Donna left the office and everyone slowly got down to business.

"Geez Josh, are you coming off a fast we don't know about?" Sam asked settling in.

"I have a meeting with Hoynes today," Josh said.

"Jogging?" Toby asked with a smirk.

"I gotta carb up," Josh said.

"And you think pasta and chicken will help your endurance?" Toby countered.

"Are you saying John Hoynes has more stamina than I do?" Josh asked.

"Well, yeah," Toby said dryly.

CJ, who had been quietly sipping her bottle of water, almost choked as she chuckled at Toby's response. I'm not sure what she found funnier, Toby's response or the look on Josh's face at Toby's comment.

"That hurts Toby," Josh said as he popped open his lunch container and dug in. "It's always jogging or racquetball or something sporty with that guy."

"It's gotta be better than just sitting at a table," Sam pointed out.

"Yeah? You try running back and forth around D.C. with Hoynes," Josh said. "He's like the Six Million Dollar Man. He never tires."

"So he does have more stamina than you," Toby pointed out.

"No, no," Josh said defiantly as if his manhood had been called into question. "He's just a freak of nature."

"Because he's in shape?" Sam asked.

"You know," Josh sighed. "I could take Hoynes."

The group erupted in laughter and the lunch seemed to cease for a moment as they all tried to compose themselves. Well, everyone except Josh that is. He sat there and took their laughter like a good sport, but deep inside I knew that he really believed he could take John Hoynes in some sort of physical contest.

"You couldn't take him," Josh said to Toby.

"I wouldn't try," Toby replied. "I think the Secret Service protection alone would be an impediment."

"I'm talking at a sport. You couldn't take him," Josh said.

"I've been told I'm rather adept at tennis," Toby said a little haughty.

"I can attest to that," CJ finally chimed in. I noticed that she'd been uncharacteristically quiet during the whole exchange up until now.

"Tennis," Josh scoffed.

"It's a very competitive sport," Sam pointed out helpfully.

"Can we talk about Cuba now?" Toby changed the subject before taking a large bite of his burger.

"They're not gonna ask about Cuba," Sam replied.

"They might," CJ added.

"They're college kids," Josh replied. "Were you interested in Cuba when you were in college?"

"No," CJ admitted. "I was more interested in Tyler Grant in college. Although if he were interested in Cuba it would have prompted me to do some research."

CJ's declaration was met with three blank stares.

"What?" CJ asked defensively. "Like you'd never take up an interest in something for a woman? I believe you're learning sign language Josh. And you, Sam, went to Chinese opera. And you Toby, I happen to know, attended several Baltimore Oriel games in your day."

"Under duress," Toby replied. "And I wore my Yankee's cap."

"I happen to like Chinese opera," Sam said crisply.

"Joey works here," Josh said. "I'm trying to make her feel more at home."

"Right," Sam murmured with a smirk.

"My point is that if there are people in that audience who are interested in Cuba, faculty included, the question might come up."

"It won't," Sam said confidently.

"It could," Toby replied.

"But probably not," Josh agreed with Sam.

"Okay, moving on," Toby said irritably. "How's the president doing on the education question?"

"We need a better answer on teachers," CJ said.

"Sam?" Toby said.

"I'm on it," Sam replied.

"I was only in prep for a few minutes but was the president sweating?" Josh asked.

"A little," CJ replied.

"Is he feeling okay?"

"He said he's fine. He looks okay aside from the perspiration."

"What's that gonna look like under a hundred hot lights?" Toby chimed in.

"It can't be the flu again," Sam surmised.

"He's fine," CJ replied. "He's in good spirits. He's on top of the questions."

"You're sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay," Toby said wearily.

At that moment Carol popped her head around the office door.

"Toby, Ginger is transferring a call from Peter Jobson for you on line two," Carol said.

"Josh can I take it in your office?" Toby asked standing up quickly.

"Sure," Josh replied as Toby hastily left the room.

"Peter Jobson," Josh mused. "That name seems familiar."

"He works for NASA," Sam said helpfully.

"Why is Toby getting a call from NASA? Do we have space exploration on the list of questions?"

"No. Toby's brother is up there," CJ informed him.

"In outer space?" Josh asked. "I didn't know Toby's brother was an astronaut."

"I didn't know Toby had a brother," Sam groused.

"Isn't there something wrong with the shuttle?" Josh asked.

"The bay cargo door is broken," Sam said. "They're on it."

"When was it supposed to land?"

"Yesterday I think," CJ offered.

"Wow," Josh said as Toby made his way back into the office.

"Any news?" Sam asked him.

"What?" Toby said absently until it seemed as though the question registered. "No, no news."

"What did he want?" Sam pressed.

"He said they're working on it," Toby said. "Can we get back to the thing?"

"That's all he said?" Sam asked.

"Toby," Josh started to say before CJ leapt in and changed the subject.

"Voter apathy is next on the punch list," CJ said.

I turned in a circle and noticed how Toby looked at her. His eyes flashed a gratitude I had never seen there before and it was obvious to me that CJ knew Toby much better than anyone else in the room.

"Right," Toby replied. "They're gonna want to know why politicians don't care about young voters."

"Because young voter is an oxymoron?" Josh suggested with an ironic grin.

"I think that's a reasonable counter-argument," Sam replied. "Young people tend not to vote so politicians don't waste their time catering to those who don't vote. On the other hand, young people don't vote because they perceive that the politicians aren't going to listen to them anyway. The problem is coming from both sides."

"I think that's an honest answer," CJ commented.

"Young people appreciate honesty," Sam continued. "If he comes off as genuine, which he does, we'll get a spike with both young voters and old voters who value his candor."

"Go with it," Toby said picking at his fries. "What's next on the list?"

"I don't know what's next on the list but can I just ask, was that your last meal Josh? I'm surprised you're not licking the Styrofoam," Sam commented looking at Josh's empty food container.

At this point Josh was laying back on CJ's couch and he looked like he was fully content and ready to take a nap after his rather sizable lunch. It wasn't until later that I realized how very ominous Sam's comment was, but at the moment everyone seemed to enjoy Josh's plan to carb up before his meeting with Hoynes.

"CJ this couch is amazingly comfortable," Josh said. "Why don't I have a couch like this in my office?"

"Because you fall asleep at your desk," CJ reminded him.

"Not if I had a couch like this I wouldn't," Josh said. "Why don't I have one?"

"You don't like people to feel comfortable in your office," Sam offered.

"They'll stay too long and won't take you seriously," CJ continued Sam's thought.

"We also don't want the unsuspecting interns thinking that those rumors about you are true," Toby added.

Josh sat up and turned to Toby giving him his impish grin from ear to ear.

"Oh yeah," Josh said almost nostalgically.

"Oh please," CJ scoffed at his expression.

"I am quite the ladies' man Claudia Jean," Josh informed her. "I know it's almost impossible to rank my fabulous qualities from my boyish charm to my rugged good looks, but many women are quite taken with me. I'm still not sure how you haven't fallen under my spell."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Toby mumbled under his breath as Sam suppressed a chuckle.

"I don't know how I didn't succumb to you either," CJ said. "It could be that my IQ is over 70."

"Ouch," Sam said.

"It's the salad," Josh dismissed her comment. "She doesn't eat enough and therefore her higher brain function is lacking."

The meeting carried on and they seemed to hit all the major points. Once they were all satisfied that the president was sufficiently prepped in all areas the meeting started to break up. Sam and Josh exited talking about the value of stretching before a long run. Toby hung back to gather his notes before he left.

"Toby," CJ said stopping him from leaving her office with everyone else.

"Yeah?" he said quietly.

"I'm really sorry about David," she offered. "I'm sure they're doing everything they can."

"Yeah," Toby said.

"Have you talked to Andi?" CJ asked.

"No," Toby said sticking to one word answers. I could sense the emotion lurking beneath the surface and I wondered if CJ pushed hard enough if he would let it out.

"You don't want to call her?" CJ pressed.

"We're divorced CJ," Toby reminded her.

"I just thought she might be able to help."

"I don't think anyone can right now," Toby said. It was a rare glimpse into his real feelings, which he so often played close to the vest.

"Did NASA give you a time table?" CJ asked.

"The next 12 hours are critical," Toby replied. "They don't really know what's going on right now."

"We'll get him back," CJ said confidently.

"Yeah," Toby sniffed as if she was wrong.

"Toby," she said sympathetically. I could tell by her tone of voice that she was using his name as a way of trying to get him to make eye contact with her.

"I'm fine," he said only glancing at her briefly. "It'll be fine."

"It really will," CJ said.

"Okay," Toby replied indicating that he was finished with the conversation. Just as quickly as he exposed his emotions he tucked them away again. The window CJ had to get him to open up had passed.

"I gotta go work on the thing," Toby said absently.

"Yeah," CJ said as she saw that was shutting down.

I watched her watch him exit her office and walk slowly down the hall. She looked like she wanted to go after him and make him open up, but the impulse I saw in her eyes quickly died. CJ shook off whatever impulse she had to make him talk and went back to the paper work on her desk.

* * *

The day went on as normal. There were people rushing in and out of CJ's office and I found the noise and commotion strangely comforting. The few weeks proceeding this night had been oddly quiet. Many times CJ was alone at her desk staring out the window. She felt as though she was out of the loop and unfortunately I tended to agree with her. Her phone didn't ring as much and the only people that came in and out of her office seemed to be reporters.

Danny had been in and out of her office. She'd pulled him in and shut the door a few times. Those meetings often resulting in yelling, but once it seemed as though she was opening up to him. The moment was, of course, cut short by Carol and I hadn't seen him since. But, obviously the commotion of the last few days indicated that CJ was once again back in the loop and her brief meetings with Danny were over.

CJ was going over her notes when Josh entered her office.

"Hey," he said walking in with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey," she said not looking up from her notes.

"You getting ready to brief?" Josh asked leaning on her desk.

"Ten minutes," CJ affirmed.

"They gonna be pissed?"

I assumed that Josh was referring to the little white lie CJ had told the Press Corp about the plan to save the pilot who'd crashed in the Middle East.

"Probably," CJ replied. "When aren't they?" She gave him a wry smile.

"You were okay with lying to them?" Josh asked. He remembered well CJ's feeling of exclusion over the Haiti mess and now Leo had given her information which she had to withhold.

"I wasn't really lying," CJ said.

"You told Danny we were looking at diplomatic options," Josh reminded her.

"I'm sure they did look at diplomatic options for a least a minute," CJ replied. "They can't know everything Josh."

"No, I know," he said. "I just think you might get some flack."

"Yeah," CJ nodded. "But what else is new?"

"I really don't envy your job," Josh said.

"Why's that?" CJ smiled.

"You're caught in the middle," Josh said. "You can't tell the press to go to hell even when you want to. You can't tell us to go to hell. Well, you can't tell the president or Leo anyway."

He gave her a smile that indicated he knew all too well how it felt for CJ to tell him to go hell.

"It can't be easy," he said.

"It's not and I appreciate you telling me that," CJ said smiled genuinely.

"Well I'm feeling generous tonight. Donna told me I looked svelte after my jog with Hoynes and Joey was giving me the eyes," Josh smiled. "Are you meeting the motorcade after the briefing?"

"No," CJ replied. "I'm on the press bus on the way there. There are a few things we won't have time for to prep them for the town hall so I'm on the bus."

"Lucky you," Josh said raising his eyebrow.

"Tell me about it," CJ said. "I'm in the motorcade on the way back."

"Okay," Josh said standing up straight. "I'll see ya later."

"Yep," CJ said as Josh left the room.

Little did I know that those would be the last words I heard from Josh for a quite a while. Little did I know that in a few short hours I would be consumed with fear as I saw what unfolded on television.

But, before I witnessed the events of the evening and the town hall, I had to witness one more beautiful blowout between CJ and Danny. This is what truly made it a regular day for me. CJ and Danny excelled at many things, but there were two things in particular at which they were experts: flirting and fighting. When it was good it was great, but when they fought it was equally spectacular in my eyes.

I hated to see them fight because they both always seemed so down, but there was something about their fights. It was like an art. It was a graceful push and pull when they went toe to toe even if it was heartbreaking to watch. It was normally CJ who was the hothead. She was often the one who upped the confrontation by yelling or getting in Danny's face. But, on that evening, it was Danny who was mad as hell and he had no trouble telling CJ how he felt about it.

"Danny, I don't even want to hear it. I did exactly the right thing. Your nose is bent out of joint, and I don't give a damn," CJ informed him.

"You looked at me point-blank and told me you were looking at a diplomatic--"

"Danny..."

"You looked at me and told me..."

"What did you think I was going to do, Danny? Give you longitude and latitude? Did you think I was going to fork over the radio frequency that we're transmitting on?"

"You didn't have to answer the question," he said irritated.

"I did!" she retorted

"You could have said, "Danny, we're not ruling anything in or out, and I'm not going to let you take me down that path" and we would have been done with it."

"Danny, if by standing up and lying, I misdirected Iraqi intelligence for even half a beat, then it was absolutely worth it. That's a no-brainer. And if I didn't, it was certainly worth trying. There were only 50 people in the world who can't understand why I lied this morning, and they all work in the White House pressroom. I'm sleeping fine tonight."

"You didn't have to call on me. Every hand shot up, everybody's hand shot up, everybody was going to ask the same question, you knew what your answer was going to be, and you called on me," he explained tersely.

"Well, yes," she paused a moment. "I did."

"And you wouldn't have rather done that to a journalist that's been less supportive of this administration than I have?"

"No, I chose you."

"CJ, I'm not staying in the penalty box forever. I've covered the White House for eight years, and I've done it for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Time Magazine, and the Dallas Morning News! And I'm telling you, you can't mess me around like this."

"Danny, I got to tell you, that was, seriously, that was a turn-on when you said that, though I don't know why you decided to be the most haughty on the Dallas Morning News."

"CJ…"

I had to laugh at CJ's reaction to Danny's tantrum. While I agreed with Danny, I found it amusing that CJ found his tirade to be a turn-on. It was what I found to be the classic irony of their relationship. They were at odds and at times working against each other, which was why their relationship couldn't work. But, in my opinion, the fact that they were on opposites sides was what made their relationship work in so many ways. They needed each other for balance and even when they fought there was a sense of emotion underneath it all.

CJ left the office quickly before leaning back to tell Danny the bus was leaving. I noticed how she smiled as she walked away. Danny rapped his knuckles on her desk, sighed audibly and turned quickly on his heels to follow her.

That was the last time I saw CJ smile for a while. It was the last time I saw Danny yell at CJ in that manner and it all had to do with what happened next.

The town hall meeting started about an hour later and just as I'd hoped, CJ left her televisions on so that I could watch. It was fairly interesting. The president never did get that question on Cuba and I silently thought that Toby had deserved one victory on a day when his brother might be lost in outer space, wherever that was, but it wasn't to be.

I was only half-paying attention to the reporter as I watched the whole gang leave the town hall. I saw the president wave to people in the crowd with a smile. Leo was walking along side him with a grin before Toby rushed over to the president. Toby seemed unusually happy and I wondered if he had gotten good news about his brother. I saw CJ and Sam walking side-by-side with Josh trailing along the back. They all looked so happy and hopeful and after the town hall that what happened next came as a jarring shock.

"The president is making his way down the rope line," the perky reporter said. "It appears that he--"

She was cut off by the sound of popping in the background. Suddenly the picture on the television screen moved and it looked like the camera was shooting the ground. The popping continued, as did the sound of screaming, as the picture on the television showed only asphalt. Once the noise and commotion stopped for a moment the camera picked up again and showed hundreds of people on the ground. The reporter was back on screen and her hair and clothes were disheveled.

"Shots have been fired," she said breathlessly. "There were shots fired from a window. People are scattered on the ground. The motorcade has pulled away with the president inside, but I think…I think there are people who've been hit."

I watched in horror as the camera panned across the crowd from a distance. I felt paralyzed in my bowl as I watched the commotion and terror unfold on television. That marked the end of the last normal day in the West Wing. It also marked the beginning of the longest few days of my life.

TBC


	10. Aftershock

Author's Note: Takes place during Shadow of Two Gunmen I

* * *

"Aftershock"

I swam hurriedly around my tiny fishbowl for what seemed like hours before CJ appeared in her office looking tired and stressed. She dumped her purse on the desk and started rummaging through papers that Carol had handed her as she walked through the door. I was so happy to see her that I wanted to jump out of my bowl and kiss her. I'd been watching the news for the last few hours and no one seemed to have any actual news, just speculation.

I did find out that the president had been shot and was in surgery, which wasn't a good thing, but it didn't sound quite so serious. The reporters started talking about another victim, but they hadn't mentioned any names. So, to see CJ burst through the door, harried, but alive and well, made all the difference in the world to me.

"These are accurate?" CJ asked Carol.

"I just got them from Treasury," Carol replied.

"Okay," CJ said.

She looked at the papers for a moment and there was silence as Carol watched CJ read what she had handed her.

"Hey boss," Carol said.

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you're okay," Carol said.

CJ gave her a sad smile. "Thanks," she replied. The smile and moment only last a fraction of a second before CJ continued on. "Is the press assembled?"

"They've been waiting to hear from you for a while," Carol said.

"Okay," CJ said taking a breath. "Let's go then."

A quickly as she came in the office, she left again. I was just so happy to see that she was alive and well. I caught her briefing on television. Of course, what else could I watch? I still wanted information and CJ was the only person who could give it to me.

CJ updated the press on the president's condition, which sounded bad, but not dire. They expected him to make a full recovery and be back to work in no time. The other victim, the one I had feared was CJ, turned out to be Josh. Poor witty, high-strung, loveable Josh had been shot. I didn't know what to think. I was in shock, as I'm sure the rest of the staff was as well. My mind immediately went to Donna, who must have been devastated by the news. My second thought was wondering if he would pull through his surgery.

At the time I couldn't really imagine a West Wing without Josh. He made me laugh. He made CJ laugh, but more importantly, he was such an important part of the group. Who'd offer the off-the-cuff smart ass responses? Who'd be egotistical enough to believe that he had a way with every woman in the White House? Who would CJ talk to about her true feelings? Who would Donna fall in love with?

All the questions that ran through my mind exhausted me. All the while I couldn't imagine what the news was doing to CJ, Toby and Sam. They, of course, knew Josh much better than I did. Nevertheless the wait for information was excruciating.

After CJ briefed she was busy running and out of her office for a few hours. She had briefed the press twice and when she finally returned to sit down she looked like she was lost. She just sat, contemplating the evening, I thought. She was so lost in thought that she didn't even hear the door creak open.

"Hey," Danny said approaching CJ's desk slowly.

CJ turned her chair slowly and stared at him for a moment as if she had to remember where she was. I could tell she was still in shock and after what happened I couldn't blame her. I couldn't really understand how she was able to function at all, but I'd heard about the human spirit and how it has the uncanny ability to overcome even in the most dramatic circumstances.

CJ had been sitting still staring out the window for a few minutes before Danny had showed up. The fact that he was able to snap her out of her reverie at all was nothing short of amazing. She sat there staring, pawing at her neck as if she was searching for something that was missing.

"Danny?" she questioned him as if she couldn't quite tell why he was there or how he got there or why. "How did you get in?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but CJ answered her own question by saying, "Carol."

"Yeah," he said approaching her slowly.

"I'll really get you an answer to your question I just need more time," CJ said. "You probably shouldn't be back here now."

"That's not why I'm here," Danny said.

"Danny if you're here to tell that Michigan invaded Canada on top of everything else that's happened today I really don't think I can deal with it."

"No," Danny shook his head. "The Wolverine State hasn't made a grab for territory," Danny chuckled. "The Union is safe for now."

"Then I don't understand," CJ said. Her eyes looked so tired and confused. If I could have wrapped my fins around her to make her feel better I would have. She just looked so small. I don't ever remember seeing CJ look small, but tonight she looked so fragile.

"I came by to see how you were doing," Danny said.

"I'm fine," CJ said a little more forcefully than necessary.

"CJ," Danny said.

"I'm fine," CJ protested. "I don't know what else to say. I'm okay."

"If you need to talk," Danny offered.

"Thanks," CJ said. "I really don't think that's a good idea though."

"I'm not taking notes CJ," Danny said.

"I know. I just…can't," she said sadly.

"Okay," Danny said looking despondent.

"Maybe you could talk to Toby or Sam," Danny suggested.

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

Silence fell between them again. Danny just looked at her and I could tell that he was taking in every atom of her being. He was mentally ticking off the CJ he knew to make sure that she was physically okay, even if he couldn't check on her emotional well being.

"You weren't hurt at all then?" Danny asked.

"I got pulled down," CJ said absently. I wondered if she was trying to conjure the memory. "I hit my head."

"Is it okay?"

"Just a headache," CJ replied.

"Can I?" he said stopping himself from finishing the sentence before walking behind CJ's desk and extending his hand down to help her from her chair. He pulled her up and threw his arms around her and held her close for a moment.

"I know this isn't what we do," he said softly. "I'm just so glad you're okay."

I couldn't see her reaction, but I saw her squeeze his body close to hers and bury her head lightly in his shoulder for a moment. After a few moments they pulled apart and Danny took a step back to look at her.

"I have to tell you," he started, but then seemed to need a moment to regain his courage.

"Here's the thing," he started over again. "When they announced the shooting on the press bus the first thought every reporter on that bus had was, 'where's the president?' The first thought that ran through my head was, 'where's CJ?' I don't know if that makes me unpatriotic or treasonous, but it's the truth."

"I kept trying to think who you walked out with," Danny said getting a little emotional. "I couldn't remember. I couldn't remember the last thing I said to you. I know things have been awkward between us lately because of the memo and the story, but in that moment the only thing I could think about was the last thing I said to you."

I wished my bowl had been in a better position. From my point of view I could only see the back of CJ's head so I wasn't getting the reaction shot to Danny's speech. I could only see Danny, who seemed to be pouring his heart out to her in a way that he'd never done before.

"Anyway, I just want you to know that it doesn't matter if we're screaming, kissing, not speaking, joking or what, it doesn't matter because my life is so much better because you're in it Claudia Jean. For a while tonight I thought I'd never get a chance to tell you that and I don't know if I could have lived not telling you. I don't know if I'd want to live in a world you're not in."

His sentiment made my eyes well up slightly. I'm not sure what CJ's reaction was, but she had to have been part robot not to have felt her eyes moisten slightly.

"I don't want anything from you," Danny continued. "I'm not looking for a response. I just couldn't have lived with myself if I didn't say anything. So I'm saying it. We can pretend I never said it if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I just wanted you to know."

I saw CJ's hand reach out and grip Danny's tightly. They both stood a few steps apart just looking at each other, holding hands. I had a sneaking suspicion that there was some sort of silent conversation going on between them, but I couldn't be sure because of my damn vantage point. It's rough being confined to a small stationary bowl.

"Thank you Danny," she said as her voice cracked slightly.

"If you need someone to talk to," he offered.

"I know," she said letting go of his hand. "I wish I could, but it wouldn't be…we just can't."

"Okay," he said. "I'm gonna go."

Danny started walking toward the door when CJ stopped him.

"Danny," she called.

"Yeah?"

"What if…I mean the president is okay. He's going to be fine, but Josh," she said letting her sentence hang in the air.

"Josh is a fighter," Danny reminded her. "He's not gonna let this take him down."

"You're right," she replied sounding unconvinced.

"He'll make it."

CJ nodded. She didn't dissolve into the tears I would have shed if I'd lived through a night like she had. She was always so composed and in control. Danny gave her a small sad smile and exited her office, closing the door behind him.

After Danny left her office CJ sat in her chair for a good five minutes doing absolutely nothing. She occasionally rotated her chair from the window to her desk and stared so intently that it was hard to believe there was anything behind her eyes at all. She looked almost comatose only moving every so often to rub the back of her neck or massage her temple. I had a feeling that the headache she was experiencing was far worse than she was letting on to anyone but herself.

"CJ," Carol said entering her office and breaking her reverie. "Are you okay?"

Carol could tell that CJ looked worse for wear and felt bad interrupting her. But, Carol also understood that CJ was always much better at working through a crisis than just sitting by and doing nothing.

"Yeah," CJ said forcing herself into the present. "I'm okay."

"Does your head hurt?" Carol asked.

"Its fine," CJ lied. I could see in her eyes that she was deceiving Carol, if not herself as well.

"Did you have someone take a look at it?" Carol asked.

"The paramedic said it was fine," CJ said almost wincing.

"We can always have a deputy brief," Carol suggested.

"No," CJ said emphatically. "It has to be me. They need to see me up there tonight."

"Okay," Carol backed off. "Toby and Sam are on line three."

"How long have they been holding?" CJ asked picking up the phone.

"Only a minute," Carol said as CJ seemed disinterested in what she had to say. She quickly exited the office and got back to the million phone calls the press office was fielding.

I saw CJ take a quick breath as she picked up the phone. In my mind it seemed like she was preparing herself for the worst just in case.

"Toby, Sam," she said. I noted how she listened to their response but her eyes shut as if she were in pain. She quickly put the phone on speaker and hung up the receiver. At that moment I knew that her injury was worse than she'd let on.

"…things over there?" I heard the last bit of Toby's comment as the speakerphone engaged.

"Hectic," CJ said. "How's Josh?"

"We haven't heard anything more," Sam replied.

"Mrs. Bartlet said it'll be a few more hours," Toby added.

"And the president?" CJ asked. She knew he was awake, that much I had gathered from her conversation with Carol.

"Oddly lucid," Toby replied. "Abbey and Leo have been in to see him."

"When do you brief again?" Sam asked.

CJ checked her watch and sighed audibly. "A half hour and I have nothing new to tell them," she replied.

"Tell them we're working on it," Toby said irritated.

"Yeah I'm sure they'll take that at face value," CJ snapped at him.

There was a pause on the other end of the line and I wondered if Sam and Toby were exchanging glances.

"Maybe we should pack it in for the night," Sam suggested finally. "Put the lid on."

"We can't put the lid on," CJ and Toby said at almost precisely the same time.

"We've got nothing new for them. Let the Treasury Department field questions for a while is all I'm saying," Sam persisted.

"We've got a fugitive on the run, the president was shot, Josh is in God knows what kind of condition and there are two dead shooters at the scene affiliated with white supremacy," CJ replied. "I think we're far from a full lid."

"But you've got nothing new to tell them," Sam said again.

I could tell by the tones of everyone's voice that they were in the height of stress. Even Sam, who was normally so calm, even when he was angry, sounded ready to unravel. I glanced at the clock on CJ's desk and noted that it was nearly two in the morning and wondered if that was also contributing to the tension.

"Sam," CJ started to protest.

"Maybe Treasury should take the next one," Toby interjected.

"What?" CJ asked.

"They're handling the investigation," Toby explained. "Maybe they take this one and you take the next."

"They'll be able to answer the more technical questions," Sam continued. "Or at least dodge them. You won't have to do it for them."

"Besides you look exhausted up there," Toby added quickly.

"Excuse me?" CJ said.

"You look tired up there," Toby sighed. "We want you out there. We need you out there but the last briefing…CJ you looked like a deer caught in the headlights."

"A deer caught in the headlights," she repeated dangerously low.

"I understand why," Toby continued. "I'm saying, giving Treasury the next briefing will give you time to rest a little and give us time to get more information so they won't eat you alive."

"Well I'm so glad you understand why I look like shit Toby," she said angrily. "I'm so happy that it makes sense that I look fazed being as though my boss, who happens to run the country, and one of my best friends in the entire world was shot tonight. I'm glad that it's okay for me to look tired and that I have the right to rest after what happened. Except you know what? I can't rest Toby because I have a concussion. I have to stay up for the next 12 hours and if I'm going to be forced to stay awake rather than relive tonight in horrifying nightmares I'm not going to sit on my ass and let Treasury brief!"

The tirade was unexpected and loud. She raised her hand to her head after she finished and I knew immediately that it was a bad idea for her to yell. I heard a click on the other end of the phone and I could tell that Toby had picked up the receiver to have a more private conversation with CJ.

"You feel better now?" he asked slightly patronizing her.

"No," she pouted.

"Okay," he said.

"I need to brief," CJ told him. "I need to do something. I can't just sit here and do nothing."

"You're not doing nothing," Toby reminded. "You're gonna be gathering information."

"Toby," she said softly. I heard his name catch in her throat and I knew that she was fighting the urge to cry. I hadn't seen CJ cry. I mean really cry. I'd seen her hold back a few tears and occasionally one would roll down her cheek, but I'd never seen her allow the tears loose and I wondered if this might be the moment.

"They shot the president," she said. "They shot Josh."

"I know," Toby said.

"What did they ever do? What did Josh ever do to those kids?"

"It wasn't about Josh," Toby reminded her. "At this point it wasn't even about the president."

"I just..." CJ said, her voice trailing off as she stared at her desk. She tried to focus on something to make the emotion go away.

"Josh is a fighter," Toby reminded her. "He's still got plenty of fight in him."

"Yeah," CJ said.

"Are you okay?" Toby asked.

"No," CJ replied more confidently than she answered any reporters question that evening.

"None of us are," Toby told her.

"I know," she said shaking her head as if she were physically shaking off the trauma of the night. "I know."

"We're gonna get through this," Toby said.

"Yeah," CJ said.

"CJ," he began again.

"I know," she cut him off. "I have to get ready to brief."

"You can sit this one out," Toby said again. "Give it to Treasury and go back out there later."

"I can't," CJ said. "I'm the one they need to see."

"I don't disagree," Toby said.

"Josh doesn't get a break tonight," CJ said. "Neither do I."

"Sam and I are coming back as soon as we hear anything about Josh," Toby assured her.

"It's okay," CJ said. "I'm holding down the fort."

She paused for a moment before adding, "I know it doesn't sound like I am, but I am. It's under control."

"I know," Toby assured her.

"Hey Toby," she asked.

"Yeah?"

"Were you scared?"

"Terrified."

"I don't really remember it," she said. "It was so fast that I don't really remember what happened. I can't even remember who pulled me down."

"It was probably Secret Service," Toby said.

"Yeah, but shouldn't I know that? Shouldn't I remember who saved my life? A car window shattered over my head and if I'd been standing there instead of on the ground..."

"Yeah," Toby said.

"And I shouldn't even be concerned with it because Josh is lying on an operating table. There was no one there to pull him down."

"Everyone did the best they could," Toby replied.

"There was no one to pull Josh down," CJ said again as if she was still trying to wrap her brain around it.

"Go brief," he said finally.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Even if I look like a deer in headlights?"

"Yeah," he said. "We'll see you soon."

"Okay," CJ said.

She disconnected the phone call and looked more resolved than she had before she spoke to Toby. She had summoned her strength and, looking like a deer in headlights or not, she was going out there to brief the press as well as she could. While Josh fought for his life, CJ fought for the administration and though Josh had clearly been on the front lines, they were all affected by what happened that night.

TBC


	11. Through the door, Down the Hall

Author's Note: Takes place between In the Shadow of Two Gunman part 2 and The Midterms.

* * *

_Through the Door, Down the Hall_

Two weeks after the shooting things seemed to be getting back to normal. President Bartlet was back in the White House and his arrival came under much fanfare. I found myself glued to CJ's briefings in a way I never was before, but I felt that I had to know more. I had to know if Josh was doing better, which, from her accounts both public and private, it seemed as though he was going to pull through okay and come home from the hospital relatively soon.

Donna had been in and out of Josh's office trying to hold things together in his absence. She pulled his files for Toby and Sam, who took over much of Josh's portfolio. But, I think it was Donna that was really kept them on track most of the time because she knew better than anyone else what Josh had to accomplish. I still don't know how she did it, though I thought that I heard her crying softly through the door one night late in the evening. No one else was around and I heard some muffled sobs. I couldn't blame her really. Josh was her boss, but there was also a much deeper connection.

All of the Senior Staff's grief over the shooting seemed to manifest differently. They all dealt with it by throwing themselves into their work, naturally, but they had each picked up some quirky habits because of it. For example, aside from hearing Donna cry occasionally through the door, I noticed that Sam had taken to going out to lunch a lot more often. It almost seemed like he was trying to make up for the days when they didn't eat lunch together. It was as simple gesture that allowed him to be close to the people he worked with. The people he considered family.

"Donna," I heard him say through the office door. "Are you off to the hospital today?"

"Hey Sam," she replied. "Yeah, Josh insists I'm there during lunch because he has a paranoia that the nurses are trying to put him on a diabetic diet."

"Really," Sam said.

"Well, you know Josh," Donna replied.

"True," Sam said. "Tell him I said hi and I'll be by later tonight."

"Will do," Donna said.

I heard Sam's footsteps come toward the door to CJ's office and a moment later there was a light rap on the open door.

"CJ," Sam said.

"Hey Spanky," CJ said looking up from her computer.

"What are you doing for lunch?" he asked.

"I was probably going to catch something here," CJ said. "The arraignment is this afternoon. I figure I better be prepared for the afternoon briefing."

"The Arraignment." That is what they had taken to calling all the court proceedings against the scum that had been partially responsible for the shooting. They stopped using his name in private almost immediately, as if using his name gave him some sort of power. I figured it was just another coping mechanism.

"Yeah," Sam replied. "You want to order in from the mess?"

CJ looked up and gave him a small smile. Somehow I sensed that CJ knew how important lunch was to Sam.

"Sure," she said.

"Great," Sam said. "Salad?"

"How about chicken salad," CJ said.

"Sounds good," Sam said. "Toby might join us. I mentioned lunch to him."

"Good," CJ said.

"Yeah."

CJ looked like she wanted to get back to her work, but Sam seemed perfectly comfortable hanging out by her door, leaning against the wall.

"You holding up that wall all by yourself over there?" CJ asked him.

"Oh," Sam said moving away from the wall. "No. I guess I'm at a loss for what I'm supposed to be doing today."

"I thought you took over some of Josh's portfolio?"

"Yeah, my meetings aren't for a while."

"Oh," CJ replied.

"You're busy," Sam said obviously.

"A little," she said giving him a tight smile.

"Right. You now I'll just come back at lunch. Toby might come too," he said.

"Okay," CJ nodded. "I'll see you in a little while."

"Okay," Sam said before he left.

And so that's how the lunches began. Sam would attempt to round everyone up and sometimes he'd get a lot of interest and sometimes he wouldn't. Sometimes they ate in and sometimes they went out, but I did admire his tenacity in trying to hold them all together.

* * *

Toby's feelings manifested a bit differently. Toby was never in what anyone would classify as a good mood, but the shooting seemed to bring him down for a while. He looked a little more irritated and tired than usual in the weeks following the shooting. In my opinion they were all in need of some counseling and while I did my best to facilitate that role, it just wasn't enough because, obviously, I couldn't really respond to them verbally.

As I said, Toby's grief took an interesting turn in that he felt it was his mission to succeed in every task Leo assigned to him from Josh's portfolio. It didn't seem to matter to him who he had to strong-arm or yell at or blackmail in order to get what he wanted. In a way I think Josh would have been proud of him for his resolve because it very Josh-like. However, I could tell from rumblings behind the scenes that Toby was hardly winning any more friends with his tactics. Apparently I wasn't the only one to notice it either.

"CJ!" he bellowed one afternoon as he burst through her office door.

"Toby before you start," she tried to cut him off.

"CJ, I can't believe this," he yelled tossing a paper on her desk. "Danny Concannon--"

"Toby…"

"Danny Concannon," he started again.

"Toby," she said again.

He picked up the paper from CJ's desk again and began to read.

"The Bartlet Administration, in its attempt to regain focus, is left with a large hole with no one with as much political muscle with Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman on the mend. Though a valiant effort is being made by many Senior Staffers to return to work as usual, the psychological effects of the assassination attempt have left many scrambling to make sense of not only the political ramifications of the shooting, but also the personal. Case in point: Toby Zeigler, Communications Director, seems to be hell-bent on ramming agenda through Congress at a time when many in the government are also trying to make sense to this tragedy. Shall I continue?"

Wow, Danny had gone to town with that one. I hadn't heard CJ mention anything to Carol or anyone else about the piece and it made me wonder if maybe she didn't agree with Danny for a change.

"Toby," she said.

"He wants to single me out? No one knows that the hell we're supposed to be doing right now CJ. Who the hell does he think he is?"

"A Senior White House Correspondent?" CJ ventured.

"Don't you dare defend him on this one," Toby said. "Although why I should have expected any different is a mystery to me."

"Hey," CJ said standing to defend herself. "That was uncalled for."

"You're on his side," Toby countered.

"I'm not on his side," CJ said lowering her voice a little. "I just think maybe he might have a point."

"He might have a point?" Toby asked squinting at her as if he didn't recognize her.

"Look," she said holding out her hand in a gesture to calm him down. "I'm just saying that, I know you're busting your ass working through Josh's portfolio, but maybe the tactics Josh uses work for him and they don't so much work for you."

"What does that mean?"

"I mean that it's been two weeks since the shooting," CJ replied. "When did we decide we need to start pushing legislation before the president and Josh are even recovered?"

"How about the 80 percent approval rating we've got right now? When would you like us to start pushing things through?"

"Toby," she sighed. "I don't know, okay? I really don't know."

"I don't either," he said loudly and then pacing quickly back and forth for a moment. "I don't know what the hell we're supposed to be doing, but I have to do something."

"I know."

"Yeah."

"None of us know what to do right now," she said. "I know Danny kind of took you town, but if you read the rest of the article, it was really complimentary on how we're getting back to the normalcy of governing."

"I read the whole thing," Toby informed her.

"We'll get through this," she said. It was the most confident I'd heard her in weeks, though I don't know if she truly believed what she was selling Toby.

"Yeah," Toby grumbled. "Has Donna been in today?"

"In and out," CJ confirmed. "She's been running ragged between here and the hospital."

"You've been to the hospital?" Toby asked.

I noticed how CJ looked down at her desk, as if making eye contact with Toby would shame her.

"No, not this week," CJ said. "Why?"

Her voice sounded small when she asked. It was almost as if she were child waiting for her punishment if she answered the question incorrectly.

"Josh asked where you were last night," Toby informed her.

"I called him," CJ said vaguely.

"I don't think visiting him would be out of the question," Toby said.

"It…I'm not…I can't," CJ said tripping over a few words because she got the simple sentence out of her mouth.

"You can't?" Toby asked incredulously.

"I don't want to okay?"

"You don't _want _to?"

"I don't like to see him like that," CJ defending herself. "All those machines that he's hooked up to…I hate seeing him like that."

"CJ," Toby started.

"No, Toby," she cut him off before he could even begin. "Maybe it makes me a horrible friend. Maybe it makes me a terrible person, but I hate seeing him like that. That isn't the Josh I know. If I talk to him on the phone then he's Josh. If I see him like that, then I have to think about the very real possibility that he could have…"

She looked away again and I saw her bite her lower lip fiercely. I didn't know if it was helping her maintain her composure or somehow keep her connected to reality.

"Donna is there," she said looking up again. "He doesn't need a room full of people and I call him once a day."

"Okay," Toby said clearly seeing that pushing the issue was not in his best interests.

"Are we done now?" CJ asked.

"Yeah," Toby said softly.

"Okay," she said. "I have to get ready to brief the press."

"Okay," Toby said.

CJ was the one to take leave of her office and Toby just stood there for a moment looking around the office. I'm not sure if he was shocked by CJ's level of denial or if he was still smarting over Danny's article, but he sighed loudly and walked back down the hall.

* * *

I'd heard there were stages of grief. Of course without anything to reference I wasn't exactly sure what order they followed or how many there were, but it was clear to me that everyone seemed to be in a different stage. Sam was making amends with his lunches. Toby was definitely in the anger stage and it was directed at just about everyone. CJ was in deep denial and Donna…well Donna seemed to be taking everything in stride. Granted, I never saw her reaction to the shooting up close and personal. I never saw her breakdown in person. But from what I could tell Donna just accepted it and was trying to move forward. She was doing a wonderful job of it too. She seemed to be keeping everything in Josh's office together.

I wasn't the only one who must have thought that Donna was holding Josh's office together because it was two weeks after the shooting that I finally got to meet Leo McGarry. CJ had been running in and out of her office all day and so I spent of much of my time circling my bowl. Carol had found a little hospital bed, which she had decorated with an American flag. It was kind of fun to swim underneath the tiny bed, but it also reminded me that Josh was still on the mend and things weren't really the same.

I was thinking about taking a nap when I noticed that Donna had walked into Josh's office. Luckily for me the door between Josh and CJ's offices was open fairly wide because that's how I caught my first "in-person" glimpse of Leo. Donna was going through some papers on Josh's desk when Leo walked up behind her.

"Donna," he said causing her to turn.

"Hi Leo," Donna said stopping her work for a moment.

"How's Josh today?" he asked.

"He's okay," Donna said. "He said he's sore. I'm not sure if he's over exaggerating or not, but he looks a lot better."

"Good," Leo replied. "I called the hospital, but they only give us his condition over the phone. I figured you'd know better than anyone else how he's really doing."

"His mom has been there," Donna told him. "I think he likes that she's there even if he won't admit it."

"You've been able to keep his mind off this place?" Leo asked.

"As much as possible," Donna said. "He's glued to C-SPAN and CNN. I think seeing President Bartlet come home lifted his spirits."

"Good," Leo said.

"He gets about twenty minute of phone time a day provided he's not talking about work," Donna said. "I've intercepted him more than once trying to call Sam about a vote."

"It probably takes his mind of things," Leo said knowingly. "But it's for the best if he has the opportunity to get better before he thinks about work."

"He was really excited about the food basket you sent over," Donna said. "He can't wait to get off of hospital food and break into it."

"Food seemed a little more manly than flowers," Leo commented. I noticed how the tone of his voice was serious yet I detected a hint of a small grin in his inflection. I'd never heard anything like it before. It was very unique.

"He appreciates it," Donna smiled. Leo's tone brought out her smile too.

"Donna," Leo said. "I know the president appreciates everything you've done for Josh and for his office. I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate everything you've done too."

"Thank you," Donna replied. I could tell she was clearly touched and, from what I could tell, she seemed fairly surprised. From what I could gather about Leo I didn't figure he was really the type of man who showed a whole lot of emotion.

"Yeah," Leo said clearly moving on from the topic. "I was actually hoping you might be able to help me with something."

"Sure," Donna said.

"I'm looking for the proposed budget figures for next year. I know Josh was looking at them before..." Leo's voice trailed off as though he didn't really want to speak the words. If President Bartlet loved CJ like a daughter as Josh once told her then it was clear that Leo loved Josh like a son.

"I figured he probably still had them in his office," Leo finished.

"Um, yeah," Donna said walking out of my line of sight. I heard some crumbling and the noise of ream of paper being set down a desk.

"Josh has got some filing system," Leo commented. "Never mind that it's the Federal Budget he's stored under his desk."

"It's a unique system to say the least," Donna replied. "I can get an intern bring these down to your office if you'd like. It's pretty cumbersome."

"No, that's okay," Leo said walking out of my view as well. Oh well, at least I could still hear them anyway.

"If you don't mind I'll just take a look at it here," Leo said. "It'll save everyone a lot of trouble."

"Sure," Donna said. "Let me know if I can help you with anything."

"Thanks," Leo said.

I saw Donna walk out of the office and things fell quiet again.

* * *

I took a quick nap when I was jolted awake by CJ bounding into her office. She stood behind her desk and rummaged thorough some papers quickly. She looked a little frazzled and while I'm sure it wasn't any fun to be that stressed, she had more spring in her step than she had since before the shooting. It was good to see her energized again.

"Numbers, numbers, numbers," she mumbled under her breath as she dug through the pages on her desk.

"Gail," she said pausing for a moment to look at me.

"Yes?" I thought excitedly. It had been a while since we'd had a heart to heart.

"Have you seen the numbers on welfare assistance?" she asked.

"Not a clue what you're talking about," I replied.

"Probably not," CJ answered herself.

CJ rummaged around her desk for a few seconds more before she did something that she'd done twice since the shooting.

"Josh!" she called.

I froze in my bowl and looked at her. It didn't appear that she noticed her mistake. It always took her a minute before she realized it. Like I said, she was in some pretty deep denial.

"Josh, do you have the welfare assistance numbers?" she called again.

Nope, she definitely didn't recognize her mistake. She continued to fumble through her pile of papers as if she hadn't said anything strange at all.

"Josh," she said as she stood upright as if she were going to walk over to Josh's office.

Suddenly she froze and looked at the door. She glanced from her desk to the door between their offices again.

"Damn it," she sighed.

At that moment Leo emerged from Josh's office. I thought he'd left a while ago, but I guess my nap interfered with my ability to people-watch.

"CJ," he said entering her office.

"Leo, hi," she said rather sheepishly. She kind of rocked back and forth on her feet as if she wanted to walk back to her desk and then she changed her mind.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I'm good," she said. "I was looking for some welfare numbers."

"That Josh had," Leo finished for her.

"Yeah," CJ said. She held some papers in her hand and scratched her head.

"Sam told me about the other day," Leo commented.

I assumed that Sam had told Leo a similar story. It happened earlier in the week that CJ and Sam were going out for lunch. Sam stopped by CJ's office to go and she absently said she'd ask Josh if he wanted to go. Sam gave her a funny look and that was when CJ realized that Josh wasn't at work. It was very odd. CJ knew that Josh was in the hospital, but somehow, when she got busy, the memory slipped her mind. I thought it was because of their close working environment. Josh and CJ were always bustling in between their offices and his absence was something to get used to.

"Yeah," CJ said. "I get busy and I have a hard time remembering he's not next door. It's like phantom limb pain or something."

"I understand," Leo said.

"Is that weird?"

"You and Josh are close," Leo said as he took a seat in CJ's office. It was kind of strange to see him sitting in her guest chair. His presence seemed larger than a guest chair.

"I had this buddy in the war," Leo reminisced. "His name was Bill. Billy O'Dwyer. We started out together and we were in a lot of battles together. He got shot down on this one mission and it took me a while to realize he wasn't flying next me anymore. I'd call him over the radio and then I'd realize my mistake. It took a few weeks to realize Billy wasn't there anymore."

"I'm sorry," CJ said.

"Don't be sorry CJ," Leo said casually. "What I'm saying is, it happens to the best of us."

"It's been kind of hard. I never thought I'd have to deal with something like this."

"Sure."

They were silent for a moment before Leo stood up and walked around to the back of the chair. He placed his hands on the back of the chair and glanced around the room.

"Anyway, I wanted to come by and tell you that Jeff Reynolds got transferred to State," Leo said.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Leo nodded. "I was thinking that your office is kind of small."

"Small?"

"You have the press in and out of here all the time and Jeff's office has more room."

"It does have more room," CJ said. I had a feeling she knew what Leo was getting at. I think CJ understood what he was getting at too.

"So I'm moving your office down the hall," Leo said. "Effectively immediately."

"What happens to this office?"

"Did you know that they built this office in a hallway?" Leo asked.

"A hallway?"

"Apparently during the Nixon administration he was going for a rat in a cage feel and he closed off the hallway with this office. I think it's time we open it up again, what do you think?"

"I think that sounds like a good idea," CJ said.

"Okay," Leo replied turning to leave her office.

"Hey Leo," she stopped him.

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," she said.

"You're welcome," Leo said. "And CJ, you're not the only one."

She gave him a quizzical look.

"I just spent an hour looking at the budget in Josh's office."

"Thanks Leo," CJ smiled.

He returned her smile and with that he left her office.

"Looks like we're getting a change of scenery Gail," she told me.

This was going to be a big adventure. Moving sounded like so much fun! I hadn't seen anything that different since Danny brought me home from the pet store. As always, things in the West Wing seemed to change on a dime and everyday was an adventure.

TBC


	12. Homecoming

Author's Note: Please read and review! Reviews are helpful and appreciated. This take place between The Midterms and In This White House.

"Homecoming"

Winter was in the air. I could smell it. Well, maybe I couldn't smell it being as though I live in a bowl of water, but I could definitely tell. CJ took to wearing a thicker coat, the midterm elections had passed and my water felt a little chiller than usual, but it didn't matter to me. I was in my new digs. Well, I should say, CJ was in her new digs. We moved shortly after Leo paid CJ a visit, and just before the midterm elections, thought it took CJ a few weeks to get fully unpacked. When Leo said effective immediately, he meant it.

I can still remember the trek down the hallway. Carol and a couple of burley guys she called Lou and Joe came into CJ's office one day and got to work. Carol had things labeled and she started pointing here, there and everywhere as Joe and Lou got to work. Items and furniture started to disappear and at first I wondered if CJ had been fired because they moved so quickly, but then, everything in the White House moved quickly.

CJ wasn't around much on moving day. Her office, always slightly chaotic, would have been even more disjointed had she been there. I found out later that she had already set up shop in her new office. I tired to ignore the fact that I wasn't the first most important thing brought over from her old office. I suppose, looking back at it now, her computer and televisions were the most important, probably followed by the phone.

Finally Carol came back in with a cart and started loading it with briefing books and papers, pens and other items from CJ's desk. She bent down to peer into my bowl.

"Are you gonna be okay moving down the hall Gail?" she asked me.

"You bet," I replied. "I'm ready!"

"Okay, if you get nervous with all the movement just jump around or something," she told me.

"Please," I scoffed. "Danny brought me here in a plastic bag. I can take it."

With that said Carol placed me on top of the cart and started to push it into the hallway. What an adventure! I felt like I was in a parade. I had seen news stories on TV lately about preparation for a parade for a holiday called Thanksgiving. I'd never seen a parade before but I imagined that this was how it felt to be in one.

However, Carol may have been right about moving down the hall. The cart was kind of rickety and my water was sloshing quite a bit. My head was spinning as we hit yet another bump in the floor.

"Sorry Gail," Carol said. "We're almost there."

"You're talking to the fish?" a man said to Carol. I knew him to be Ed or Larry. Quite honestly I could never tell them apart.

"Yeah, I don't want to stress her out," Carol replied. "It's been a bumpy ride."

"I'm sure she's fine," Ed or Larry replied.

"CJ would kill me if anything happened to this fish," I heard Carol said. I can't really say I was paying close attention to her face when she said it because I was quite dizzy from the sloshing around. Why didn't she just carry my bowl?

"You're probably right about that," Ed or Larry replied.

Even in spite of my dizziness I smiled to myself. Everyone knew I was important to CJ. I never could quite figure out if it was because I was an attractive fish or because Danny gave me to her, but I was happy with the acknowledgement. Now I know I might sound a little vain or egotistical, but I was the only pet in the West Wing and that made me feel good. I felt like I had lived up to my potential and then some. I started out a lowly fish in a tank of fifty other fish and I ended up in the White House. So, please permit me to relive the memory with some joy because it meant a lot to me.

I felt Carol slow the cart down and we finally came to a complete stop as my water sloshed back and forth slightly. At that moment I vowed that life on a parade route was definitely not for me because I was quite happy to be stationary.

"Gail," I heard CJ's voice and saw a shadow coming toward my bowl. I tried to get my bearing so I looked good for her.

"You look good. Do you feel good? How was the trip?" she asked picking up my bowl.

"A little sick to my stomach," I said. "Food wouldn't be ideal right now."

"She looks okay," CJ said to Carol.

"It was kind of a bumpy ride down the hall," Carol informed her.

"Well let's get her situated in her new home," CJ said placing me on the corner of her desk.

Once the water settled down I took a moment to swim around. Carol had graciously swapped out the hospital bed in my bowl for a suitcase full of stuff. As fun as it was to swim around it, I found the new office to be much more fascinating. It seemed a lot lighter and I figured that because of the windows. They were bigger, as was the office. CJ had two couches now, a couple more televisions and a coffee table. She even had two guest chairs. Overall I felt that she had quite an inviting office now. I was very happy with the move and I wondered if she was too.

She seemed to have visitors pop in and out all day and I suddenly began to wonder about Danny. Would he know that she moved her office? Would he be able to find us? I hadn't seen him since a few days after the shooting, which was quite a while ago. He seemed to be lying low since then. I'd seen him on TV during the briefings, but he didn't stop by as much. I wondered if it was because he was embarrassed because he had shared so many feelings with CJ. But, regardless of why, I did miss him. I wondered if CJ did too.

CJ was sitting on the floor behind her desk organizing files when I saw a shadow in the doorway. I turned and was elated to see someone I hadn't seen in a long time. Josh.

"CJ?" he called.

"Josh?" she asked as she leaned around her desk to look in the doorway.

"In the flesh," he said as he walked into the office slowly.

CJ stood up quickly and walked over to him. She leaned in like she wanted to give him a hug but then thought better of it.

"Hugs are…" she asked.

"Allowed and encouraged," Josh nodded as he put out an arm.

CJ hugged him lightly and I could tell she was taking special care to avoid hitting his chest in any way.

"I thought you weren't coming in until next week," she said after she let him go.

"I thought I'd get a jump on things," he said taking a seat on one of CJ's two couches.

Josh glanced around the office and took it all in. I could see that he was sizing the office up and noting that CJ's office now seemed to be larger than his.

"So I'm the one who gets shot and you're the one who gets the office big enough for two couches," he told her.

"Life's funny like that isn't it?" CJ asked giving him a smile and taking a seat in the chair across from him. "Though now you'll get that mini fridge you've always wanted."

"That's a definite bonus," Josh smiled. "It's gonna be kind of weird having a hallway where you used to be."

"Maybe for a little while," CJ replied. Something flashed in her eyes and I wondered if she was thinking about how weird the last few weeks were for her when Josh wasn't there. For the most part everyone seemed to finally be coming to terms with it, but it was rough for a while.

"I'm gonna have to shout down the hall when I need something from you now," he said.

"Or you could maybe try taking a short walk," CJ replied. "You know, keep your ticker in working order."

"I'm still a feeble man CJ," he said with an impish grin. "I may need to shout for a while."

She smiled at him and just shook her head as he continued to look around her office.

"Still coveting my office aren't you?" she asked.

"A little bit," he admitted. "Trying to understand why Leo moved you and not me."

His tone was mocking and sullen and I couldn't help but giggle. I really missed Josh not being around for a few weeks.

"Well I think there was too much dominance at one end of the building with you and me next to each other," CJ said. "It threw off the Feng Shui."

"But now that we're opposite each other won't our energy create a magnetic effect on the people in between?"

CJ contemplated it for a moment. "I think we should feel bad for Carol and Donna," CJ agreed.

"Now Sam should have been moved over here to balance out the energy," Josh suggested.

"No, Toby definitely needs Sam to balance out the other side of the building," CJ said. "How do you know so much about Feng Shui anyway? Did you read up on it in between studying up on psychics at Cal Tech?"

"_Physicists_," he replied emphatically.

"Yeah, well you should have just been happy with the acknowledgement in my briefing instead of being so picky," CJ said.

"You said psychics," Josh said in a louder tone. "Psychics and physicists are two completely different things!"

CJ started to laugh a little at his reaction. Judging by his animated response, I guessed that she could only imagine what his initial reaction to her gaffe when he was in the hospital.

"Do I hear yelling in here?" Donna's voice came from the hallway.

I heard her footsteps clicking quickly toward the office. CJ and Josh were about to get in trouble. I could feel it. Donna entered the office with her hands on her hips.

"I thought we talked about this," she said to Josh.

"Donna," he started to protest.

"No," she cut him off. "I have not spent the last four weeks running back and forth between here and your apartment, running interference on visitors and monitoring your phone calls to have you collapse of a heart attack over psychics."

"Physicists," he corrected her.

"Whatever!"

Josh sat for a moment and I could see the wheels spinning in his head. He was trying his damnedest to come up with some excuse for his yelling. I had to laugh. It was obvious who wore the pants in that relationship.

"CJ started it," he finally replied putting on his best hand caught in the cookie jar face as he pointed at CJ.

"I didn't start it," CJ shook her head. "I swear."

It was clear for a moment that they both feared Donna when she was in protective mode.

"What's going on here?" Sam said standing in the doorway. He surveyed the scene and noticed that Josh was sitting on the couch.

"Josh," he smiled. "I thought you weren't back until next week?"

"I came back early," he said. "Get a jump on things."

"But he's going to be going home if he doesn't keep his voice down," Donna reminded him.

"It was CJ's fault," Josh said again. Apparently this was the story he was sticking with come hell or high water.

"Was not," CJ muttered under her breath.

"Was too," Josh murmured back.

"Hey!" Donna said. "You see. _This_ is why Leo moved CJ's office."

CJ seemed to nod and shrug in agreement as Josh went back to looking around CJ's office.

"You're pretty much moved in," Sam observed.

"A few more files and it's finally done," CJ sighed.

"I'm getting a mini fridge," Josh offered to Sam.

"Hey, good deal," Sam replied.

"It's black and shiny," Josh informed Sam.

"Stocked with beer?" Sam asked.

"Imported and domestic," Josh said.

"It's good to know I'm replaceable with a mini fridge," CJ interjected.

"Don't worry, the mini fridge's place in my heart isn't that big…yet," he shot her a smile.

"Remind me again why I missed you," CJ replied.

"Hey, are you guys ready for the Nimbala visit?" Josh asked them changing the subject.

Donna seemed satisfied that Josh was calm again and I could tell she was getting ready to leave.

"Yeah," Sam said. "I'm working on a few remarks. Are you in on the meetings?"

"Yeah, me and Toby," Josh said.

"I'm gonna go," Donna said quickly. "Shout if you need anything. Lord knows you have the lung capacity."

"If you'll recall, my lung was collapsed," Josh said. "Obviously I'm back baby!"

"You're lucky you haven't driven Donna crazy yet," CJ informed him after Donna left.

"She deserves one hell of a Christmas present," Sam agreed.

"Excuse me, I am the model patient," Josh said.

CJ, Sam and I both erupted in giggles. Poor deluded Josh. He really thought he was a joy to be around in his recovery. The rest of us knew better.

"What?" he asked as we all laughed.

"Whatever you say mi amour," CJ said.

"Of course you're a model patient," Sam chuckled.

"Okay, that's it," Josh said standing. "I'm done. I have very important work to do."

With that Josh turned his head and took his leave of the office where he was being mocked.

"It's good to see you," CJ called after him.

"We're glad you're back buddy," Sam said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Josh said with a wave of his hand as he walked away. But, I could see when he turned his head that he was smiling.

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

A few hours and two briefings later CJ was back at her desk wading through some notes on some country in Africa. I couldn't tell which one, but I noticed a map before it was pushed under a pile of papers. She was making a few furious notes when another visitor hovered in her doorway.

"Nice digs," he said leaning his shoulder against the doorway.

CJ looked up immediately and tried not to break out into a grin. She sat up and pushed her chair back from the desk a little.

"Thanks," she said.

"Two couches now," he observed as he entered.

"Well I entertain a lot of people," she said in a tone that I detected as flirting.

"Hopefully not too many," he said taking a seat across from her.

"No, not too many," she said. "Just the special ones."

I was happy to see Danny again. This was the first time I'd seen him in her office since the night of the shooting. As I mentioned before, he seemed to be lying low. That wasn't to say they hadn't talked, but I wasn't there to witness it.

"Good," he said.

"I'm glad you're glad," she replied.

"So," Danny said leaning back in his chair and crossing one leg over another. "Your briefings today have been…you seem perkier."

"Am I not usually the princess of perk?" she asked.

Danny suppressed a grin. If he hadn't have been able to tell before, it was clear now that she was in a very good mood.

"No, you definitely are," he corrected himself. "There's just slightly more perk and pep today. You seem peppier and perkier than usual."

"I am," she confirmed.

"Because Josh is back or because you've got this nice new office?" Danny asked.

"Maybe a little of both," CJ replied. "The unpacking is finally done. A change of scenery never hurt anybody."

There was a strange pause. Danny looked down at the floor quickly and then back at CJ. If I didn't know better I'd have said he was hiding something.

"No, a change of scenery never hurts," Danny said. His eyes, normally expressive, had a look of guilt in them. I wished I could have read his mind at that moment.

"Also I have two couches now," CJ continued. Did she really not notice that he seemed to be hiding something? "Maybe I'm getting more sleep."

Danny smiled at her. It seemed whatever was weighing on his mind had passed. He had pushed it into the far corners of his mind and I couldn't tell what he was thinking anymore.

"You should get more sleep," Danny said. "Not that you need it."

"Well thank you," CJ said blushing slightly. "Flattery will get you everywhere."

Danny stood up suddenly and walked over to the wall to check out CJ's office decorations. He clasped his hands behind his back and looked at a few pictures on her wall.

"Did you need something?" CJ asked. I could tell by her tone that she was finally starting to become curious about Danny's visit, though he seemed to be acting quite normal by all usual standards.

"Need?" he asked. "No."

"Want?" she asked as I could practically hear the gulp in her voice.

"Want?" he chuckled. "Aside from wanting to bask in your perky peppiness?"

"Ah, well basking…you're not the only one who'd like to bask in my perk," she giggled as she finished her thought.

"What the hell are we talking about again?" Danny laughed.

"I honestly have no idea," CJ replied with a smile.

Danny went back to moving along her walls and checking out the items she had hung there.

"Yeah," Danny said. "I just wanted to check out the new office is all."

"None of the stuff on the wall is new," CJ said. Then as an afterthought she said, "You haven't been by in a while."

"No, I guess I haven't," he said. "You miss me?"

"No," CJ though I immediately knew she was lying.

"Too bad I was going for the absence makes the heart grow fonder thing," he informed her.

"I've seen you in the briefing room everyday," CJ pointed out.

"So you're telling me there's a flaw in my logic?"

"Maybe a little one. I was wondering if you, maybe, regretted the last thing you might have said when you stopped by my office," CJ ventured.

I was surprised that she was bringing up the conversation. It obviously meant more to her than she cared to admit, but I kind of knew that already anyway.

"No," Danny said confidently. "I just thought you might need some space."

"As opposed to your usual hovering?" she joked.

There is was. That was the sarcastic, joke-deflecting emotion CJ I had come to know. For a moment I thought she might be going soft on me, not that it would have hurt her.

"Yeah," Danny said absently.

"Hey are you okay?" she asked finally.

"I'm great," he said, but by this time I knew full well there was something on his mind. "I had a meeting today."

"An interesting one?"

"You could say that."

"What kind of meeting was it?"

"A meeting at the paper," Danny said.

"Is _The Post_ reorganizing?" she asked.

"No, nothing like that," he said.

"Were you in trouble?" CJ asked ironically. The thought of Danny, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist being in trouble was a funny thought.

"Not yet," Danny chuckled.

"Danny," she said.

"You know what? It wasn't a big thing," he said finally turning to look her in the eyes. It appeared he had changed his mind. Whatever he had been about to share wasn't going to be verbalized.

"It was just a meeting."

"About what?" she asked.

"Nothing really. Just telling you about my day," he shrugged.

"Danny," she said getting ready to press him further.

"CJ," Carol said walking into her office. "Sorry to interrupt, but I've got Leo on line three. He says it's important."

CJ didn't look at Carol. I thought that was odd. She just looked at Danny who returned her gaze. It was as if they were in a mental stand off. CJ stared at him hoping to read his mind and Danny stood stoic, making sure she couldn't guess the true nature of his meeting.

"Yeah," CJ replied still not looking at Carol. "Thanks."

Carol walked back out to her new desk.

"I have to get back to work," she told Danny.

"Okay," he smiled at her as he made his way toward the door.

"Danny?" she said.

"CJ, you have Leo on line three," Carol yelled through the window. CJ's phone started to beep.

"Get to work," Danny said. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah," CJ said as she picked up the phone. "What's up Leo?"

CJ talked to Leo for a moment before she picked up a folder and left her office. That left me to ponder what that conversation had been about. It was clear to me that Danny was hiding something. I think it was pretty clear to CJ at that point as well. The mysteries of human nature never ceased to amaze me.

TBC


	13. The Things He Never Told Her

Author's Note: Takes place before The Lame Duck Congress. As with all chapters, feedback is appreciated and encouraged.

_"The Things He Never Told Her"_

I was happily swimming around my fish bowl when Josh came rushing into CJ's office and closed the door. CJ, for her part, seemed mostly unfazed by the quick movement and the slamming of the door. She looked up from her papers and adjusted her glasses at the end of her nose. Josh had only been back to work for about two weeks, but the level of amusement in the office had surely gone up since his return.

"Hey," Josh said slightly breathless. He casually leaned against her door with one shoulder and took a few deep breaths.

"Hi," CJ said slowly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he said still breathing heavily. "I'm great."

"Why don't you sit down," CJ suggested.

"I'm good here," he said stealing a glance through CJ's window and then hiding behind the door again. It was clear to me he was hiding from someone.

"Is my office a safe house that I don't know about?" CJ asked removing her glasses.

"No," Josh said in a higher pitch than usual.

"Yeah, 'cause I believe that," CJ dismissed him. "Spill it."

"Spill what?" he asked innocently.

"Josh," she said.

"I'm hiding from Donna," he said walking over to her guest chair and slumping down into it.

"Why?" CJ asked.

I found it humorous that she took his admission at face value and moved on with her line of questioning as if it weren't at all odd that Josh should be hiding from his assistant. But then, I had heard stories that Josh always liked to hide when he was avoiding someone or something.

"She's just all over me," Josh said.

"She's all over you?" CJ repeated skeptically.

"She won't leave me alone," Josh said. "Did I have a good breakfast? Did I take my medicine? Do I want to take a little nap? It's driving me insane."

"She's worried about you," CJ said.

"She's smothering me," Josh protested.

"It's good that you have someone as patient as Donna looking out for you," CJ said.

"I can look out for myself," Josh said.

At that moment there was a knock at the door before it opened. I laughed as I saw Josh slink down in the chair as if he were expecting Donna to enter. Much to his relief it was Toby who entered.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked.

"Josh is in hiding," CJ replied.

"I'm not hiding," Josh said. "I'm taking a breather."

"Who's he hiding from?" Toby asked as he shut the door. I thought it was amusing that Toby glanced out into the hall before he shut the door as if he was on the lookout for whoever Josh was hiding from.

"Donna," CJ informed him.

I noticed a small smirk pass over Toby's lips before he put on his serious face again.

"Yeah 'cause Donna's a scary woman," Toby said taking a seat.

"She's smothering me," Josh informed Toby.

"Smothering you?" Toby asked.

"She's making him eat a healthy breakfast and, heaven forbid, take a break every now and then," CJ said.

"I just want to get back to work," Josh explained. "It's impossible when she's hovering over me all the time."

"You're lucky to have Donna hovering over you," CJ insisted. "You'd have driven any normal person crazy by now."

Josh gave her a look.

"What?" CJ asked. "Donna has been at your side in the hospital and at your place for how many weeks? I love you mi amour but you're not exactly Mary Sunshine 24-hours-a-day."

"That's an understatement," Toby muttered under his breath. Thank goodness I'm blessed with excellent hearing or else I'd miss the good comments.

"What are you two trying to say?" Josh asked.

"We're trying to tell you that Donna should be sainted for having to put up with you for the last few months, not to mention how she had to put up with us trying to get in touch with you. If anyone should be in hiding it should be her, not you."

"Gee Toby, don't hold back on me," Josh said sullenly.

"I'm just saying you should probably buy her something, not hide from her," Toby replied.

"Buy her something?" Josh asked.

I saw the look of horror wash over his face. I knew how hard it was for Josh to find a good Christmas gift for Donna, let alone a present just for being helpful. He wasn't happy with this development.

"CJ?" he asked her as if he needed her to confirm Toby's suggestion.

"Yeah," she nodded. "You definitely owe her a gift."

"Like what?" Josh asked.

"Don't look at me," Toby said. "CJ's the woman in the room."

"Does having an X chromosome automatically qualify me to be the gift idea person?"

"Yes," Toby and Josh said practically in unison.

CJ just shook her head.

"You two are hopeless," she sighed.

"I'm fine with that," Josh said. "I need gift ideas."

"What about jewelry?" Toby suggested.

"What kind of jewelry?" Josh asked.

"A necklace?" Toby suggested.

"No," CJ dismissed.

"No?" Toby asked.

"Jewelry is nice, but it's a more intimate present," CJ said. "Is that what you're going for?"

"No," Josh said. I noticed that the tips of his ears reddened slightly.

"How about a bottle of wine and some glasses?" Toby suggested again.

"Is that like you're fall back gift?" CJ asked.

"Excuse me?" Toby asked.

"That's been my birthday gift from you for the last five years," she pointed out.

"Well fine, then what should he get?" Toby asked challenging her.

"Get her a gift certificate to a spa. She'll have the opportunity to relax and forget about you for the day," CJ suggested to Josh with a smile.

"It could work," Toby shrugged. "God knows I'd want to forget about for a day."

"I just want to point out how I came to you in my time of need and you two were less than supportive," Josh said.

"Hey, I gave you an excellent suggestion," CJ insisted.

"Which I will use and pass off as my own, but that isn't the point," Josh said.

"What is the point?" Toby asked.

"The point is that…"

Josh trailed off for a moment and I could tell he was really thinking about how he was going to end his sentence.

"The point is," he sighed, "that you're both right and I probably do owe Donna something. She took care of me and she was there day in and day out for months and I know that couldn't have been easy on her. I really don't think any gift is going to tell her how much that meant to me or how I might not be doing as well as I am without her."

There was a silence in the room as CJ and Toby contemplated Josh's response.

"You know, I think maybe you should just tell her that," Toby suggested.

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

"Yeah well," Josh said standing. He looked embarrassed. Something told me that he wouldn't ever share that little tidbit of information with Donna even though CJ and Toby thought he should.

"I gotta go," he said quietly.

He started walking toward the door. I could tell he was feeling embarrassed and silly for betraying his true feelings for Donna. CJ picked up on it too because she attempted to lightene the mood before he left.

"Hey Josh," she said.

"Hmm?" he asked turning with one hand on the door.

"Think fast," she said reaching into her drawer and pulling out an apple. She tossed it to him.

"I want you to have a good breakfast," she smiled.

"Funny," he said taking a bite of the apple of opening the door.

"Josh," Toby said. "You have that meeting with Halstead at noon?"

"Yeah," Josh said crunching on the apple.

"Make sure he doesn't try to slip in the tax credit," Toby reminded him.

"I'm on it," Josh said as he turned to walk down the hall.

"Josh, I brought you an orange from the mess," I heard Donna said outside the office.

"I've got an apple Donna," Josh said.

CJ, Toby and I heard Josh grumble all the way down the hall until they were out of earshot. CJ and Toby were smirking over the entire conversation in which Donna inquired about Josh's breakfast, medicine and energy level.

"So what can I do for you my friend?" CJ asked. "Who are you hiding from or what type of gift are you looking for? Apparently that's what I do now."

Toby smiled as he moved into the chair across from CJ's desk.

"It's nothing that glamorous I promise," Toby replied.

"What's up?" CJ asked.

"George Whelan," Toby said.

"He's an editor at _The Washington Post_," CJ said. "What about him?"

"Word on the street is he's retiring," Toby said.

"George?" CJ asked surprised. "He's only fifty-something."

"And yet," Toby said.

"This is the first I've heard of it," CJ replied. "Who's on the short list? As long as it's not Dominic from _The Times_ I think we're okay."

"I don't know who they have in mind," Toby said. "I heard they had some meetings last week over there."

"I'll see what I can find out," CJ said shuffling some papers.

There was something familiar to me about the conversation. Hadn't Danny mentioned something about a meeting just the other week? Didn't he also work at _The Washington Post_? My tiny fish brain was reeling. Could there be a connection?

"I've heard rumblings," Toby said after a moment's pause. I sensed that whatever he knew, he wasn't looking forward to telling her.

"Okay," CJ said as she stopped shuffling papers and gave him her full attention again.

"They took some meetings last week," Toby informed her.

"So you've told me," CJ said.

"Danny was at those meetings," Toby said. "He say anything to you about them offering him a job as editor?"

"No," CJ said softly.

I noted the look on her face and I couldn't quite read it. It was something between hopeful and scared. It was times like that I wished I could read her mind.

"Okay," Toby said as he stood up to leave.

I always got the feeling that Toby always had more to say to her, but he never did. They were the closest of friend, but I couldn't shake the feeling that, like Josh, there was a lot that Toby had never shared with CJ.

"Toby," she said.

He turned to face her and put his hand in his pocket.

"Do you think they offered him the job?"

"I don't know. I was kind of hoping you'd know the answer to that."

"Yeah," she said absently as she started playing with her necklace, a nervous habit she had yet to break.

"It wouldn't be a bad thing to have Danny editing _The Post_," Toby said.

"No it wouldn't," she replied absently. She had gone on auto-pilot for a moment.

"CJ?"

"Hmm?"

"What's going on in there?" he asked gesturing to her head.

"Nothing," CJ said snapping back to attention.

"Nothing?"

"No."

"So you weren't thinking about what that might mean for you?"

"No," CJ lied to him. I knew she was lying because she stood up and began to move about her office shuffling papers and filing folders.

"CJ."

"I wasn't Toby," she insisted. "It's not like that between with me and Danny."

"Anymore," Toby said casually, but I sensed an undertone of frustration. I had yet to put together what Toby and CJ meant to each other in past. I got clues here and there, but nothing definitive. The only thing I knew for sure was that Toby seemed oddly threatened by Danny.

"It never was," CJ said more forcefully.

"If he takes the job that would eliminate…_an_ obstacle," Toby pointed out.

I noted how he emphasized the word _an_, as if there were other things to consider before she jumped into anything with Danny.

"Maybe," CJ sighed. "We're not seriously talking about this for real are we?"

"No. I'm simply making an observation," Toby said.

"Well it's almost time for me to brief," CJ said. "I'll ask around and find out what's going on."

"You gonna ask Danny?"

"I'll find out," she reiterated.

"That would be good," he replied.

I watched as he started to walk toward the door and then he shuffled his feet back to her desk and then back to the door again. I sensed that he had more to say to her, but somehow he couldn't bring himself to say it for whatever reason. I was still clueless as to Toby's feelings and intentions. He wrote amazingly powerful and expressive speeches, yet he seemed to save the emotion for his writing and not his daily interactions. Josh, I could read him like a book, Sam's actions were telling and living in CJ's office, I knew her better than anyone. Yet Toby was still a mystery to me.

He finally decided to stop vacillating between the door and the desk and he quietly left CJ's office. CJ stopped pretending to be busy once he left and she scratched her forehead as she walked back to her desk.

"What do you think Gail?" she asked me. "Do you think Danny could be an editor?"

"Of course, he's talented," I replied.

"But why would he want to do that?" she asked. At this point I deduced that she was talking to herself more than me. "He's talented. You don't win Pulitzers behind the desk. You have to be out there tracking down the story. Danny's like a bloodhound. He can smell a story a mile away."

"True," I nodded.

"But if he was an editor..." she said letting her words trail off. "Well, really it's the next logical step for him. It's a huge promotion and he wouldn't have to travel the country. He could pick the stories and write the editorials. That part might pose certain issues, but…"

"Carol," CJ shouted.

"Yeah boss?"

"I need George Whelan when he gets a minute," she said.

"From _The Post_?" Carol asked.

"Yeah," CJ replied.

CJ briefed the press and I watched the whole thing on her television. She treated Danny a lot differently than usual. I was a bit surprised because up until this point CJ had been giving Danny a hard time because of some editorials his paper had written. That all seemed to be forgotten now, due to her treatment of him. If I had to pinpoint it, I'd say her demeanor toward him in the briefing was similar to the way she treated him when she was pulling him into her office and kissing him all those months ago. It was then that I realized just how badly CJ wanted Danny to become an editor. If he was an editor then they had a chance.

When she returned from the briefing Carol informed her that she had George Whalen on line three and, luckily for me, CJ put the call on speakerphone after she shut the door to her office.

"CJ Cregg," George greeted her. "It's not everyday I get a call from the White House Press Secretary. Who made you mad? Let me guess, the editorials that have been running lately?"

His tone was light and jovial. I pictured him as a husky older man with a wrinkled face, but with a voice that put everyone at ease.

"It's not that kind of call George. Though now that you mention it, those editorials haven't exactly been a highlight," she said. "But the reason I'm calling is that I heard a rumor that you're retiring."

"Aren't you supposed to be making the news?" he retorted.

"Most days," CJ said. "I told Toby Ziegler that you were much too young to be retiring."

She was keeping him on the topic. His answer obviously meant a lot to her.

"Well, I appreciate that, but I'm just about done with this business," he replied.

"Really?"

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it," he chuckled.

"Well I'm sorry to hear you won't be at _The Post_ anymore," CJ said. I could sense that she was trying to segue way into her next question as simply as possible. "Have you given any thought to a replacement?"

"Why? You looking for a job?" he laughed.

"No," CJ chuckled. "I'm pretty happy here, but I have friends who might be interested."

"Well I was trying to fill the opening in house," George said. "Unfortunately I was turned down cold."

I saw her smile fade and CJ took a seat behind her desk. I sensed that all her hopes were about to come crashing down around her and I felt awful for her.

"Oh," CJ replied not committing to an emotion. I saw her take a hard swallow.

"Apparently you guys are making it too comfortable for my reporters over there. They don't want to leave."

"They?"

"Well one really. Danny Concannon. I believe you know him well," George said.

"He's the Senior White House correspondent," CJ replied.

"Right," George said. His tone told me that he knew more about the relationship between CJ and Danny than most. At that moment I wondered what Danny had told other people about it.

"He wasn't interested then?" CJ asked casually.

"Not at all," George replied. "The meeting lasted all of twenty minutes. I thought I had him for a minute, but, in the end, he's a reporter."

"Oh."

"It's too bad too. He'd make one hell of an editor."

"Yes, he would," CJ said swallowing her pain and moving forward with the conversation. "So have you given any thought to other choices?"

"Is Toby that worried?" George asked.

"We just like to keep up," CJ replied as sweetly as she could.

"It'll be a while," he informed her. "We're going to have to do an outside search. I really thought Danny would be the guy."

"That makes two of us," CJ mumbled.

"Sorry?" George said.

"Oh nothing. Sorry George. I just got a note," she lied. "I'm going to have to get going. Congratulations on your retirement though."

"Thanks," he replied.

"I'll talk to you soon," CJ said.

"Bye CJ," he said and he hung up.

CJ leaned over and hit the speaker button. She leaned back in her chair and sighed. There were a million emotions running over her face, but the emotion that stayed was anger. I sensed that Danny was going to be in for a rough road the next few days. I wondered if CJ would share what she knew with him. I finally decided that she probably wouldn't. Like Josh, Toby and ultimately Danny, CJ was probably going to play this one close to the vest. The information would probably be piled onto all the other things she'd never tell him.

TBC


	14. Turkeys

Author's Note: Sorry this update was along time coming. I hope everyone who was enjoying this series is still with me. I am going to try to update more frequently, but my muse is more in control of that than me. Please read and review as they are always helpful. Thanks!

* * *

"Turkeys"

Now we've come to the chapter of my own personal trauma. Thus far I've shared with you my observations on everything from happiness to fear to anger. Everything that occurred within CJ's office, that I saw of course, has been communicated with you. However, there comes a time in every goldfish's life when an event occurs that is so painful and scary that words cannot do it justice. I speak, of course, of the dreaded holiday you humans call Thanksgiving. As far as I'm concerned there is only one thing I am thankful for and it's the fact that I am still alive after the turkeys were set free in CJ's office.

I'm going to try to walk you through the Thanksgiving festivities as accurately as I can, but please keep in mind that I was under extreme duress during this portion of my life. It started late one night. I was just drifting off to sleep and CJ had packed up her things for the day. The lights were off and I was settling in for a good night's sleep when it happened. The lights flicked on and I immediately stirred thinking that CJ was back because something bad had happened. Little did I know the bad thing was about to be unleashed.

A man came in with two giant cages on a cart of some sort. He set down one end and started to lift the door to the cage. It was then that my eyes widened and I knew I wouldn't get any sleep that evening. Out of the cage a monster emerged, a large, feathered monster that the man called Troy.

"Come on Troy," he said as he coaxed the beast from its cage. "Yeah that's it. It's okay, come on."

The bird seemed puckish as it emerged from the cage. What was going on and where was everyone I knew.

"It is_ not_ okay!" I wanted to shout. But my plea went unheard and Troy, the giant monster turkey, walked awkwardly out of the cage and started to flutter around CJ's desk.

"You're next Eric, come on," the man said opening the other cage.

The deranged bird exited the cage and began pecking and poking around the office making horrible noises. A few stray feathers flew around the office and the man started to pack up the cages.

"Have a good night boys," the man said as he made his way out of the office and closed CJ's door.

He was leaving me_ alone_ with these vile creatures? All night? Now, I'm not a very religious fish, though CJ's Catholicism rubbed off on me a little, but I was silently praying that I would make it through the night. I think I've blocked out most of the memory even to this day. As I said, I didn't sleep a wink. I sunk as far down into my bowl as possible in the hope that I would be safe and live to see the sun rise again.

Eric and Troy, or as I like to think of them, the high-strung monsters I was trapped with, were full of energy. They bounced around the office for a good hour, but luckily, they didn't seem too interested in me. They were more interested in poking at the pillows on CJ's couch and trying to eat her briefing book. Now, I know my fish food looks like paper, but how these turkeys didn't know they weren't eating food is beyond me.

They roamed freely around the office for what seemed like forever until one of them finally settled down on floor, while the other got comfortable in a chair and they drifted off to sleep. I sat vigil all night in terror waiting for them to wake up and try to eat me. I wasn't clear on what turkeys ate, but they looked scary so I figured they'd probably have me on the menu once they discovered my existence.

I must have drifted off at some point, though I don't know how because I felt as if I was on the verge of a panic attack all night. The reason I say I drifted off to sleep was because I awoke to a giant beak cutting through the water of my fish bowl. It was the end. I knew it.

'_Goodbye CJ!'_ I thought terrified. _'I'll miss you Sam, Toby, Donna and Josh. Danny, I think I'll miss you most of all. Thank you for saving me from the pet shop.'_

The sharp beak came crashing in and out of the water. I wasn't sure if the turkey was thirsty or simply trying to peck me to death. I darted left and right and I was very grateful for the pilgrim statue that Carol had put in my bowl. I had thought it ugly and too big for my bowl until this point. That plastic pilgrim was the only thing that was saving me from being eaten.

Then, as if she were a gift from heaven, Donna opened the office door and saved my life.

"No," she said coming in and seeing the hideous turkey in the midst of attempted murder. "Hey, turkey. Stop!"

Donna rushed over to the desk and shooed the turkey away from my bowl. It took all I had not to jump out of the bowl and give her a big fish kiss right on the lips. The turkey made gobbling sounds as it flapped its wings and jumped off of CJ's desk.

"This is so not good," Donna said scanning the office and noting the damage the turkeys had done. She picked up a few stray feathers and looked at a crumpled note in here hand.

"It says you're Eric and Troy," Donna said. "CJ is going to love what you've done with the place."

I could tell Donna was being facetious, but I had to wonder if she had okayed the guy to let these animals loose in the office. These creatures came in cages and they should have stayed there.

"Okay, Eric, Troy," Donna said talking to the turkeys. "That is Gail. You don't eat Gail, okay? We love Gail."

Donna walked over to the few stray pages of half-eaten paper on CJ's desk and she scanned them.

"You also don't eat a report from the Secretary of Labor," Donna said. "That's important. Now, CJ should be in soon and hopefully she'll know what to do with you."

"And not have the guys tarred and feathered for this," Donna muttered to herself. I heard her though. I could tell she felt bad for CJ having to come to work and deal with this, hence her trying to be the turkey wrangler for the moment.

"Now I have to get back to work and I'm gonna have to shut the door to make sure you don't wander," Donna informed the turkeys. "But, under no circumstances are you to eat_ anything_."

The turkeys just looked at Donna with puzzled looks as they gobbled away. Donna, as I said, was my guardian angel for she grabbed my bowl and placed it up on a bookcase so that the turkeys had less access to me. They'd have to find a chair to stand on and fly to get to me. I'd noticed Troy and Eric weren't really that adept at anything and although they had wings, they mostly used them to flap about the office.

"Maybe the guy left some feed somewhere," Donna said as she closed the door to the office again.

Thus, I was trapped again, alone with the turkeys. I hoped that Donna would find some food for them. I wasn't sure how long it had been since their last meal and I took to praying that I wouldn't be their next. I sunk back to the bottom of my bowl again and waited in terror. It was about as much stress as my poor little goldfish heart could take, but luckily the turkeys seemed to be keeping their distance. Donna's little warning seemed to have helped.

The door opened again and my eyes darted toward the movement. I hoped to see Donna come in with a bag of food. At least if they had some food, they'd stay occupied for a while. Their murmured gobbling was starting to sound like the theme from the _Godfather_ in my head. And yes, I have seen the _Godfather_. Josh brought it over to CJ's office to watch once while they were waiting for something.

Unfortunately for me, it wasn't Donna that opened the door, but at that point I was happy to see anyone. I think Donna must have tracked down the guys because the Three Stooges entered the office and suppressed grins and chuckles.

"She is gonna kill us," Sam said surveying the turkeys.

"She won't know it was us," Josh said smiling.

"She won't?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Technically it was Toby's idea to let them run free," Josh said.

"An idea which you both supported," Toby reminded them. He surveyed the turkeys walking about the office and smiled. "Oh this is too good."

Toby walked around and kicked a few of the papers that the turkeys had littered on her floor. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself, which was unusual and also kind of funny.

"She said she didn't have the Thanksgiving experience last year," Sam said.

"It is her job to pick the turkey," Josh added.

"CJ loves holidays," Toby said sarcastically. "She'll love this."

His smirk was diabolical.

"We shouldn't be here when she comes in," Sam said. It was clear to me that while he enjoyed the little prank, he was also paranoid and slightly afraid of CJ.

"You think?" Toby asked wryly.

The guys made a hasty exit and then it was abundantly clear to me why the turkeys had been out of their cages to roam. As much as I enjoyed Toby, Josh and Sam, at that moment I was irritated. Didn't they think about the ramifications on my life when they allowed the turkeys to run wild? At least I felt a bit safer in my new location. It was definitely harder for the turkeys to get to me atop my new perch. Thank goodness!

About twenty minutes later CJ came into the office. She walked in reading a piece of paper and it didn't even seem to occur to her that there were two large fowl in her office. In fact, she almost sat on one of the turkeys. It might have been funny if I was less terrified, but I was still shaking in my bowl.

CJ examined the large creatures and seemed ready to bellow to someone when Donna came rushing down the hallway. She briefed her on the turkeys and I finally found out why they were running amok in her office. Apparently CJ was to choose the more photogenic of the turkeys for the president to pardon. I wasn't really clear on what a pardon was at that time. I'd come to know and understand the idea well about six years from that moment, but at that time a pardon was something I didn't really get. CJ had vented to Donna and sent Donna out of her office, asking her to close the door behind her.

CJ picked up her coat and walked over to the coat hanger, placing it on the hook.

"A Masters Degree from Berkley and this is what my life has come to," CJ muttered to herself.

She walked back to her desk and eyed the turkeys with a look of trepidation. CJ, like me, was not big into farm animals. I knew she grew up in Ohio, but apparently she was not a farm girl in practice or at heart.

"Eric and Troy huh?" she began to talk to the turkeys.

I will admit that when she addressed the turkeys I felt a little left out. I thought I was CJ's only non-human confidant, but it appeared I was mistaken. Once I brushed it off I continued to listen to CJ speak to Eric and Troy, the killer turkeys from hell.

"So I guess we're going to be great friends over the next few days," CJ told them. "I look at this as more of houseguest situation. You guys behave and pick up after yourselves and we'll get along great."

CJ looked around the office as if she was searching for something. She peaked under her desk and pulled her head up quickly to keep one eye on the turkeys.

"How did they bring you two in here anyway? CJ asked aloud.

Her phone beeped at that moment and CJ hit the speaker button.

"CJ, I have your dad on line three," Carol through the speaker phone.

"Oh, okay," CJ said and she seemed to brighten. "Hey Carol, did these turkeys happen to come with a pen or cage of some kind?"

"I'm not sure," Carol replied. "I think Donna was dealing with the turkey guy. I can ask her."

"That would be lovely," CJ said eyeing the turkeys suspiciously again. "My Dad is on line three?"

"Yeah," Carol said disconnecting.

I was hoping CJ would put her dad on speaker phone, but she picked up the receiver and pressed the button instead.

"Hi Dad," CJ said. She attempted to sit in her chair, but I noted how she didn't take her eyes off the creatures roaming her office. She had good instincts.

"No, I won't be able to make it this year," CJ said into the phone. "I'm hoping I can make it at Christmas instead."

There was a rather long pause as CJ listened to her dad respond to news that she wouldn't be home for the holiday.

"I know, but I'm kind of the holiday events planner around here," CJ said. "You probably won't believe me, but right now I've got two turkeys roaming around my office right now and I have to choose the one that's most photogenic."

I don't know what her dad said in response, but CJ chuckled as I eyed the turkey I believed to be Troy hop onto a chair and get way too close to my bowl. I felt my fin shake and I sense impending doom.

"I know, that's what I told them," CJ replied. "I'll let them know you didn't waste your money so that I could spend my time playing judge at the state fair."

CJ was still listening to her dad when she noticed the turkey. She got up and waved a piece of paper by Troy in an attempt to get him to move elsewhere. It worked because he made a few weird noises, but he did get off the chair. CJ then pushed the extra chair away from the bookcase so that Troy couldn't get to close again. At least she was still looking out for me.

To be honest I missed the next part of the conversation because I was more concerned with trying to regulate my gills. I was in the preliminary stages of a full-on panic attack before CJ was able to move the turkey away from my bowl. I guess now is the time I should admit that my second greatest fear was to be eaten by a larger animal. My first fear was, of course, being flushed away to fish heaven down something called a toilet.

By the time I regained my composure CJ had hung up the phone. I wish I had paid closer attention to her side of the conversation, but I couldn't help it, I was terrified. Unfortunately, it was only day one of three days of terror that I would feel.

* * *

Turkeys: Day Two

I had spent another night with the turkeys and lucky for me it was much easier than the first night. CJ and Carol had constructed some sort of pen in the far corner of her office. They used some boxes of copy paper to keep them corralled in one area over night and I couldn't have been happier. Although it had only been one full day, my nerves were shot. It was very disappointing when CJ and Carol moved the boxes and allowed the creatures to roam the next day.

Eric and Troy gobbled and squawked around the office for hours while CJ was going about her work for the day. Luckily, Carol would peak her head into the office every so often to make sure the turkeys were behaving themselves, which, surprisingly, they were. In a weird way it was like they understood most of the instructions they were given.

CJ came back from her briefing with Carol trailing behind her. She had a pile of papers in her hands and when she opened the door to her office I could tell by the look on her face that she had forgotten the turkeys were still roaming free in her office. She rolled her eyes as she continued walking to her desk.

"Do you know the song?" she asked Carol.

CJ had been asked at her briefing if she was going to lead children in song for the Thanksgiving festivities. She looked less than thrilled at the prospect, which she was now discussing with Carol.

"Not really," Carol admitted. "If I heard it I could probably hum it, but not so much with the words."

"Donna made me feel like I had a bad education because I didn't know it," CJ said. "I'm sure there are a lot of people who don't know it."

"Hey CJ," Sam asked poking his head into her office.

"Hey, do you know the song?" CJ asked him before he had a chance to ask his question. CJ handed Carol a file and Carol walked toward the door to leave.

I noticed that Troy walked over to Sam and seemed to giving him the once over. Sam stood by the door and looked down at the turkey with leery eyes. Welcome to my world Sam.

"You afraid of the turkeys?" Carol asked him on her way out the door.

"No," he scoffed as she walked out. "What song are you asking about?" he asked CJ hedging to the side a bit more.

"The Thanksgiving song that I'm supposed to lead with the kids," CJ said. "Like I'm the Piped Piper or something."

She added that last bit under breath.

"Uh, yeah," Sam said entering just to prevent the turkey from getting any closer to him. He took a stance in the far corner of CJ's office. "They sing _We Gather Together_."

"Can you sing it?" CJ asked.

"Sure, any fourth grader can sing it," Sam replied.

"Well of course you would say that," CJ said. "Your next secret service code name will probably be Boy Scout."

"Don't you know it?" Sam asked surprised.

"No, okay, I don't know it," CJ admitted. "I have to learn it."

"You want me to teach it to you?" Sam offered. He started to walk forward but Eric came from around CJ's desk and started toward him slowly. Sam looked left and right and realized that he was flanked by both turkeys.

"No, thanks. I'll be fine," CJ said looking up from her papers and seeing the turkeys surround Sam. I noticed the smirk cross her lips before she covered it. Troy started to get closer to Sam and he took a step to the left only to watch Eric walk toward him as well.

"Say hello to my little friends Sam," CJ grinned. "After all, I believe it was your idea to let them run free."

"No," Sam protested. "That was Toby."

"But you allowed the turkeys to be brought to my office while I was gone."

"Where else would they go?" Sam asked as the turkeys inched closer and closer to him. "You're supposed to pick the turkey."

In my mind that was a pretty weak defense. I did feel sorry for Sam though. The turkeys had him on the run and CJ was amused by it. But, I didn't feel that bad. After all, he consented to them running amok.

"I feel like I'm in a bad remake of _The Birds_," Sam said hopping over Troy and inching toward the door. Troy flapped his wings as Sam got away.

"Welcome to my world," CJ said.

"I never realized how ugly these things really are," Sam said watching the turkeys go back about their business, which included roaming around CJ's desk.

"Really?" CJ asked. "I think they're kind of growing on me. I see what Franklin saw in them."

"Benjamin Franklin?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, he wanted the turkey to be the national bird," CJ informed him.

"I know, but, come on they wouldn't look too good on flag."

"I think they're kind of majestic in their own way."

Sam eyeballed the birds once more before he finally turned his attention back to CJ.

"Anyway, I needed to talk to you about corn," Sam said.

"Corn?"

"Maze, corn, it's a big Thanksgiving food," Sam said.

"Sam if I show up tomorrow with corn stalks in here, I quit," CJ warned him.

"No," Sam said. "We thought that since it's seasonal and it helps up in Iowa that we might try to talk more about ethanol."

"What do you want me to say about it?" CJ asked.

"Well that's why I'm talking to you," Sam said. "I was hoping you'd have something good to share with the press."

"About corn?"

"Yeah, you know work it in with the Thanksgiving festivities," Sam said.

"Corn and ethanol and Thanksgiving?"

"I know you've got a lot going on, but if you could work something into tomorrow's briefing that would be great."

"Tomorrow's briefing?" CJ said. "Sure Sam, I'll talk about corn. I'll add corn to my list of holiday festivities, which include turkey wrangling and singing. Hell, why I don't I learn how to twirl a flaming baton in front of the children while singing "We Gather Together." My boys Eric and Troy here can squawk about around me and then, for the big finish, we can frolic through a field of corn being converted to ethanol."

"So, that would be a no then," Sam said.

"Yeah," CJ said seriously. "That would be a no."

"I'll talk to Toby about it," Sam said.

"Good idea," CJ forced a smile. "Anything else you'd like to run by me?"

"Nope, I'm good," Sam said. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

* * *

Turkeys: Day Three

It was finally the day of reckoning for the turkeys. Today was the day that CJ was supposed to make her final decision about which turkey got the presidential pardon. Apparently, the turkey that won got to go live in a petting zoo. The turkey that didn't…well I guess that turkey was going to have a very bad day.

To be honest, after two full days I was kind of used to the turkeys. I still didn't like it when they made darting movements all over the office. I didn't like it when they jumped on chairs as if they might try to get to my bowl. But, overall, it was kind of nice to have other things to observe other than people.

Although, my one observation, and most important, is that turkeys are slightly crazy. I know they're supposed to be very smart and I think they are. But, it's amazing to me that turkeys are so rambunctious and wild when I've heard stories about how they make people sleepy after a meal. I don't know how turkey meat makes people sleepy, but it is definitely not an attribute of the bird.

"Okay," CJ said walking into her office. She had an assortment of media items with her including a video camera. "Guys, I've to make this decision in like an hour so we better get started."

CJ made sure the door to her office was closed and I noted how she pulled the blinds down so no one could see her turkey pageant. She lifted up the video camera, complete with a light accessory, and she started to follow Eric and Troy around the room. The turkeys seemed unphased by the camera and the light as they went about their business.

After a few minutes of filming the turkeys and making loud noises, CJ put the camera down and sighed. "Well guys that helped me in absolutely no way," she informed them. "Thanks for that."

"CJ," Carol said poking her head into the room.

"Yeah?" she asked resting her hand on her hip.

"Andy from _The Times_ has that camera flash you asked for," she said.

"Great," CJ replied. "Tell him I'll be by in a minute."

Carol closed the door and CJ looked at the birds again. This decision seemed to be weighing on her. I wouldn't have wanted to be responsible for some turkey's death either, no matter how much it scared me.

"Okay," CJ said again. "What do you think Gail? You've been here for 72 hours with these things. How were they? Did one of them try to kill you or anything? Maybe that should be the one to go."

"Well, actually, I think it was Eric that attempted to murder me in my bowl, but it wasn't malicious," I said.

"Yeah," CJ replied. "I know. That's kind of stupid. Alright boys, I will be back with a camera flash and then one of you is getting a presidential pardon. I'm giving you a little while to compose yourselves and give me your best face."

Well, without getting into the details I can tell you that what happened next was quite amusing, though I'm sure CJ was highly stressed. She finally decided to pardon Eric because Troy had a flapping problem. The video looked pretty good. Eric did a very good job of staying as still as was possible for him and he didn't wig out in front of the president.

I felt kind of bad for Troy as I watched the ceremony on TV. He looked lonely and I wondered if he knew what was going on. Although, I suppose since I'm a fish and I know what's going on, Troy must have known too. I wondered if he was nervous about being someone's dinner. I know I would have been looking for an escape route, especially if I had wings and legs. But Troy, bless his turkey heart, just flapped around the office like he was in Disney World. Poor turkey.

Now, I guess I shouldn't have worried. I knew how attached CJ had gotten to the two birds, no matter how inconvenient and slightly scary they were. She tried to buy Troy for herself when Morton came to take him to the Butterball factory, but he wouldn't let her. I don't know how she managed it, but she left with Morton and Donna and by the time they came back Troy, like Eric, was a free bird. And yes, I did hum _Freebird_ for the rest of the day, even after CJ's lovely rendition of _We Gather Together_.

A few hours later CJ was in her office again. It was eerily quiet with Eric and Troy on their way to the petting zoo. CJ walked over to the bookcase and picked up my bowl.

"I think it's safe for you to come back to my desk now," CJ told me. "There's no fear of being eaten. Well, I suppose the Majority Leader if capable of it, but I'm sure he'll behave himself."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that," Josh said standing in her doorway.

"Hey," CJ said setting down my bowl.

"I hear you're coming to dinner," Josh said.

"Yeah and thanks for the last minute invitation by the way," she informed him.

This was the first I'd heard of her having dinner with the guys. I knew she'd been nervous that she wouldn't have Thanksgiving plans. I vaguely remember her mentioning it to her dad on the phone, but it was a fleeting memory. When I was eavesdropping on that conversation I was also in fear for my life. I was glad that they included her though. I knew she sometimes felt left out.

"We weren't sure you'd want to hang out with us after Turkeygate," Josh said.

"Yeah, well I decided I'd give you all the benefit of the doubt," CJ said. "I know Toby was the mastermind anyway."

"Sam and I helped," Josh said protecting Toby. "So you're bringing the turkey right?"

"No," CJ scoffed.

"Toby said you'd cook."

"I will cook, but under no circumstances will we be having turkey," CJ said. "We can have ham."

"It's Thanksgiving," Josh said.

"And we'll feast on ham and Stove Top," CJ retorted.

"The Indians didn't bring ham to the Thanksgiving feast. They brought turkey."

"I thought they brought corn," CJ mused. "I guess Sam would know for sure though."

I snickered.

"CJ," Josh whined.

"Josh, I just spent three days with two turkeys in my office," CJ explained.

"I thought you bought one," Josh said slumping into a chair.

"No, I had to have the president pardon the other one so it could live," CJ said. She thought about his comment. "Even if I did buy one, what did you expect? Were you thinking I'd defeather and skin it myself?"

"You're a woman of many talents," Josh replied.

CJ simply gave Josh a look.

"I want turkey!" he whined.

"We can have tofurkey or we can have ham," CJ said. "Those are your options."

"What if Sam cooks the bird?"

"No."

"CJ," Josh whined.

"Remember how funny you all thought it was to unleash turkeys in my office?"

"We didn't think it was funny," Josh mumbled. CJ gave him a hard look and he rethought his response. "Yes."

"Payback is a bitch," CJ said brightly. "So ham then?"

"Ham," Josh said. "But pigs are animals too you know."

"I didn't pig-sit for the last three days," CJ reminded him.

"So this is our punishment."

"Looks like it," CJ grinned.

Josh stood up, resigned to the fact that he would be eating ham on Thanksgiving.

"You did well on the song by the way," Josh said as he started to exit her office. "You're not going to leave us for Broadway are you?"

"Not yet. I'm still honing my skills," CJ replied. "Are you walking out?"

"Yeah," Josh said.

"Hold on and I'll come with you," CJ said.

She picked up a few things and walked out with Josh. I swam around my bowl suddenly aware of the quiet that had descended upon the room. It seemed my peace was restored at last.

TBC


	15. Blue Christmas

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during _Noel_. Danny makes an appearance in this chapter. Even though he was last seen in _The Portland Trip_ and then he disappeared to Mandyville, I felt he needed another appearance. Since this story involves a lot of filling in the blanks I felt this was a good use for the character. If you agree, leave a review and if you don't tell me about that too. Thanks!

* * *

"Blue Christmas"

After the turkey debacle I had about a week before preparations for the next holiday began. I'd seen the Christmas holiday in the White House before, but I was especially excited when Carol placed a little Christmas tree into my bowl. I was, however, hoping that CJ didn't have any weird Christmas duties like pardoning a falcon or some other predatory bird.

"Carol," CJ called from her office. It had been a fairly quiet day around the office. Decorations were being put up and I could hear the occasional song coming from the lobby if the room got quiet enough.

"Yeah boss?" Carol asked sticking her head into the office.

"Did you do this?" she asked pointing to my bowl. I assumed she was referring to the festive holiday décor in my bowl.

"Yeah," Carol replied.

"Do I not give you enough to do?" CJ teased her.

"I'm good with time management," Carol replied dryly.

CJ smiled in response. "Did Josh stop by yet?" she asked.

"No, I haven't seen him all day," Carol replied.

"He's around," CJ said. "He's just avoiding me. Will you ask Donna to send him my way the next time she sees him."

"Sure thing," Carol said exiting the office.

CJ sat at her desk reading a rather large report when there was a light rap on her door. She looked up expecting Josh, but found someone else instead. I could tell by her reaction that she wasn't expecting him because her face wore a look between happiness and sorrow. I didn't need to turn around to know that Danny stood in her doorway.

"Hey," he said casually standing outside the door as if her were a vampire waiting for an invitation inside. (And, yes, I do know about vampires. Sometimes the interns would use CJ's office as a living room on late nights. I've caught my fair share of Buffy the Vampire Slayer).

"Hey," she said trying to match his tone.

It had been a while since Danny had dropped by the office. Lately I noticed that he took to asking her questions in the briefing room and very rarely did he follow up. I knew they must have had some sort of understanding. One in which CJ couldn't be near him because she was against dating and one in which Danny avoided her because it hurt him too much to be around her. I thought it was quite sad really. Anyone could tell that they really enjoyed each other's company.

"Did you join the Marines?" CJ asked him as Danny just stood in her doorway.

"Huh?" Danny asked, hands clasped behind his back.

"I was wondering if you received special Marine training to stand guard at my door," CJ said trying to be funny, though I could tell her heart wasn't into it.

"Right," Danny said glancing from side to side and finally stepping into CJ's office.

Danny looked around and I could tell he was giving my bowl the once-over.

"Gail's digs are pretty festive," he said.

"That's Carol," CJ said. "I don't keep her busy enough around here."

"It looks good."

"She found an Internet company that specializes in fish bowl motif. You should have seen her Thanksgiving pilgrims."

"I'm sure they were something."

"It's been a while since you've been down here," CJ commented.

"I've been around," Danny said in his very nonchalant way.

"Yeah, I've seen you in the Press Room occasionally," CJ reminded him. "You've been gone more than not though."

"Yeah," Danny replied. "That's actually why--"

"Excuse me CJ," Carol came bursting through the door. "Leo needs you in his office."

"Now?" CJ asked.

"That's what he said. Sorry Danny," Carol said giving Danny an apologetic look.

"Okay, I'm on my way," CJ said standing up, but not looking happy about it. "Can we do this…"

"Later," Danny said amiably. "I'll track you down. I'm an investigative reporter remember?"

He gave her a small, sad grin and before I knew it CJ left the office. Danny stood standing with his hands still clasped behind his back and he walked toward my bowl.

"Hey there Gail," Danny said stuffing something into his pocket and then reaching for my food. I could always count on Danny for a snack. "How've you been?"

"I've been okay," I replied putting on a little swimming shoe for him. "It's been the usual."

"You look good," Danny said. "CJ looks good too. You two are a good pair, better than…well let's just say if I can't be here I'm glad you can."

He dropped a few sprinkles of food into my bowl and I didn't want to seem too eager so I slowly swam up to it. His tone of voice was wistful and his eyes looked sad. As I ate I wondered what he was talking about. He could visit CJ any time he wanted, but he had chosen to stay away, just as CJ had chosen to stay away from him. It seemed to me that they were both being stubborn.

Danny put the cap back on my food container.

"I don't want to overfeed you and don't tell CJ I gave you a little snack. That's our little secret," he said.

"You got it," I replied.

Danny wiped his fingers against each other quickly and he looked around the office again before moving toward the door. He knocked on the doorway with his knuckles before turning to leave. It was as if he had his courage up to do something, but since CJ was called away he didn't have the chance.

I wondered what that was about, but before I could dwell on it for too long Toby came bursting in CJ's office. I could see Carol's desk and she wasn't there to police the doorway. Toby glanced from side to side as if he thought CJ might be hiding behind the coat rack. Once he determined that she was out of her office he walked in and made his way over to her stereo. He sat down in a chair and that's when I noticed that he was carrying a large pile of CD's.

Toby made himself comfortable and cracked open the first CD case. He sighed audibly before placing the circular disc into the player. He looked slightly agitated as he fiddled with the controls on the stereo and then the CD he put in started to play. He was listening to Christmas music. This in and of itself was odd to me because I didn't really take Toby for a Christmas music kind of guy. Also, from conversations I'd heard I knew Toby was Jewish and yet here he was listening to a song that was familiar to me as one about Jesus. The music he listened to was just instrumental, but I could have sworn that I had heard CJ singing along with the radio under her breath once and the lyrics fell squarely into the 'Jesus is the savior' column of my religion cheat sheet.

Toby only listened to the first song on the CD before he hit eject and tossed it on the floor. He did this with several other CDs and he ended up with two piles. One, I assumed he enjoyed, the other, not so much. I wondered which pile was the reject pile because all the music I'd heard so far sounded very good. Toby was onto his sixth CD and sixth Christmas song when CJ returned to her office.

"Making yourself comfortable?" she asked as she walked in and set a folder on her desk.

"Actually, yes," Toby replied looking up at her.

"_What Child is This?_" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," Toby replied casually.

"Okay Josh mentioned that you were the Christmas fairy, but sneaking into my office to listen to Christmas carols is really above and beyond," CJ informed him.

"I'm not sneaking in," Toby said. "I have to pick music to fill the lobby for what seems like eternity. I will not have people call me the Scrooge of the White House."

I laughed at his last comment. His voice was so irritated and full of contempt and yet he was trying to justify his holiday cheerfulness. That was classic Toby.

"So you're picking bands? Like a wedding?" CJ grinned.

"No, not like a wedding," Toby groused. "What do you think of this one?"

"They're good," CJ said settling into her chair and leaning back.

"You think?" he asked skeptically.

"Sure," CJ replied putting her feet up on the desk. "Hey, did you know that people go crazy on the White House tour like once a week?"

"You mentioned it," Toby said listening.

"Don't you think that's odd?"

"No."

"No?"

"I'm guessing you do?"

"Yeah I think it's odd," CJ said. "If one person a week goes nuts on the tour simply by being in the building then why aren't we snapping like a gaggle of beatniks at a poetry reading?"

"Interesting analogy," Toby said smirking.

"Well she did go to Berkley, home of the beatnik crowd," Josh said walking into CJ's office. "Also, are a group of beatniks classified as a gaggle?"

"Ha-ha," CJ said dryly. "You've been avoiding me mi amour."

I noticed that Toby stopped the CD and tossed it into the pile on the left, which I decided was probably the reject pile. Even though CJ liked the last group I could tell that he didn't agree.

"I haven't been avoiding you. I've been busy," Josh said in a tone that I found somewhat surprising. It wasn't his usual tone and I even picked up a slight disdain for the accusation.

"What are you working on?" Toby asked as he fidgeted with another CD.

"Nothing," Josh replied with a slight attitude.

"I thought you were working on the pilot thing," Toby said.

"Toby," CJ said as if she was trying to stop him from inquiring about the pilot. I wondered if that was why she was summoned to Leo's office earlier.

"If you knew that's what I was working on then why did you ask?" Josh shot at Toby.

"Sorry," Toby said drawing out the word to indicate he wasn't truly sorry at all.

"The pilot died," CJ informed Toby.

"I just found out," Josh said. "How did you know?"

"Leo told me for the next briefing," CJ replied. "In case I got questions early."

"Do they know how?" Toby asked popping in the next CD.

"Suicide," CJ said solemnly.

I noticed how Josh seemed to tense up and lean against CJ's doorway. His hands were shoved deeply in his pockets, but I could tell they were clenched into fists. The next CD started to play and it sounded very odd. It was a rendition of _Carol of the Bells_ on the accordion.

"What are you doing?" Josh asked as the music filled the room.

"I'm vetting musicians for the lobby," Toby said looking at the back of the CD case. "This is an accordion band out of Scranton."

"I'm gonna throw my veto card out on this one," CJ said.

"What about you?" Toby asked Josh.

"It's the most horrible noise I've ever heard," Josh replied. "Worse than the brass quintet you subjected us to earlier."

"I liked the brass quintet," CJ commented.

"Look, Donna told me you needed me for something," Josh said agitated. "Tell me it wasn't to listen to Christmas music on the xylophone."

"Accordion," Toby corrected him.

"Whatever," Josh said as the accordions reached fevered pitch. "Can you just…can you turn that down?"

"Sure," Toby said quietly looking at Josh.

It was at that moment that all of us could tell there was something wrong. Josh had been known to get into moods, but this was different. There was something off about his attitude. I didn't know what it was, but I was hoping that CJ and Toby did.

Josh looked at CJ expectantly, waiting for her to answer his question.

"I need your opinion on the drilling," CJ said simply. "That note from Sam saved me in the briefing room before, but I need a concrete opinion before I go back in there."

"Yeah, I'll get to you before your next briefing," Josh said. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Sorry. I'm just…there's stuff I'm dealing with. I didn't mean to rain on your Christmas parade."

"It's fine," Toby said skeptically.

"'Kay," Josh said. "I have to get back…"

"Sure," Toby nodded.

"I'll have Donna get you something on the drilling," Josh said turning to leave.

"Thanks," CJ called as Josh made his way down the hall.

I expected CJ and Toby to discuss what just happened, but they only exchanged a glance. CJ shrugged in response and their silent conversation seemed to end at that.

"I should get back to work," Toby said picking up his CDs.

"Yeah," CJ said sitting up straighter. "I have a painting to track down."

"Good luck," Toby said.

"Yeah," CJ replied.

Toby left the office and that was the end. I was surprised by their reactions. It seemed as if they both recognized that something wasn't right, but neither verbalized it. They simply exchanged a glance. Maybe they didn't want to acknowledge that there was something off about Josh. I'm not sure, but I found it very odd.

* * *

Time went by with no more odd interruptions regarding music or Josh. CJ was hot on the case of a painting that made some lady freak out on the White House tour and Danny had never popped back in to say hello. I was puzzled by a lot of things. I knew that Christmas was generally a time when things settled down, but lately it seemed like everyone was on a mission. Everyone was in a hurry, but the things that were puzzling weren't mentioned. That is until I overhead a conversation just outside CJ's one day.

"So I tracked it down with the help of Bernard and the woman and her son are coming here tomorrow," CJ informing Carol and Donna of the outcome of her mysterious painting search.

"Bernard knew?" Carol asked.

"The man may be a snob, but he knows his art," CJ said.

"So the woman is going to get the painting back?" Donna asked.

"I just have to fill out a few hundred forms and we're all set to go," CJ replied.

"You mean I have to fill out a few hundred forms," Carol joked.

"Well, yeah," CJ said.

I could tell by the sound of her voice that she was smiling even though her back was to the window. It was almost difficult to hear the conversation because of the sounds emanating from the lobby. Today's music entertainment was being brought to us by a group of strings and the high pitched tones of their music could be heard throughout the bullpen as well as CJ's office.

"Donna!" Josh bellowed from down the hall. I could usually hear Josh scream for Donna, but today his tone was extremely loud.

"Don't yell," Donna called not moving from her spot in front of CJ's office.

I have to say that Donna would have been a good animal trainer had he job at the White House not worked out. She always gave Josh simple commands and while he didn't usually listen to her, she did get her way. I could tell she had won again when Josh walked toward CJ's office. However, judging from his swift march I sensed that today was not a good day to try to train him.

"Is it too much to ask that you're at your desk outside my office when I need you?" he asked Donna irritated.

"Josh I was--"

"You know what? I don't have time," Josh cut her off. "I need the file on drilling. I gave it to you yesterday and now it's gone. I have a meeting with the president on it."

"I put it back on your desk," Donna said. I could tell by her tone that she was hurt by his words. "It's in the green folder to the right of your keyboard."

"You know if you really want an official White House position on drilling you might want to quit monopolizing my assistant," Josh informed CJ.

"That might be a helpful tidbit of information if I hadn't asked you for an official position two days ago," CJ shot back at him. "Donna doesn't make recommendations, you do."

"And I'm working on it," Josh turned to reply. "What do you want from me? I'm doing what I can."

With that I saw a blur of Josh turning on his heel and stomping back to his office. CJ leaned to one side and wiped some hair off her forehead.

"I should go," Donna told them. She walked quickly back to her desk.

"I'll see you later Donna," CJ said. "Don't let him get to you."

"Yeah," she said.

I noticed how CJ just looked at Carol, again without a word, before she walked back into her office. She sat down and sighed deeply before forging ahead into her work. After a half hour there was a shadow at the door and I turned to see Danny had returned.

"Hey," he said. "You got a minute?"

"Sure," CJ said sitting up straighter in her chair. I noticed how she swallowed a little bit harder. She motioned for Danny to take a seat across from her.

He walked in and took a seat but he looked uncomfortable. He fidgeted back and forth until he seemed more at ease.

"Danny if you're trying to hit me up for tickets to Yo Yo Ma, I'll see what I can do, but it's going to be a tough get," CJ joked.

Danny just smiled at her. "I appreciate that," he replied.

"Are we finishing that conversation from the other day?" she asked.

"We never started that conversation," Danny pointed out.

"No, I guess we didn't."

"So," Danny said gearing up for whatever he needed to discuss.

"So," CJ said waiting. Danny just looked at her. "Okay see I don't know what you're here for so in order for us to have a conversation you're going to have to clue me in."

"Yeah," Danny chuckled nervously.

"Well?"

"Okay, here goes," he said looking as though he was sufficiently prepared to forge ahead.

"Excuse me CJ," Carol said poking her head into the office again.

"Yeah Carol?" CJ sighed as she plastered a fake smile on her face. She looked like she was finally prepared to hear what Danny had to say only to be interrupted again.

"Sorry," Carol said wincing slightly. "Bernard needs to see you about the painting. There are some issues with the French."

"Issues with the French," Danny commented. "Just don't tell them they can eat cake."

"He needs me now? Like right now?" CJ asked.

"He said if they can't talk to you they might not be so keen on giving us the painting, except he wasn't so nice about it."

"I bet," CJ said. "Tell him I'll be right there."

Carol exited the office and CJ stood up. "Sorry," she said sincerely.

"It's okay," Danny said. "You're a busy girl, I get it."

"We'll talk eventually," CJ said walking toward the door. "Really."

"Yeah," Danny replied. He let out a frustrated sigh once CJ left the office. He then followed her lead and walked out.

* * *

A few hours later and CJ was at her desk again. She was busy working on a myriad of things until Sam dropped by.

"Hey, you have a minute?" he asked walking into her office.

"Yeah," she said abandoning her work.

Sam walked in and sat down. His lips were pursed and he looked less comfortable than I'd ever seen him.

"Have you seen Josh lately?" he asked after he made himself at home.

"A few hours ago," CJ informed him. "In a terrible mood."

"Yeah," Sam said. "I'm worried about him."

"That makes two of us," CJ nodded leaning forward on her elbows.

"Hey," Donna said walking into the office and disregarding Sam. "I'm worried about Josh."

"Or three of us," CJ said finishing her earlier thought. "Join the club," she said gesturing toward the extra chair.

"You two are worried too?" she asked looking between Sam and CJ.

"He's been unusually angry lately," Sam said.

"Yeah," Donna replied. "He's snapping at everybody, but it's not his usual tone."

"He's been under stress lately," CJ tried to defend his recent tone.

"No more than usual," Sam replied.

"I think we should tell Leo," Donna said.

"Really?" CJ asked.

I watched Donna's face and I could tell that she wasn't happy to admit her true thoughts on the subject. She never wanted to sell Josh out, but I could also tell she was bearing the brunt of Josh's mood. I was thrilled that they were finally talking about it. I knew there was something off about him, but it was even more disconcerting that no one was talking about it until now.

"I agree," Sam piped up.

"But what is Leo going to do about it?" CJ asked.

"I think there's something going on with him," Donna said. "And I don't think it's the work."

"Yeah me either," CJ grudgingly admitted. "But what is it?"

"Leo will know what to do," Sam said.

"He will," Donna affirmed.

"So what do we do?" Sam asked.

"CJ," Toby said coming around the corner. Once he entered he noted Sam and Donna were already seated and talking to CJ. "Good, you're both here."

"What's up?" CJ asked.

"Josh," Toby said. "Something's not right."

"We're on it," CJ replied.

"Good," Toby said. "I think we should tell Leo."

"We were just discussing that," Sam said. "How?"

"Well, we tell him that something isn't right," Toby said. "If he's been around Josh at all he'll have noticed."

Sam glanced at his watch. "Speaking of Leo and Josh, I've got a meeting in Oval in five minutes."

"I better go remind Josh," Donna said standing quickly. I noticed the worried look on her face. I couldn't tell if she was worried about Josh or about his reaction to her reminder about his meeting.

"Give me a minute head start," Sam said. "I'll mention it to Leo."

"Casually though," Toby said. "I don't want to sound the alarm if he's just having a bad week."

"Or month," CJ said quietly.

"Yeah," Toby sighed.

The little group disbanded and went about their work for the day. I hadn't heard anything further about Josh or the painting and the next time I saw CJ she was in her red evening gown getting ready for the Congressional Christmas Party. She seemed excited about Yo Yo Ma, as did everyone else I heard around the office. I only wished I could have been there.

She returned to her desk a few hours later, still in her evening gown. It was a lovely shade of red that really brought out her beauty. She was rummaging through some papers when Danny dropped again.

"Lookin' good," he said as he stood in her doorway.

"Thanks," CJ said, her cheeks flushing slightly. She looked down at her dress and then back at Danny.

"You've been busy lately," Danny commented.

"Yeah," CJ nodded. "Painting and drilling and Josh, oh my."

"Is Josh okay?"

"What do you know?"

"I hear things," Danny said. "Nothing I'd ever repeat. I don't write for Page Six."

"Josh doesn't date supermodels so I doubt Page Six would be interested," CJ said.

"You know what I mean."

"Josh is going through something," CJ said. "We don't really know what."

"There were raised voices heard inside the Oval earlier today."

"Yeah," CJ replied. That was all she was going to give him on the subject.

"Well I hope he's going to be okay," Danny said entering her office a little bit further. "Tell him that the next time you see him will you?"

"You might see him before I do," CJ pointed out.

"I kinda doubt that," Danny said.

"Why's that?"

"It's what I've been trying to tell you," Danny said.

CJ stopped fidgeting with the papers on her desk and I noticed how her shoulders sagged. Her normally impeccable posture was slumping in anticipation of the news Danny was about to give her.

"I'm leaving," Danny said. "I'm being reassigned for a little while."

"A little while?" she asked.

"An undetermined amount of time," Danny said.

"I'm guessing it's not an editor's desk you're being assigned to," CJ ventured.

"No," Danny confirmed.

"You're the Senior White House Correspondent for _The Washington Post_," CJ said. "They can't just transfer you."

"I asked CJ," he said quietly before she could summon her righteous indignation for him. "I asked to be transferred."

She stopped dead in her tracks and just stared at him for a moment. I saw a hundred different emotions in her eyes at that moment. Sadness, confusion, anger, relief, they were all equally represented in a look that I imagined would come when someone is hit hard in the gut.

"You asked to leave," CJ stated simply. "I thought you loved it here?"

"I love being a reporter," Danny corrected her.

"And heaven knows the White House is a crappy place to get the news," CJ said a little bitterly.

"Please don't make this any harder than it already is," Danny said. "I just can't be here right now."

"And it's all my fault right?" CJ asked quietly, civilly.

"No," Danny said taking a few steps forward. "It's not your fault at all. I'm just restless. I want to explore something else right now."

"Will you ever come back?" CJ asked.

"I don't know."

CJ just clenched her jaw and nodded. She couldn't fault him for wanting to move on. I saw that in her face.

"I was hoping we could still stay in touch," he ventured.

"Of course we can still stay in touch," CJ replied as if he was being ridiculous to think that she never wanted to speak to him again. "Just look me in the eyes and tell me you're not leaving because of me."

"I'm not leaving because of you," he said sincerely.

I almost believed him, but there was something there that made me wonder. I sensed that he wanted it to be true, I just wasn't sure if it really was.

"Where are you going?" she asked him.

"I'm doing international news for a while," Danny said. "I get to travel without White House chaperones to exciting locales."

"Iowa isn't doing it for you anymore?" she teased him.

"Although I do love a good cob of corn, I'm looking forward to learning some Mandarin," Danny replied.

"You're gonna be careful right?" CJ asked. It looked like the idea of Danny traveling to exotic locales scared her a little.

"I promise," he said.

They looked at each other for a moment longer. They each looked like they were memorizing each other's face. Who knew when they'd see each other again, if ever.

"Well," Danny said with a heavy sigh. "I should get going."

"Do you leave the first of the month?" CJ asked. "Start the New Year off in a new place?"

"Today was actually my last day," he said.

"How did…no one told me," CJ said baffled as to how she wouldn't know. At that moment I wondered if Carol had known. She always looked so apologetic when she interrupted their conversations earlier.

"I asked them not to say anything to you. I've been trying to tell you for a few days."

"Yeah I guess you have," CJ said disappointed.

"Oh, here, before I forget," he said taking a small package out of pocket. He handed it to CJ and she grinned when she looked at it. The package looked suspiciously like my food with a bow on it.

"What's this?"

"I didn't want you to think I was a deadbeat Dad," Danny said with a smile. "I take care of my responsibilities, of which Gail is one."

I smiled thinking that he stilled cared about me. I knew CJ was going to miss him, but I was really going to miss Danny too.

"You're lucky," CJ joked. "I'd have had to have your wages garnished to keep Gail in the lifestyle to which she's become accustomed."

"Yeah," Danny smiled sadly. "Well, Merry Christmas Claudia Jean."

"Merry Christmas Danny," she replied.

He placed his hands on her forearms and leaned forward placing a gently kiss on her cheek. He leaned back and gave her a small smile.

"I'll see you around," he said.

"Yeah," CJ said sadly.

"By the way, the red is a very good color on you," he said as he exited her office whistling the song emanating from the lobby.

I wasn't sure, but I was fairly certain that Toby's latest band, a jazz trio from Virginia, was playing Blue Christmas in the lobby. Between Josh, CJ and Danny, I couldn't think of a more fitting holiday song to be heard in the White House at that moment.

TBC


	16. Green Beans and the Art of Seduction

Author's Note: I'm again very sorry for the delay in updating this story. I've been working on another one as well, hence the delay. I do hope those of you reading will continue to follow Gail's adventures though. I do have plans to see this one through. Reviews are always appreciated and help me to sense the general direction of future chapters. Thanks! This is a companion piece to Galileo.

* * *

"Green Beans and the Art of Seduction"

I was swimming in my bowl when CJ returned from the concert she was supposed to attend. She looked really pretty in her blue and white gown. I loved when everyone got dressed up. Sure, the suits and skirts of normal days were fine, but there was something exciting about seeing everyone dressed to the nines. I noticed that Sam had on a tuxedo before he left, but Toby and Josh were still in their suits. I assumed that they weren't invited wherever CJ and Sam were going.

Anyway, it was a pretty slow night with CJ out of the office. Now that Danny was what CJ called "on assignment" and not in the White House I rarely had any surprise visitors so I had to wait for CJ to come back and entertain me. She finally arrived and started looking through her messages. Carol had left about an hour ago. CJ casually tossed her wrap over her chair when Sam appeared in her doorway looking dapper in his tux. His bowtie was undone and casually laid around his neck.

"Hey," he said. "Ginger said you stopped by my office."

"Yeah," CJ said looking up from her messages. "We're doing the classroom tomorrow."

"Did they get a signal?" Sam asked. I could tell he was surprised by the information CJ had given him. I had heard a lot about Galileo over the last few weeks. From the way CJ and Sam talked about it I assumed it was exciting for them as well.

"No," CJ replied. "I told the president we should do it anyway. I think he should talk to the kids about mistakes and tell them that sometimes they happen and the only way you learn from them is to go forward."

"He was on board with that?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," CJ said. "He told me I said it right, so you're not the only one."

She gave him a grin that made me chuckle. Sometimes they behaved like siblings, each trying to one up the other and be daddy's favorite. Daddy in the case was the President of the United States. I was always grateful that no one could really read my mind when I had these thoughts. I had a basic idea of what treason meant and I hoped that my thoughts never crossed the line.

"I'll get to work on remarks," Sam said returning her smirk.

"Hey, how did things go with Mallory?" CJ asked before Sam could leave her office. He entered the room completely now and took a seat. I sensed this might be a long answer.

"Things were okay," Sam said. "She's dating a hockey player."

"Well the hockey player has nothing on you," CJ said taking a seat herself. "Plus, you've got a full set of teeth going for you so that has to count for something."

"I guess," Sam smiled in an 'aw shucks' kind of way that made him look all of thirteen.

"She looked good," CJ commented.

"Yes she did," Sam agreed.

"But, dating the boss's daughter probably wouldn't have been the best idea anyway," CJ continued.

"Don't date where you work," Sam nodded.

"I am the poster child for that mantra," CJ said.

"Tad Whitney?"

"Among others. Who knew a thing I had for a few weeks years ago would come back to bite me in the ass?"

"Welcome to the world of politics," Sam laughed.

"Do you ever wonder if it's worth it?"

"Politics?"

"No, dating," CJ chuckled. "I've got a good handle on the politics. It's the interpersonal relationships that I can't quite work out."

A look crossed her face that made me wonder what CJ was thinking. I wondered if she was thinking about Danny. Her eyes seemed more mournful than usual. It was only a moment, but it was one that I caught before the barrier went up again and the thought left her mind.

"Join the club," Sam said. "At least you didn't sleep with a call girl."

"I think the story would have had a little different spin if_ I'd_ slept with a call girl."

"True," Sam smiled. "The pictures would have been a lot more interesting too."

"Stop," CJ laughed.

"What's going on?" Toby asked popping into CJ's office.

"We were just thinking about what the story would have been if CJ had slept with Laurie," Sam informed Toby.

"A damn good one I'd imagine," Toby commented.

They all chuckled at Toby's quip. He seemed to be in the mood to socialize tonight. He entered CJ's office and sat down pretty willingly. I always liked when Toby wasn't in work mode. I liked to see the social, light-hearted side of him.

"So telling the president you were good in bed was nice touch tonight," Toby said as he got settled.

"That was classic," Sam agreed. "His eyes got so wide I thought they might pop right out of his head."

"Like the rest of you," CJ said turning a slight shade of red.

"He thinks of you like a daughter," Toby added.

"I think the wholesome image has been shattered," Sam laughed.

"It could be a thing," CJ defended herself. "I had to tell him."

"I think it was the way you told him, in the midst of Galileo and green beans, that gave it a poetic quality," Toby said.

Now I wasn't quite sure what they were talking about, but it was clear that they all found it highly amusing.

"Hey, speaking of green beans," Toby said. "Did you talk to Charlie? From now on there's no food the president dislikes."

"Yeah I told him that," CJ said. "But you're wrong."

I stopped swimming in my bowl. I sat frozen as I tried to watch both CJ and Toby. It wasn't very often she told him he was wrong. Usually when she told him he was wrong her opinion was met with yelling and righteous indignation, even when she was right. Things had been so fun and light and I wondered if the tide was about to turn.

"I'm _wrong_?" Toby repeated.

"Yes," CJ said simply. "I told Charlie exactly what you told me just now and I was wrong too. It's like I said in the Oval, who cares if he doesn't like green beans? Voters are smart enough to realize that dislike of certain green vegetables has no impact on the day-to-day activities of the government, nor is the president going to screw the green bean farmers simply because he doesn't like them."

"You done?" Toby asked raising his voice slightly.

"Yes," CJ replied after a moments pause.

"Fine," Toby said.

"Fine?" Sam asked almost as shocked as I was by his replied.

"Yeah," Toby sighed.

"Okay," CJ said.

"Okay," Toby said.

"Really?" Sam asked. It was as if he was my voice for the evening, not that I was unhappy with Toby's level-headed response. On the contrary I was glad that he was going to be reasonable about things.

"I'm a reasonable man Sam," Toby replied.

"Sure, if by reasonable you mean narrow-minded and stubborn," Josh said as he stood in the doorway. He grinned the smile of a child as he entered the office and made himself comfortable.

I was pretty excited that the whole gang was in CJ's office. Many times they'd congregate elsewhere and I never got to be a part of those conversations. I'd have to pick up the information by really paying attention to Carol's conversations.

"I'm narrow-minded?" Toby countered. "You're the guy who took all day to accept that we could put a man who supports statehood for Puerto Rico on a stamp."

"But accept it I did Toby," Josh reminded him.

"Today has been quite a day," CJ commented.

"We were on way to Mars and then we weren't," Sam said.

"Charlie said the president didn't like green beans and then we wanted him to say he did and then we decided he shouldn't," Toby said.

"Sam had a run-in with Mallory," Josh piped up.

"You picked a guy for a stamp," Toby added.

"And we all found out that CJ is good in bed," Josh said with a smile.

"_Great_ in bed actually," CJ retorted.

"You really want to spread that around don't you?" Toby asked.

"Obviously," Sam chuckled.

"I have to control my own spin," CJ said.

"Why would you yell that in the middle of a crowded area?" Josh asked.

"I don't know," CJ said. "I begged Toby not to hang up on me and he did anyway."

"Which apparently translates into it being my fault that she felt compelled to share her sexual prowess with the world," Toby replied.

"Not the world," CJ corrected him. "Just the people at the concert."

"Hey, men aren't the only ones who like to be thought well of in that area," CJ replied.

I was shocked at the conversation, though I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised. They were all very open about a lot of things. They spent a lot of time together and it seemed natural for taboo subjects to come up, but this was something new.

Between CJ vigorously defending her announcement in the Oval Office, to Toby's unbending questioning of the event I wondered if there was something more there. I wondered why he continued to press the issue, but then I figured it was mostly curiosity. Although Toby seemed to still be very much in love with his ex-wife I always sensed that he felt something more than friendship for CJ beneath the surface. I assumed that this was his round-about way of information gathering.

"The Art of Being Good in Bed: It's not just for men," Sam joked as he made up a fake slogan.

"I could see that on a bumper sticker," Josh agreed.

"I'd buy the t-shirt," CJ grinned.

I admired the way CJ handled herself with the guys. She was very adept at not only handling the guys, but also at hanging out with them. She seemed able to walk the line very easily. Sure, there were times when it was obvious that she was a woman in a man's world, but most of the time, she seemed so put together and in control that it was easy to forget she wasn't just one of the guys, even in a couture evening gown.

"Well we could probably get you a free one considering you're the impetus for the slogan," Sam offered.

"I'll take it," CJ smiled.

"So what about Mallory," Josh spoke up. "I heard she left you for a hockey player."

"She didn't so much leave me as I never called her back after the Laurie thing," Sam said.

"You never called her back?" Toby asked incredulous.

"Yeah, I know it was bad," Sam said.

"You think?" Toby replied a bit wide-eyed.

"I've already given him the lecture," CJ said attempting to save Sam from round two.

"A hockey player," Josh mused. "He could probably take you."

"Thank you for pointing that out," Sam said.

"Did she look good?" Josh asked superficially.

"She's Mallory," Sam said. "Yeah, she looked really good."

"Don't let Leo hear you say that," Toby offered.

"There might be another birthday card in your future," Josh said.

"She's dating a hockey player," Sam said. "I don't have designs on her. It was just kind of awkward. I felt like people were going to be talking or something."

"Don't worry about, people were probably too preoccupied with the news that CJ is good in bed," Josh joked.

"Lucky you," CJ added.

"Yeah, well," Sam said. "I actually have to get to work. The president needs remarks tomorrow for the classroom."

"He's still doing it?" Toby asked as he watched Sam stand.

"CJ talked him into it," Sam said.

"You need help?" Toby asked.

"It couldn't hurt," Sam said.

"Okay," Toby stood up and joined Sam at the door. It was clear that play time was over and work was back in the forefront. I was disappointed, but at least I got to hear them socialize for a little while. It had been weeks since they'd all gathered to tease each other and mull over the events of the day.

"'Night," Sam said. Toby gave Josh and CJ a little wave and with that they were off again. Even at midnight things in the West Wing were in full swing.

"So seriously now," Josh said. "The Tad Whitney thing, is it going to be a thing?"

"He feels sexually harassed apparently," CJ sighed. "He thinks I didn't give him the job because we had a thing that lasted a few weeks years ago."

"You promoted a deputy," Josh offered.

"That's what I told him," CJ said. "I don't think he was serious, but he brought it up."

"I'll gear up for it just in case," Josh said standing.

"Thanks," CJ said. "I may have also told him that if he wanted to work in the White House that he might want to vote for a Republican in two years."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," CJ said.

"Okay," Josh said skeptically as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "You done here tonight?"

"Yeah," CJ said. "I'm just going through my messages then I'm out of here. What about you? Is the stamp issue resolved?"

"Yeah," Josh said. "Donna was very pro-Puerto Rican stamp."

"She knows what she's talking about," CJ said. "It's a stamp."

"Yeah," Josh said digging into his pockets.

"You're lucky to have her doing your research," CJ reminded him.

"You have Carol," Josh pointed out.

"Yeah, I do, but if I'd told her to research stamps all day I'd have heard about it."

"Trust me when I tell you I heard about it."

"Okay," CJ smirked.

I sensed that CJ, like myself, saw that there was something more than a work relationship between Josh and Donna. She'd never say it out loud, at least not now, but I knew she saw it as well as I did. I noticed how she would casually bring up Donna just to gauge Josh's responses. It was an art, like when she'd float a test balloon in the Press Room. She was trying to figure out what Josh felt for Donna, if anything.

"Hey, if you ever want a second opinion on your art of seduction," Josh said mischievously.

"Get out," CJ chuckled as she looked up at Josh.

"I'm gone," he replied. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah," CJ said dismissing him.

CJ sat at her desk for a little while longer. She clicked a few buttons on her computer, which I came to know was what she did when she was checking her e-mail. She looked like she was expecting a message, but I noticed how her face fell slightly when she didn't see the message she was looking for. I wondered who it was from, but before I could dwell on it too long she was up and walking toward the door.

"'Night Gail," she said to me as she flicked off her light.

"Goodnight CJ," I said.

She left and I was alone again, though with much more to chuckle about than I had before she dropped by.

TBC


	17. The Pecking Order

Author's Note: This update has been a long time coming. Sorry for the delay. I always appreciate any and all reviews. This chapter is a companion to The Leadership Breakfast.

* * *

"The Pecking Order"

I had been enjoying a pretty leisurely holiday in the confines of my bowl when the New Year came. The day came and went with nothing out of the ordinary occurring, but then the newly elected officials arrived. From the moment the ball in Times Square dropped (I watched on CJ's TV), the West Wing was a flurry of activity in preparation for new Congressional leaders. The flurry of activity specifically dealt with something called the Leadership Breakfast. I wasn't sure what it was, other than breakfast, obviously, but CJ was working around the clock on a seating arrangement that was suitable for the event.

She had been gone for most of the day working on the Leadership Breakfast and when she finally returned she was talking to Carol. However, it wasn't the conversation with Carol that piqued my interest. It was the conversation with Toby that followed that really gave me some insight into what made Toby tick.

"Carol, all I'm sayin' is that these better be some damn delectable pancakes for the work," CJ said coming into her office in her winter coat. The heat had not been working well in the West Wing.

"I hear the syrup should be good ma'am," Carol said with a smile.

"Right," CJ chuckled. "You should go home. Go to a place that actually has heat."

"You're sure you're done for the night?" Carol asked.

"I'm done," CJ assured her. "Go."

"See you tomorrow," Carol said.

"When another lovely meeting with Republican lackeys will commence," CJ said good-naturedly.

Toby walked in passed Carol and heard CJ's last comment. "You realize you're a Democratic lackey though right?" he teased her.

"Excuse me, I supervise," CJ replied.

"I'm sure Ed and Larry will be happy to hear it," Toby said.

"Toby, I didn't mean--"

"I know," Toby cut her off. "I'm giving you a hard time."

CJ looked up from one of her many lists and gave him a slight smile.

"So, it's almost one in the morning," CJ said. "Please tell me you didn't come here to tell me that the new congressman from Florida wants blueberries in his pancakes."

"No," Toby said actually cracking a smile. "Chocolate chips."

"Funny," CJ replied dryly.

"I actually dropped by to distance myself from Sam and Josh," Toby said.

"Well they did almost burn down the White House," CJ commented.

At this point I tuned out for a moment and realized that the loud ringing bell I'd heard earlier must have been the fire alarm. I'd never experienced one of those before. I'd been through a crash of the West Wing, but apparently I'd just experienced a fire drill and didn't know it. I was pondering this fact when I picked up Toby in mid-sentence.

"…the meeting tomorrow?" he asked.

"Its fine," CJ dismissed him.

I suddenly wished I'd paid better attention to what Toby was saying. I had to work on my listening skills. That was my New Year's Resolution.

"Sometimes Ann Stark can be a bit of a tiger," Toby said as if he knew something CJ didn't know.

"This is our third meeting," CJ said. "I think I can handle her, unless you know something I don't."

Her tone indicated a challenge to Toby, but I read her face as more curious. I didn't know the woman they were talking about, but it seemed like she and Toby might have a past.

"I don't," Toby said evasively.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," Toby said with a small scoff.

CJ said nothing, but she gave him a hard look as if she was trying to determine if he was telling her the truth. Toby scratched his head uncomfortably and rocked back and forth on his feet a few times.

"I'm just saying, she might try to spring something on you," Toby elaborated to clear the silence. "She likes to drop things at the last minute."

"Okay," CJ said drawing out the word as if it were more of a question than rebuttal.

"I just wanted you to know," Toby said.

"Okay, I know," CJ replied.

"Okay," Toby said. "Have a good night."

"I will," CJ said. "See you in about five hours."

"Yeah," Toby said as he walked out of her office.

CJ watched him go, looked at her papers then looked at the door again.

"That was weird," she out loud. "Did you think that was weird Gail?"

"There was definitely something going on there," I replied.

"I'm paranoid, right?" CJ asked me.

"No," I assured her.

"Yeah, I am," she disagreed with me. "Its one in the morning and I'm sleep-deprived and I'm never eating pancakes again."

I chuckled at her rambling. She always got a little slap-happy in the wee hours of the morning. A few minutes later she threw a few binders in her bag and walked out of her office for the evening. I probably wouldn't have thought anything more about it, but that was before Toby walked into CJ's office and they had it out.

* * *

I remember that it was another regular day. They were all regular days, but inevitably they'd take a turn and become something much worse. Toby came waltzing into CJ's office and it seemed quite casual, though I could tell there was something on his mind that he was not looking forwarding to discussing.

He had nervous eyes and once they started their conversation I could see why. There was yelling and CJ was not only visibly angry, but hurt by Toby's decision to pull rank on her. The story, in a nutshell, was that CJ had denied Ann Stark something at their meeting and Toby went behind her back and told Ann she could have it. CJ, not willing to concede to Toby's demand, told him he'd have to order her to move the press conference and he did in relatively quick and unemotional fashion.

Toby exited her office quickly and CJ sunk back into her chair. The look on her face was clear. She was angry, but I also detected a hint of hurt and disbelief on her face. I heard her mutter softly to herself.

"Ann Stark," she muttered. "She's up to something but he's not thinking clearly because…Ann Stark."

I wasn't sure where she going with her sentence before she uttered Ann Stark's name again, but I could guess. I detected a hint of something in Toby's tone when he talked about Ann Stark. I assumed they had some sort of relationship or flirtation and this was why CJ was angry. Apparently whatever flirtation Toby shared with Ann was more powerful than the flirtation he shared with her.

"Carol," CJ shouted.

"Yeah boss," Carol said peaking in her office.

"I need Henry," she said. "He's briefing tomorrow."

"After the Leadership Breakfast?" Carol asked confused. Even Carol found it strange.

"Yeah," CJ said spitefully.

"Oh, Sam called again," Carol said.

"Would you call Sam back and tell him to make sure his health care is in order because they day he moves the Press Room to the OEOB is the day I'm going to put him in traction?" CJ said in all seriousness.

"Sure," Carol chuckled.

CJ leaned back into her chair again. "First the briefing, now the Press Room," she muttered again. "Any power I had around here has been effectively usurped today Gail."

"They can't move the Press Room," I assured her.

I felt bad for CJ. She was one of the few women in a powerful position in the White House and yet she always felt like the guys didn't take her seriously. Sometimes I wondered if they did. I knew they respected her and sometimes flirted with her, but I wondered if they occasionally discounted her opinion because they thought they were smarter or more intimidating.

It didn't take long for me to see that CJ was very much correct in her assessment of Ann Stark and the press conference. It happened the next day. She sat glumly in her office following the Leadership Breakfast. CJ's job was to brief the press and Toby effectively took that part of her job away from her for the morning.

She caught up on some phone calls and then glanced at her watch. It was show time. She perched herself on the side of her desk and turned up the volume on the television. Carol came in and watched with her. From what I could tell the press conference with Republican leadership was progressing nicely, but CJ was perturbed about something. Someone wasn't there and she kept saying Ann took him off the board. (I know, I know, I should pay more attention to important details. It's my New Year's Resolution, I swear).

I could see the wheels in CJ's head spinning. She was trying to come up with a reason for the absence of the important guy that I failed to get a name for and Carol looked just as puzzled as CJ. Then things truly started to spiral out of control. A reporter asked a question, CJ's phone rang and in the midst of trying to listen to the TV and the person yelling on the other end of the phone, as well as CJ, I lost track of what was happening. The only thing I knew for certain was that what happened wasn't good and CJ saw it coming.

"What do you want me to do?" she yelled into the phone.

I assumed she was talking to Toby. Feeling that her legs were taken out from under her in regard to the press conference, it sounded like she was now deferring all her judgment calls to Toby. Judging from the silence and the way she screamed her question into the phone two times, I surmised that Toby was having difficulty making the decision himself.

Finally CJ nodded and hung up the phone. She quickly dialed another number and told Henry to come home. It appeared that Toby saw, with brutal proof, that CJ was right about Ann Stark.

CJ quickly hurried out of her office with a binder and I didn't see her until she showed up on the closed-circuit briefing in which she did a wonderful job of fixing the mess that was made at the first press conference. Although I sensed her answer to the questions was an amalgam of responses from the brain-trust I liked to call The Fantastic Four, though right now Toby appeared to be less fantastic than usual.

CJ came back to her office later and seemed a lot happier than earlier. I'd seen her go through a lot of emotions in the last two days. Anger, hurt, horror, irritation and now, it appeared contentment with a hint of satisfaction. She worked at her desk for a while before Josh popped his head into her office.

"Hey," he said waltzing in, his hands ensconced in his pockets.

"Hey," she said looking up. "Are you coming to tell me you could free up some room in the West Wing if you move my office to the OEOB?"

"That was Sam's idea, not mine," Josh reminded her.

"No, you just added it to a poll," CJ smiled.

"Well, yes I did," Josh admitted. "But it was a harmless question."

"Until one of the reporters in the press room got called with the question," CJ responded.

"True," Josh said. "But, didn't we already have this conversation earlier?"

"Yes."

"You just felt like bringing it up again?"

"Only on birthdays and federal holidays, how about that?" she grinned.

"Fair enough," Josh smiled.

There was a light rap on the door and I turned to see Toby standing in the doorway with a sheepish look on his face. Josh took that as his cue to leave and he silently nodded to both Toby and CJ before he left.

CJ sat at her desk and stared at Toby in silence. He stood there for a moment before he finally decided to enter the room.

"Today was bad," he started. "I can't help but realize that it was bad because I didn't listen to your opinion."

"Yes," CJ agreed. She let the word hang there for a moment before continuing. "But we fixed it."

"Yeah," Toby said.

They sat there in silence and I wondered why Toby came to see CJ if her really didn't have anything to say. I wondered if he came just to see if things could be normal between them again.

"I just have one thing to say and then I'm not going to talk about it anymore," CJ said. "Sometimes I feel like you, Sam, Josh, Leo, basically everyone, don't take me seriously. I understand that because I'm a very humorous woman."

She gave him a smile to indicate that she wasn't really going to take him to task.

"But, it took a while for me gain any credibility around here. Just last year you were keeping things from me and now you're overriding my decisions. I can't help but wonder if you really value my input Toby."

"I do," he said forcefully.

CJ just looked at him and it was then that I saw the hurt that had been masked with anger. Only the hurt remained now. I put it all together and realized that while Leo, Sam and Josh might undermine her, it was Toby's betrayal that stung the most.

"I do," he said again. "I was wrong. I just thought that Ann and I had this… understanding. I was very wrong."

"A good friend of mine told me she was a tiger sometimes," CJ said using the words Toby had told her a few days earlier.

"Yeah," Toby scoffed. "I guess I should have followed my own advice."

"It's okay now," CJ reminded him.

"Are we okay?" he asked.

"We're fine," she assured him.

"I won't pull the rug out from under you anymore," he promised.

"Yes you will," CJ smiled knowingly. "You're my boss Toby. I think we sometimes forget the pecking order around here and then when you or Josh has to pull rank it gets weird."

"Well I'll try not to do it without consulting you first," Toby said.

"Deal," CJ agreed.

"You did good today," Toby said standing. "You can chalk this one up to a good day."

"I will," CJ nodded.

"Go home, have some leftover pancakes," he teased her.

"I can't," CJ grinned. "I'm fresh out of New Hampshire maple syrup. I wouldn't want to be brought up on treason charges."

"Okay," Toby grinned. He gave her a little wave with his hand and he left her office silently.

I learned a few things that day, not the least of which was that CJ was a force to be reckoned with, but also that she didn't gloat about it. Tease, yes, gloat, no. I felt a kinship to her, as I usual did, but this time it was more a female solidarity. No one could really know what it was like to be in CJ's shoes and I hoped one day they would all realize it.

All in all it was another hectic few days and I was eager to have some down time. While CJ gathered her things to go home I decided to settle in slumber a little early. I felt with all the emotions I have been through I had earned it.

TBC


	18. The Art of Flirting and Lying

Author's Note: I know I skipped a few episodes, but I'm writing companions to the episodes I feel need them. Also, a lot of action needs to take place in CJ's office for Gail to have an opinion and I like to weave these vignettes into the already-existing episodes. This is the companion piece to Ellie. Please read and review. Thanks!

* * *

"The Art of Flirting and Lying"

It had been a few weeks since CJ had worked exclusively in and around her office. Two weeks ago she was off to New York City on business. Last week she was hardly around because she was preparing for the State of the Union. I did get to see her on television, which was fun because she was on an actual TV show, not her closed-circuit briefings. Still, I liked when she was around the office. It made my day go by faster and kept my mind sharp.

Today was one of the days that CJ in command of her office. She was answering e-mails, making calls and going about the business of being the Presidential Press Gatekeeper. I could tell that today was going to be busy. CJ seemed to flit in and out of the office. She talked to Sam a few times about a movie that the president was supposed to watch, or not watch, I couldn't really tell which. They all spoke so fast sometimes it was hard to keep up. But, I felt that things were really about to heat up when CJ strode back into her office. She seemed to have a definite purpose. I could tell by her gait. She had only just stopped at Carol's desk and picked up her phone briefly before striding into her office.

CJ walked over to her desk, sat down casually and punched a button into the phone. I hated when she had phone conversations because I was always so curious about who she was talking to and what was being said. Luckily for me, CJ hit the speaker phone button and leaned back in her chair. A sense of excitement hung in the air. I couldn't wait to see who was on the other end.

"Danny, you still there?" CJ said in a slightly higher tone than usual.

"I'd never hang up on you," he replied. I could almost hear the smile in his voice.

"What's this Carol is telling me about you quoting Eleanor in an article about the Surgeon General?"

"Eleanor told me that her father would never fire the Surgeon General."

"Yeah, Carol told me you were quoting Eleanor Bartlet. I was convinced she got it wrong so I need you to clarify," CJ said. "I need you to tell me what you told Carol."

"Eleanor said her father would never fire the Surgeon General," Danny repeated himself.

CJ paused and she was deep in thought.

"You still there?" Danny asked.

"First of all," CJ started in a fairly angry tone.

"Of course ya are," Danny replied interrupting her.

"First of all, you can't mean Eleanor, you mean Zoey," she said again. "Second of all, it's a good thing you've already turned in your press pass because it saves me the trouble of having to take it from you before the President has you tossed out of the White House for calling his daughter about this."

"I didn't call her. She called me," Danny said calmly. "And I meant Eleanor, not Zoey."

"She called you?" CJ asked again. I wasn't sure why but CJ thought that Eleanor calling Danny seemed impossible. I guess I could kind of see where she was coming from because up until today, a full year after I'd been in the White House, I wasn't even sure the president had a daughter named Ellie.

"She called me."

"And by call you, you mean…" CJ replied still not inclined to believe him.

"I mean that I was sitting at my desk this morning casually thinking about following Lord John Marbury to England for a feature when my phone rang. I picked it up and I heard a timid voice on the other end identify herself as Eleanor Bartlet. She said her father would never fire the Surgeon General. It was Eleanor CJ."

"Okay," CJ said. "I'm sorry, I'm just gonna have a hard time explaining that one to the people around here. I didn't even believe Carol when she told me."

"Obviously," Danny commented.

"Ellie has always hated the spotlight," CJ explained. "I have to be sure you're identifying your source correctly."

"I'm flattered that you're checking up on me," Danny said.

After a comfortable moment of silence Danny added, "So, I hate to be the one to ask this, but since Ellie called me, I have to. Does the White House want to comment?"

"I'm gonna have to call you back," CJ replied.

"I figured," Danny said. "But it at least gives you an excuse to call me, right?"

I chuckled at Danny's almost seamless transition from business to flirtation. Even though he wasn't in her office, his presence was still around.

"Yeah," CJ replied.

"You know you never need an excuse though, right?"

"Goodbye Danny," CJ said with the trace of a grin.

"Okay, bye," he said with a smile in his tone.

CJ disconnected the call and even though her mind was racing with what to do next I could tell that she had not escaped the call unscathed. She still had a soft spot for Danny Concannon.

CJ sat at her desk for a minute and I could see that she was replaying snippets of her conversation with Danny in her mind. She let the thoughts linger for a few more minutes before she got back to work.

"Carol?" CJ called.

"Yeah boss?" Carol asked peeking her head into the office.

"Is Josh around?"

"I don't think he's back from the Surgeon General's yet," Carol replied.

"Toby?"

"Labor meeting ran long," Carol said. I was always astounded by how she seemed to know exactly where everyone was and what they were doing.

"Hey Carol," CJ called as Carol was turning to leave her office.

"Yeah?"

"When Danny told you that he was quoting Eleanor Bartlet, what did you think?" CJ asked.

"I thought he meant Zoey, or the very least Liz," Carol said.

"And after you realized he didn't?"

"I was glad he already turned his press pass," Carol smiled. Apparently she thought the president was going to flip out at the news as well.

"Yeah," CJ said. "Me too. Ellie called him though."

"That might take some explaining," Carol said.

"Yeah," CJ sighed. "If you see Josh or Toby let me know okay?"

"Will do," Carol said before she left the office.

"Oh and Carol," CJ said.

"Yeah?"

"If you see Toby or Josh before I do, tell them I wasn't kidding earlier when I said I quit," she said with a slight grin. CJ had been threatening to quit all day, but I knew she didn't mean it. It just meant she was having a challenging day.

Challenging days were usually not great for CJ, but good for me. I couldn't wait to see what happened next. I was also hoping that CJ would put her next call to Danny on speakerphone.

* * *

CJ was out of her office for at least a few hours before she returned. Sam was with her and he was telling her about some guy named Morgan Ross. It seemed to me that CJ was gearing up for a fight, but that maybe Sam had saved her from it.

"I told him he was going to have to deal with me if he messed with us again," Sam said.

"You're gonna deal with him?" CJ asked with her eyes widening a little.

"He's got it coming," Sam said. "He's a shameless publicity whore and we're not gonna take it."

"I couldn't agree more," CJ said. "Thanks Sam."

"Anytime. It felt kind of good actually."

"Well maybe I won't quit after all," CJ replied with a slight grin.

"That's good news," Sam said sharing a smile. "You still have to deal with Danny though."

"Yeah, he wants a comment," CJ said. "I still can't believe Ellie called him."

"Well I hear that things are a little tense in the Oval right now," Sam said. "Movie night is going to be a little awkward tonight. You going?"

"He's watching Dial M for Murder?"

"Yeah."

"Dial M and slightly stale popcorn? I wouldn't miss it," CJ said.

"I'll see you down there," Sam said before he left her office.

I wasn't entirely certain of what had happened because CJ had been out of her office most of the day, but I could tell she was happy about what Sam told her. Now she was on to the next order of business-calling Danny back. She closed the door to her office and dialed a number that Carol had left sitting by her phone. Happily for me, she put the call on speakerphone again.

"Danny Concannon," he said.

"It's CJ," she replied.

"Wow, you're returning my phone call," he said happily.

"I was intrigued by the 202 area code," she said. "That would seem to indicate you're still in town."

"I can't get anything past you," he replied.

"You were supposed to be traveling the world or whatever when you left the White House," CJ reminded him.

"Well I got distracted," Danny said casually. "There's a certain large white house I can't seem to get out of my system."

"Really?"

"You're like a fine heroin," he said with a chuckle.

"Dangerous and addictive?" CJ asked.

"Exactly," Danny said. Almost wistfully he added, "Highly addictive."

There was a pause in the conversation and I sensed that Danny felt he'd betrayed his feelings a little too much. He started talking again, "Anyway, I've tried to wean myself off the White House beat, but you keep pulling me back in."

"I don't think _we_ pulled you back in," CJ replied. "You just can't get enough."

There was another pause before Danny spoke again.

"Hey," Danny said. "Before I forget, there's a rumor floating around that you weren't wearing any underwear when you did _Capitol Beat_ after the State of the Union. Care to comment?"

"I categorically deny that," CJ said with a smile. "I was wearing underwear. It was the pants that seemed to elude me that night."

"Really?"

"I sat in paint Danny," CJ tried to defend herself with a grin.

"Okay," he said in his usual Danny manner. I missed his simple enunciation of the word.

"I did."

"No underwear would have been sexier, but I guess pants will do," he said.

"It was quite something," CJ teased him.

"I'm sorry I missed it," Danny replied.

I could tell from the sound of his voice that what he said was all too true. He sounded nostalgic and for a moment I had to wonder why he'd left the White House to begin with.

"So," he said changing the subject back to work. "Do you have a comment for me?"

"Had you not turned in your press pass you'd have gotten the scoop at today's briefing. The President is standing behind the Surgeon General."

"That's not what I hear," Danny replied in full reporter mode now.

"There's nothing to hear," CJ responded.

"I heard President Bartlet sent Josh to get the Surgeon General's resignation," Danny said.

"Danny," CJ said warningly.

Their mutual flirtation had now effectively ended. They each had a job to do now. I could almost see CJ's thoughts as she realized once again why she could never date Danny if she was Press Secretary.

"Did President Bartlet ask for her resignation?" Danny asked.

"President Bartlet is going to do what is best for the country. If that means that there should be a change in the country's leading health practitioner then that's what's going to happen. However, at this time, the president is supporting the Surgeon General."

"So is that a yes or a no?"

"It's neither," CJ replied.

"I'm not gonna get a straight answer from you?"

"I think you got a very straight answer," CJ replied.

"The president is standing behind the Surgeon General?" Danny asked.

"Yes."

"So what about tomorrow when you announce her resignation at your first briefing?" Danny asked. "I got an exclusive from Eleanor Bartlet, the most introverted of the Bartlet children, and I have to support it with you saying that the president supports the Surgeon General? You know Josh was sent to her resignation CJ. I'm gonna report what you just told me and look like a fool when two hours later you announce her resignation."

"Sometimes the truth isn't what you want it to be," CJ responded. "The president is standing behind the Surgeon General."

I could sense that she was getting frustrated. Although I could tell by Danny's tone that he was as well. If he'd been in her office I thought they'd probably be nose to nose by now.

"For what? Twelve more hours?" Danny retorted.

"That's pure speculation on your part."

"You're really not gonna tell me the truth?"

"Did you ever stop to think that I am telling you the truth Danny? Contrary to your opinion I don't lie and mislead the press at every opportunity."

"No you just lie and mislead me right?" he said heatedly.

That was the turning point in the conversation. The friendly banter and flirting that had started the conversation was a thing of the past. They were on opposite sides of the issue again.

"Believe what you want," she said shortly. "I'm telling you the truth as I know it at this moment."

Somehow I knew she was lying just like Danny knew she was lying. Josh being sent to get the Surgeon General's resignation just seemed like it made sense. It certainly made more sense than the president supporting her. But, then I wondered. Maybe she wasn't lying. Maybe she was just hoping for the best.

"Okay," he said a little calmer. "The president stands behind the Surgeon General?"

"Yeah," CJ said biting her lower lip.

"Okay," Danny replied.

"Okay," CJ said.

"Well, I've got a filing deadline so…"

"Yeah, bye," CJ said.

"Bye," he said before hanging up the phone.

CJ disconnected the call and sighed audibly. She leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes for a minute.

"Do you think I'm a liar Gail?" she asked suddenly a bit sullen.

"No," I replied. "You tell people what the guys tell you to. You can't help it that you have to keep people in the dark."

"It always seems to be with Danny," she said not really talking to me, but out loud to the room. "Why can't it be Katie or Chris or anyone else? I've always got to spin the wheels to Danny."

"He understands," I tried to reassure her, though I wasn't sure I believed myself.

CJ stood up and paced back and forth a few times before starting to gather her things together for the night.

"Maybe this time I'll be right," CJ said. "Maybe this time I'll prove him wrong and it'll be the truth."

She looked at my bowl for a minute and I was silent. I didn't know how to response so I sat, frozen in my bowl.

"Yeah, that's probably a pipe dream," she said.

She packed up her bag and threw it over her shoulder. I wasn't sure if she was still going to make an appearance at movie night or not. She seemed so down. I felt bad for her that night. The only saving grace was that the next morning I found out she was right. She hadn't lied to Danny because the president didn't fire the Surgeon General and she didn't resign. Danny didn't call with an apology, but a vase of daisies showed up the next day with no card. I had a feeling they were all the apology that CJ needed.

TBC


	19. Big Potatoes

Author's Note: This is companion chapter to season two's episode Bad Moon Rising.

* * *

_"Big Potatoes"_

It had been an odd few weeks in CJ's office. First, she was in her office typing a very long e-mail to someone while she waited for a vote to take place. Everyone seemed kind of irritated with her, but for some reason CJ seemed energized. I thought she was going to visit her Dad for this birthday, I sort of eavesdropped on a conversation she was having with her brother on the phone, but that trip was delayed. Then, once the filibuster was over she left town for about a week. It was actually pretty boring until she got back.

But, now that CJ was back, things were actually pretty fun. She had been interrogating members of the staff about a leak that had occurred. Toby, in a more severe manner than usual, had ordered CJ to find the source of the leak. She was doing as she was told, but it wasn't easy. So far about 20 people seemed very angry with CJ for accusing them of being the leak, 40 people seemed to be trying to frame their boss or another co-worker for leaking the information and Donna had confessed to a crime spree. CJ was getting fed up.

She stormed out of her office and yelled to Carol that she was going to see Toby. I'm not sure what happened in Toby's office, but when CJ came back to hers she seemed confused and she kept muttering to herself. I knew she did this when she was trying work out something that she didn't quite understand.

"Where are there big potatoes?" she muttered to herself.

"Idaho!" I yelled. I had heard Josh talking about potatoes the other day and said that Idaho was the place to be for potatoes. Unfortunately, as usual, CJ failed to hear me and when I thought about it, I didn't really think that the big potatoes she was referring to were probably really potatoes at all.

"CJ did you want me to cancel the rest of your interrogations for the day?" Carol asked sticking her head into the office.

"Yeah, we're done with that, thank god," CJ said.

"Oh, Toby called and he's on his way over to see you."

"I just talked to him," CJ said.

"He said he needed to see you," Carol shrugged as she went back to her desk.

"You coming over to talk about big potatoes Toby?" CJ asked the empty room.

She sat at her desk and made a couple of marks on some papers. She seemed disjointed and I wasn't sure why.

"Hey," Toby said popping his head into the office.

"Hey," CJ said tossing her pen on the desk. "Were we not done?"

"No," Toby said inching closer to her desk. "I forgot to thank you for playing Officer Krupke today."

"You're thanking me now?" CJ said standing up and walking to the front of her desk.

"I heard a few stories from the people you talked to today," Toby shrugged.

"You knew I wouldn't find the leak," CJ reminded him.

"Yeah."

"But you wanted me to look anyway."

"Yeah."

"What's going on Toby?" she asked. I had a sense that this was a question she's asked him already today.

"Nothing," Toby said.

"I don't believe you."

"I can't help that."

They stood side-by-side for a moment in silence. I watched how CJ stared at Toby and tried to read his mind, but to me, Toby's face looked blank and unfeeling. He looked even more stoic than usual and in that moment I knew CJ was right to be suspicious.

"CJ," a male voice said. I turned in my bowl and I was shocked to find Leo standing in her doorway. It wasn't very often that Leo made a trip to CJ's office so I knew that something important was afoot.

"Leo," CJ said surprised. "Hi."

"Can you meet with me and the president a minute?" he asked.

"Sure," CJ nodded as she started to walk out of the office.

Leo left as suddenly as he appeared and as CJ moved to follow him, Toby reached out his hand and grabbed CJ's arm. She turned at the sudden feel of Toby's hand wrapped around her wrist and turned to him.

"I'll be in my office when you get done," Toby said.

"Okay," CJ replied confused. I was equally puzzled at Toby's comment.

CJ walked out of the office and Toby sighed. I saw him reach for my food canister and he unscrewed the cap. He crumbled a few flakes of food between his fingers and watched as they dissolved into the bowl. Not one to turn down a free meal, I swam happily to the top and ate a few flakes.

"You've got it good in this fishbowl Gail," he told me. "Don't forget that."

He wiped his fingers on the side of his pants and walked out of the office. Suddenly I got an overwhelming sense in the pit of my stomach that the fun for the day was over.

* * *

Two hours after Leo had summoned CJ she came back into her office. Her face was ashen and she shut the door to her office when she returned. She leaned against the door for a moment and then moved to turn down the blinds. With only the lamp on her desk on the office seemed dark and cold. She walked over to her mini refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of beer. She unscrewed the cap with force and threw it on her desk. It wasn't a casual toss of the bottle cap. It was a malicious throw as if she wished harm on the small inanimate object. 

I was worried. I'd never seen CJ look so distressed. She was silent as she sipped her beer and made a face. She walked back and forth a few times before collapsing on her couch. She rested her arm on the armrest and leaned her head on her hand. She must have sat there for a good twenty minutes without moving. I didn't know what to do. Carol had gone home and since CJ had more or less barricaded herself into her office no one walking by could help her if she needed it. I wasn't even sure she needed help. I only knew that she sat, still as a statue on her couch, her beer bottle balanced precariously between her legs.

She finally moved about five minutes later and set her bottle on the edge of her desk. It obscured my view slightly and every time I looked to the right I saw the world through a strange green-tinged haze. When I was able to see CJ's face I could see that her eyes were wet, but her nose was not runny. She had shed a few tears, but not enough to constitute crying. For a moment I wondered if she had gotten fired. Why else would CJ hole up in her office and be on the verge of tears?

A timid knock on the door seemed to pull CJ out of her reverie. She sat up straighter and wiped her hand down both of her cheeks, but she made no attempt to reply to the knock or to answer the door.

"CJ?" Toby's voice said through the door.

I noted how CJ rolled her eyes at the sound of his voice, but still, she sat and made no attempt to acknowledge her presence. Toby, not one to give up that easily, knocked again. Once he received no response he simply opened the office door.

"I didn't say you could come in," CJ said spitefully from the corner of the couch when Toby entered.

"You didn't tell me I couldn't come in either," Toby replied. He did have a point.

CJ's lips twisted into a convoluted grin, if that's what you could call it. Toby walked over the couch after closing the door and he sat down next to her.

"I don't recall inviting you to stay," CJ said.

"You shouldn't be alone right now," Toby said.

"Because you know how it feels right?" she replied bitterly.

"Yeah," Toby sighed.

"I really don't want your comfort or your fortune cookie wisdom about how this isn't a big deal," CJ said.

I still didn't know what had happened but it was clear that CJ was hurt and angry. Toby seemed to know what was wrong and I was just glad that he was there to help her.

"It is a big deal and I'm not here with wisdom or to comfort you," Toby said. "I just thought if you wanted to talk…"

"Does it look like I'm in the mood to talk Toby?" CJ spat at him.

"No," Toby said in an uncertain tone.

"Just leave me alone," CJ said.

"Okay," Toby said standing up and readying himself to leave. "You should go home and get some sleep."

At this comment CJ burst out into a full belly laugh. Toby looked at her like she had cracked and CJ just sat on the couch chuckling to herself.

"Sleep," she said. "That's good."

"Things will look different in the morning," Toby assured her.

"Do they look different for you?" she asked.

"Not really," Toby admitted.

"Then please don't tell me how to feel. You don't think I'd love to go home and sleep and come in tomorrow and find that this entire day was a horrible nightmare? I wish I could, but I think we both know that's impossible. Besides I have a meeting with Oliver Babish at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Toby asked, his eyes widening.

"Yeah, I get a whole nine hours to digest this. Isn't that nice?"

"I'm sorry," Toby said. "I had a day before I met with Oliver."

"Yeah," CJ scoffed.

"You can be pissed CJ, but there's no reason to be pissed at me," Toby said getting angry. It appeared he was just as mad as she was about whatever they were talking about. "I didn't do this."

"No, you just kept it a secret," CJ replied.

"It wasn't my secret to tell," Toby said. Years later I would come to find that Toby uttering this in his defense was very ironic.

"Right," CJ nodded.

"We're all in the same boat here," Toby reminded her. "This isn't just you."

"Yes it is Toby," CJ said forcefully. "How many times have you briefed the press on the president's health? How many times have you gone out there and blatantly lied to the press and the American public?"

Toby was silent as I pieced together the fact that whatever was happening had something to do with the president's health.

"After President Bartlet and Abbey get racked over the coals, who do you think they're coming after next? Its not gonna be you and it sure as hell won't be Josh. It'll be a loop of my briefings featuring me saying the president is in excellent health."

"You didn't know," Toby assured her. "They can't lay it on you if you didn't know."

"Where have I heard that before?" CJ said.

Suddenly I had a flash of the time that Toby deliberately kept CJ out of the loop on critical information. She was furious. They had made up, but I only just understood why she was so upset now. It appeared that something critical about the president's health was kept from her.

"So are you pissed because he lied to all of us or are you pissed that I knew before you?" Toby asked.

CJ stood up and I saw, through the green haze of the beer bottle, that her hand was shaking.

"I'm pissed because we were all lied to. I'm pissed because after the president and the Abbey, my credibility is the thing that's shot. Saying you were following orders isn't a defense in court. We both know that. I'm pissed because I should have known there was something going on. But most of all I'm pissed because the president has a degenerative disease that has no cure. The man I put my support and faith in, has a disease that can't be cured and we don't even know the half of what he's going to be facing in the future."

"We knew this wasn't going to be easy when we won," Toby reminded her.

"Yeah, well the honeymoon is definitely over," CJ scoffed.

"Why should you have known?" Toby asked.

"What?"

"You said you should have known there was something going on. Why would you think that?"

"It's nothing," CJ dismissed him. "I'm not thinking clearly right now."

"He's gonna be okay," Toby said.

"We don't know that," CJ reminded him. "He collapsed in the Oval that day. It was an attack, not the flu."

"Yeah."

"That was, what? After a year and half in office? What's year four gonna look like Toby?"

"I don't know," Toby replied. "I'm more focused on year eight."

CJ laughed again. "Yeah, I'm definitely looking at year eight too," she said sarcastically.

"This doesn't have to be the end," Toby said.

"Toby, excuse me if I don't see things from your point of view right now. I don't know how long you've had to deal with this, but I've had about three hours and I'm not there yet."

"You will be," Toby assured her.

"We'll see."

"I know you'll get there. We're all gonna get there together."

"Maybe one day. Right now? Not so much."

An uncomfortable silence fell over the office. I didn't know what degenerative disease meant, but by this time I gathered that it was not good.

"Does Sam know?" CJ asked Toby.

"Not yet," Toby replied.

"But Josh knows."

"Yeah."

"How did he take it?"

"In stride."

"Unlike me."

"He was upset, but he's Josh so he's moved on to the battle plan."

"Like I should do no right?"

"We need you to get through this."

"Yeah," CJ said absently as she stared out her window.

"Are you with us?" Toby asked.

She took a page from Danny's book by simply giving him a one word answer, "Okay."

"Okay?" Toby asked. "What does that mean exactly?"

"It means give me a day Toby," she said. "I just need a day."

"You've got eight hours," Toby reminded her.

"Yeah," she replied.

Toby walked over to CJ and stood facing her for an awkward moment. Suddenly and without warning he reached out and enveloped her into a hug. At first CJ looked resistant, but finally she wrapped her arms around Toby and accepted the hug.

"Thank you," I heard Toby whisper into her ear.

"He's gonna be alright?" CJ asked him quietly.

"He'll be fine. The son of a bitch is fighter. We all know that," Toby said.

"Yeah," CJ said with a genuine smile as she pulled back from Toby.

"Good luck with Oliver tomorrow," Toby said.

"Thanks," CJ said. "Was it bad?"

"Have you ever had stitches without anesthesia?" Toby asked,

"No."

"It's kind of like that," Toby replied.

"Great, I'm looking forward to it," CJ said.

"See you tomorrow?" Toby asked just to be sure.

"I'll be here. Toby?"

"Yeah?"

"Have I found the big potatoes?"

"Yeah."

Toby left and CJ stood in the silence. Toby had left her door open and there was ambient noise from the hallway, even at the late hour. It made me feel like life was going on, which was good given that an hour ago I wasn't sure what was going on at all. CJ sighed loudly and began to pack her things for the evening. I still wasn't completely sure what transpired, but something in my gut told me that the good times would be fewer and farther between for a while. We had crossed an invisible line and there was no turning back.

TBC


	20. Divided We Fall

Author's Note: This chapter is a companion to season two's 18th and Potomac.

* * *

"_Divided We Fall"_

The day after CJ found out about the President's MS she was rarely in her office. I knew she had to meet with Oliver Babish. He was the White House attorney. I wasn't really sure what that meant, but I knew he must have had a lot of power to command people like CJ, Toby and Josh to his office whenever he wished. The few times that CJ was in her office that day she seemed okay. She wasn't great, but the idea of President Bartlet lying to her, and to the American public, seemed to be sinking in more than the night before anyway.

The First Lady stopped by her office a bit later. It wasn't the first time Abbey had been by CJ's office. I had gathered that they were friends, but this conversation was very serious. It seemed that CJ suspected that there was something wrong with the president before it was confirmed. They had a good talk. It was cordial, which I think was all either of them could muster. The day went on and passed and then another. Two days after the revelation it seemed like CJ was in full combat mode. She was out of her office a lot. I heard her say something about the basement and she kept saying Sagittarius when Toby or Josh was in the room. Things seemed pretty tense.

One afternoon, a day or two before a big interview with the president, CJ came storming into her office. She slammed the door behind her and she threw her notebook onto the couch with force. She looked angry. A few moments later Sam opened the door to her office, entered and slammed it behind him.

"You're just gonna walk away from now?" he yelled. "My opinion not only doesn't matter, but you don't even have the decency to hear it?"

"Sam, we really don't have time for this," CJ said. "And lower your voice, there are reporters around here."

"You don't need to tell me that CJ," Sam replied loudly, but in a lower tone than when he barged into her office. "I want to know when the hell my thoughts became unwelcome when we're talking about communication policy?"

"They're not unwelcome Sam, they're just wrong," CJ replied. "We don't have time to toss these things around. Decisions need to be made and you keep slowing down the process."

"I'm slowing down the process?" Sam shouted. "And the repeated eye-rolls I get from you down there? Those are helpful to the process?"

It was clear that CJ and Sam were having an awfully big disagreement. I'd never seen Sam so angry. I'd seen him mad, but never to this point. I gathered that Sam was also having a hard time dealing with the fallout over the news that the president had MS and lied about it.

The door to CJ's office opened and closed quickly as Josh stepped inside and gave both Sam and CJ disapproving looks.

"What is going on in here?" Josh asked.

"Nothing," CJ replied.

"If it's nothing then why could I hear you two screaming all the way down the hall?" Josh asked in hushed tone.

"I guess I'm just mad because I'm suddenly realizing that I'm not a part of the communication's staff," Sam said angrily.

"You are a part of the communications staff Sam," CJ said equally as irritated. "We just don't have time for you to second-guess us at every turn."

"How have I been second-guessing?"

"You didn't like the day for the interview. You didn't like the time. You debated with me for fifteen minutes about the location _after_ we made the decision to have it in the Mural Room," CJ replied.

"Okay," Josh said stepping between CJ and Sam. "First of all, you guys really shouldn't be having this conversation here. Second, you two better not let Toby see you like this. Third, we're all on the same team."

"Why shouldn't we be having this conversation here?" Sam asked. "Because it doesn't have a code name? Because then we can't play little games with astrology and plain brown envelopes slipped under bathroom doors?"

"Who's slipping envelopes under bathroom doors?" Josh asked.

"It's only a matter of time," Sam said heatedly. "I feel like I'm in a bad espionage movie around here lately."

"Do you see why we're having a problem?" CJ asked Josh.

"I resent your tone," Sam shot at her.

"I resent your--"

"Hey!" Josh shouted. "Cool it. Get it together you two. Look, I don't know what happened at your last meeting, but its over."

"I'll tell you what happened," Sam said. "CJ and Toby had their own little democracy wherein they shot down everything that came out of my mouth. But, then again, I guess whenever Toby and CJ are in the room you know they're going to back each other."

"Excuse me?" CJ asked aghast.

Now I was worried. CJ looked like she was ready to jump over her desk and throttle Sam. Obviously the medical crisis had put everyone on edge, but I never imagined they'd turn on each other.

"You heard me," Sam said.

"Yeah, Toby is always on my side," CJ scoffed. "That's why he's purposely cut me out of the loop on stories in the past, because we're always on the same side. That's why he's undermined my authority with Republican leadership. He's just always there cheering me on."

Her voice was dripping with sarcasm and I could see how she tensed up thinking about the times that Toby had let her down in the past. The emotion, however, was lost on Sam, who still looked like he wanted to go ten rounds.

"Okay enough," Josh said.

"Enough is right," Toby said as he entered CJ's office and slammed the door behind him.

CJ, Sam and Josh just stared at Toby who looked as eager for a fight as the rest of them.

"Does someone want to tell me why Steve from AP asked me what the hell is going on in here when I passed him in the hallway?" Toby asked equally as angry as CJ and Sam put together.

"CJ and Sam are having a disagreement," Josh interceded.

"I don't care if they're killing each other," Toby yelled just as loudly as they were, if not louder. "They don't do it where the press can hear them."

"Yes, because my office is soundproof Toby," CJ shot at him as he raised his voice. "And reporters only hear us, never you."

"CJ, I swear," Toby started.

"Toby, let it go," Josh said trying to calm him down.

It was like watching a group of siblings, at least, what I remembered of my siblings and how we interacted. Toby was the big brother. He kept everyone in line and they were all just a little afraid of him. When Toby was mad no one was happy and currently Toby was steaming.

Josh was playing the peacekeeper now, which was unusual because normally it was Sam who took on that role. However, today it appeared that Sam was stuck in the little brother role. He was furious that no one was listening to him.

CJ was playing the part she always played, the role of the only sister. She got to say pretty much whatever she wanted to any of them and get away with it, except today of course.

So here they were, one big unhappy dysfunctional family, and all because the president lied about having some dreaded disease. They were beginning to turn on each other and that wasn't good. Even I knew that much.

"We are gonna sit here and talk rationally about whatever the hell you two are fighting about," Toby said through his teeth. "And none of us are leaving until it's solved."

"I have to brief in twenty minutes," CJ pointed out. "Some of us are leaving when they have to leave."

"CJ has cornered the market on walking away anyway," Sam said haughtily as he took a seat on one of the couches.

"Excuse me?" CJ asked.

"You don't like what I have to say so you either roll your eyes or you walk away from me," Sam replied. "I have opinions about this and you've been dismissing me for the last three days."

"I was in Oliver Babish's office all day three days ago Sam so either your memory is going or you're full of bullsh-"

"CJ," Josh said stepping in again. "Why don't we play nice, kay?"

"Play nice?" CJ asked icily.

"That may have been the wrong choice of words," Josh muttered to himself and the room at large as he walked over to the other couch and took a seat.

"What is going on with you two?" Toby asked again.

"I'm tired of CJ patronizing me and my suggestions," Sam spoke up.

"I'm tired of Sam telling me I have some sort of personal vendetta against him and his ideas," CJ said collapsing into her chair.

Toby stood in the middle of the room and sighed. I saw how tired he looked and I knew that the entire ordeal was taking a toll on all of them. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do but watch them claw at each other. Happily though they had all seemed to take the volume down about five notches and their tones were somewhat civil.

"Why are you so quick to dismiss my ideas?" Sam asked CJ.

"Because you're wrong and we don't have time to waste," CJ replied simply.

"There you go," Sam said extending his arm toward CJ as if her response explained it all.

"Sam," Toby sighed. "She's not dismissing you."

"And here we go with complaint number two," Sam said. "Do you see what I'm talking about now Josh?"

Josh glanced quickly between Sam and Toby and CJ and said nothing. Three people may constitute a crowd, but four people together can equate a group of three against one or two different factions. I felt sorry for Josh having to take sides in this one.

"What are you talking about?" Toby asked Sam, which in turn saved Josh from having to respond.

"Oh, Sam thinks that you and I have this secret alliance where you always take my side," CJ spoke up.

"That's ridiculous," Toby replied.

"Tell me about it," CJ agreed.

"Then why were you so quick to completely ignore my input not two hours ago?" Sam asked.

"Because I agreed with CJ," Toby replied as if it were the dumbest question in the world. "I didn't ignore it. We just don't have the luxury of time to debate the points right now."

"You didn't even listen to me," Sam said. "But, I guess since I'm the last to join the Sagittarius party it's to be expected."

"It's not about that Sam," Toby exclaimed. "God you two are more alike than you think."

"What does that mean?" CJ asked.

"You two have been pissed about this since you found out," Toby said walking over to the couch that Josh sat on and taking a seat next to him. "I'm just not sure if you're pissed because you should be or pissed because other people knew before you?"

"I resent that," Sam said in a quiet, but heated tone.

"Sam, come on," Toby said.

"No, I resent the accusation," Sam said, the muscles tensing up in his face. "I'm not pissed because I found out last. I'm pissed because I'm part of a team that's supposed to be working on a strategy that will save this presidency and I've had three days to not only process the information, but to compartmentalize it into something impersonal. That's what I'm pissed about Toby."

"I don't know," Sam continued. "Obviously that comes easier to some of us than others, but right now I'm still trying to wrap my head around this entire thing."

"You think this was easy for me to process?" Toby asked.

"No, but I think you've been thinking about this for weeks," Sam replied quietly. "I'm still not clear on exactly when you found out but you've had more time to think about the consequences."

"It doesn't make it any easier Sam," Toby replied.

"Okay, seriously," Josh said once again bringing everyone's emotions down a level. "We need to focus on what comes next, but we can't do that if we're trying to tear each other down."

"I wasn't tearing him down," CJ said sincerely. "How are you so calm anyway? Normally you'd be the one freaking out about this and you're not. You're…"

"Composed," Sam finished for her.

"Yeah," CJ said.

"I'm not composed," Josh said.

"You could have fooled me," Sam said. "You're the one person who seems to be taking this in stride."

"I'm not," Josh insisted.

"Then why aren't you bouncing off the walls?" CJ asked.

"Because I'm not," Josh said standing up and pacing back and forth a few times. "Because as much as this is like one of the worst things to happen to this presidency I think we can handle it."

Toby chuckled ironically and a broad smile spread across his face. It was unusual, but somehow, vintage Toby.

"Look, I got shot almost a year ago," Josh said. "I got shot and the president got shot and both of us came out the other side alive. I feel like we can deal with whatever comes next."

The room was silent for a moment. Josh rarely brought up Rosslyn or the shooting. I was surprised that he was the one to mention it, but somehow it seemed to make sense. They all took in Josh's response and finally CJ was the one to break the silence.

"I wasn't trying to discount your opinion Sam," CJ said honestly. "I know the media. I know what's gonna look good and what's not. I know that the president's best side is his left. I know that he gets punchy in the afternoon, but I also know that if we schedule an interview when he's punchy it'll be more casual and his likeability factor goes up four points. I know that having Abbey sitting next to him in the public equivalent of his living room makes him look more relatable. And I know that the interview style, time and place we agreed on are the best I can do with what he's given us."

"I wasn't trying to tear you or you suggestions down. I was trying to make the best of what we've been given. I was trying to use my strengths to get him the hell out of this mess."

"I know," Sam said. "I was just…I _am_ having a hard time dealing with this."

"We can't turn on each other," Josh said. "He needs us to keep it together right now."

I was baffled by how Josh seemed to be the one holding everyone together, but in that moment it seemed right. Toby sat silently on the couch, CJ and Sam exchanged looks of mutual apology and suddenly everyone seemed to be on track.

"We'll keep it together," CJ replied.

"Divided we fall," Sam said.

"United we stand," Toby agreed. "You two are?"

"Fine," Sam nodded.

"Good," CJ agreed.

"And we are?" Toby asked Sam.

"On the same page," Sam assured him.

"Okay," Toby replied. "We shouldn't talk about this up here again, not until after…"

He let his sentence trailed off and I knew that he meant the information would be going public soon enough and then they'd be free to discuss it whenever and wherever they wished.

"Right," Josh said. "I have a meeting. We're all good?"

"Yeah," CJ said.

"Okay," Josh said opening the door and walking out. Toby followed soon after leaving CJ and Sam alone again.

"Sam you know I wasn't trying…"

"I know."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Sam nodded and walked out of CJ's office as she let her shoulders slump before sinking into her chair. I knew there was a rough road ahead and it felt awful to be so helpless. I tried swimming around a little to get CJ's attention and maybe cheer her up. Instead of watching me she got back to her paperwork, occasionally rubbing her eyes with her fingers. I wasn't certain of what was to come, but I had a hunch that it might get worse before it got better.

TBC


	21. Benched

Author's Note: The updates to this piece will be slow in coming, but I promise I'm not done with it. Reviews are always appreciated. This is a companion to season three's Manchester Parts I and II.

* * *

"Benched"

Just as I suspected, it seemed that things following Mrs. Landingham's funeral got a lot harder for everyone. The day of the funeral President Bartlet made the announcement that he had MS, but, more importantly, he also announced that he would run for re-election and win. The gauntlet had been thrown. It was nice that he was the one to do it, but CJ was rarely around the office after that. I heard her on the phone making plans in New Hampshire and I knew that I would be out of the loop for a while. It seemed like every Friday she would put the lid on early and fly to New Hampshire and come back Monday or Tuesday morning looking tired and frustrated. I figured it was because CJ was never really an outdoorsy kind of person. She liked nature; she just didn't feel the need to become one with it. The Bartlet Farm sounded kind of rural and, if you want to know my opinion, kind of boring. What's so great about horses anyway? Apparently they had great apple cider, but I don't know if that would persuade me to go out there once a week.

I guess I should also mention that in between the time CJ was in New Hampshire and the office, something else happened. She messed up pretty bad in the briefing room and she was paying the price for it. I saw her gaffe on the small TV set in her office and I knew she had made quite a mistake. Everyone else knew she messed up too. From what I could gather Toby, Sam and Josh had stormed off to the briefing room and tried to talk to her. She dismissed them all and instead holed up in her office until Leo summoned her. Ever since that day things had seemed tense and CJ had seemed sadder than usual.

Anyway, one day, after one of her New Hampshire treks, she came back to the office and she looked awful. It looked like she hadn't slept in days and her usual sarcastic comments cut more than usual. It seemed like she actually meant them. After she snapped at two reporters, yelled at Carol and mispoke (again) at her morning briefing, I was suspicious that something was up. It wasn't until CJ just sat in her chair and stared at the wall for five minutes that I understood that something was very wrong.

I wanted to ask her about it, but of course I couldn't. Josh or Toby usually dropped by to chat and I had hoped that one of them might be by to ask her if everything was okay, but of course they were in New Hampshire indefinitely. This was something I was going to have to wait out. I don't know if I mentioned it, but I'm not good at waiting. So I devised a plan to get CJ talking. Looking back on it now, it probably wasn't what anyone would call brilliant, but at the time I was convinced that it would work. I summoned my strength and I decided it would be a good idea to jump out of my bowl.

I figured jumping high into the air and then falling back into the bowl would be a good idea. I'd make a splash and CJ would hear the water, turn around and open up to me. Unfortunately it didn't work that way. I was shooting through the water, my brilliant plan just beginning, I broke through the plane and I was free, out of the bowl and flying through the air. This was going to work. Except, it was at that moment when I realized that I had too much trajectory and instead of landing back in the bowl I was about to land on a briefing book detailing agriculture projections for the next year. There would be no loud splash. There would be a quiet thud as I hit the hard paper covering her desk, taking my last breath on corn projections for the next year. She would never even hear me and then…thud.

As I anticipated, I missed the bowl and landed smack dab in the center of the agriculture report. I gasped and flopped around a bit. The oxygen was beginning to get to me. I flailed on the paper screaming at CJ to turn around. "This is the end," I thought. "Good bye CJ. It has been a privilege." I flipped once more and flopped back over once more. My eyes went black and that was the end.

Then, suddenly I felt water. Sweet, glorious H2O saturated my gills and brought me back from the brink of death. I don't know who threw me back in the bowl, but I noticed that Carol was now in the office. She hadn't been before I blacked out. My vision was slightly fuzzy, but coming back, which I was grateful for. My hearing was a little muffled, but I could make out bits and pieces of the conversation.

"…she would jump out? Do goldfish do that?" CJ asked.

"I had some fish that did that once," Carol confirmed.

"Do you think she's okay?" CJ asked.

I was beginning to see more clearly and my hearing was better. I had to re-acclimate myself to the bowl. I slowly swam around a few times. I felt like a sprained a fin.

"She's swimming weird," CJ commented.

"I think she's okay, probably just startled," Carol said. "Do you think vets treat goldfish?"

"Should I call one?"

I didn't want them to make a fuss over me, but I was silently feeling very loved at that moment. I was also mentally berating myself for trying such a foolish thing. "Never again," I told myself. "No more jumping."

By the time I picked the conversation back up it was clear that I had already missed something.

"…out of the loop, suicidal fish," CJ finished her though as she collapsed back into her chair.

"Is everything okay boss?" Carol asked.

"No," CJ replied confidently. "It really isn't."

CJ gave her a feeble attempt at a smile as if to indicate that she was only joking. I didn't believe it and neither did Carol. I also tried to tell CJ that I wasn't suicidal, but she didn't really hear that either.

"Can I do anything?" Carol asked.

"No," CJ replied. "I'm sorry I yelled at you before. I didn't mean it. I was just taking things out on you and that's not okay."

"I should know how to spell sclerosis."

"No," CJ said. "You really shouldn't. Thanks though."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm just gonna sit here and watch Gail for a minute."

"Okay," Carol replied. She walked out of the office and closed the door. I noticed that she left it open a crack. Barely a sliver of light could be seen, but I knew that was Carol's way of keeping her eye on CJ while she kept an eye on me.

"So," CJ said to me quietly as she peered into my bowl. "Do pets sense the emotions of their owners or what? I know things aren't great now, but you really can't jump out of your bowl okay? I've got a lot on my plate and you dying on the corn crop projections on top of everything else would not be very unhelpful."

"I got it," I replied. "Trust me when I say it will never happen again."

"Besides which, I'd have to tell Danny where you were if he ever stopped by and that would be awkward. He'd probably think I'd neglected you and then he'd taunt me about it in his Danny way. The thing is I have a lot going on right now. First the MS, then Haiti, then me losing it in the press room, then getting benched on Haiti," CJ rattled off the list of things on her mind. "I need you to stick around okay Gail?"

"I am definitely in it for the long haul," I assured her. "I was trying to get your attention. I was trying to get you to open up. I guess it worked, but I am not going that route again. Ever."

CJ sighed and slunk back into her chair swiveling it slowing a few ticks to the right, then the left. Her hands were clasped over her stomach and she looked tired again. Her desk phone rang and she stared at it for a moment before leaning forward and picking it up.

"CJ Cregg," she said in a tone that sounded defeated.

Unfortunately for me she didn't put the call on speaker phone, but I knew she was talking to her brother. Her tone picked up a bit when she found out the call wasn't work related.

"I'd love to see Hogan," CJ said. "Now is just a really bad time."

"I know she does. I just…I might have a lot more free time later," CJ said. "No, I'm not getting fired. I might be leaving."

I perked up at that response. She might be leaving? Where was she going? Obviously her brother had questions too because CJ was silent as she listened to her brother.

"I'm not a quitter," CJ replied louder. "You don't know what it's been like around here."

Her brother said something else to which CJ replied bitterly, "Well maybe I'm tired of things being hard. Maybe for once in my life I want things to be easy. Is that so much to ask?"

"Sometimes it's too much. Don't you ever feel that way in the very exciting world of accounting? I just want…I want a break for a change okay? I don't want to be so disappointed anymore. I don't want to be a disappointment."

Whatever her brother's response to her was it seemed to calm her down a little. The features of her face softened and the fire in her eyes seemed to fade.

"I know," she replied. "I haven't said anything yet. I'm still thinking about it."

"Thanks for your input," CJ said. "I will. Tell Hogan I promise that we'll get together soon. I just have to get all this campaign stuff finished."

"I will," CJ said. "I said I will. Bye."

CJ hung up the phone and looked at me. "Brothers," she said.

"Tell me about it," I replied. "I had 10. Though being the only girl does have its perks."

"What am I gonna do Gail?" CJ sighed as she turned her chair to face the wall again. "What am I gonna do?"

I started to give her my response when there was a light rap on the door and Sam pushed it open as he entered. He looked more casual than usual.

"CJ?"

"Yeah?" she said not turning around in her chair.

"I'm going up," he said.

"Well I hear New Hampshire's what's new," she replied slyly as she turned around to face him. I figured it was some sort of inside joke because Sam smiled a little as well.

"Are you doing okay?" he asked. Sam and CJ had been fighting a few weeks back. They had traded cutting comments and seemed to be taking their anger over the president out on each other. But, recently they had patched things up and it seemed like they may have even been closer for it.

"I'm peachy," CJ replied.

"You're still out front," Sam said. It was clear to me that he was trying to console her over being benched on Haiti without bringing up the word Haiti.

"I'm not, but thanks for trying," CJ said.

"Nancy is only doing the Haiti briefings because she's National Security Advisor," Sam reminded her. "She's better equipped to answer the questions."

"And not lump it in with the MS, I know," CJ said.

"You don't feel that way?"

"I really don't," CJ paused a moment. "You have no idea what it feels like to be replaced by Nancy McNally in my briefing room. Any shred of credibility I had is completely gone now."

"On the upside, they didn't replace you with a deputy. A red shirt didn't come off the bench and upstage you. It's Nancy McNally."

"Not a bad way to go is what you're telling me?"

Sam paused for a minute, unsure of what to say. I could see it in his eyes. "You're down, not out," he said. "This will pass."

"Maybe it shouldn't," CJ murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing," CJ said straightening up in her chair. The time to feel sorry for herself had ended. She was back to work. "What can I do for you Spanky?"

"Are you…"

"What can I do for you?" she asked again cutting him off.

"Uh, the last draft of the kick-off speech," Sam said. "What did you think?"

"You really want to know?"

"That bad?"

"Not good," she replied.

"We'll work on it," Sam said trying to stay upbeat.

"Before or after Toby kills you and anyone else in the room?" CJ asked.

"There's a pool going," Sam smartly replied. "I'm trying to be positive so I put my money on before, thus Toby wouldn't have to kill anyone, especially me."

"Then put me down for before too," CJ replied. "I'd miss you if Toby killed you and he doesn't look good in orange."

"I'll let him know," Sam smiled. "You coming up tomorrow?"

"Day after."

Sam nodded and rocked back on his heels. "I'll see you then," he said. "Don't let all this get to you. It'll pass. We've never had to deal with a major medical cover up before."

"Thanks," CJ said with an ironic smile. "First time for everything I guess."

"Yeah," Sam said. "I'll see ya."

"Yeah."

CJ watched Sam walk out the door and she immediately went back to her work. She looked more resolved now than before, but I couldn't figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I figured that I'd never actually find out for sure what would happen. It would most likely take place in New Hampshire. Either CJ would come back, put my bowl in a box and we'd be gone or she'd come back and stay for good. I hoped that the latter was true. I'd sure miss this place if I wasn't around.

TBC


	22. Volatile Elements and NaCl

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during season 3's The Day Before. I'm sorry this update was very long in coming. I am planning on continuing with this story when time allows. The updates might be few and far between, but thanks for those who are still reading. Reviews are appreciated.

* * *

"Volatile Elements and NaCl"

It had been a few weeks since CJ's near-resignation and she had hit the ground running in order to prove herself again. She had been busy all over the building and I didn't see her much. It had something to do with President Bartlet being investigated by Congress. CJ had something to do with that, but most of those meetings took place out of her office so I wasn't privy to all the inside information. However, things were looking up again. CJ wasn't away from her desk as often and she seemed to preparing for something big. Carol kept giving her information on a bunch of people who won some award for being noble or something.

"And she won the Nobel Prize for Literature?" CJ asked Carol one day.

"Yes," Carol nodded. "Did you know she wrote over ninety books?"

"In fact I did," CJ replied. "Let's just hope I can put that information to good use at this dinner. With my luck I'll get stuck sitting with a rocket scientist. When do we get the seating chart?"

"I expect it this afternoon," Carol replied.

"So that gives me like a day to memorize the periodic table in case I get stuck with anyone in the science field."

"Pretty much."

"Cross your fingers for the Nobel winner for Peace."

"Will do," Carol nodded looking at her notepad. "Have you decided on a dress to wear?"

"Do I need to know now?"

"No, I was just wondering," Carol said.

I knew why Carol was wondering about the dress. It was the same reason I wondered about the dress. When CJ had to attend very formal events she usually had trouble picking one. Sometimes this meant that Carol got to go on a shopping trip with CJ at lunch. Other times it meant that CJ hauled in a bunch of dresses which she tried on for Carol, Donna and myself at lunch. Carol and Donna mostly gave input about which dress they liked best, but I liked to think I had a hand in it myself.

"You're getting all girlie on me again, aren't you Carol?" CJ asked with a grin.

"Not girlie," Carol denied it. I'm just interested in the more fun aspects of working for you."

"I've got five dresses hanging on the back of my door," CJ informed her. "After I find out who I'm sitting with we'll discuss options."

Yes! I was very excited about the possibility of another fashion show. CJ usually had some really beautiful dresses and I liked seeing the fun colors she would wear. It was a definite change from her normal everyday suits. It wasn't that the suits weren't nice, but we're women. Women like clothes, or so Josh and Toby always say. I supposed, being a girl myself, that I should get into fashion too.

A few hours later the official seating chart had made its way to CJ's office. She was not pleased.

"So I guess I'm going to have to start memorizing the periodic table," CJ sighed.

"Yeah," Carol nodded sadly.

"How many Nobel winners don't have anything to do with science?" CJ asked rhetorically. "I was never a math major, but the probability of me ending up at a table with a non-language, arts, peace, environmentalist person was pretty good wasn't it?"

"I thought," Carol agreed.

"Who did Josh get?" CJ asked.

"The winner of the Nobel Prize in Economics," Carol replied consulting her list.

CJ sighed. "It's so unfair."

"Am I late?" Donna asked poking her head into the office.

"No," CJ replied blandly.

"You got the seating arrangements?" Donna guessed.

"The Secretary of Labor got the winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature Donna. Does that seem right to you? I have one day to memorize the periodic table of elements."

"You think that you'll be talking a lot about the symbol for Barium?"

"Barium is an element?" CJ asked.

"I'm pretty sure," Carol nodded.

"Great," CJ said. She stood up from her chair and walked over to her door. She pulled the dresses she had hanging there out and started setting them on the furniture in her office. "Oh well, should we get started?"

CJ had snapped from forlorn science student to girlie fashion model pretty quickly. I had to admire her resolve. Plus, I wasn't really that interested in studying elements anyway. I wasn't even really sure what they were. I was, however, very sure I knew what kind of dress CJ should wear to the event. I was hoping she brought something long and flowing and bright.

Donna and Carol stepped outside the office while CJ closed the blinds in her office while she changed. I turned my head to give her a little more privacy. I always wondered if she felt weird changing in her office. It was kind of a large space and it seemed odd to change clothes there, although CJ did it quite a bit because of her long hours. I heard the door to the office click and I turned knowing that CJ was ready to be seen.

"Wow," Carol said. "Is that new?"

"Yeah," CJ smiled sheepishly. "I saw it a few weeks ago and I figured I have the chance to wear it somewhere one day."

"It's great," Donna agreed.

CJ was wearing a long black dress that was very fitted. It clung, maybe a little too much, to her hips and the neckline was lower than her usual dresses. I had to admit that she looked stunning though. She was standing in the doorway of her office and I couldn't really see around her. However, I did hear a low whistle and then the sound of Josh's voice.

"Wow, how much an hour?" he said jokingly. I didn't really get the joke, but I caught a glimpse of Carol's face and I knew that meant the joke was inappropriate.

"Josh," Donna said swatting him hard on the arm. "CJ looks great."

"I know," Josh said as he rubbed his shoulder. "That's what I'm saying."

"You're saying I look great by way of calling me a prostitute?" CJ asked him.

Josh suddenly looked uncomfortable. After a moment he gulped and said, "No. I was just commenting that you look good, but you don't normally show, what does Mrs. Bartlet always say to you about décolletage?"

"She isn't showing that much," Donna retorted.

CJ looked down and examined her dress. She really did look wonderful, but in a way Josh had a point. She was flashing a little more skin than she would normally show at a White House function. There was nothing wrong with it. It was just different.

"How old is my Nobel Prize winner?" CJ asked Carol.

Carol consulted a sheet of paper on her desk. "Uh, eighty-four," she replied.

"Okay, this is not the dress for an 84-year old Nobel Prize winner," CJ said as she started to shut the door to her office.

"You look great though, CJ," Josh called as the door shut in his face.

CJ huffed as she quickly unzipped the black dress. I could hear her grumbling as she moved around the office, hanging up the black dress and pulling out a red dress. I didn't hear it all, but I know I heard the words 'common harlot' a few times before she had the red dress on. I noticed the color at once, but I stayed still, transfixed by the color and the dress. I think she had found a winner, even if she had three more hangars on the back of her door.

"Okay," CJ said as she opened the door to her office. "Does this one say I charge $250 a night or $500?"

"Wow," Carol said. "That is beautiful."

"It really is," Donna agreed.

"Where did my male contingent go? He doesn't want to weigh in?" CJ asked scanning the hallway for Josh.

"We convinced him that he was better off back in his office," Donna replied. "I think that dress is stunning CJ. Who is it?"

"Diane Cooke," CJ said. "She sent it over after the last state dinner. It is pretty nice."

"It's gorgeous," Carol corrected her.

"It looks comfortable. Is it?" Donna asked.

"It is actually," CJ said swishing around in the dress a little bit. I liked the noise the fabric made as it swished back and forth.

"I know you have a few more dresses, but I think this might be the winner," Carol said.

"You know what? I think this might be the winner to," CJ nodded as she ran her hand down the front of the dress.

And so, that was it. The lunch time fashion show ended about as quickly as it began. Josh had the good sense to not drop by for the rest of the day after his prostitute comment and everything was decided. CJ took the rest of the afternoon to start memorizing facts about the man she was sitting with at the dinner. I'm still uncertain as to how she thought this would help her make conversation, but it made sense to her and she's a smart woman so I didn't question it.

The next day CJ was getting ready for the big dinner a while later while Toby waited in her doorway. He was ostensibly there on business, but I secretly thought he was just there to check out her dress. I always felt that although Toby and CJ were wonderful friends, that there was something that lingered under the surface. I noticed it more on Toby's behalf than CJ's and I always felt kind of sorry for him. I got the impression that he was always just about to tell her that he loved her, but then he wouldn't. Never was this more evident than when Danny was around. The jealousy in Toby flared a little more than usual. Lucky for him he didn't have to worry about that now.

"I might need to pull you out of this thing," Toby said leaning against the doorway with his hand in his pocket.

"Pull away," CJ said. "They've got me sitting with some chemistry guy."

I noticed the smirk on Toby's face. They continued talking while I admittedly tuned out their conversation. There was something slightly historic going on. I knew that much. I know it is horrible for me to say that sometimes I don't listen, but given the fact that regular goldfish have an average memory of about seven seconds and I can write a memoir, you have to give me a little credit. Political talk can be boring for people. What do you think it can do to a fish?

Instead of truly listening I decided to check out one of CJ's many TVs. I liked how the pictures would change and I'd occasionally catch a glimpse of the President. I'd only really ever seen President Bartlet on television. Abbey Bartlet had visited CJ's office every so often. It seemed like they were sort of friends and she was nice enough. Her visits were never that long. President Bartlet kind of fascinated me. Leo had that effect on me as well. He only ever occasionally popped into CJ's office too. They both reminded me of larger than life figures. I was almost glad that they weren't around often because they were these idealized figures in my head. I feared that having too much exposure to them might make that assessment change. Although, I will say that CJ lost a bit of respect for the president after the MS scandal. I didn't really understand what that was all about so it didn't affect me quite as greatly.

By the time I blinked out of my reverie I realized that CJ and Toby were long gone and I was alone. I did a few circles around my bowl and tried to figure out how long I was zoned out. It must have been a while though because the next thing I knew CJ was coming back into the office and she kicking off her shoes.

"Carol, do you know where I put my shoes?" CJ called as she pulled her work suit off a hangar. This was different. Once CJ got all gussied up for an occasion she rarely changed again. This signaled to me that something had happened.

"Under your desk," Carol called.

"Thanks," CJ replied shutting the door and peeling off her dress. I don't even think she bothered with shutting the blinds. This was a definite sign that something bad had happened. It took about twenty minutes for me to find out, along with the rest of the press that there had been a bombing overseas and that people had died. It was another blow to the peace process and I felt bad for everyone involved.

I watched the briefing and, as usual, CJ couldn't give much information about who was killed or why or what was next. The reporters were mostly asking the usual questions, but there was one reporter who had annoyed CJ earlier and it appeared that she was still at it. She had asked a question that CJ clearly didn't like because her reply was terse and short.

It wasn't until about forty minutes later that I realized why CJ hated Sherri Wexler. Carol had come into CJ's office and they turned up the volume on the TV carrying Sherri's White House coverage. It was then that she made a pretty petty comment about CJ being a clothes-horse who worried more about changing her wardrobe than about the story of the bombing. Carol was livid. She wanted to take care of Sherri, but CJ told her no. She told Carol that she was take care of Sherri and judging by the tone of CJ's voice I had no doubt that Sherri Wexler was in for a bad night. I wasn't sure what she had planned but I knew that by the end of the night I would know that CJ had put Sherri in her place.

It was a good two hours before I heard the outcome of CJ's promise to deal with Sherri. CJ walked back into her office and she looked exhilarated. I wasn't sure what just happened, but I had heard her talking to the vile fashion reporter before coming back to her desk. I had a pretty good idea that CJ had just told that reporter where she could go and I was proud of her. She was proud of herself too. With tensions running high, as I knew they were, I was happy that CJ was able to succeed in one aspect of her day anyway. Knowing the chemical symbols for table salt notwithstanding of course.

She plopped down in her chair and leaned backwards stretching her arms over her head for a moment before she leaned forward and peered into my bowl.

"You know, I might not know the periodic table of the elements, but sometimes its good to be me Gail," CJ informed me confidently.

"I have no doubt," I nodded while she sprinkled a few flakes of food into my bowl.

She brushed the food residue off her fingers and put the cap back on the jar. She inhaled deeply and then the air out slowly. She did that sometimes when she was switching gears. I sensed that her victory over the reporter was short-lived. It was time to move on to something else. However, I was pleasantly pleased to find that although CJ was moving on, there was someone who wasn't ready to let go just yet.

CJ's phone rang and it gave me a bit of a start. I wasn't expecting it. I can usually sense when the phone is about to ring or when Josh is going to burst into CJ's office whining, but I was a little distracted by a few flakes of food and so the noise startled me.

"CJ Cregg," she answered, all business-like.

"You're not serious," CJ said after a moment of silence. I noticed that the tone of her voice changed. I couldn't quite place it, but I'd heard it before. The quality of her voice was different, softer somehow, yet with an edge of serious playfulness. It was weird.

"I can't believe you watch, that you would even listen to—"

I could tell whoever it was cut her off. I was kind of hoping that she'd put the call on speaker, but since she wasn't busy rooting through files I didn't think that was a possibility. I strained my ear to try to hear who was on the other end.

"…thought you looked pretty good in the red dress," I thought I heard someone say through the phone. Who would say that to CJ? I discounted Josh, Toby and Sam because while they would all say something like that to her, she seemed surprised to be talking to whoever was on the other end of the line.

"Remind me again how you won a Pultizer when your news comes from a journalist, and I use that word very loosely, who is more concerned about my clothes than about the first veto by President Bartlet in three years in office or about a suicide bombing in the Middle East?"

Pultizer? Could Danny be on the other end of the line? Oh boy! I was so excited that I did a few circles around my bowl. If only she'd put the call on speaker phone. I strained again and just heard a light laugh on the other end of the phone. I swam around a few more times furiously. My heart started beating faster. I assumed after my quick laps that my heart was now in rhythm with CJ's. After all, Danny was on the phone. He hadn't forgotten about us. It had been a fairly long time since he had been to visit and come to think of it, I hadn't noticed him in the briefing room either.

"Danny, I'm gonna put you on speaker okay?" CJ said.

YES! I swam a little faster up and down in my bowl.

"Can fish have seizures?" CJ asked Danny. Fish? Seizures? Was she talking about me?

"Seizures?" Danny asked quizzically.

"I don't know," CJ said leaning over my bowl and tapping the side a few times. "Gail is freakin' out in her bowl over here."

"She's probably just excited to hear from me," Danny quipped, not realizing at all that he was absolutely right.

I didn't realize that I was scaring CJ with my antics. I guess it had been a while since I'd exercised, but the thought that Danny was on the phone truly made me one happy fish. I slowed down a little bit just to make sure CJ would stop worrying. I secretly hoped that she wouldn't take Danny off speaker phone though so I may have embellished my frenzy just a little bit more. I know. I'm terrible.

"Is she better now?" Danny asked.

"Yeah, she seems like it," CJ replied taking a seat again, though still eyeing me concerned. "You're sure she can't have a seizure?"

"I'm not a veterinarian," Danny said. "Come to think of it I'm not even sure vets treat goldfish, but I'm pretty sure she'll be fine."

"I'll be fine," I wanted to yell. "Enough about me! Get back to the good stuff. Something about looking pretty good in your red dress, I believe?"

"So anyway, how did it end?" Danny asked CJ.

"The override vote or the dress saga?" CJ asked.

"The dress saga of course," Danny flirted shamelessly with her.

"I revoked her press pass and she'll get it back when I say," CJ said nonchalantly, though I knew she was still reveling in her domination over that horrible reporter.

"Very nice," Danny replied. "I personally liked how you dressed her down in the briefing room though," Danny chuckled.

"That did feel kind of good," CJ replied.

"Are you sad you missed the big dinner?" Danny asked.

"As awful as it is going to make me sound, no," CJ said. "They sat me with the Nobel Prize winner for chemistry."

"Who did you piss off in the seating arrangement department?"

"Exactly! I couldn't have drawn the winner for literature or peace?"

"I'm sure you were doing fine," Danny assured her.

"I was holding my own," CJ replied with a hint of flirtation in her voice. "For instance, I'd say, excuse me, but could you please pass the NaCl?"

"You didn't actually say that," Danny said chuckling.

"No, not actually," CJ admitted. "I was going to though."

"I think you got pulled out of that dinner just in time. How is the president doing? He usually takes the suicide bombers to heart."

"I don't know," CJ admitted. "I'm headed over to his office in a minute. He wanted to talk about what to say to the family. He hates that part of the job."

"I can't blame him," Danny agreed.

There was a silence between them then. It was one that signaled awkwardness and longing and comfort all at once. CJ played with her earring absently and then she got back to business.

"Did you…You haven't been here in a while," CJ commented.

"I'll be back one day," he assured her. "I'm on assignment."

"You're considering coming back to cover the White House?" CJ asked.

"Why? You miss me?"

And there it was. A pointed, straight-forward question. The one he probably always wanted to ask and the one that I had always wanted answered.

"Well who else can I go to with my fish questions?" CJ tried feebly to laugh off his question.

"CJ—"

"I just thought, if you were coming back, that you'd be back already. It's not a big deal."

"Okay," Danny replied. I could clearly tell that wasn't the response he had hoped for.

"There's a lot going on now Danny," CJ said trying to justify herself.

"You don't owe me an explanation," Danny said. "I get it."

"It's not—"

"I understand Claudia Jean," he said. "Anyway, I just wanted to say I saw your briefing tonight. You did good."

"Thanks," CJ said glumly.

"I'm gonna be going overseas for a while," Danny said finally.

"Oh?"

"I'm, its looking like it might be a more extended assignment, or freelance work," Danny said.

"You're going to be gone for a while," she stated it as a fact and not a question. I was hopeful when Danny called. I thought it was a signal of good things to come. Apparently I was wrong. I could tell by her tone that she was shutting down the personal side of their relationship. Where she was once hopeful, she was now resolved. Whatever might have happened with Danny just ended.

"Yeah," Danny replied. I thought he had picked up on the shift as well. "I wanted to say goodbye before I left. I called Carol to make a lunch date, but you're pretty booked up lately."

"Well, being under investigation by Congress, vetoing estate tax bills and changing my clothes takes a lot of time," she said glibly. Even her joke about the clothes fell flat. "Have a safe trip."

"Should I e-mail you? Let you know what's going on over the pond?" Danny asked. He was putting the ball in her court. She was the one who would decide how much communication there would be between them.

"If you want. You might be busy learning Arabic or something," CJ responded.

"Okay," Danny replied. "Well, the president is waiting for you, I'm sure. You gave Sherri Wexler what was coming to her."

"Thanks. Have a safe flight," CJ said.

"Thanks. I'll be in touch," Danny said.

"Bye," CJ replied clicking the speaker phone button.

She sat there for a minute staring at the phone. "They sat me with Nobel Prize winner for chemistry Gail," she said to me. "The one subject I was never very good at."

CJ sighed and stood up, readying herself to go meet with the president. Overall the day had not been a good one. It had started out with such promise. One step forward, two steps back. Why was that always the way in the Bartlet White House?

TBC


	23. The Secret Life of CJ Cregg

Author's Note: This vignette takes place during season 3's "The Women of Qumar."

* * *

"The Secret Life of CJ Cregg"

Things had been hectic around the West Wing for the last few weeks. CJ was in and out of her office. Josh was frantic. Sam was agitated and Toby was…Toby. Once Thanksgiving came around things calmed down slightly, but everyone was still running around, on the offensive. I had gotten used to this type of frantic pace ever since President Bartlet announced his MS. It seemed to me that everyone was just trying to stay one step ahead of the media, their enemies and anyone else who might want to take a smack at the president.

Today had been no different than the others of the last few weeks with the exception that today it didn't seem like CJ was fighting the enemies at the gates. It seemed like she was fighting the enemy from within. I had just been witness to CJ getting rather testy with Toby at a morning meeting. It struck me as odd because even though I'd seen Toby and CJ fight Toby seemed taken aback by her attitude. Usually he was aware of what they were fighting about and why. I wished I was able to see more, but Toby gave CJ a look that said, 'this is not the appropriate place for this,' and the exchange ended when CJ moved on to the next order of business.

Over the course of the day I overheard a few conversations and I put the pieces together. CJ was mad at Toby because the president at made a deal with a country called Qumar. I'd never heard of it, but it didn't sound like a place I wanted to visit, being a female and all. CJ made it sound pretty horrible. I had known for quite a while that CJ was a feminist. Josh had used the word a few times in relation to CJ. I guess he usually used the words shicksa feminista, which I just assumed was Spanish for super feminist, but I'm not bilingual. I was born and raised in Washington D.C. Although I wasn't completely certain what made someone a feminist, I was pretty sure it had something to do with equal rights for women.

CJ was usually the lone female voice in the Oval Office and I knew that it sometimes weighed on her. It wasn't that Josh, Sam, Toby and Leo didn't think of women's rights. Heck, President Bartlet had a house full of women between his wife and three daughters. CJ never usually had a problem with the president or the White House policies on women. But today things were different. She was unusually annoyed about the fact that the White House brokered a deal with Qumar. Trading military weapons in exchange for landing space did seem like high price to pay, especially since Qumar seemed to treat women like second class citizens. However, CJ seemed to take this very much to heart; Maybe even a little too much to heart.

I knew that she wasn't behaving rationally when Nancy McNally paid her a visit before the five o'clock briefing to talk to her about the Qumar situation. They started having a heated conversation before taking it out into the hall and out of earshot. I'm not sure how it ended, but I had a pretty good idea. Not more than ten minutes after they'd left I saw CJ's briefing start. I'm sure no one noticed, but I could tell that she had tears in her eyes as she made a joke about renewing the lease on the air base in Qumar. I saw her glance to her right and I wondered who she had made eye contact with as she moved the briefing to other subjects. I only needed to wait a half hour before I found out.

CJ walked back into her office and handed Carol her briefing book.

"You can get out of here Carol," CJ said.

"It's only 5:30pm," Carol pointed out.

"You'd rather stay until 10pm?" CJ asked half-joking, half-serious.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," Carol smiled before walking out of the office.

CJ leaned forward with her elbows on her desk and rested her head in her hands. She didn't make a sound. She just sat there, covering her face and breathing deeply. For a minute I thought she might be crying, but she finally lifted her head up and I saw that she was fine. Relatively speaking of course.

"CJ," Toby said quietly as he hovered in her doorway.

CJ looked up at him, but didn't say a word.

"I saw your briefing," he said.

"I know," CJ said.

"You handled it really well," Toby said inching into the office.

"Well I didn't have much of a choice did I?" she replied leaning back in her chair and gesturing him toward her guest chair.

"No," Toby said. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"Talk about why you're taking this so personally," Toby replied.

CJ ran her fingers through her hair quickly and sighed.

"CJ?"

"I am, I _did_ take it personally," CJ admitted.

"Last I checked you didn't ever live in Qumar," Toby reminded her.

"Do you think that matters?" CJ asked. "It isn't about me. It's about the fact that there are women on this planet that can be forced into prostitution or stoned for being raped. It's unacceptable Toby."

"I don't disagree with you, but you re taking it personally. This is about national security it has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me," CJ said almost spitefully. She didn't raise her voice, in fact, she lowered it. It was almost a growl. I had never heard her talk to Toby this way and it made me a little nervous.

I'm not sure Toby knew what to make of her response because he sat there, silent for a moment. I could almost see him thinking until his eyes had a flicker of recognition. "CJ what happened?" Toby asked nervously.

"Nothing," she dismissed him. "I'm fine now, okay? I played my part. I buried the story with DOD and we don't have to talk about it anymore."

Toby didn't say anything. He just looked at her with sadness in his eyes. I wasn't sure what he had figured out. I felt like I was a few steps behind, as usual.

"I don't want to talk about it Toby," CJ said again as she saw how he looked at her.

Again, Toby said nothing. He waited. I waited, with baited breath, hoping that she would reveal why she was so worked up over the Qumar situation. She seemed so much more invested in this than she needed to be. It had me puzzled and, like Toby, I wanted to know more. CJ didn't disappoint.

"I know you probably think I'm crazy," CJ said chuckling, but not really indicated mirth. "I just can't seem to let this one go and I know I have to and I will. I just need a little while."

"Can I ask why?"

Finally CJ sighed and I could tell that the floodgates were about to open.

"It will probably come as a shock to you, but I wasn't always the fabulously put-together woman that I am today," CJ started. I noticed Toby grin slightly.

"I wasn't exactly beating off men with a stick in high school and when I went off to college I was still a little naïve. I was a freshman and I had a class with this guy that I thought was just…perfect. He was a junior; twenty-one, confident, gorgeous and he noticed me."

"I was shocked because I really didn't think I had a chance in hell of ever…anyway he was my first real boyfriend, whom I'd consider my first boyfriend anyway. I'm not so sure that he'd…Anyway, I was 18 and clueless and he told me I was beautiful. It didn't matter much that flirted with other women or that he wasn't really all that nice to me."

She looked off to the corner of her office as if she was reliving a memory. Toby as silent for a moment, but eventually he couldn't take the silence.

"CJ, he didn't…"

"We were at a party," CJ said cutting him off. It was as if she needed to get through the story, lest she lose her nerve. "I wanted to leave because he was getting drunk and stupid. He didn't want to leave and we were arguing on the front lawn of this house. There was this really huge oak tree in the front yard. I remember because it was fall and the leaves were just starting to turn. The leaves were a really wonderful orange."

She paused for a moment and Toby said nothing. It was obvious that he was waiting for her to get to the heart of the story. I knew it would only be a moment. For now this story was still CJ's. Once she shared it with Toby he'd know a piece of her private pain and then it wouldn't be the same.

"He told me we'd leave when he was good and ready and I told him I was leaving with or without him," she said slowly. "That wasn't what he wanted to hear and that's when he hit me."

At that moment I wasn't sure whose eyes betrayed more pain-CJ's or Toby's. He looked angry and hurt for her. She looked ashamed and sad just thinking about it, but she continued on.

"It was October and the lawn was dewy and I slipped. I ended up with a bloody nose and a pretty big gash on my forearm. I guess it wasn't even so much that he hit me. It was more the fact that he saw me, bleeding on the lawn and he turned around and walked back into the house. He just left me there, alone on a cold fall night, bleeding and he was the one responsible for that and he just walked away. I don't think I really knew what being in love was at that age, but at that moment I became really aware of what it wasn't."

"I've never told anyone this before," CJ added almost sheepishly.

"It wasn't your fault," Toby replied forcefully.

"I know it wasn't," CJ said confidently. "It was his. But it wasn't just his. Somewhere in his life he got the notion that is was okay for a man to hit a woman when she didn't bend to his will. Somewhere in his life he learned that it was okay to use violence to get his way, to keep people in line."

"Today wasn't just about Qumar for me," CJ said. "Today I saw good, honorable men whom I love and trust, sells tanks and ammo to a country that treats women like cattle. We sold those things to a country that sees no problem with leaving a woman bleeding and cold on a front lawn in the middle of the night."

"That wasn't how it was," Toby assured her.

"I know that here," CJ said placing her hand on her heart. "It was just hard for me to know it up here." She gestured to her head.

"I hear about Qumar and all the places in the world that still treat women like property, like sub-humans and it kills me Toby. It kills me to hear about the things that go on in this country sometimes."

"I know."

"So that's it," she said. "I'm sorry if I…today was just a really hard day for me."

"Tomorrow will be better," Toby replied.

"Yeah," CJ nodded. "It will be."

"You know that the deal with Qumar was about the base. It wasn't about anything else."

"Maybe it should have been."

"Maybe," Toby offered. He stood up slowly. "Regardless, I appreciate what you did today."

"I'm sorry for certain things that happened today," CJ replied.

"I'm sorry too," Toby said walking toward the door. I took his apology as a collective apology for the guy who had hit CJ as well as his own apology for the events of the day.

"We live to fight another day," CJ said.

"Always," Toby said standing in the doorway. "The guy, what was his name again?"

"Why? Are you gonna go beat him up?"

"I was thinking a well-timed audit might not hurt. Jensen over in Treasury is always looking for a good tip."

"Thanks for the offer, but I'm good," CJ said with a small smile.

"You sure?"

"Yeah," CJ nodded confidently.

Toby knocked his knuckles lightly on the doorway before giving CJ a knowing nod and walking away. This day had certainly taken a turn I wasn't expecting. I obviously didn't know CJ before the White House, but everyday it seemed I learned a little something new about her life before I was around. Sometimes it made me sad. Other times it made me laugh. But, overall, hearing these stories helped me really see what CJ was fighting for.

TBC


	24. Revolving Door

Author's Note: This is a companion piece to season 3's 100,000 Airplanes. As always, feedback is encouraged and appreciated.

* * *

"Revolving Door"

As far as yearly calendars go, the White House calendar is pretty much full. Dominated by a plethora of events, dinners, bill signings and visits to other countries, there is one thing that stands out. That thing is the State of the Union. At least, this is how I see it. I know Toby would definitely agree with me.

This year everyone seemed to be working like crazy to accomplish a wonderful State of the Union. On the other hand, CJ seemed a little bored. It wasn't that she wasn't highly involved in what went on. It was more that her job really kicked into high gear after the speech was delivered. Right now it was the job of Toby and Sam to make sure the speech was brilliant.

It was amusing to see what went into writing the State of the Union. To me it looked like a lot of down time. I think that might have had more to do with Toby's writing process than anything else, but I still enjoyed his visits to CJ's office. He always brought along this pink ball. It made a fun, hollow noise when he bounced it on the floor. I didn't so much like when he'd bounce the ball on the desk though.

CJ was sitting at her desk when Toby walked in, bouncing the ball. He said nothing as he sat down and bounced the ball over and over on the floor. CJ let this occur for a little while before she looked up.

"You okay there?" she asked removing her glasses. "Can I get you anything?"

"No, I'm good," Toby replied.

He just sat looking around the office and bouncing the ball.

"Toby?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you stop with the ball?" CJ asked.

He looked at the ball in his hand as if he wasn't sure how it got there. "Oh," he said. "Yeah."

"What's going on mi compadre?"

"Nothing. Ideas are percolating. I'm ruminating on many things right now."

"Ruminating looks a lot like sitting here doing nothing," CJ commented.

"See, this is why I do the writing and you do the talking," Toby pointed out. "You don't have any comprehension of the work occurring at this very moment."

"You're out of pie again aren't you?"

"We ran out about forty minutes ago," Toby confirmed.

"Send Ginger out," CJ suggested.

"I've put on five pounds in the last week," Toby replied.

"But you obviously need the pie."

"Remind me not to ask you to be my sponsor if I ever become addicted to something really horrible."

"Noted," CJ smiled.

"So, is there anything going on over here I should know about?"

"No," CJ said quickly.

"CJ--"

"Toby you need to concentrate on the speech, not worry about what I'm doing over here."

"Okay, but what are you doing?"

"I set up an interview for Sam with Vanity Fair," she said. "Lisa Sherborn is doing an article."

"On Sam?" Toby asked with an odd expression. I wasn't sure what it meant, but I had a feeling the name Lisa Sherborn meant something.

"Yeah."

"Is that a good idea?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Why don't they write an article on the State of the Union?"

"They are," CJ explained. "Their article is going to focus on Sam and his involvement with the State of the Union. I don't think informing people that young, energetic people work with the president is bad idea, especially coming off the censure."

"Okay," Toby agreed almost too easily. "Lisa Sherborn?"

"Yeah."

"Did you talk to Sam?"

"Yeah."

"And he was?"

"Not thrilled, but not jumping over desks to hit me."

"I guess that's as good as we can expect," Toby said.

This made me curious. I really wondered who this Lisa Sherborn was. Her name sounded like Seaborn, but I knew they weren't related. It was a bit of a mystery to keep me entertained. I thought about it for quite awhile, but I didn't come up with anything. Unfortunately, I missed out on a conversation CJ and Toby were having, which I thought revolved around Josh.

"Did you tell him that?" CJ asked Toby.

"You don't think it's true?" Toby asked.

"No, unfortunately I think it's very possible that Tandy is using Amy to court women, but I wouldn't have told Josh."

"Why not?"

"You know Josh," CJ said. "He'll probably tell her."

"She should know."

"You could be wrong."

"Do you think I'm wrong?"

"I don't know," CJ admitted.

Toby stood up abruptly and started walking toward the door.

"We're done here?" CJ asked.

"I had a thought," Toby explained quickly. "See ya."

"It was nice chatting!" CJ yelled as Toby left the office quickly.

"See that Gail? Take note. Don't engage Toby in any type of meaningful conversation when he's writing. He'll just walk out on you on a whim."

"So noted," I replied, trying to make a mental note, but I kind of thought it would be one of those things that I wouldn't recall later. Although, since Toby was the least likely of people to engage me in conversation, I figured it wasn't a big deal if I forgot.

The day went on and CJ spent a lot of time at her desk. She still briefed and she still talked on the phone, but she mostly caught up with poll numbers and paper work. I was happy when Josh stopped by for a visit one afternoon.

"Hey, you got a minute?" he asked poking his head into CJ's office.

"Sure, what's up?" she asked looking happy for the respite.

"Nothing," Josh said shoving his hands into his pockets and sauntering into the office. I say saunter because there are times when Josh walks in a certain way that can only be described as a saunter.

"I take it Toby and Sam haven't given you anything to look at yet," CJ said tossing her reading glasses on her desk.

"Brilliance can't be rushed," Josh shrugged as he took a seat.

"Did Toby give you that line to feed me?"

"Maybe," he said with a mischievous grin. He looked like he was trying to read a few of the papers on CJ's desk before he changed the topic of conversation.

"So Sam told me about Lisa," he said casually.

"And the Vanity Fair article? He mentioned that right? He hasn't just been telling people I've invited his ex-fiancée here to torment him?" Ex-fiancée. Now it all made sense. I had a feeling that this was going to be a good story.

"He mentioned the article," Josh said picking up a paperweight and playing with it for a moment. "He was more concerned about the Lisa aspect of it."

"They called me," CJ defended herself. "They wanted to do a story, they wanted Sam and I was on board before the Lisa aspect of the arrangement was even mentioned. Am I a horrible person that I think this could give us some really good press from a young voter perspective?"

She looked like she felt guilty. I could see why she would, but she did have a point. Sam was the youngest, most fresh-faced of the group and it made sense that she'd want to put him out in front coming off the censure. I had a feeling everyone else knew as much too.

"No, you're not horrible," Josh replied confidently placing the paper weight back on the desk. "He's just freaking out a little."

"I can't say I blame him," CJ said. "What happened there anyway?"

"Who knows?"

"You'd know better than anyone else," CJ pressed. "You were going to be his best man."

"Yeah, well Sam and I haven't ever really been big on talking about feelings. It's a little too girly and I've heard rumors that people already talk," he said jokingly.

"Feelings are girly? I'd like to think if I was ever engaged and it ended that I'd be able to share it with my maid of honor."

"Look," Josh sighed. "Sam called me up one day and said I didn't need to rent that tux after all. I asked him if he was okay. He said he was. I told him we'd get a beer and that was pretty much it."

"Who ended it? Sam or Lisa?"

"Can both be an answer?" Josh asked.

"Remind me to never suggest you for a position with the CIA."

"Done," Josh smiled. "So enough about Sam, I was actually hoping to run something by you."

"Okay."

"I'm going out for a drink with Amy Gardner tonight," Josh started.

"Josh no," CJ said practically cutting him off.

"I didn't even get to the question yet," Josh pouted. "Or were you objecting to Amy and me in general?"

"I'm objecting to you going out with Amy tonight after talking to Toby about Tandy dating her. I love you mi amore, but you've got a mouth on you--"

"Hey, hey," He interrupted her this time.

"Sorry, but I know you and you'll say something you'll regret," CJ finished. "It's a bad idea."

"I don't think it is," Josh said smugly.

"Then why did you come to ask me about it?"

"I needed a feminine perspective."

"You could have talked to Donna," CJ pointed out.

"I can't talk to Donna about this," Josh whined. "She gets all weird and then she asks too many questions. I thought you'd be more sympathetic."

"I am sympathetic," CJ clarified. "I completely disagree with you."

"Thanks so much," Josh said standing.

"So we're done now?" CJ asked.

"Yeah."

"You're still meeting her for a drink aren't you?"

"I believe your advice is faulty," Josh said. "I know when to hold my tongue and going out with Amy knowing what I know about Tandy won't be a problem."

"Good luck with that," CJ said with a grin.

"Don't need it," Josh yelled over his shoulder as he made his way down the hall.

"We'll see about that, won't we Gail?" CJ asked me.

"In my opinion, Josh is screwed," I agreed. It seemed that we all knew Josh a little bit better than he knew himself.

After Toby and Josh dropped by unannounced I really wasn't expecting any more visitors. I was wrong. Before the end of the night, the man of the hour showed up on our doorstep. Sam stopped by for a chat.

"CJ?" he said quietly standing in her doorway.

Sam was always quietest. The most unsure. Toby would stand in the doorway but he stood there confidently. Josh would just walk right in whenever he wanted. Leo was the same when he actually stopped by. Sam on the other hand always seemed like he was worried he was interrupting. If he knew how CJ liked his visits he might not look so unsure. I made a mental note to tell him that she liked when he would visit.

"Hi," CJ said looking up and glancing out her window. "What time is it? I remember sun not that long ago."

Sam walked into the office and stood there playing with some pieces of paper. "It's almost eight," he replied.

"Really?" CJ asked looking at her watch. She leaned back and stretched. "How is the speech coming?" I noticed that CJ stifled a yawn and I knew she'd be getting to go home soon.

"It's…not," Sam said hesitantly before giving her a mega-watt smile that turned all the women to Jello.

"Did you run out of pie again?" CJ asked confidently.

"An hour ago," Sam nodded. "Toby has put a moratorium on pie until we nail the section on education." He stood in front of her desk and paced slowly two steps to the right, then two to the left.

"You're making me nervous," CJ said. "Sit down."

"Okay," Sam said taking a seat.

"Ah, if everyone was that easy," CJ said quietly.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, what's up?"

"I was thinking about this Vanity Fair thing," Sam said.

"Okay."

"I was thinking about how I really don't want to do it," Sam said. "Toby is the guy they want. I mean, the president is really the guy they want, but Toby is the key speechwriter, not me."

"They don't want Toby," CJ said simply.

"Why not?"

"He can be scary," CJ said keeping s straight face. "Sitting with his suit coat slung over one shoulder for a photo shoot isn't his thing."

"It's my thing?"

"It's no one's thing," CJ said standing up and walking to the other side of the desk. She perched herself in the center of the desk.

"I'm sorry Lisa is the one they're sending," she said. "I really hate to ask you to do this, but we need it."

"I know we do."

"He needs this."

"I know."

"So you're gonna be okay or are you gonna freak out the day she shows up?"

"Can't it be both?" Sam asked.

"You sound like Josh," CJ chuckled. "I asked him about you and Lisa. I wondered who ended things and he asked me if both was an acceptable answer."

Sam chuckled, but his eyes betrayed a long buried pain.

"So, which is it? Who called it off?" CJ asked him.

"She did," Sam said. "And I did. I guess both would be the right answer. She had her doubts and I had mine. She was the one who brought it up first and four hours later I was packing a bag."

"I'm sorry," CJ said reaching out and squeaking his hand.

"It was a long time ago," Sam shrugged.

"It doesn't make it any easier in most cases," CJ replied.

"I guess not. I haven't seen her in two years. I ran into her at one of the benefits we had and it was awkward. She was with a date and I…it was bad."

"You'll be better this time," CJ assured him. "You won't be blind-sided."

"Yeah."

"You two didn't stay friends then?"

"Not really," Sam tried. "We tried for a while, but then it just seemed forced and it was too hard to pretend to be comfortable with each other."

He paused for a moment and CJ didn't say anything. He looked like he was struggling for words, which, for Sam, was the ultimate horror.

"Have you ever been with someone and even though on paper it looks great, it just doesn't come together? With Lisa I just always felt like something was missing. We both had everything and we were happy, but somehow, intrinsically, I just knew it was never going to work. I don't even know if that makes sense."

"It makes sense," CJ nodded.

"Have you ever felt like that?"

"Too many times to count my friend," CJ said. I could tell she meant it.

"Yeah, well," Sam shrugged. "It's happened to me twice. The first time was Lisa. The second was Laurie."

"I think you might want to steer clear of women with names that begin with L."

"Thanks for the tip," Sam said standing.

"So, you're okay with the story and everything?" CJ asked him.

"I'll be good," Sam said giving her that smile that was half-sad, half-adorable. "I just wanted someone to vent with."

"Given the circumstances I am the obvious choice. Good luck with the speech," CJ said as Sam left the office.

"Thanks," Sam called.

CJ sat perched on her desk for a minute. I wondered if she was thinking about all the relationships she knew were doomed to fail. I wondered who those men were. She sighed, picked herself up and walked back to her chair.

"Well Gail," CJ said. "We've had a lot of visitors. The speech hasn't even been written yet and we've already got a revolving door."

"Definitely," I agreed.

"I can't wait until Tuesday," she said with a slight grin.

Even though CJ had been dealing with mostly personal issues all day she seemed energized somehow. She was definitely excited for the State of the Union and suddenly so was I.

TBC


	25. Alcohol

**Author's Note:** This takes place during season three's Dead Irish Writers. It is a bit angst-ridden. I like humor, but I find that I grasp angst even better sometimes, so sorry this isn't as witty as other installments. A lot of this chapter was taken from another story I was working on that I just wasn't sure about. Hopefully it translates well into Gail's world.

* * *

_"Alcohol"_

CJ entered her office with a bit of a stumble. She was decked out in her evening gown, but I wasn't expecting her back in the office so early. Usually White House parties lasted a lot longer. She made her way slowly over to her desk and sat down in her chair. She was pressing her forehead with her fingertips. I wondered if she wasn't feeling well.

I had seen the party arrivals on television. Donna had been in earlier and for some reason, although she was in a ball gown, she wasn't at the party. She looked sad as she watched everyone arrive. CJ had been working to track something down and I knew she was late to the party. Therefore, I was slightly concerned that she was back in her office so early.

I saw her pull a bottle of pills out of her desk drawer. She fumbled around her desk for a bottle of water, but she ended up settling on a mug of morning coffee, which had long since been good to drink. She made a face as she gulped down the pills. Her nose wrinkled.

"Gail, if the First Lady ever asks you to get tipsy with her, decline," CJ informed me. "Or, at least don't gulp down five glasses of expensive wine in an hour."

Ah, so CJ had too much to drink. This ought to be slightly amusing. I'd seen CJ drink before, but I'd never seen her overhung, hung over? I couldn't remember what it was called when you'd had too much to drink. It wasn't something I'd ever have to worry about.

CJ rested her elbows on her desk and pushed her forehead with her fingers again.

"You know, applying pressure to a headache isn't helpful?" I heard Sam say from the doorway.

"Really? Because it feels pretty good Sam," she almost giggled before she repeated his name. "Sam. Sam, Sam, my sunshine man."

"You're not tipsy right now are you CJ?" he asked with a grin, entering her office.

"In fact I'm not," she said lifting her head up and looking him in the eye. "I am extremely drunk."

"Really?"

"Indubitably," she giggled.

"That explains the headache," he said.

"Did you give it to Nolan?" she asked casually. "I don't see any blood on your tuxedo. You wear a tux very nicely though. Did I ever tell you that?"

"Earlier today in fact," Sam pointed out.

"Right. It seemed familiar," CJ agreed leaning back. "So Nolan? Did you stick it to him just like I told you not to?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did," Sam said puffing out his chest a little.

"Is this going to be a national scandal I'll need to deal with tomorrow in my weakened state?"

"Not at all," Sam said. "I was articulate and tenacious and argued my point quite well."

"I'm glad," she grinned at him. "You deserve a win because you're a good person and good people deserve to win sometimes."

Sam suppressed a smile as did I. I'd never really seen CJ this way. From Sam's amused expression I wondered if maybe he hadn't ever seen her this way either. I always thought there was a part of CJ that she held back. There were times when I thought she might open up and show him her vulnerability, but she always seemed to reign it in before really opening up to anyone.

"Do you want some water?" Sam asked.

"Water would be great. Water and one of those crab puffs," she said as if the idea to eat and drink had just occurred to her.

"You sure you want to eat?"

"No," she replied. "You're right, that would probably be a bad idea."

Sam stood up and walked over to the small refrigerator in the hallway. He came back and handed CJ a bottle of cold water, which she gratefully accepted.

"You're a god among men Samuel, and not just because you can fill out a tuxedo."

Sam smiled as CJ took a long drink from the bottle. "So, what happened?"

"Hmm?" CJ mumbled as drank the water quickly.

"Well the last time I saw you, you hadn't even made it to the party yet. Now you're kind of drunk."

"Correction, I'm _kind of _drunk," she reminded him.

Sam and I suppressed chuckles over the fact that CJ had just repeated exactly what Sam had observed. Neither of us said anything though.

"Abbey, the First Lady, whoever the hell she is at this moment, she ordered me to go get drunk with her," CJ said.

"Is she feeling the way you are right now?" Sam asked. I thought it was a really good question. I imagined the First Lady should not be seen in the same state CJ was in. Then again, I figured CJ shouldn't be seen feeling drunk and so that must have been why she left the party early.

"No, she's great," CJ exclaimed. "She seemed a little tipsy when we went to the residence, but then she sobered up. She needed some girl time, some girl time in which Amy and Donna and I drank three _bottles_ of wine to Abbey's one glass."

"Therein lies your problem," Sam commented.

"Tell me about it."

"Abbey wanted to get drunk?"

"Yeah," CJ babbled. "She's upset about her medical license being taken away. It makes her feel like less of a person."

"She shouldn't feel that way."

"I told her that," CJ said. "I told her, even if they take her license away forever she still has a husband and children and a life. If they took my job away from me I'd have nothing."

Sam looked at CJ as she drained the glass of water and suddenly it was clear that she was being brutally honest. She wasn't joking or giddy anymore. He recognized it about the same time that I did. It was one of those moments when I wished I could give her a hug.

"That's not true," Sam started to protest.

"No, it is true," CJ said. "I have no husband, no boyfriend, no kids and no cat. I can't even be one of those crazy cat ladies because a cat is a big commitment. I'd actually have to be home to refill the food bowl and clean out the litter box. I don't even have enough of a life to clean out the litter box Sam."

"You have a lot in your life," Sam said walking over to her side of the desk. "You have friends and family who care about you. You have Gail."

"Yeah, you have me!" I shouted. "I'm way better than a cat anyway."

CJ smirked. "Yeah, I have Gail. I have Gail, who I have to keep at work because I had this weird joint-custody thing with Danny. If they fired me tomorrow I'd probably have to leave her here because Danny gave her to me, they'd probably see it has some sort of kick-back if I took her."

"No," I shouted. "I'd want to go with you. They couldn't make me stay." Could they?

"They wouldn't," Sam said confidently. "And what's all this talk about being fired? You're not going anywhere."

"I know," CJ said with a shrug. "Abbey was talking about how she had nothing without her medical license, when in reality she has a hell of a lot more than me."

"Hey," Sam said rubbing her shoulder reassuringly. "Stop this. You're an amazing, beautiful, successful woman. You should never feel anything less than awed by your life."

"Awed?" CJ asked soberly. "That's a bit much."

"No, it's not," Sam insisted. Before he approached his next question he took a breath and waited a beat. "Is this about Danny? Did something happen with you two?"

CJ let out a loud laugh. "No Sam," she said calming down. "This isn't about Danny."

"Well you mentioned him so I thought maybe--"

"I haven't heard from Danny in months," CJ confided in him. It was the first time she'd acknowledged the fact out loud. It was the first time I realized that it bothered her. She used to receive the occasional phone call and a bi-weekly e-mail from him. He would tell her about his travels and how things were going. At first CJ responded immediately and she was always in her office to take his calls. But a few months ago she decided she needed to put a stop to it and she began ignoring his e-mailing and avoiding his phone calls until they stopped all together.

"It wasn't meant to be," she said simply.

"Because it wasn't meant to be or because you wouldn't let it be what it could have been?" Sam asked.

Wow. That was the question I'd always wanted to ask, but obviously I couldn't articulate it in a way that CJ would understand. 'Way to go Sam,' I thought.

CJ said nothing. She just looked at him. "I honestly don't know," she finally said taking another sip of water. "Maybe that's my problem."

"What's this really about?" Sam asked her.

"I don't know," CJ shook her head. "I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Self-pity never looks good on anyone but lately…god Sam, aren't there days when you go home and just wish there was someone there to hold you and tell you everything was going to be okay?"

Her eyes were practically pleading with him to agree with her. For a woman so tall and full of life she suddenly looked so small and vulnerable. I'd only ever seen her look that way once before and it was when Josh and the president had been shot.

"Yeah, there are definitely days when it would be nice to hear that," Sam agreed.

"Thanks," she said quietly. CJ leaned back in her chair and look came over her face that told me she was sorry she'd said so much to Sam tonight.

"So," CJ said looking to change the subject. "How long are you going to hold this little emotional thing over my head?"

"I wouldn't do that," Sam assured her.

"You're not calling up the men with the little white coats to come get me treated for depression?" CJ asked.

"Are you depressed?" Sam asked leaning back on desk where he was perched.

"No," CJ replied confidently. "I'm just a little tipsy with loose lips tonight."

"It's good to let things out you know," Sam said.

"I know," CJ said. "How does that usually work for you?"

I knew full well what CJ was getting at. No one in the West Wing talked about feelings and emotions. It just wasn't done. It wasn't done to the point that Josh had to talk to a therapist after he was shot. That didn't make anyone realize that talking about their feelings might not be a bad idea though.

Sam smiled. "Understood," he nodded as he stood up. "Tonight, this little sharing session, don't worry, it is just between us."

"Thanks Sam," she said with a small smile. "I really appreciate it."

"Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna hang with Gail for a while before I make my return to the party. Another bottle of water would also not kill me."

"Okay," Sam said making his way over to the door. "I hear cake is a good cure for too much wine."

"I'll keep that in mind," CJ said.

Sam left the office and CJ sat there for a moment. "It's good to have friends sometimes Gail," CJ told me. "Do you ever wish you had someone in there to swim around with you?"

"Nah, I'm good. I've got you, Sam, Josh, Toby, Donna, Carol…"

I was in the midst of my list when CJ's phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and smiled before hitting the speaker phone button. Man, I love speakerphone. There are no secrets on speakerphone.

"Sam?" CJ said as she picked up her phone.

"Hi," Sam said.

"Did you just deck Nolan in the dessert line?" she asked.

"No," Sam chuckled. "I wanted to tell you something, from a friend's perspective."

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to say that everything is going to be okay," Sam said finishing his thought.

I didn't know if the was the still-lingering affects of the wine or not, but I saw CJ's eyes well up just slightly. She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.

"Thank you Sam," she said in a tone full of emotion.

"I'll see you at the party Claudia Jean," he said softly.

"Yeah, I'll be out there soon," she replied.

CJ hit the button on the phone and pressed her finger into her eyes to wipe away the small tears that had formed.

"I'm gonna look into getting you a friend Gail," CJ said. "It doesn't have to be love, but having friends around is a really great thing."

Of course CJ never did get me a companion fish. I was okay with that though. Sharing space was hard enough at the pet store. I liked having my own place. I was like CJ. I liked people around, but I didn't need them to know the intimate details of my life. Maybe one day CJ and I would change, but for now we were happy enough.

TBC


	26. Shaken, Not Stirred

Author's Note: Takes place during Stirred in season three. As always, I do not own these characters or the series, I'm just having a little fun.

* * *

"Shaken, Not Stirred"

CJ came back to her office late. She'd been sequestered in some big meeting over in the Roosevelt Room all day. It was well past dinner time and I was beginning to wonder if she was ever coming back. Carol had even left a few hours ago. So, while I waited to see what Josh's secret meeting was about I watched TV and swam around a bit. I was very happy when CJ finally returned.

Unfortunately for me, CJ wasn't with anyone so there was no talking. She just started packing up some papers and checked her e-mailed before heading home. This was far from the fun evening I had planned. I had gotten used to the fact that there wasn't action every second of every day, but lately I had been a little bored. It was then that I noticed a shadow in the doorway. I turned around eagerly hoping that Josh had come over to play.

"CJ," he said.

"Mr. Vice President," CJ said standing up behind her desk. She looked surprised to see him. I was surprised to see him myself. I knew they didn't have the best working relationship and he had never stopped by before. Now, here he was stopping by at midnight.

"May I come in?" he asked politely.

"Of course," CJ said looking uncomfortable.

He entered the office and glanced around, taking it in. He didn't say anything for a moment. He just meandered around a bit while CJ stood there watching him. I thought she looked nervous. I wasn't sure why. I knew that there had been some issues between her office and Vice President Hoynes' a while back, but I thought it was ancient history.

"You can take a seat CJ," he said waving her down. "I don't think we need to stand on ceremony at midnight, do you?"

"I suppose not sir," she replied sitting down slowly.

"How've you been?" he asked pleasantly as he took a seat in the guest chair.

"I've been fine sir," she said.

"You don't need to keep calling me sir," he said. "It's just us here. I won't tell."

"Okay," CJ replied wearily.

The silence hung in the room for a moment with CJ staring at the vice president while he sat and said nothing.

"Can I help you with something sir?" CJ asked.

"CJ you don't have to call--"

"I understand that," CJ said cutting him off. "I'm just wondering if there was something in particular you need."

"You always get right to the point," he mused. I couldn't tell but it almost seemed like this guy was relating to CJ on a level that was little more than professional. Of course I couldn't be sure, but it was just a vibe I was getting from the guy.

"I was wondering how your meeting went tonight? More specifically, I was curious about you all were considering to replace me on the ticket."

Whoa! I was not expecting that. No wonder the meeting CJ went to earlier was so secret. I recovered from my shock long enough to note CJ's reaction to his straight-forward question. She looked as surprised as I was.

"I wasn't aware--"

"Come on CJ," Hoynes said. "Why do you think I came to talk to you? Sam was with me so I assume he wasn't privy to all the details. Toby would never tell me. Josh would tell me, but he'd also tell me why the meeting was my fault to begin with, but you…you'll tell me exactly what I'm curious to know."

I saw CJ swallow hard. She looked irritated, yet almost impressed with this forthright attitude.

"Fitzwallace," CJ replied.

"General Fitzwallace?" Hoynes replied. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. "It makes sense. He was the only other candidate?"

"Well, Leo and Ulysses S. Grant were mentioned, but Fitzwallace was the main focus of the meeting. It was just a test balloon. You should read anything into--"

"I'm done reading into things CJ," he said. "Besides, you already know I spoke with the President and Leo."

"And you already know that it wasn't President Bartlet's idea for the meeting."

"What did you think?" he asked.

"I'm sorry?"

"When you got pulled into the meeting? Did you think it was a brilliant idea to replace me?"

"I was surprised," CJ replied. I could tell she was being honest.

"And after the shock wore off?" he prompted her. I couldn't tell why he was so concerned with CJ's opinion.

"After that I did what I was asked," CJ replied. "It's not for me to decide whether something is a good idea or not."

Hoynes smiled at her. He was an attractive sort of guy, but there was something about his smile. He looked like the cat that ate the canary.

"It's okay CJ," he said. "You thought it was a pretty good idea. There's no harm in that."

"I like my job. My first priority is getting the president re-elected. I'm going to look at everything to make sure it happens."

"I understand," Hoynes said standing up. "You've got a good outlook on things."

"Sir," CJ started to say.

"No, no, it's fine," Hoynes waved her off. "You should look out for yourself. Why do you think I'm here now? I'm looking out for myself. I'm finding out that my position here is a little precarious. It seems that the president's right hand doesn't know what the left hand is up to these days."

"I honestly don't think you're in any danger of not being on the ticket," CJ said. "The president told you as much."

"You and I both know that people lie," Hoynes said rather pointedly. "In fact, people like you and I are pretty damn good at it."

A look passed between them that I couldn't quite make out. It almost seemed like they were having a different conversation in addition to the one that they were having aloud.

"We are," CJ affirmed. "That doesn't mean you have anything to worry about though."

"I know. You're one of the few people around here that I trust."

CJ scoffed. It was a bitter sound that I wasn't used to hearing. I still didn't quite understand what was going on but I felt like the conversation they were having was no longer about being on the ticket this fall.

"I think we both know that isn't quite true," CJ said with a raised eyebrow.

"You might not feel that its true, but I can assure that it is. You could do a whole hell of a lot of damage to me if you wanted to."

"You know that's not going to happen."

"Exactly," he nodded. "Which is why I trust you implicitly."

What did CJ know about John Hoynes? I was trying to figure it out, but I was more taken aback by her response to think for long.

"You realize that I'd hurt myself just as much as I'd hurt you," she informed him.

"Well, I always figured it would be something you shared on your way out the door," he shrugged.

"Am I going somewhere?" CJ asked.

"No, am I?"

A look registered on her face that I couldn't quite place, but it almost looked like fear. "Relax CJ," he chuckled. "Your secret is safe with me no matter what happens."

"You know," CJ sighed. "Every once in a while I feel sorry for how things turned out for you and then you drop by, unannounced at midnight and say things that really make me sick."

"That wasn't my intention."

"Wasn't it?" she asked.

"Come on," he said shoving his hands into his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his feet. "I didn't mean for this visit to be antagonistic."

"No, you just came by to blackmail me to help you out," CJ spat back at him.

"No, I didn't," he replied very forcefully. His voiced softened as he continued. "I'm sorry if that's how you're going to remember this visit because it was not my intention. I like you CJ. I think you're a good person. I think you're an honest person. At least, I think you're honest with me and that's hard to come by some days. I just wanted your take on the meeting."

"Well, I gave it to you," CJ replied, her body relaxing slightly.

"I thank you for that," he said. "I'll let you get home. It must have been a long night for you."

"Thank you sir," she said.

We watched as John Hoynes walked down the empty hallway from CJ's office. She collapsed in her chair when he was finally out of sight around the corner. She finally seemed to be fully relaxed. I wasn't sure what had happened between them or what kind of secret they had, but it was obvious that CJ was conflicted about it. She seemed to hate him, yet still have a soft spot for him.

"Gail, never mix romance and politics," CJ said to me. "In fact, I don't think I'm going to get you that companion we've been talking about. Sorry, but he could turn out to be a man and its better if you never have to deal with one."

CJ packed up the remainder of things and left the office leaving me to wonder what the hell happened between her and John Hoynes and why CJ was still so affected by it.

TBC


	27. The Hunted

Author's Note: Takes place during season three's Enemies Foreign and Domestic. Reviews are appreciated and encouraged.

* * *

"The Hunted"

Aside from the shooting at Rosslyn, the events of the next few weeks were probably the scariest I've experienced as CJ's pet and confidante. I can recall the day it started because Toby, Sam and CJ were in the office going over items for her morning briefing. It was always fun when Toby and Sam would come down and quiz CJ, throwing her little tidbits of news to throw her off her game. They rarely won because CJ had such a good handle on how to respond. I sometimes wished I had that gift-to be able to counter someone's comment quickly and decisively.

Anyway, they were prepping her and Carol came in with some news about a school fire in Saudi Arabia. I found out later of course that the news Carol delivered was about Saudi Arabia. Carol has simply come in with a piece of paper, which CJ read. She looked angry. She sounded angry when she told Toby and Sam she was going in the press room to talk about it. I knew that she would handle it in her usual fashion. I was pretty excited to watch her response on the television and I was proud of her.

I had a feeling that there were probably a lot of people that weren't so proud of her though. Moments after she finished her briefing I started to hear the distinct ding of CJ's e-mail. They came in one after another for a few minutes before they died down. CJ had gotten floods of e-mail before after a briefing, but I never recalled hearing her computer ding quite so many times. I figured we would have fun later when she eventually got around to reading them. I was certain there were at least a handful of them telling her they hated her, the president and everything they stood for. CJ usually got a kick out of those.

Just as I suspected, CJ returned to her office about an hour later and started to go through her e-mail after a little chat with Carol. She was in a pretty good mood considering she was sifting through hate mail. She even read me a few lines every once in a while.

She snickered before reading aloud, "The sheer fact that an ignorant woman was placed in front of the press only further enforces fact that this president is incompetent. You should pack up your fancy stilettos and get back in the kitchen where you belong."

"Did you hear that one Carol?" CJ called raising her voice a little.

"I did," Carol shouted back. "You do make a good tuna casserole. I didn't know you wore stilettos while you made it though."

"It's really the secret to my culinary success," CJ replied already moving on to the next message.

"Seeing your face on my television screen makes me physically ill. Well, you could change the station," CJ suggested aloud.

CJ chuckled at next few until she clicked on a message that sent a shiver through my fins. She read a few sentences aloud, though I'm not even sure she was aware that she had. Her voice was so quiet that I could tell she was just as scared as I was about the message.

"The world would be better without a bitch like you in it. I'm going to personally see to it that…" CJ read before trailing off. There must have been more to the message because her eyes continued to scan the screen for a moment before she turned away and clicked her keyboard forcefully.

She sat there for a minute as if she were trying to comprehend the message. Carol, however, came in to break her reverie.

"Any more good ones?" Carol asked. "I could add them to the rainy day file."

Carol kept a file of e-mails that they found particularly funny. They liked to pull them out on days when they needed a good laugh, or a good motivational tool.

"Uh, no," CJ replied looking up. "Just the usual rants. Nothing extraordinary."

I watched as she forced a smile on her face. Carol didn't seem to notice that anything was amiss, but she hadn't heard a snippet from a rather chilling e-mail. And, just like that, the day went on without another mention of the e-mail. It was almost as if CJ had forgotten about it. Maybe she thought if she didn't pay attention to it, that it didn't really happen. I'm not sure. All I know is that I thought about it for a good long while that morning.

The thought that someone had hated CJ enough to want to kill her was very scary to me. I didn't have confirmation that the rest of the e-mail mentioned killing her, but I assumed that was how it ended. Although I lived in the West Wing where stories of killing and war were fairly common I still wasn't sure how everyone just accepted it. It didn't seem right. Why did certain people feel the need to kill others? I didn't have long to ruminate on it though because I was still baffled by CJ.

I was a little taken aback by her reaction to the e-mail. I figured she needed time to process it. I knew that I was feeling shook up, so I couldn't really imagine how she felt since the threat was directed at her. When she didn't tell Carol about it I didn't think much of it. I figured she needed time to figure out what to do next. However, CJ surprised me again when it appeared that she wasn't going to do much of anything. She took some time away from her computer for a little while. She read through some memos and studied a book on the economy for a while, but then she went on with her day as if nothing had happened. Even now it scares me to think about what might have happened if Donna hadn't had lunch plans with CJ that day.

CJ, in her zeal to forget about her e-mail and concentrate on work, was running late for lunch when Donna stopped by to pick her up. The conversation turned towards CJ's briefing and she offered Donna the use of her computer to scan through the hate mail she received. Luckily Donna happened to click on the offending e-mail that CJ was so desperately trying to forget. I watched Donna's eyes as she scanned the e-mail and, to my terror, her reaction was as bad a CJ's, if not worse. That was when I realized that this e-mail meant big trouble.

"Josh!" Donna bellowed down the hall as CJ tried to get her to back off. I wasn't sure how CJ could be so cavalier about the threat. I'd only heard the snippet of one sentence and I was scared. How could it be that CJ wasn't?

Josh came in and read the e-mail and he immediately decided that he was calling Ron Butterfield. I'd seen Ron once or twice. He looked like a nice guy, but there was something about him that made me think I should also be slightly afraid of him. I knew that Ron meant business. Apparently, no matter how much CJ tried to dissuade Josh and Donna, they meant business as well. It didn't stop CJ from trying though. It finally took Josh closing the door and having a chat with CJ to fully convince her that calling Ron was the only option they had.

"Donna, get Ron on the phone for me," Josh said to Donna before closing the door behind her.

"Sit down for a minute," Josh ordered CJ. He seemed very serious and very much in control of the situation. It was a little weird. Normally Josh and CJ were buddies. Now it seemed like Josh was very much her boss and protector.

"Josh, it was one e-mail," CJ protested, even though she did as he requested and sat on the couch.

"It's not just an e-mail," he replied. "We both know that. We laugh about the ones that are just e-mails. This was much more than an e-mail."

"I don't think we need Ron involved," CJ said a little feebly.

"Well it's a good thing for you that your opinion doesn't matter right now. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, got it?"

"Josh--"

"CJ, I don't want to hear it. Ron is getting involved whether you like it or not. We're gonna find this guy and when we do…" he took a moment to calm himself down. I could see by the look on his face that was counting to five, or, at the very least, exhaling very slowly. I didn't know what the rest of that e-mail said, but Josh's reaction told me pretty much all I needed to know.

"I couldn't protect Joanie," he said quietly, "but I can protect you. I know you don't think this is a big deal, but I think it is and Ron is getting involved. If he thinks it's no big deal, then fine, but until then, he's getting involved."

There was knock on the door and Donna poked her head in the office. CJ and Josh just stared at each other, right in the eyes, for a moment. It was like they were having a quick conversation with their eyes, a conversation in which CJ thanked him for drawing a parallel between herself and his sister.

"Ron said he'll be over first thing tomorrow morning," Donna said. "He also said not to delete anything from your in-box before he comes over to take a look at it."

"Okay," CJ shrugged.

Josh left and Donna stayed behind. I had forgotten that CJ and Donna were supposed to go to lunch.

"You know, I'm not really hungry," CJ told Donna.

"CJ," Donna said. "I'm sorry. Josh had to know."

"And now he knows," CJ said taking her coat off and hanging I back on the rack behind the door.

"We can still grab some lunch," Donna suggested. "We could go to the mess if you don't want to leave the building."

CJ had walked back to her desk and sat down. "Actually I'd love to leave the building, but I feel like I can't now."

"Ron didn't say anything about you not leaving the building. You can still live your life," Donna replied.

"Can I? I was doing a pretty good job of not worrying about it Donna," CJ said a little angrily. "Now Josh knows and Ron is coming over here tomorrow to take a look at things. It's just that this has gotten a little real for me right now okay?"

"I understand," Donna said with a hint of guilt in her voice. She tucked her hair behind her ear. I noticed she did that sometimes when she felt guilty.

There was a pregnant pause before CJ sighed. "You know, let's just go get some lunch."

"Are you sure?" Donna asked brightening.

"Yeah," CJ nodded. "This is probably nothing. You and Josh are looking out for me and I appreciate it. I'm not going to let this disrupt my life."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. Ron will take care of it. It's probably some stupid college prank," Donna agreed.

CJ and Donna left for lunch and came back without anything happening. Although it seemed like they were agreed that the e-mail was a prank and life should go on as normal, I wasn't so convinced. I was looking forward to Ron's visit. He'd be the one to set my mind at ease.

* * *

Unfortunately, CJ went home and when she returned the next morning Ron was there. He didn't set my mind at ease. In fact, he did just the opposite. After inspecting CJ's computer it sounded like he thought this was a very credible threat to CJ's life. Even as I got nervous, CJ looked like she didn't quite believe him. I wondered if this was some sort of defense mechanism. If she denied there was trouble, then it wasn't true.

I didn't have long to dwell on it because CJ was off and running, throwing herself into her work. It wasn't until Josh stopped by later that I fully understood what was going through CJ's mind.

She sat at her desk reading through some things about an hour after Ron left her office. Josh, in a very un-Josh manner entered her office and shut the door behind him. He walked over to her desk and took a seat in her guest chair. She looked up at him and took off her glasses.

"Problem?" she asked. I could tell she had an attitude right from the start.

"Ron gave me a call," Josh said interlacing his fingers and leaning back in the chair, trying to look at ease.

"And?"

"Come on CJ, he already told you what he thought," Josh replied.

"And his assessment that there's a psycho who's out get me should have set my mind at ease?" she countered.

"No," Josh said leaning forward. "I just don't get why you're so defiant about it CJ. You've already seen what happened when fanatics come at us."

"Yeah, I have," CJ said a little too loudly. "Do you think I relish the idea of the same fate Josh? Am I supposed to just assume there's some psycho lurking on every corner waiting to do me in?"

"That's not what I meant. Of course I don't want you to think that way. I just don't think you're taking this seriously."

"Well I am," she said.

"You don't need to get mad at me. Deflecting much?"

"Don't give me your Stanley psychology Josh," CJ said. "I'm sorry I'm not cowering in a corner over this okay? This was two e-mails. Two e-mails don't make a pattern. This is probably some guy with too much time on his hands. He'll get bored and forget he hates me."

"You honestly believe that?"

"There's no reason why I shouldn't," CJ replied.

"Why are you so angry?" Josh asked. I had to admit, I was wondering the same thing myself. I'd have thought CJ would have been happy that they had a chance to catch this guy. Instead she seemed offended that people were worried about her.

"Josh," CJ sighed. "Aside from Nancy, I'm the highest ranking woman in this administration. I can take care of myself. Being a woman has no impact my ability to take care of myself or do my job."

"No one thinks it does," Josh replied with a bit of spite.

"Then why do I get the kid-gloves all of sudden? Oh no, CJ got an e-mail, we should get the head of the Secret Service on it!"

"You don't honestly believe I'm treating you any different because you're a woman," Josh replied standing up and hovering over CJ's desk. "If Sam got the same e-mail, I'd have called Ron. That was a threat on your life CJ. I'm sorry if you're offended that I care, but don't take a feminist perspective on this. This has nothing to do with the fact that you're female and everything to do with the fact that someone wants you dead."

The silence was awkward and hung in the room like a sheet of fog. The tension could be cut with a knife. I even felt awkward.

"Okay," CJ said after a moment.

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Josh took a step back and turned around quickly. He left the office before CJ said anything else. She sat at her desk for a moment and stared at the empty space that Josh had just occupied before putting her glasses back on and finishing her memo.

I'm not sure what transpired in the next day or so, but the next thing I knew there was this tall guy, who looked pretty scary, sitting outside CJ's office. Apparently she was getting Secret Service protection. She didn't seem too happy about it either. It was kind of weird to watch him sit outside her office. He followed her when she walked out of the office too. It was like she had a shadow that was tall and handsome.

I found out from listening to Carol that his name was Simon. I had to admit that he was a little dreamy. But that wasn't the focus of what happened next. What happened next was amends between Josh and CJ. Simon had been on the job for about a day when Josh stopped by. Simon let him in pretty quickly. I hadn't heard CJ talk to Josh since their little blow-out so this was kind of a tense visit, or so I assumed.

"Some Secret Service agent you are," CJ called to Simon. "You just let anyone in here?"

I could tell she was kidding. Josh had accused her of using humor to deflect her true feelings once before. I had a feeling she was doing the same thing here.

"He's harmless," Simon called back.

"I wouldn't say harmless," Josh said, slightly offended. Simon shrugged in response.

"Apparently he can take you," CJ told Josh.

Josh sized him up and replied, "I suppose. Donna said you needed to see me?"

I sensed his tone. He was still holding a grudge. I really hoped that CJ had called him here to make up though.

"Yeah," CJ said awkwardly. "I thought I probably owed you an apology. You were right to be worried and I was being stubborn."

"Yes you were," Josh replied.

"And I'm apologizing for it," CJ said.

"I saw the memo about Ron posting an agent on you," Josh said. "I was a little surprised that you signed off on it."

"I didn't want to," CJ replied.

"What made you change your mind?"

"He sent pictures," CJ said ominously.

"He's following you?" Josh asked. I saw his fist clench at his side.

"Apparently," CJ said. "But Officer Krupke doesn't even let me drive myself home anymore, so I guess I'm good."

"We're gonna catch this guy CJ," Josh assured her.

"I know. I really do appreciate your concern. I was just in denial there for a little while."

"And you're not now?" Josh asked.

"Not after seeing those pictures," CJ said. "I'm not happy about having agents waste their time following me…"

"It's not wasted time," Josh interjected.

"But, I know this is how it has to be," CJ said. "I really appreciate you looking out for me."

"You're welcome," Josh said a little shyly.

"We good?"

"Definitely," Josh replied. "You know Toby almost hit the roof when I told him about the e-mail."

That tidbit of information didn't surprise me.

"I know," CJ said. "He let me know that his Dad still had connections if I needed them."

"We worry about you, not because you're a woman, but because we love you," Josh said quietly.

"I know," CJ said. "Now get outta my way. It takes me more time to get to the briefing room with Skippy the 200-hundred-pound shadow following me."

She gave Josh a smile, which he returned and for a moment things seemed to be back to normal. Unfortunately, the next few weeks would be anything but normal.

TBC


	28. The Watcher

Author's Note: Take place during season three's The Black Vera Wang. Reviews are appreciated.

* * *

"The Watcher"

Not long after CJ first received her death threat she had to go to Finland on a trip. While I worried about her, I knew I shouldn't since she'd be traveling with President Bartlet, thus tripling the Secret Service protection around her. Also, I figured that whoever this whacko was, he didn't have the time to travel all the way to Finland to go after CJ.

It turned out that Simon was going to go on the trip with her. CJ didn't seem too pleased about it before they left. When they got back it seemed she was not feeling any better about it. She returned to her office for a moment and yelled at Simon for while. It turned out that she wanted to drive home and Simon seemed perfectly fine with letting her and so CJ left. Of course she returned and found out that Simon had essentially taken apart her car so that she couldn't drive herself home. Even though CJ seemed mad about it I thought I had detected a hint of a smile when she realized what he'd done. It was almost as if she recognized a quality of someone equal to her. I don't know how else to describe it.

That was just the first inclination I had that CJ might actually like Simon and not only like him as a person, but like him as a potential boyfriend. CJ hadn't gone out with anyone in quite a while. And, much as I liked Danny, it was clear that that ship had sailed. He didn't call anymore and, if he e-mailed CJ, I wasn't aware of it. If I had to pick someone for CJ to date I could have done much worse than Simon. He was tall, handsome and capable of killing any potential threat with his bare hands.

So, while CJ still complained about Simon's presence in her office and her life, I tended to believe it might have been a case of the lady protesting too much. She even mentioned something to Carol about her behavior towards Simon, but unfortunately that conversation took place just outside the office.

That same afternoon CJ took her niece out shopping for a prom-sorry, junior prom-dress. I wished that I could have tagged along. Shopping sounded fun. People around the office always talked about shopping, but I guess that is one thing I'd never get a chance to experience.

Since CJ was headed to a public place Simon had to go with her. They were in her office before they left. Simon had given her the ground rules earlier. He had to walk in front of her. She couldn't sneak off. Basically he was telling her to behave herself without actually saying the words. I looked at Simon's face and he looked different. CJ picked up on it too.

"Are you nervous about us going out in public?" CJ asked him.

"Nervous?" he asked.

"Yeah, we'll be in a public place. I realize that guarding me here doesn't exactly tax all your resources since you have to pass about twenty armed guards to get into the building," CJ replied. "Today there's mall security and you. It seems like it would be more difficult."

"Are you nervous?" he asked her. I noticed that when pressed, Simon would talk a lot. However, his usual preferred method of communication was short and to the point.

"I'm not nervous," CJ replied in a voice that I didn't believe for a second. "I was just checking up on you.

"I'm not planning on taking a bullet today if that's what you're asking."

"You're not planning on it because you don't think it'll happen or you're not planning on it because you've decided you're sick of watching me and you'll let fate play out?"

Simon paused for a moment. I couldn't believe he was actually pondering her question. His immediate response should have been, "We're going to be fine today." Instead he asked, "You really think you're on fate's hit-list?"

CJ looked taken back by the question. "I—I don't really know," she said.

"You're not," Simon said forcefully. "We're not dealing with fate here. We're dealing with one sick individual. You and Hogan will be absolutely fine today. I'm returning you both with all limbs and no extra holes, unless you're planning on getting your ears pierced today."

"Okay," CJ said before going back to her work. I detected another hint of a smile at his little joke. Simon stood by the door and he looked as though he was ready for more conversation, but CJ just sat at her desk reading. The conversation was over.

Simon, finally realizing that CJ wasn't talking anymore, relaxed his posture and just stood by the doorway. He seemed to go back to work but I noticed how he looked at CJ. There was a look in his eyes that told me that he'd be on guard all afternoon. He wasn't going to let anything happen to her and it wasn't only because it was his job to watch her. I don't think he could take his eyes off of her if he wanted to.

It made me feel good that CJ was being guarded by Simon. They left to go to the store and while I was still worried, I knew that Simon wasn't going to let anything happen to her.

Just as Simon promised, CJ was back in the office safe and sound and holding a new dress to prove it.

"I thought Hogan was shopping for a dress?" Carol asked when she saw the dress bag CJ was hanging up.

"She was," CJ said. "She did."

"And that bag is?" Carol asked.

"Let's just say there was a Vera Wang that was tailor made for me."

"Vera Wang? Wow!"

"I know," CJ replied sheepishly. "I couldn't resist. Besides, we've got that War of the Roses thing coming up. I'll need to get dressed up for that."

"In Vera Wang apparently," Carol teased her.

"Yes, in Vera Wang," CJ conceded. "But wait until you see it on me before you judge. Even Simon thought I looked nice. Didn't you Simon?"

He appeared to be taken off guard. That was no easy feat, given that he was a Secret Service agent.

"Uh," he stammered.

"You saw the dress," CJ said. "Did you think it looked nice?"

"Um, yes," he said simply.

"See, a glowing compliment from Agent Poker Face over there," CJ said with a teasing grin.

The exchange was very innocent on CJ's end of things, but Simon's reaction led me to believe that not only did he see CJ in her dress, but that he really appreciated the view. I couldn't wait to see this dress!

Carol and CJ both got back to work. CJ was popping in and out of the office, but for most of the day and there wasn't much excitement. Things only got interesting and slightly terrifying at the end of the day. The interesting part came when CJ pulled Simon into her office. Apparently Simon was one of the agents at Rosslyn when Josh and President Bartlet got shot. CJ was pretty moved by that and they had a nice little moment. They were really starting to warm up to each other. I thought it might only be a matter of time before CJ pulled him in her office to kiss him, like she did with Danny.

But, after a nice little chat CJ went home for the evening. Simon handed her off to another agent and he stayed behind to check her e-mail. He had started doing that when they got back from Finland. He'd hand her off to another agent and then he'd spend another fifteen minutes going through CJ's e-mail account. Normally he'd just sit there in silence and turn off the light on his way out the door. Tonight was different.

Simon was going through a list of e-mail and suddenly his face changed. He looked angry. I could tell he was reading because his eyes moved back and forth for a while. Then, he slammed his hand on the desk and yelled in a fit of anger. The movement scared me and caused the water in my bowl to splash. It took me a minute to orient myself again. By that time Simon was on CJ's phone.

"Kip," he said. "Don't make it obvious, but keep a good eye on C—Flamingo tonight. We got an e-mail. He was at the mall today."

I noticed how Simon almost used CJ's real name instead of her code name. He covered his mistake pretty quickly, but it was very noticeable to me.

"Yeah, just, don't tell her, but keep your eyes open. Thanks."

Simon hung up the phone and dialed another number quickly.

"Ron," he said. "We got another e-mail. He was at the mall today."

"Yeah, I'll see you in a minute," Simon said before hanging up the phone.

"Damn it," he mumbled to himself.

"Simon?" Toby asked poking his head into CJ's office. He had his coat on and I knew he was leaving for the night. He had taken to stopping by before he left more often since he found out about the threat against CJ.

"Is everything okay?" Toby asked.

"Yeah, it's fine," Simon said tersely.

"You sure? Is CJ okay?" Toby pressed.

"CJ is fine."

"Your shopping trip went okay?"

"She's fine Toby," Simon replied.

"You're upset about something," Toby said holding his bag in front of him. I knew he was just as worried about CJ as everyone else, probably more so, given that I thought he had always had a thing for her.

"Yeah, I am," Simon said setting his jaw.

"Is it a security issue?" Toby asked not letting the subject go.

"I'm on it and no one has to worry about it," Simon said. "Especially CJ."

"I'm not going to say anything if that's what you're--"

"Great, thanks," Simon said cutting him off. Simon was never Mister Warm and Fuzzy, but right now he was very angry, making him more standoffish.

"Okay," Toby replied, clearly irritated. "Night."

"Toby," Simon said as Toby turned to leave.

"Yeah?"

"Everything will be okay. We're gonna get this guy."

"I hope you do."

"Count on it," Simon replied.

"Hi Toby," Ron said as he came to the door with another man.

"Ron," Toby nodded.

Toby stood around and saw how Simon and Ron looked at him. He finally took that as his cue.

"Okay, well, have a good night."

"Thanks Toby," Ron said as he entered CJ's office.

Toby left and Ron and Simon got down to work. Ron read the e-mail and then turned the computer over to the other man he had brought with him.

"What happened at the mall today?" Ron asked.

"He was there," Simon said. "I felt it. I felt it when we were there."

"Did you see anyone?"

"There was a guy in hat," Simon said. "I gave my description to Norm when we got back. I don't know if that was him though. He left before we did. He didn't see her in the dress."

"You don't think he saw her in the dress," Ron clarified.

"He didn't," Simon said again.

"He masked the IP," the man looking at CJ's computer said. "He's using encryption and re-routing. We're not gonna trace him through this e-mail."

"Thanks Rick," Ron said. "Well, we've got a possible description. You're looking at pictures tomorrow?"

"I'm looking at pictures tonight," Simon said.

"No, you're going home tonight," Ron told him.

"He could be in one of the books."

"You don't think he's really in the books and I don't either. Go home. Get some rest. You're obviously going to need it."

"I need to get this guy," Simon said.

"We'll get him," Ron assured him. "We always get them."

"I'm still going to look at the books tonight," Simon said.

"Simon, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're an excellent agent. You've been on this detail a while and I've never seen you thrown like this."

"I'm not thrown," Simon said with a tone of what I would clarify as offended.

"Is it CJ?" Ron asked.

"It's not CJ," Simon said. "Granted she doesn't make it easy to watch her, but I'm on it."

"I know you are," Ron said. "It seems like more than that maybe. She's a nice, single woman."

"I'm not, it's not like that. I'm mad because this guy was there today Ron. He's mocking us now. He's mocking me and my ability to keep Flamingo safe."

"Okay," Ron said. I knew by the way he replied that he didn't actually believe him. "But you're going home tonight."

"Ron--"

"You can look at the books tomorrow at lunch," Ron said in a tone that indicated the matter was settled. "We get paid to sit and watch. That's hard sometimes. But we're trained to watch and see what's wrong. We get paid to observe the bad guys and catch them."

"Yeah," Simon said.

"Get some rest," Ron said again. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Simon said waving him off as he left the office.

So, I sat, on the desk, while Ron and Rick did a few more things on CJ's computer. I could relate to Simon. Sometimes it's hard to sit by and watch how things unfold.

TBC


	29. Surrounded

Author's Note: So, it has been a very long time since I updated this and for that I apologize. I have been consumed with other projects. However, this chapter is the real reason that I started this story actually. I had an idea for this chapter and I wanted it to be told from Gail's point of view. I guess I took the long was by writing about 28 chapters prior to the one I actually set out to write, but I hope you enjoy it. This takes places immediately following the season three finale.

* * *

"Surrounded"

I was slumbering peacefully when the light to CJ's office was flicked on and the deputy press secretary entered the room. I'd only seen him a few times before and that was usually during morning meetings with the rest of the staff. He looked frantic and he was riffling through some papers on CJ's desk. The televisions were off, but I knew there was only one reason why the deputy press secretary would be going through CJ's things at eleven o'clock at night and it wasn't a good reason.

I was suddenly very awake and very worried. CJ had gone to New York to see a play with what seemed like everyone. Josh and Donna were still around the office, but Sam, Toby, Leo and President Bartlet, they had all gone to see a show about flowers and wars or something like that. I suddenly recalled with horror another evening when CJ was away from the White House. It was a night similar to this. It was the night Josh was shot.

I knew I could be assured of Josh's safety, at least I hoped. He was in town and had only left the office a little while ago. I saw him speak to Carol before leaving for the night. He had his backpack with him and I assumed he went home. Donna was still around somewhere, but the rest of them were unaccounted for. I wished someone would turn on the televisions. If I could see the televisions then I'd at least know what was going on and how worried I should be.

It was around that time that I saw Carol at her desk. She had clearly left for the evening, but now she was back. That was not a good sign. But, I assumed that her presence meant that CJ was okay. If CJ wasn't okay then Carol would probably be wherever she was. At least that's the story I came up with in my fish mind.

"Are they on their way back?" the deputy asked Carol over his shoulder. He must have seen her light go on.

"Yeah," Carol said. "Wheels up was a half hour ago."

"Is she okay?" he asked taking a moment to pause before shuffling through CJ's things.

"I don't know," Carol said. "I talked to Toby."

Okay, so I assumed that she meant CJ and now I knew that Toby was in contact with Carol; Two important people to check off my list of worries. Now I just needed someone to confirm that Sam, Leo and the president were safe and I could breathe a bit easier.

"Toby?" he asked.

"She'll be okay," Carol said in a tone that conveyed just how unsure she was about that fact.

"How old was Simon anyway?" the deputy asked.

"I'm not sure," Carol replied. "Forty-nine? Fifty? He was too young that's for sure."

"I guess it comes with the territory of the job," he replied.

My mind was swimming (pun unintended). Something had happened to Simon and from what I gathered he was dead. Simon Donovan. I'd only known him a few weeks, but he was a nice man and I knew CJ liked him. She really liked him. Yes, she would give him a hard time and get little digs in here and there, but I could tell that she liked him. Most of all I knew that he liked her too. Simon was CJ's chance to have an actual relationship.

Carol and the deputy continued to talk for a few minutes before they began buzzing around the office. Apparently, in addition to Simon's death, there was breaking news that Abdul Sharif was killed in a plane crash. The man was just in the Oval Office and now he was gone too. I knew that time was fleeting, but I guess I never realized how quickly life could change until that night.

The time went by, the televisions stayed off and the whirl of activity occurred outside of CJ's office. I couldn't tell you how much time had passed before Josh was back in the office, or rather in CJ's office. He came in, backpack slung over his shoulder and he slumped down into one of her chairs.

I was puzzled by his actions. He said nothing. He just sat, waiting. Occasionally he'd lean forward or sit back and sigh, pressing his fingertips together, but he was basically silent. He finally turned on the television and I got the full story on Simon and the sketchy news about Sharif. CJ looked better behind the podium than the deputy, but he was okay at answering the questions they tossed at him.

Ultimately Josh turned off the televisions and waited in silence. He was about to get up and pace when he saw them walking down the hallway. CJ, flanked by Sam and Toby, silently headed toward her office. She wore her black Vera Wang dress, with Toby's jacket draped over her shoulders. She looked exhausted when she finally entered her office. She walked passed Josh without noticing he was in the room.

"CJ," he said reaching out to her.

"Josh?" she asked puzzled as if she didn't understand why he was there. Actually it was as if she didn't understand where she was.

Josh looked over at Toby and Sam as if he were silently asking them how to proceed. I noticed that Sam looked at his shoes and Toby shook his head slowly from side to side.

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

"Me too," she said with an irony in her tone that could be construed as bitter.

Josh walked over and enveloped her into a hug. I watched as she squirmed a bit until Josh let her go.

"I appreciate it Josh, I really do," she said. "But I can't do this now."

"CJ," Toby piped up.

"I have to brief," CJ told Toby.

"You're not briefing," Toby said.

"Abdul Sharif's plane went down," CJ said. "I have to be out there."

"No you don't," Sam interjected. "You've had a hell of night CJ."

"You don't think I know that Sam?" she countered.

I was taken aback by her anger and bitterness. Her eyes weren't red and puffy as I'd expected they would be. She looked as she always did, but her attitude was defiant. It seemed to me that she was almost looking for a fight.

"CJ, let your deputy handle the briefings tonight," Josh said softly. "You should go home."

"Go home and what Josh? Should I go home and be thankful that they caught my stalker tonight? Should I go home and think about how they caught him with items like duct tape and rope in his trunk? Should I go home and cry about Simon? Maybe I should go home and think about how I should have let you all cancel this damn show tonight?"

She waited a beat of silence and looked at their silent faces before she continued.

"I was the one who wanted to go," CJ continued. "I was disappointed that you wanted to cancel it. If we hadn't gone Simon would still be here."

"It's not your fault CJ," Toby said inching closer to her.

"No? I voiced my opinion that we should go," CJ said.

"The president wasn't canceling," Sam said. "It didn't matter what we said, he was going. We were all going."

"Yeah, we were all going," she growled. "To hell in a fast car. That's where we went tonight. I have to go brief."

"CJ," Toby said stepping in front of her.

"Toby, I don't want to do this with you right now," she practically pleaded.

I saw the look on her face and it was one of insolence and grief. She was beyond angry and even inconsolable, but she was trying with all her might to keep it together. The one thing I had learned about CJ over the years is that she never wanted to fall apart in front of the guys. She'd come into her office and throw papers or shed a few scant tears, but it was always alone. She never wanted to appear weak to those around her.

"You're not going out there," Toby said forcefully.

"You're ordering me?" she asked. "Again Toby? As I recall that didn't go to well for you the last time you tried it."

"CJ," Sam said putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You're not up to this."

"Let Grant handle this," Josh agreed.

I watched CJ as she glanced at all three men surrounding her. Although she was taller and more imposing than all of them she looked small. She looked weak and they knew it. It looked like a small circle of friends who were there to hold her up.

"I'll drive you home," Sam offered.

"No. I'm good," CJ said tossing a folder on her desk, resigned.

"You shouldn't drive," Toby said.

"I can't drive," she said. "Simon…I don't have my car here right now."

"Let us take you home," Josh said.

"No," CJ said inching her way out of the circle they'd formed around her. "I'm okay. I just want to sit here a minute."

"We can wait," Sam offered.

"No," CJ said forcefully and then she lowered her voice again. "I'm sorry. I'm really going to be fine. You should all go home."

"CJ," Josh started before Toby put a hand on his arm.

"She says she's fine," Toby said looking CJ directly in the eyes. He knew she wasn't fine. He knew she was falling apart inside. Everyone saw the regular CJ when they looked at her, but Toby saw that she was in a million tiny pieces inside, like a piece of glass when it shatters, rough edges exposed and sharp. "We'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll be here," she replied.

We watched them all leave the office. It wasn't lost on me that all three of them went to Josh's office down the hall and shut the door. Normally CJ would have noticed that, but tonight she just sat, slumped in her office chair rubbing her index finger lightly along her bottom lip.

"CJ?" Carol asked from the doorway. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," CJ nodded.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked, her voice filled with trepidation.

"No," CJ shook her head slowly. "You should go home."

"The Sharif story is pretty hot right now," Carol reminded her. "I was gathering some facts for Grant."

"Oh…yeah," CJ said absently.

"Maybe you should go home," Carol suggested.

"I'm not going home Carol. I'll be here if Grant needs anything."

"Okay," Carol said, but I could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't pleased with CJ's decision.

"Hey Carol," CJ called.

"Yeah?"

"Can you make sure I have a few extra suits here?" CJ asked. "I have a feeling with this Qumar thing I might be here for a while."

"Sure thing," Carol nodded shutting the door behind her as she left CJ's office.

CJ just sat at her desk for a while. I wanted to be able to comfort her, but I knew there was nothing I could do. CJ looked so sad and I knew she wasn't only mourning Simon, but the loss of everything that might have been. She turned on the televisions in her office and zeroed in on the one that was mentioning Simon. Apparently he died while trying to help someone who was being robbed. He had stopped at the store for a candy bar and just as quickly as he decided to stop, he was gone.

* * *

The next day came and went in a blur. CJ had decided to curl up on the couch overnight. She slept in her Vera Wang. She set a tiny alarm clock to wake her at 4am. It was insanely early, but I guess she didn't want anyone to see her sleeping in the office. It wasn't that she hadn't slept there before, but there was something slightly unnerving about seeing her curled up in a ball on the couch.

CJ awoke and noticed I was watching her. I was surprised she noticed me at all. The night before seemed like a dream.

"Not you too Gail," CJ said. She stood up and I saw how wrinkled and worn her dress looked. It somehow fit the scene. "I'm fine."

She told me that she was fine, but I could tell she was anything but fine. She walked over to her desk, pulled out my food and dumped a few fingers full into my bowl. I didn't swim up to eat them. I didn't have an appetite. CJ noticed.

"Yeah, I'm not hungry either," she said putting the cap back onto the food and putting it back in her drawer. She stood up and grabbed a suit from the back of her door. She closed the blinds in her office and changed into her work suit. She also ran a brush through her hair and somehow she looked like regular, old CJ. If I hadn't known any better I wouldn't have noticed that the evening before, her life had kind of fallen apart.

By the time Carol came into work CJ was caffeinated and ready to face the world. Carol popped her head into CJ's office and had an armload of CJ's suits.

"Hi," Carol said timidly. "I brought by some suits."

Carol surveyed the office and then said, "Did you sleep here last night?"

"What?" CJ asked looking up from her e-mail. "Oh, yeah." She waved her hand as if it didn't really matter. "I wanted to be around just in case the story got bigger overnight."

CJ held up the Washington Post to show Carol, "Which, I can say with confidence, it got bigger overnight."

"Yeah," Carol said biting her lip. "CJ, do need some time? Away from the office?"

CJ returned Carol's question with a hard look. "I'm fine. I need to be here," CJ said forcefully. Her tone scared me probably as much as it intimidated Carol.

"Okay," Carol replied more quietly than usual. "Can I get you anything?"

"You can get me the first five minutes the president has available this morning," CJ said.

"Will do," Carol said.

"Thanks."

Carol closed CJ's door on her way back to her desk. CJ didn't ask her to, but it seemed like it was probably the right call. In a way I think it was good for CJ to have this Qumar thing to focus her energy on. Otherwise I'm not sure she'd have been able to keep it together.

Although in reality CJ wasn't really coping as well as she should have been. She threw herself into her work, but eventually I realized that she wasn't going home. She'd been sleeping at work on the couch and no one seemed the wiser. The day before Simon's funeral was when Carol realized that CJ had been holed up in her office, only pretending to go home. I overheard her talking to Toby about it when he stopped by to see CJ, but she wasn't there.

"What do you mean she hasn't been home?" Toby asked.

"I mean she asked me to bring her some clothes about three days ago," Carol explained as she set some papers out on her CJ's desk. "I didn't think much of it. It isn't unusual for CJ to have extra clothes here. But, the more I think about it, she hasn't been going home Toby. She's here after I leave at night and she's here when I get here in the morning."

"That doesn't mean she isn't going home," Toby protested, even though I could see the concern on his face.

"Toby, I really don't think she's going home," Carol said again. "I don't know if I should be worried or if I should say anything--"

"Don't say anything," Toby said. "I'll…just don't say anything."

Toby looked around the office as if he was trying to determine if CJ had actually been sleeping there for days. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Josh walking by CJ's door and he called out to him before he excused himself. I wondered what Toby was planning to do about what Carol had told him. I didn't expect anything like what happened though.

It's hard to talk about what happened in CJ's office that night because it was so very private, but I'll try to tell the story as well as I can. It was about midnight and Carol had been gone for about an hour. CJ was sitting at her desk, her head resting on her hand. She looked like she was about to fall asleep in her chair. The exhaustion was getting to her. That was when Toby arrived with Josh and Sam in tow.

"CJ," Toby said a little anxiously. He had something large under his arm, which he threw on the floor. "What time is lights out?"

"What?" CJ asked with a horrified look on her face.

"It's getting kind of late. I was wondering what time the lights went out around here."

CJ stood up. She looked slighted nervous as if she was cornered, which, I suppose, she was. "I don't know what you mean. What's with the sleeping bag?"

Sam took the opportunity to toss a blanket of his own on the floor. "We'll go home when you go home," he said.

"You guys, I seriously don't know what you think is going on here, but I'm fine. I'm staying on top of the press."

"So on top of the press that you haven't gone home in three days?" Josh asked.

"We've been a little busy around here Josh," CJ said defensively.

"CJ, for some reason you haven't gone home," Toby said. "And that's okay. We want to help you."

"Lucky for you I don't need any help," CJ said curtly.

"I know Simon's death was horrible," Toby said. CJ practically recoiled when Toby said Simon's name. "You need to grieve CJ. The funeral is tomorrow."

"You don't think I know that? I don't need to grieve Toby. I need to do my work."

"The work can wait," Toby said. Josh and Sam took the opportunity to sit down in the chairs.

"The work can't wait," CJ said evenly. "The work is all I have okay Toby? Just let me do what I need to do."

"We are," Josh piped up. "You can do what you usually do. We'll just be here with you in case you need us."

"I won't need you," CJ said forcefully.

"That remains to be seen," Sam commented.

"What are the odds I get you all to leave my office tonight?" CJ asked.

"We'll go home when you go home," Toby said with finality.

CJ sighed heavily and thought for a moment. Somehow I figured that the idea of her going home was about as appealing as having Toby, Sam and Josh sleepover in her office. "Fine," she said finally. "But I get the couch."

"I get the other," Josh called, sitting on the other couch.

Toby gave Josh a very hard look. "Or, I could respect my elder and give it to Toby."

Toby gave Josh a look about the dig at his age, but he didn't say anything. CJ shut off the lamp on her desk and walked over to the couch. Josh unrolled the sleeping bag next to the couch CJ was on. She stretched out and tried to settle in as the guys did the same. The sight of Josh and Sam lying on blankets on CJ's floor was really a sight to behold. Toby took the other couch and it was silent for a moment.

"So, does everyone think I'm crazy?" CJ finally asked.

"We don't think you're crazy," Sam said.

"Speaking from someone who was once a little crazy, I'm confident when I say no one thinks you're crazy," Josh added.

"Then what's with the intervention?" CJ asked.

"You haven't been home in three days," Toby said. "That's a little troubling. Why haven't you gone home?"

"I don't want to talk about it," CJ said.

"It might help," Sam said.

"It might not," CJ said glibly.

Silence fell over the group again. Josh loosened his tie and tossed it on the chair. Sam unbuttoned his top button and it seemed like everyone was just going to settle down and sleep until CJ said, "If I go home this is real."

Her voice was tiny and the light from the televisions she kept on cast her face in a way that made her look very vulnerable.

"What's real?" Toby asked.

"Simon," CJ said. "I don't want to go home because I'll remember him dropping me off at home."

"CJ was there something going on with Simon?" Josh asked.

"Yes." I could tell that this was news to the guys. I'm sure they all had their suspicions, but the way CJ and Simon interacted at work was usually combative. Only Carol really knew that CJ might have a crush on him.

"I'm sorry," Sam said finally. "I didn't know that."

"I didn't really either," CJ said. "Not until New York. It was…I don't know what's harder, losing what you had or losing something that could have been everything you thought you ever wanted. It hadn't even started and it was taken away."

I could see the tears forming in CJ's eyes. I knew she didn't want to cry in front of them. She always tried so hard to keep her emotions in check, but this wasn't really work-related. This was something very personal and she had every right to cry. I wished someone would go give her a hug.

"I didn't realize," Toby said letting his comment hang in the air.

"I didn't either, until it was basically too late. I wish…well I wish a lot of things," CJ said wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. I heard her sniffle.

"You're strong CJ," Josh said. "You can get through this. We'll help you."

"Thanks," CJ said. Her voice was thick from crying silently. "I can mourn for Simon and the wonderful man that he was, but how do you mourn what might have been? I'm afraid to go home because when I go there it will be just me, alone with these thoughts about how it was my fault and then I'm afraid they might really make me crazy."

"Then stay here," Sam said. "I'm here as long as you are."

"No," CJ said. "I appreciate it. I really do, but I can't ask you to do that. I have to find a way to get through this myself."

"You're not asking," Sam said propping himself up on his shoulder to look at CJ. "I'm volunteering."

"So am I," Josh said.

"I'm always here for you CJ," Toby said. "You know that. You didn't ask. I'm being obstinate and pushy. Two qualities about me that you enjoy, I'd like to remind you."

CJ chuckled. "Two qualities I can always count on you for," she said. "I just don't know what to do. The funeral is tomorrow and it…I keep thinking if I stay here and do the work for twelve hours a day I'll forget."

"It'll be easier tomorrow," Sam offered, leaning on one arm. "And the day after and the day after."

"You're really preaching time heals all wounds? The Deputy Communications Director and that's all you've got?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Sam shrugged. "But I can tell you that I'm here for you for whatever you need."

"We all are," Josh said.

"Me too," I tried pipe up, not that anyone could hear me.

"I didn't think it would be like this." CJ said.

"What do you mean?" Toby asked.

"Working here," CJ said. "I didn't think I'd ever have to deal with things like this. We were shot at and the President and Josh were hit, I was stalked, Simon was shot. There are times when I sit here and think 'this can't be my life.'"

"I know what you mean," Josh said. "But we got through it. You'll get through this."

"There are times when I wonder if I'm capable of handling what's next."

"You should never worry about that," Toby said. "You one of the strongest people I know."

"Maybe it's a façade," CJ replied.

"None of us believe that," Toby said.

It was silent for a moment until CJ said, "Do you guys realize you're my longest relationship? Aside from my Dad and brothers, the three of you are the longest, continuous relationship I've ever had."

"You know," Josh said. "I think the same goes for me. Well, Sam I've known the longest, but like continuous, daily contact, it's you guys for sure."

"Me too," Sam piped up.

Toby remained silent and I tried to recall if I knew how long he had been married. He added, "There are about five people in the world that I would lie down in front of a train for and three of them are in this room."

It was a more emotional share than I'd ever heard from Toby and it surprised me. It must have surprised everyone else too because no one really said anything. There was a kind of stunned, comfortable silence that followed. I assumed that his comment was a direct result of what happened to Simon. It seemed that everyone was in an emotional mood.

There were a few other things that were said that evening. Things that I don't even feel comfortable repeating. Suffice to say, after that night I knew that CJ, Toby, Sam and Josh had a bond that I don't even think death could break.

It was silent for a while and it seemed, judging by the sounds of snoring, that everyone had fallen asleep but CJ. She stood up and walked over the couch Toby was on and gently adjusted the pillow under his head. She passed Sam and tucked the blanket around him. She walked back over to her couch and started to settle in to sleep. I was just dozing off when I saw Josh reach over and give CJ's hand a light squeeze and at that moment I knew that although things seemed bleak now, it was going to get better because we were surrounded by people who truly loved and cared for each other.


	30. The End of Innocence

"The End of Innocence"

Eventually CJ decided to go home. The guys and CJ spent two nights in the office sleeping and that was about as much as any of them could take. From my point of view CJ seemed to be doing a little bit better everyday. Of course she still had the funeral to contend with, but I took her going home as a good sign.

To tell the truth, which I strive to do in all my tales, those nights spent in the office after Simon's death was kind of the beginning of the end. Don't get me wrong, being in the White House was an honor and a privilege. The quality of work didn't diminish, nor did the importance of what was going on, but something just felt…off after Simon. Everyone seemed to start to go in their own direction. I still have stories from my point of view of course, but they are fewer and far between. I felt like the glory days of working in the White House had sort of ended with Simon's death.

Of course, I digress. This is about what happened the day of Simon's funeral. CJ's usually bustling office didn't seem as busy as usual after she returned from the funeral. I suspected that people were giving her a break, but I honestly think she would have been grateful for something to do. I had resigned myself to a slightly boring day when the phone rang. CJ, not having the energy to even lift the phone, put the call on speakerphone, which worked out incredibly well for me.

"CJ Cregg," she said in a tone that could almost be equated to a sigh.

"Hey CJ, its Danny."

Danny! We hadn't heard from Danny in quite a while. Of course things were different now. I had been privy to a few of CJ's more private moments with Simon and I knew that she had feelings for him. I wondered how this would affect her relationship with Danny. Of course I wasn't even really sure what kind of relationship they had anymore.

"Danny," CJ said with the hint of a melancholy smile.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm doing okay," she replied. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Listen, when I read the paper the other day…I'm really sorry about Simon Donovan."

"Yeah, me too" CJ said. I saw her eyes get a little watery, but her voice didn't betray it.

"I wish I would've known what was going on with you," Danny said. I wondered how much the "real world" had heard of CJ's plight with a stalker. I figured, once he was caught that it would be news, but I wasn't really sure if it was common knowledge. Based on Danny's comment I assumed it wasn't until a few days ago.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Danny asked again.

"Yeah, I am now," CJ replied. For the most part I thought she was telling the truth.

"I had no idea that you were dealing with threats," Danny continued. "When I think about that guy and what he was…I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Yeah," CJ said fidgeting in her chair. "It wasn't exactly a career highlight."

"You should have called me," Danny said finally.

I caught a hint of something in his voice. I'm not really sure what you'd call it. Hurt? Regret? Who am I to classify human emotion anyway? I'm just a fish.

"I was a little busy," CJ reminded him.

"I'd have liked to have known what was going on instead of reading it in the paper," Danny pressed.

"I probably would have told you if you were still around," CJ replied.

I had thought this might be a nice conversation, but suddenly, as was the tendency, the conversation between CJ and Danny seemed to become a little antagonistic. CJ would say it was the nature of the beast. A Press Secretary and a reporter couldn't really be friends, let along anything more.

"I have e-mail," Danny said. "I wondered if you changed your address lately."

"I work in the White House Danny. There are days when I don't have time to respond to personal e-mail. Not to mention the fact that Secret Service impounded my computer after the first threat."

"I know. Sorry," he said almost sheepishly. "I just…I might not be there, but I can still worry about you."

I saw the look on CJ's face. It was a mixture of flattery and sadness if that was even possible. I could sense that while she was happy to hear from Danny and grateful for his concern, she wasn't quite ready to leap back into the usual banter that was usually between them.

"I appreciate that Danny," CJ said. "I really do, but you don't have to worry for me."

"Not anymore."

"Yeah."

"Look," Danny said, his voice softening, "I just wanted to tell you that if you needed to talk to anyone, anyone not professional or working in the White House, you can talk to me."

"Because you don't cover the White House right now?" CJ asked. She always had her defenses up, even at a time when a friend reaching out to her was probably just the thing she needed.

"No, because believe it or not, I care about you and it has absolutely nothing to do with a story."

I almost felt sorry for Danny. I'm sure he knew that she was upset because of the stalker, but what he didn't know was that CJ had been just about ready to give her heart away to another man. He couldn't have known. No one really knew, but I felt like his attempt to reach out to her was falling on deaf ears. I didn't figure she'd be ready to resume any kind of relationship, even witty banter, with Danny for some time. But then, CJ surprised me.

"I know," she said, her tone softening along with her eyes. "I'm sorry. It's been a rough couple of weeks and I shouldn't take it out on you."

"It's okay." I could almost picture him shrugging.

"It's not," CJ said. "This really isn't about you or me. I'm just…Simon's funeral was today."

"He was your lead agent?"

"Yeah," she replied with a hint of double-meaning in her affirmation of Danny's question. "The case was over and he walked into a convenience store for a candy bar. He just wanted a snack."

"Yeah."

"He was at Rosslyn," CJ told him.

"Really?" Was he hurt?"

"Yeah," CJ said with a scoff. "He made it out of Rosslyn alive, but not a convenience store."

"I'm really sorry Claudia Jean," Danny said.

"Yeah, me too."

"If there's anything I can do," Danny offered.

"Believe it or not your call helped."

"Yeah? It didn't seem like it was going too well for a minute there."

"Yeah well, I appreciate it even if it might not seem like it."

"Well then I'll try to remember to do it more often," he said.

"Are you…will you be covering White House news any time soon?" CJ asked.

"Not that I know of," Danny said. "They've got me doing all this stuff on Ritchie lately."

"Because you're a closet Republican?" CJ asked trying to joke.

"Right," he replied. "I think they're still a little mad that I turned down the editor job and requested a change of scenery. I wasn't planning to exile myself from the White House I just needed a change of pace for a while you know?"

"Believe it or not I know exactly what you mean," CJ said. "Hey, if you're in town--"

"CJ," Carol said opening the door without knocking. "Toby needs you now, something about a reporter from CNN needing access.

CJ looked up from her desk and looked at Carol. She gestured to the phone as if to tell her that she was on it.

"Oh, sorry," Carol said as she started backing out of the office.

"Hey Carol," Danny said. I smiled to myself thinking of Danny's expression. He, like I, knew that CJ was gearing up to ask him for coffee or lunch or something inconsequential, but the attempt was thwarted and it would likely not happen again.

"Hi Danny, sorry," Carol said and then she quietly added, "Toby sounded urgent."

"Yeah," CJ said to Carol as she shut the door. "Danny, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Take care CJ," Danny said.

"I will."

CJ hung up the phone and busied herself with the credentials of the CNN reporter, which I suspect Toby, had fabricated, in order to give CJ something to take her mind off the funeral. Like I said once before, it was the little things that made the days go by in the White House. Simon's funeral was sad and meaningful, but it also showed me that time doesn't stop in the White House. It keeps going regardless of who is there and who isn't. I guess that's one of the great things about the White House. I suppose that's why the American government has lasted over 200 years. Progress marches on regardless of whose around to partake in it. But, really, who am I kidding? I was just happy that CJ was feeling a little bit better and that I got to hear from Danny. Shallow yes? But I reside in a shallow bowl so there you have it.

TBC


	31. The Idealist

**Author's Note:** This vignette is from The Red Mass. I still don't own the characters or anything West Wing-related. Thanks for reading!

* * *

"The Idealist"

It wasn't often that I was able to put the pieces of the puzzle together before anyone else, but I have to give myself credit for being able to sense that something was going on with Sam long before anyone else did. But, I'm getting ahead of myself. The day I figured out that Sam was ready for something more was when he visited CJ's office before The Red Mass.

"Hey," Sam said with a timid knock on the door.

CJ was lost in thought watching her televisions, but I could tell she wasn't really paying attention to the messages and pictures flashing across them.

"How do you lower expectations?" CJ said, acknowledging that Sam was in her office, but dispensing with formalities.

"Sorry?" Sam said entering the office and taking a seat.

"I'm convinced we're going to lose if we can't lower expectations," CJ said. She had seemed lost in thought about lowering expectations all day. I wasn't really sure what she was talking about, but I figured it was important since she seemed mildly obsessed with the idea.

"We'll figure it out," Sam assured her.

"Before or after the election?" CJ replied sitting forward in her chair and engaging in the conversation now.

"Before?" Sam said as more of a question than a statement. That didn't exactly instill confidence in me or CJ. I could tell by her expression.

"I've got a meeting in the residence with the president before the mass. You should come," CJ said.

"Okay. Don't worry, we'll figure it out," Sam said.

"We'd better."

"Do you know who Horton Wilde is?" Sam asked changing the subject. I sensed he had a purpose for coming by.

"Is that a Dr. Seuss book?" CJ asked. "Cindy Loo Who and all that?"

"Isn't that _Horton Hears a Who_?" Sam asked.

"That's probably more accurate," CJ conceded. "So who is Horton Wilde?"

"He's our candidate in the California 47th," Sam said. "He had a heart attack today."

"Is he okay?"

"He's in the hospital."

"That's too bad," CJ offered. I think we both wondered why Sam was preoccupied by this information. He had never really paid attention to House or Senate races before. He usually left Josh to sort those things out.

"It's his fourth one," Sam said.

"Fourth race?"

"Fourth heart attack."

CJ made a face that was one of concern and slight horror. "Yeah, that's kind of what I thought too," Sam said after seeing CJ's reaction.

"We didn't have anyone who didn't have three prior heart attacks that could run?" CJ asked.

"Apparently not. This is who we're putting out there nowadays."

CJ sighed. "Well, maybe the DNC knows something we don't. Wait, the 47th is in Orange County isn't it?"

"Just because we probably won't win doesn't mean we shouldn't try," Sam said cutting her off before she had a chance to say more. He stood up and started pacing a bit.

CJ and I surveyed his posture and we could both tell that Sam was upset about this. It was kind of odd actually. I'd never really seen Sam this way before. He usually seemed so cool and collected, even when he was upset or stressed about something. I tried to exchange a glance with CJ, but she seemed lost in her own thoughts about Sam and probably about lowering expectations. Although she could multi-task, I knew she never really left a subject that was troubling her.

"Maybe he's a good candidate," CJ suggested.

"Three heart attacks CJ," Sam reminded her.

"It doesn't make him a bad person," CJ shrugged.

"It makes him a bad candidate," Sam replied.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing," Sam sighed as he sat back down. "I just can't believe this is who we've chosen to run."

I looked at Sam and when I really looked I saw more defeated than I'd ever seen him. He looked defeated and yet somehow there was a gleam of something in his eyes that I couldn't quite make out. I felt like he was thinking hard about something, but I wasn't sure what. It was at that moment that I had an inkling that maybe Sam was looking for something more.

"How's the speech coming?" CJ asked, changing the subject.

"Toby gave it to the president an hour ago," he said sitting back down.

"I'm sure it was great."

"Sure," Sam shrugged. He waited a beat before asking, "CJ, do ever wonder what we're doing here?"

"What do you mean?" CJ asked.

"We're sitting here having an actual conversation about trying to lower the public's expectations for the president while we're also discussing the fact that the Democratic National Committee has decided to run a three-time heart attack sufferer for a place in Congress. Is that why you got into this business?"

"Not really," CJ admitted leaning back. "But these are the cards we've been dealt. Maybe tomorrow we'll get a better hand."

"Yeah," Sam said.

"Why did you get into this business?" CJ asked.

"I'm sorry?"

"You must have had a reason. Why did you leave a very high paying job at Gage Whitney to come here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Sam countered.

I'd never really heard why or how everyone came together. I was kind of hoping this would turn out to be a conversation so that I could get the inside scoop.

"I was fired Sam. It wasn't a hard decision," CJ replied.

"And if you hadn't been fired?"

"I probably would have left when Toby came calling," CJ said. "Although don't get me wrong, I'd have had a moment's pause about the cut in pay."

Sam smiled a tiny grin. It was the first time I'd seen him look like himself since he entered CJ's office.

"So, give it up Spanky," CJ said using her nickname for Sam. "How come you left to come here?"

"I needed something to believe in. Josh told me this was it and I just knew. In my gut I knew I needed to take the leap."

"That's nice," CJ said and I could tell she meant it. I finally saw why they all called Sam an idealist behind closed doors. I wasn't fully sure I knew what an idealist was, but it struck me as someone like Sam.

"You didn't want something more when you came here?"

"Sure I did Sam," CJ replied. "I wasn't happy doing that superficial PR for movies."

"Do you think…do you think we're measuring up?"

"I don't think we're changing the world…yet," CJ said. "But I think we're always striving for better. There has to be something to that."

"Yeah. I guess."

"Sam?"

"I'm fine," Sam said standing up. It was clear he was ready to end the conversation. I also sensed he was now preoccupied with other thoughts. "What time are you headed to the residence?"

"An hour," CJ replied.

"I'll see you then."

With that Sam left the office and CJ sat for a moment, watching him walk away. I wondered if she knew then what I knew. Sam had bigger ambitions than lower expectations and damage control. I'm still not sure how I knew it, but I knew, deep down in my tiny gut, that Sam's head wasn't here anymore. I wasn't sure where he was, but something about his demeanor and conversation told me to enjoy his visits while I could. I felt like he already had one foot out the door.

"Well that was different," CJ said to me.

I saw her reach into her drawer and pull out the bottle of my food. I'd like to say that I spent the rest of the evening pondering Sam's strange line of questioning in CJ's office, but I didn't. Besides, there would be time for pondering and closed door meetings about Sam's fate enough to occupy several days' thoughts in the near future.

TBC


	32. Party, Panic, Plan

Author's Note: This takes place during season four's "Process Stories."

* * *

"Party, Panic, Plan"

So, a strange thing happens on election night in CJ's office. It starts at about five o'clock. The changes begin to happen. A bucket of ice shows up, full of beer and wine, Carol covers the lamps with pink scarves, CJ brings out something called incense, which makes my nose tickle and the TVs are turned to the cable news networks. Sam called it The House of the Rising Sun. I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but it seemed accurate. But, I'm getting ahead of myself, really.

It was the night that President Bartlet got re-elected in what was pretty much a landslide. I guess no one in the White House had much to do that night. Either that or they didn't want to look like braggarts because they didn't do the usual rounds on the news show. Josh, Donna, Toby and pretty much everyone who worked in the White House stopped by CJ's office to drink and be merry. Everyone except Sam that is. He was conspicuously absent.

I'd noticed that Sam hadn't been around much ever since the night he dropped by CJ's office to talk about that guy in California who died before the election. I had a feeling that he was preoccupied with that guy, but I wasn't really sure why. CJ didn't really seem to pay much attention to him when he was spilling out his guts that one day in her office, but I was listening. I was listening and I was nervous because I felt like although Sam was still working in the White House, he wasn't really himself anymore. I felt like I was the only one who really noticed. That is until Toby, Josh and CJ had a little pow-wow of their own before CJ's office got really crowded.

"Where's Sam?" CJ asked settling in behind her desk.

"He's…" Toby started to say. "Come to think of it, I don't know where Sam is."

"He was in the lobby about forty minutes ago," Josh offered.

"Does he seem distracted to anyone else?" CJ asked.

"Hmm?" Josh asked.

"He doesn't seem like himself. He's preoccupied with things."

"Like what?" Toby asked.

"Like that race in the California 47th," CJ said. "He didn't fly with us to the debate because he went to the funeral."

"He was on official White House business," Toby countered.

"She does have a point," Josh said. "Did we even really know Horton Wilde?"

Toby took a swig of his beer and thought about what they said. I could tell that he was really mulling it over and suddenly I noticed the crease in his forehead. Toby was a little worried that CJ was right.

"He's fine," Toby said after a moment. "We've had the speeches to write. He's been on the ball."

"It doesn't mean he hasn't been distracted," CJ said.

"Wait, shh," Josh shushed her. He seemed riveted to the TV screen. The story was about the Wilde campaign. It seemed that Wilde won, even though he died. But the reporter seemed most interested in broadcasting that the Democratic Party had a replacement nominee in mind and his name was Sam Seaborn. Sam?!

"Holy shi--" Josh started to swear before the ring of CJ's phone cut off his word.

I watched Toby and Josh exchange a look as CJ took the phone call. She didn't say much before she hung up.

"We found Sam," CJ said. "He's on his way to us."

"That just happened right?" Josh asked. "You both heard that?"

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

"Congressman Seaborne," Toby said, rolling the title over his tongue before he took a puff of his cigar.

Sam eventually came into the office and explained how things had escalated to the point where he offered to run for the seat in Congress. I was surprised that they were all acting so normal. Granted, they teased him and gave him a little bit of a hard time, but none of them displayed the shock I was expecting. Heck, the shock I was feeling! In fact I noticed that Toby seemed somewhat amused, or proud of Sam in some way. Sam had been preoccupied with that race, but I was still astounded that he'd offered to run for the seat.

After talking for a moment Sam and Toby rushed out of the office. Josh and CJ followed, but returned a few minutes later with no real conversation about where they went.

"Sam was just being nice," Josh said, breaking the silence. "He shouldn't be bound to his promise. It was the heat of the moment."

"Right," CJ shrugged.

"He can't seriously do this," Josh said, as if he was reassuring himself.

I wondered how Josh would take it if Sam really left to become a congressman. Josh had brought Sam to the White House. I knew that much. They seemed like best friends. I know I don't like it when CJ is out of town and I don't see her. I couldn't imagine her going away forever.

"No," CJ agreed. I could tell she was thinking this through though.

"He's not going to do it," Josh said confidently.

"Right. His name has been leaked though."

"Is that really such a big deal?"

"It's not a _big_ deal," CJ said. "It's not really a small deal either."

"Does it hurt, straddling that fence so tightly?" Josh asked with a grin.

"You know what I'm saying," CJ said seriously.

"Yeah," Josh agreed.

I wish I knew what the hell they were talking about. I gathered that CJ could see the upside and downside of the situation, but what I wasn't sure was, why did any of them want Sam to leave? I wanted him to stay.

"Okay," Josh sighed. "I'll be back."

"'Kay," CJ replied.

For the next few hours, people wandered in and out of the office. The tub of ice and beer emptied in pretty short order. Everyone was watching the televisions and having a good time. CJ seemed distracted by a guy she didn't recognize being on TV, but I wondered if she was really distracted by that or if it was the whole Sam situation that troubled her. If it was the Sam situation, she didn't really show it. I felt like I was the only one preoccupied by it.

The fact was I liked Sam. Granted, I didn't exactly get out of my bowl to make the rounds of the office, but, from what I could tell, it seemed like everyone else liked him and valued his performance as part of the team.

Eventually I found that not only was CJ seriously thinking about the situation, but so was Josh, Toby and, Josh's former girlfriend. This became apparent when Josh and CJ returned to her office, once it had cleared out, and Amy Gardner followed.

I'd never met Amy. I'd only heard stories about her and seeing her in person was a little strange. She was pretty and she seemed smart, but there was something about her that I just didn't see meshing with Josh. I thought maybe that was why they'd broken up, several times, to hear CJ and Donna talk about it. But, right now I was putting Amy in my mental dislike column because it sure sounded like she was pushing for Sam to move to California and run for office. That was an idea I just wasn't ready to get behind.

"You really think he should do it?" Josh asked her. She was perched on CJ's desk.

"Yeah," she said. "And before you pin this on me, you're both thinking the same thing."

"What do you think?" Josh asked, deferring to CJ.

"I think…I think it's not the worst idea in the world," CJ said. Blasphemy! It took me a moment to gather my thoughts. CJ was in agreement with Amy? It didn't make sense.

"He'll lose," Josh said.

"Not necessarily," Amy piped up. Hearing her optimistic take on things endeared her to me slightly. Though I still wasn't sure how this topic was any of her business.

"No, he'll lose," Toby said entering he office with a beer in hand.

"Stranger things have happened," CJ pointed out. "I mean, a dead man just won an election against an incumbent Republican in Orange County."

"CJ's right," Amy said. "And if he does lose, what have you lost, really? You're showing Orange County that they're being taken seriously. You'll pick up a lot of good will."

"For the next guy," Josh said. "The President doesn't need their good will."

"Plus we lose Sam for months," Toby said. For the first time I noticed that Toby seemed to be affected by that thought. Up until this point he seemed intrigued by the thought of Sam leaving to run for Congress. I was happy to see that his loyalty to Sam hadn't shifted.

"He'll be back," Amy replied. But see, the things was, I wasn't so sure Sam would be back. I could tell by the look on CJ, Josh and Toby's faces that they weren't so confident about that fact either.

"We should find Sam," Josh said.

"And tell him we want him to run?" CJ asked.

"Yes," Toby said very matter-of-factly.

No one said anything for a moment. I think they were all just contemplating the weight of the decision that had just been made. Of course no one had consulted Sam, but I knew that he'd be on board. Somehow I knew that this moment was a long time coming. I turned out to be right. They found Sam, laid out their thoughts and it was decided. Sam was the Democratic candidate for Congress in Orange County.

I can't say I completely understood what happened that night. First we were partying because the election had gone so well. Then we were all kind of panicked at the thought of Sam leaving to run for Congress. Finally, the decision was made that he should run and it seemed like everyone was in planning mode. Planning for Sam to lose the election seemed odd to me, but I suppose that's why I'm just an office decoration. CJ and the guys do all the heavy thinking and since they thought this was a good idea, who was I to argue?

New Year was a month off, but that night I felt like something changed. Out with the old and in with new. President Bartlet had a new term to affect change, but the biggest change of all was that Sam wouldn't be there to see a big part of it.

TBC


	33. Christmas Visitors

Author's Note: This takes place during season four's "Holy Night." I hope everyone reading has a lovely holiday season. Reviews are appreciated.

* * *

"Christmas Visitors"

Ah, Christmas. I know there are bunch of other holidays around the same time as Christmas. I knew Josh and Toby celebrated Hanukah. But, since CJ celebrated Christmas, I celebrated Christmas. I liked the lights and the colors and the music and even the weather. Around Christmas it snows outside sometimes. It seemed like snow bummed some people out. Apparently it was cold and wet and generally miserable, but from my bowl inside CJ's office, snow looked pretty and fun.

I noticed that around the holidays things either seemed to be crazy or slow in the office. Thanksgiving was kind of slow this year and Christmas was shaping up to be the same. In fact it was so slow that Josh was sitting in CJ's office with his feet propped up on her desk. He was chatting away, but I could tell there was something he wanted to talk about. He always had a way of drawing out the real reason for his visit.

"Did you hear what Sam sent for Toby's birthday?" Josh asked.

"The fruit?" CJ snickered.

"Yeah," Josh smiled. "Only Sam would send Toby a giant box of fruit for his birthday."

"Only Sam would be able to get away with it."

"He'll be eating oranges for a month," Josh laughed.

"Or saving them to throw at Sam the next time he sees him," CJ grinned.

"Did you give Toby his present yet?" Josh asked.

I thought the question was a little odd and I wondered if it had anything to do with the real reason for Josh's visit. I noticed a look cross CJ's face and I wondered if she was thinking the same thing.

"Yeah," she replied. "This morning."

"What'd you get him?"

"A bottle of scotch and some nice glasses," CJ replied. "Did you give him your present?"

"No," Josh replied with a tone I wondered about. It almost sounded nervous.

"What'd you get him?"

"Here's the thing," Josh started.

"What did you do?" CJ asked him amiably.

"Nothing," Josh said pulling his feet off the desk and planting them firmly on the ground. He was definitely nervous, yet there was a hint of defiance on his face.

"And nothing would entail?" CJ pressed him.

"I got his dad an appointment," Josh said quietly.

CJ sat with a look on her face that I couldn't quite decipher. She didn't say anything, but I saw her draw a long breath. I couldn't really understand why getting Toby's dad an appointment would be bad, but apparently, Toby's dad wasn't welcome.

"CJ?"

"Yeah?"

"How bad do you think it'll be?"

"On scale from 1 to 10, I'd give it a 15," she replied honestly.

"It's not a 15," he dismissed her.

"Toby hasn't spoken to his dad in years Josh. You think springing Julie on him on his birthday is the best idea?"

Josh shrugged. "Yeah, why not?"

"Good luck with that," CJ said. "It's a hell of a birthday present. I think you've eclipsed Sam's fruit."

"Thanks," Josh smiled. I liked to see Josh smile. His dimples made me laugh because he looked so child-like.

CJ glanced out the window at the snow falling. "It's getting bad out there," she commented.

"Yeah, I heard they might close National," Josh replied.

"It would be a shame if the Whiffenpoofs were stuck here wouldn't it?" CJ said flashing him a mischievous grin. "I wonder how many Whiffenpoofs would fit comfortably at my place—if they're snowed in of course."

"Don't you have a briefing to do?" Josh asked while he chuckled.

"Yes, I do," CJ standing. "I just have to check in with Carol and the boys."

"Hey, you think the roads are okay?" Josh asked.

"Probably not," CJ said as she gathered a few things together. "They've been salting for a while, but it's coming down."

"So if there was anyone going to some sort of ski chalet, they'd probably be snowed in here?"

"We're talking about Donna?" CJ asked with knowing look in her eye. I wasn't sure what that was about. Josh had been going on for a few days about Donna and some guy named Jack, but I just figured he wasn't a fan of Jack.

"No," Josh said stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Jack Reece is a good-looking guy," CJ said in a way that I didn't quite understand.

"He's…I don't know, is he?"

"Yeah, he is and here's what I think," CJ started to say.

"I didn't ask for your opinion," Josh reminded her good-naturedly.

"I know, but I think if you're really upset about this, maybe you should say something."

"I'm not upset," Josh replied indignantly.

"You've been talking about the ski trip for days," CJ pointed out.

"I just think it's a little soon. How many times have they been out anyway?"

"Donna likes him," CJ reminded him.

"Yeah," Josh said biting his lower lip.

I looked at CJ and I was almost certain she was going to say something, but she suddenly thought better of it. There was a pause that hung in the air for a moment before she said, "Donna and Jack are the least of your problems right now. Worry about Toby and what he's going to do when his father gets here."

"You're always just a ray of optimism in an otherwise bleak world," Josh retorted as he stood up to leave. "It could turn out fine."

"I hope it does," CJ said. "But we both know Toby."

Josh mulled that over a moment. "Yeah. Have fun at the big press gift exchange. I hope Santa brings you something good." I saw Josh's face and wondered if he knew something CJ didn't. There was way too much subtext going on their conversation.

"Thanks," CJ said. I knew she always looked forward to the gift exchange with the reporters. She made comments about disliking reporters, but I knew that was all bluster. She genuinely liked most of them.

* * *

It turned out that I was right and Josh did know something that CJ didn't know about the gift exchange. I was watching the briefing on CJ's televisions when she asked Mark about coming in dressed as Santa. Now, I'm not real clear on Santa or what that's all about, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with gifts and making people happy because whenever people talk about Santa they always seem pretty content. Luckily, I didn't have to wait too long to see that Santa was indeed about giving presents because he burst into the press room and gave a gift to CJ. She said it was a fish pin! A pin with my likeness, can you believe that?

I was almost too distracted by being happy to realize that suddenly Santa leaned forward and kissed CJ, right on the lips! The liberty this Santa guy was taking. But, right before the feed was cut I heard CJ say, "Danny?"

Now, first of all, we hadn't seen Danny in quite a while and now all of sudden he was showing up with fish pins and kissing CJ? I felt a little protective of her. But on the other fin, I was so excited! We hadn't seen Danny in years and now he was here. I wondered how Josh knew he was coming. I just knew deep down that he knew of Danny's return.

I hoped that Danny would come to the office because it had been so long since I'd seen him in person. Luckily my Christmas wish was granted and not ten minutes later Danny came back with CJ to the office.

"It looks the same," Danny said as he entered and removed the giant redcoat he was wearing.

"I asked Leo about knocking out the window and enlarging it, but he said something about misusing tax-payer money," she said. Was she flirting with him? I couldn't tell, but I can tell you I hadn't seen CJ's eyes that alive in a while.

"It sounds like a better idea than moving the press to the OEOB," Danny said pointedly.

"That was Sam's idea," CJ reminded him. "And he's not so much here anymore."

"Yeah, how is that?" Danny walked around the office and glanced at things. Not much had changed since he left.

"It's different," CJ said taking a seat.

"Hey Gail," Danny said peering into my bowl.

"Hey Danny," I replied with a little nod. I was trying to be nonchalant. After all, he did sort of abandon us a while back.

"She looks good," Danny told CJ.

"Of course I look good," I thought.

"I'm very capable of taking care of her," CJ replied. "I believe that's why I took her from you to begin with."

"You didn't think I'd be able to handle the caretaking," Danny said taking a seat across from her.

"No, I didn't and I was right."

"How do you know you were right?"

"Where have you been living for the last two years?"

"Here and there."

"I rest my case."

"If I had Gail with me I'd have taken care of her," he replied.

"Carol and I have it covered," CJ said.

"I can see that." I saw how he looked at her. He still had feelings for her. I wondered if he thought going away would change those feelings. But, then I thought better of that idea. He did just kiss her in the press room. He didn't try to hide that. I wondered if he'd be back to his old ways of pressuring her to go out on a date. That always made me laugh.

Danny looked pretty much the same as I'd remembered. I tried to listen while they chatted, but I couldn't help but just stare at him. I wanted to remember him. It wasn't as if I knew what his plans were. For all I knew he could leave and we'd never see him again.

I did focus my attention long enough to hear this little exchange:

"So _The Post_ is…?" CJ asked.

"Happy to have me back," Danny replied. "In town I mean, on the White House beat."

"What made you come back?" she asked.

"You aren't enough?" he replied with a sly grin.

Oh yeah, he was flirting with her. I even saw her cheeks pink slightly. "I've been here for a while. It couldn't have been that."

"It's not, but we can talk about that later. Right now I want to know how things are with you."

"Things are fine," CJ said in a way that I knew was false. She was lying. Sure, lately things had been fine, but there had been a whole bunch of time while Danny was gone when she wasn't fine. It always surprised me how people would say things were fine when they really weren't, but who was I to quibble?

"Your hair's darker," Danny commented. "And shorter. It looks good on you."

"Thank you. You're still the same suspender-wearing reporter I see."

"You can take the White House away from the reporter, but you can't take the reporter out of the suspenders; unless you ask nicely of course."

I snorted. Wherever Danny had been in his travels, he sure picked up some lines. I wondered if any of them were working on CJ. I kind of thought maybe they were, but then they got to chatting about where Danny had been and what he had been up to and he mentioned something about a game with a bat and locker and planes and the whole thing was pretty much over my head. The only thing I was certain of was that CJ's face fell and I knew whatever Danny was talking about, it wasn't good.

Before I realized what was happening he stood up and said something to CJ about how he was happy to be back but he was covering a story. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Sure, he missed us, but he'd been gone for a while. A story was probably the only real reason he was back. I had a feeling that CJ thought the same thing. She sat there for a moment and stared out the window after Danny left. I could tell she was thinking; about what I'll never know, but I figured it had something to do with what Danny had said.

She finally stood up and walked back over to the desk. "Well that was a let-down wasn't it Gail?" she asked me.

"Sort of," I replied. I hoped she wasn't too sad about whatever Danny had told her.

"Just when you think…" she trailed off. I suspect it was because she realized she was speaking out loud in an empty office, save for me. I wished she could have continued her thought, but she didn't. It was probably a good thing too because Toby came into her office not a minute later.

"Did he tell you about this?" Toby asked. It was clear he was pretty agitated. It's true that Toby was usually agitated, but today was different. He was sure hot about something.

"He mentioned it earlier today," CJ replied. I assumed they were talking about Toby's dad getting an appointment. They sure weren't making it easy to follow along today.

"You didn't think of giving me a heads-up?" he asked irritated.

"He told me an hour ago Toby," CJ protested. "I'm sorry I didn't have time to gossip with you."

Her response was a little snippier than usual, but I attributed that to Danny's visit more than Toby's attitude.

"Yeah," Toby said exhaling loudly.

"Is it really that bad?" she asked quietly.

"Excuse me?" Toby asked with an incredulous look on his face.

"He was trying to do a good thing," CJ shrugged.

Toby just stared at her. Finally CJ said, "I had nothing to do with it."

"But you agree with him," Toby said as more of a statement of fact that a question.

"Maybe, yeah."

Toby made a noise that sounded like air being forced out of his mouth between his teeth. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it seemed like he was resigned to his dad being in the building.

"Fine," Toby said finally pacing back and forth a little bit while he scratched his forehead.

"It's one day," CJ said.

"Yeah."

"It might not be so bad."

"When did you become an optimist?"

"I've had to step up and fill the void since Sam left," CJ replied with a mischievous look on her face.

Even Toby couldn't resist her joke. He smiled-well as much as Toby ever really smiled. The corner of his lips made an upward movement anyway. He turned on his heel to leave and as he was walking out the door her poked his head back into the office.

"Did I see you making out with Santa at the end of your briefing?" he asked.

"It wasn't _making out_," CJ replied. "But, yeah, Santa kissed me."

"Should I start calling you Mrs. Claus?"

"It was Danny."

"Does that make it better?" Toby asked in an ironic tone.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think the military is capable…" she trailed off and said nothing for a moment.

"CJ?"

She was going to ask Toby about what Danny had asked her. I could tell she didn't want to burden him with it though. Either that or she was still trying to work out the truthfulness of what Danny had told her before she brought it up to anyone else.

"You know what? Never mind," she said.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Go try to have a conversation with your dad."

"Right," Toby scoffed.

"Toby?"

"Yeah?" he asked a little impatiently.

"Have a conversation with your dad for those of us who can't," she said.

Toby's face softened and he nodded at her as he left her office. I knew CJ's dad hadn't been doing that well lately. Something happened to him and he sometimes forgot who she was. I thought that was sad. CJ did too. I saw her cry about it once a few weeks ago, but she didn't talk about it much.

After that CJ was busy getting some last-minute things finished before the holiday. She seemed to be doing things that weren't really pressing and so it was little boring to watch. The Christmas lights were pretty though. The bullpen was dark and I could see the lights shining from my desk.

I was looking out the doorway at the lights when, quite unexpectedly, Danny came walking through the door. He was wearing his normal clothes. I wondered what he'd done with his Santa suit.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," CJ said looking up.

"I just wanted to stop by and wish you a Merry Christmas."

"Thanks. You too."

"I am looking forward to being back you know," he said. It was like he didn't think she believed him when he said it before.

"Yeah."

"You don't believe me?" he asked entering her office a bit more.

"I do," CJ said. "I just wonder."

"About?"

"You're following a story Danny," CJ said. "I just wonder how happy you are to be back. Would you have come back if you weren't following a lead?"

Danny looked out the window for a minute. I could tell it was a tough question for him to answer. "I don't know," he said finally.

"Fair enough," CJ replied.

"It's not why you think," he said.

"And what do I think?"

"It's only partially about you," Danny said with a grin, trying to lighten the mood.

"Danny," CJ said shaking her head.

"I was burnt out," he said simply. "I needed to do the roving reporter thing to see if I still had the passion for the White House beat. That and I'm not a masochist."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning working with you every day was getting more difficult for me and I just needed some time away from here."

CJ was silent for a moment. I think she was contemplating the honesty of what Danny had said. They'd never really talked about why he'd left before and I wondered if it was a good time to start talking about it now. But then I figured they had some unresolved issues that needed to be worked through.

"Okay," CJ replied, completely side-stepping the issue at hand. I gave her credit for not being offended when Danny had basically told her that he left the White House because he found it difficult to work with her, even if it was for romantic reasons.

"Yeah?" Danny asked surprised. "You're okay with leaving it at that?"

"I am. Consider it my Christmas gift to you," she said with a sly grin.

"I'll do that," he said smiling in return.

"So, do you still have it?" she asked him.

"Have what?"

"The passion for the White House beat?"

"Yeah, I think so," Danny said thoughtfully.

"Good."

"Have a good Christmas CJ."

"You too Danny."

He smiled at her and left the office. CJ watched him walk down the hallway. Her expression didn't give much away. In a way I think she was happy that had returned. Everyone seemed so consumed with their own issues lately, I think she might have been happy to have someone she could talk to. But, I also knew that the story he was chasing made her nervous.

Regardless of why Danny was back or how it would turn out I knew that we were both pretty content that he had returned. It was a busy day of Christmas visitors and the holiday hadn't even officially arrived yet. I just hoped that the visitors kept on coming. Office entertainment was high on my Christmas list after all.

TBC


	34. Confidants

Author's Note: Takes place during season four's Guns Not Butter. Reviews are always encouraged and appreciated.

* * *

"Confidants"

"How ya doing there, Gail?" CJ asked me after Danny left her office.

"I'm honestly a little confused," I replied. CJ didn't seem to pick up on my confusion because she went back to work, but it gave me a minute mull over what had just happened.

From what I could tell Danny was on the scent of a story; a pretty bad story from the information I'd overheard. He was asking CJ questions and she was ignoring them, which wasn't unusual. Things got weird when she started talking about Danny's clothes. She began deflecting his questions by implying that he might be dating someone. Danny wasn't deterred and continued his questions, or statements, really, but CJ had moved the conversation into a whole other realm. She made it personal, which was a little unlike her. It made me think that CJ wasn't really okay with Danny being back. Maybe she was having those old feelings again.

I watched CJ work at her desk. She seemed to be behaving normally, if not a little more stressed than usual. But, I figured the stress had more to do with the story Danny was following rather than the fact that Danny might have a girlfriend. Then Josh came by and I still wasn't sure.

"Hey," Josh said as he entered the office. "Did you call Danny in here after the briefing?"

I love that no matter how busy Josh is he always seems to make time to catch CJ's briefings. I sometimes wonder if he watches them just to figure out how CJ does it. I think there are days when he still can't figure out how the briefing he did went so horribly wrong.

"Shut the door," CJ instructed him.

Josh dutifully turned and shut the door and then took a seat opposite the desk.

"Yeah, I called him back," CJ confirmed.

"What does he know?" Josh asked.

"Not much yet," CJ said. "But he's looking and sooner or later he's gonna reach a dead end."

"Where's he looking?"

"Flight schools," CJ said. She leaned back in her chair. That look of worry crossed her face and I could tell she wasn't sure how to proceed. "Has Leo said anything to you?"

"No."

"No?"

"He told me he's got some things to tell me, but he hasn't said anything yet."

"You're usually on the inside," CJ replied.

"Not on something like this," Josh said. "This is cloak and dagger. It's kind of unbelievable."

"But it's true."

"You're so sure about this?"

"What else would Leo need to talk to you about?" CJ countered.

"Yeah, I guess," Josh sighed. He seemed nervous now too. I still wasn't sure what Danny's story was about, but knowing that CJ and now Josh, were nervous, it made me worry too. I swam around one of the cows that Carol had put in my bowl. I wasn't sure what the cows were for and I wasn't totally sold on the farm scene, but the black and white spots were something to look at.

"Hey," CJ said suddenly.

"Hmm?"

CJ thought for a minute. "Never mind," she said.

"What?"

"I don't know," CJ sighed. "Do you think…you talk to Danny."

"Yeah."

"Do you think he's…his assistant, do you know her?"

"Do I know Danny's assistant?" Josh asked with a tone of amusement in his voice.

"See, I knew I shouldn't have asked you about this," CJ replied, immediately regretting her decision to ask Josh the question.

"No, it's fine," Josh said giving her a huge grin that made me think he liked making CJ squirm. "We're on the precipice of something major and you're wondering if Danny is dating his assistant."

"I didn't say that," CJ protested, though Josh and I both knew that was what she getting at.

"He's mentioned his assistant a few times," Josh informed her. "I think she's just efficient. Why?"

"No reason."

"CJ, come on."

She sighed and shifted in her seat a little. I could tell she was uncomfortable even asking Josh about it and now she was on the spot. However, it did make me realize that for whatever CJ said, she still had some underlying feelings for Danny, whatever they may be.

"He's put together," CJ said as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"What does that mean?"

"It means he's just put together. He looks like he has a woman shopping for him."

"Seriously?"

CJ sighed. I thought I detected a hint of red in her cheeks. "He's got a girlfriend, so what, right?"

"I don't think he's dating his assistant if that's what you're getting at. He just kissed you in the press room before Christmas," Josh reminded her. That was a point for Josh in my book.

"It wasn't like that."

"It wasn't?" Josh asked. "I'm sure his girlfriend wouldn't be too happy about it."

"Okay, point taken," CJ said. "I'm sorry I said anything."

"No, no, I like this. We're bonding here." The dimple in his cheek appeared and I knew he was enjoying CJ's humiliation a little too much.

"You're enjoying this a little too much," CJ replied, agreeing with me. That was a point for CJ.

"Why'd you tell me about it if you didn't want to talk about it?" Josh asked.

CJ sighed. "Because you're the only one I can tell," she said finally.

Josh gave her a quizzical look and I did as well. "I can't say anything to Toby," CJ explained. "He'd freak out. Leo would fire me. Sam is gone. Donna and Carol would get way too excited and start planning my wedding. You're the only one I can casually say this to without pressure to think about what it means."

Josh thought about that for a moment. "Leo wouldn't fire you," Josh said. I found it odd that that was one piece of information that Josh decided to disagree with out of the whole rambling list. "Banish Danny from the press room, maybe, but he wouldn't fire you."

"But you agree with me on the rest of the list?" CJ asked with a chuckle.

"Pretty much. Though Toby might not just freak out; he might kill you. And Carol and Donna would get overly excited about feelings."

"Am I crazy for even thinking about this right now? As if there aren't a hundred things that are potentially ready to blow, I'm concerned about Danny Concannon."

"We all need distractions."

"I'd rather not be distracted."

"I don't think he's dating his assistant," Josh offered.

"Yeah, well," CJ replied. She inhaled deeply. "How's our AWOL Congresswoman anyway?"

"Donna's trying to track her down," Josh shrugged.

"Do you have a backup plan?"

"We're gonna find her. She can't say no when we find her."

"But we have to find her," CJ pointed out.

"Yeah," Josh sighed. "Toby has a meeting. Maybe something will come of that."

"Maybe."

"Have you met the new guy yet?" Josh asked.

New guy? Was this is the guy that was replacing Sam? I'd heard about a new guy, but we hadn't met him. I wondered how the new guy would be received. It seemed like the group was pretty cohesive before Sam left. I wasn't sure a new person would fit with the group dynamic.

"Bill Haley?" CJ asked.

"Wasn't Bill Haley a singer?" Josh asked. "Bill Haley and the Comets?"

"Oh yeah; Rock Around the Clock. What's the new guy's name?"

"Bill Bailey," Josh replied. I thought I had heard Toby call him Will a few days ago, but maybe I was wrong. Although, since there didn't seem to be a consensus on this guy's name, I didn't have high hopes for him fitting in right away.

"Right. I'm sure I'll run into him," CJ replied. There was a lull in conversation before CJ added, "Will you tell me if Leo says anything to you?"

"I can't tell you what Leo tells me," Josh replied.

"I know, I don't need details," CJ responded. "A heads up would be nice. You're not the one with Danny breathing down your neck."

"That's only because he knows you appreciate more than I would," Josh replied with a grin.

"Are we done?" CJ asked good-naturedly. I had to give Josh credit on that comeback.

"Yeah," he said standing. "I'll see you later. You still doing the cow thing?"

"I am awaiting the arrival of the cow as we speak."

"You job is really weird sometimes."

"Tell me about it," CJ replied as Josh left.

I wasn't sure what to make of CJ's thoughts as she sat there working. Her conversation with Josh made me think that if Danny had a girlfriend, she'd be jealous. But the other part of me wondered if she really wanted to date him or if she just didn't like the idea of him dating other women. That was confusing to me. Humans are a lot more complex than fish.

***

I had a bit of excitement later that same day. Danny popped by to see if CJ wanted to order some Chinese food for dinner. I was excited by the thought of them sharing dinner in her office, but to my dismay CJ went to eat with Danny somewhere else. I thought for sure they'd watch the vote in her office. I guess since they both knew we were going to lose, it wasn't really that important. I wish I could have overheard the conversation wherever they were, but I had my chance for some insight later on when Danny stopped by to CJ's empty office.

"CJ forgot her fortune cookie," Danny told Carol as he entered the office. "I'm going to leave it for her."

Danny walked in and put the cookie on CJ's desk. He tore a piece of paper from his pocket notebook and wrote a note to put beside the cookie. Between the glare off my bowl and Danny's handwriting I couldn't figure out what it said. I was hoping CJ might read it out loud later.

"Hey Gail," Danny said. "You've got quite the farm going on in there."

"Yeah, I'm still not sure how I feel about it," I replied.

Danny reached for the canister of food that was on CJ's desk. Sweet! Snack time. Aside from missing Danny because I like him, I missed Danny because he'd always pop in and give me a few flakes of food.

"Did she say anything about me Gail?" Danny asked me conspiratorially. "Do you think I have a shot this time? You're my eyes on the inside."

"I'm not sure," I said as I took a few flakes. "She definitely feels something for you."

"I don't know," Danny said twisting the cap back on the food. "I'm not sure if we'll ever be in the same place at the same time."

"You're in her office," I thought. "Doesn't that count?"

"Do you like my tie?" he asked. "She thought she was so smart with her comment about a college graduate dressing me. And what if there is a college graduate dressing me? Did she think I joined a monastery when she said no?"

"I'm not sure what that is, but you sound a little upset about it," I replied.

"I guess it doesn't matter because you wanna know the ass-kicker, Gail? I can't say I'll ever really be over her," he said.

He looked out the window for a minute and then surveyed the office. It was almost as if he was trying to conjure her up so he could say these things to her.

"You have a good night," Danny said as he walked out of the office.

"Wait!" I wanted to yell, not that it would do me any good.

But, it was too late. Danny was gone as quickly as he'd dropped by. I couldn't believe he'd left me hanging like that. I wished I could pass along the information I'd just learned to CJ, but thus far I'd been unable to come up with an effective form of communicating with her. I'd just have to wait around and see what happened next. The trouble is I was never very good with being patient and this time I wasn't really sure that CJ would cave when it came to her thoughts on Danny.

TBC


	35. Shots Fired

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during season four's Evidence of Things Not Seen. Reviews are appreciated!

* * *

"Shots Fired"

I hadn't been living at the White House for that long when I experienced my first lock down. It's been years and I'm still not really clear on what a lock down is except to say that I know no one can come into the building or leave the building. People also seem a little more on edge. I guess it's usually because there were bad people trying to get into the building, or attack the building.

Lock down didn't really seem that bad to me, mostly because I was always confined to my bowl in CJ's office so the inconvenience of not being to come and go as I pleased was really lost on me. But, there was one particular instance that scared me pretty badly. I was swimming around, minding my own business when I saw a few agents run by.

My curiosity was, of course, piqued, but then I heard one of the say, "Shots fired at the press briefing room."

The press briefing room? I quickly turned and looked at the television sets in CJ's office. She wasn't on any of them so I was fairly confident that she wasn't giving a briefing. But the other half of me was scared. CJ was usually in the briefing room if she wasn't in her office and if she wasn't in the office and shots were fired…

My eyes widened and looked out to see Carol being held at her desk by an agent. He had corralled a few people by Carol's desk and I strained to hear what they were saying.

"Have you heard anything about CJ?" Carol asked. She looked nervous too. She put on a brave face, but I kind of wondered if she was feeling the same terror in the pit of her stomach as I was.

The agent didn't respond, which I thought was rude, but I knew he had a job to do and answering Carol's question wasn't his priority.

After thinking about CJ, my next thoughts were with Josh. He wasn't likely to have been in the briefing room, especially after CJ had pretty much banned him from going in there years ago, but he'd been shot before and hearing the words 'shots fired' made me think of him. I hoped everyone was okay.

I had at least ten minutes to wait and worry and wonder until I saw the agent leave Carol's desk. That was a sign the immediate danger was over, but I still didn't know anything. Carol was immediately at her computer typing away and I took that as a good sign that she was getting things ready for CJ to tell the press. Or, she was getting something ready for CJ's deputy to tell the press.

My tiny stomach flip-flopped and I suddenly felt kind of ill. I turned my attention to the TVs. They were usually the best place for me to get information, which was funny since I was on the desk of the woman who should have all the information I needed. She couldn't abandon me now, could she?

Furthermore, if something had happened, what would happen to me? Would Danny take me back to his place? Would I be too much of a reminder of CJ? I tried not to let my mind wander to these types of questions, but I was getting really scared.

"Carol, we're gonna have to put out a statement," CJ said as she quickly made her way back to her desk. She was alive! She was holding he shoulder, but she was alive. I could feel the energy coursing through me as if I hadn't seen her in weeks.

"Are you okay? Were you in Leo's office?" Carol asked rushing into the office behind CJ.

"I was in the briefing room," CJ said. "I was there with Will and Toby."

"Oh my god. Are you okay?" Carol asked. "What's wrong with your shoulder?"

"Apparently when I hear the sound of bullets my first instinct is to turn towards them," CJ explained. "Toby and Will pulled me down and I banged my shoulder. It's fine."

"Are you sure?" Carol asked. She was worried. I could see it in her eyes.

"I'm really fine. I just tweaked it. The glass in the briefing room is bulletproof. It kind of cracked where the bullet hit, but nothing got through."

"I'm glad you're safe. Was anyone else in there?"

"No," CJ replied. And then, as if she was answering Carol's silent question she added, "Josh was in the Roosevelt Room. It was just the three of us."

Whew! That was a load off my mind. I worried that if Josh got shot at again, he might go off the deep end again. Of course I figured the building getting shot at might also bring up some bad memories for him.

CJ turned on all the televisions. No one was reporting the shooting just yet. I guess that's because the media liked drama and although shots fired is glamorous, it's more heart-wrenching if someone was hit. I had heard CJ say once, "If it bleeds, it leads," in relation to the television media. It struck me as a bit cynical at the time, but in my tenure in her office watching the televisions, I have to say she was more often than not correct with that statement.

"CJ," Steve, one of the regular reporters said as he stood in her doorway, "Are you going to brief?"

"We're going to release a statement," CJ replied. "We're still confined here for a while even though we can move around the building."

CJ's phone rang, but she glanced at the caller ID and ignored it. She probably thought it was a reporter and she wasn't ready for questions just yet.

"Okay," he nodded. "There are still some of us hanging around the bullpen."

"Nothing else to do on a Friday night Steve?" CJ teased him. Her wry sense of humor and ability to kid around with him made me realize that CJ wasn't all that affected by what had just happened. Either that or she was really covering it well.

"No place we'd rather be than here with you CJ," he teased her back.

"Give me like ten minutes," CJ said.

Steve nodded and left the doorway. CJ sat at her computer typing away furiously. I didn't know what she was typing. Normally Toby or Sam, now Will, took the lead on remarks. It took me a minute to see she was e-mailing someone. I wondered if it was her family.

"CJ," Will said bursting into the office. "Here's the statement."

He handed her a piece of paper, it looked handwritten, and she read it silently. "Great," she replied. "Did Toby see it?"

"He rewrote half of it before I came over here," Will replied. He was dressed in a military uniform. That struck me as kind of funny. Will didn't seem the type to me.

"Okay, thanks," CJ replied hitting send on her e-mail and then standing. Her phone rang again, she looked at the caller ID and ignored it.

"You're not gonna get that?" he asked.

"It's from the outside, which means it's probably a reporter and I'm not ready to answer questions just yet."

"Okay. The official copy of the statement should be coming out of Toby's printer about now," Will said.

"I guess I better get over there then."

"Yeah," he replied. He paused a moment before adding, "Hey, is it always like this?"

"Always like…" CJ let his question hang there.

"Landing in a plane that may or may not have landing gear, getting shot at on a Friday night," Will elaborated. "I thought running a dead candidate was crazy, but I'm beginning to wonder if maybe that wasn't just the tip of the iceberg."

CJ smiled at him. "Welcome to the big leagues Mr. Bailey."

"Seriously though, is it always like this?" I didn't know Will very well, but his face was so earnest I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for him. It was as if he was going through a trial by fire in his first weeks here.

"Occasionally," CJ replied honestly. "There are some days when you're going to want to do nothing but go home and crawl into bed with a bottle of scotch."

"You know Toby told me something similar a few weeks ago."

"Did he also tell you that there are days when you leave here you'll feel like you changed someone's life or changed the world in a way that you'll never forget?"

"So you're saying the trade-offs are worth it?"

"Most of the time," CJ said with a grin before leaving to go give the statement to the press.

I was alone for a little while. I figured CJ was busy answer press questions. She finally did return and with her a group of people from her department, including Carol. They sat there watching the news coverage and CJ had them writing down all the inaccurate information that was being given out while she was on the phone correcting it with reporters and news people.

This activity went on for about forty-five minutes and finally CJ said, "I think we're good. Thanks for your help tonight. I'm calling a full lid."

There were murmurs and smiles that indicated everyone was happy that they'd get to home shortly. It was almost eleven and though sometimes they worked late, getting shot at kind of makes you want to go home to your family, I'd assume.

"Everyone be safe getting home tonight," CJ reminded them as they left.

CJ started to gather things together at her desk when her phone rang again. She clicked the speaker button and said, "CJ Cregg."

"CJ?" he said. "Thanks God. Why don't you answer your phone?"

"Why don't I answer my phone in the middle of a crisis?" she asked. "Gee, let me think."

"I've been trying to call for the last hour," Danny said.

"That was you?" she asked. "I didn't recognize the number."

"I got a new cell phone," he replied. "You were screening me?"

"I was in crisis communication mode Danny," she said as she stood up and put some binders on the shelf. "I didn't know who was calling."

"But you're okay?" he asked. I heard the edge in his voice.

"I'm fine," CJ replied.

"The bullets hit the press room," Danny said.

"Yeah," CJ said as she nibbled on her lower lip. "Toby and Will pulled me down."

There was a pregnant pause between them. I wasn't sure who would speak next. It seemed like minutes, when in truth the silence couldn't have lasted more than ten seconds.

"I'm glad you're okay," Danny said finally.

"The glass is bulletproof," CJ said.

"What?"

"The glass in the press room," CJ replied. "It's bulletproof. You know I never thought to ask about that before. It never occurred to me that the windows would be bulletproof. Isn't that silly? The president's limo is impermeable, why shouldn't his house be?"

"I'm glad it is," Danny said.

"Me too," CJ said. She paused for a minute and walked back over to her desk. She quickly scanned the room and then picked up the receiver to take it off speaker.

No! I was going to miss the good stuff. Sure, I'd have CJ's end of the conversation, but not Danny's. That was highly unfair.

"You haven't been around for a while," CJ said into the phone. "I mean, you came back with this big speech about being back, but you're not really back."

I wasn't sure what he said, but I figured his first response was a joke because I saw the corners of CJ's mouth curl up at each end. Then, he must have gotten serious because the smile disappeared. Whatever he was saying it was taking a while. Why did she feel the need for privacy? It was just us girls and Carol outside the door and basically anyone wandering passed her office, but still, I was miffed I was missing out on the good stuff.

"I know," she said.

She knows what? What did I do to deserve this torture?

"I do too," she said. There was another pause while she listened.

"I get it Danny," she in tone that I wondered about. Was it the sound of resignation?

"I'll be careful on the way home," she said. Then with a chuckled she added, "No I don't need a ride."

Aw man, the conversation was winding down and I had a whole lot of no information. She wouldn't talk about it. CJ would talk to me, but the most I'd usually get as far as a heart-to-heart was a couple of sentences.

"Did you know you can stand an egg on its end today?" CJ asked. She listened.

"You can. The president believes me," she informed him.

"Not yet. It'll happen," she promised him.

"I will. You too," she replied. "Yeah, I'll you Monday. Bye."

CJ hung up the phone and stared at it for a minute. She only ever did that when Danny called. I called it her "Mooney" face. She'd talk to Danny and her eyes would get all mooney and she'd stare at the phone after she hung up. It made me think there was a whole lot that CJ wasn't telling Danny. I personally felt that if she just told him what she was thinking that she wouldn't need to make the "Mooney" face, but there was no telling her that.

CJ sat back in her chair and sighed. It was odd how she looked. I thought she looked relaxed. That's not usually how people who get shot at look, but I wondered if maybe CJ really was okay with what happened. I wasn't sure how she could be, but it was the only explanation that made sense. Maybe she was finally resigned to the fact that this was her job. This was her life and it wasn't going to change any time soon. It gave me pause, but then CJ got up and wandered down the hallway. If she was fine, then so was I. It was just another Friday night in the West Wing.

TBC


	36. The Downfall of John Hoynes

Author's Note: Takes place during season four's Life on Mars. When the gang went to confront Hoynes he mentioned that he knew why they were there because CJ had talked to him. That tidbit is the inspiration for this chapter.

* * *

"The Downfall of John Hoynes"

It probably won't be a surprise for you to hear me say this, but sometimes things happened in CJ's office and I wasn't really sure what was going on. There were times when conversations seemed to be packed with subtext that I couldn't quite understand. The day before Vice President John Hoynes resigned was one of those conversations.

I think I mentioned, a while back, a time when Hoynes showed up in CJ's office. They had a weird vibe going on back then and his visit to her office the day before the big resignation was no different. CJ had been in her office talking to a new guy, Joe Quincy, who everyone was calling the new Ainsley.

Anyway, CJ and Joe had this big conversation where CJ called up this reporter and got him to confirm something. It must have been pretty important because the next thing I knew CJ told Carol that Joe needed to see Vice President Hoynes and that CJ needed Josh and Toby.

CJ disappeared a little while later and I assumed she was holed up somewhere with the guys. I thought I noticed Josh's door shut for a while that afternoon. I wished she would have called them to her office, but then I guess I probably would have missed out on the juicy conversation between CJ and Hoynes.

CJ returned to her office later and she busy reading when I heard his voice in the hall talking to Carol. I recognized it immediately even though I hadn't heard it very often. There was something about John Hoynes I couldn't quite put my finger on. He seemed okay enough, aside from his massive ego, which I could practically see it was so large, but his interactions with CJ's always left me puzzled.

"CJ," he said as he entered her office.

CJ looked up and I could tell by the look in her face that she was startled to see him. "Mr. Vice President," she said standing. I had learned that there were people you stood up for when they entered a room. John Hoynes was one of them.

Hoynes waved his hands down in an effort to tell her not to stand for him. It didn't really matter though. She was already out of her chair. I noticed that he shut the door behind him. CJ didn't seem to think that was odd.

"Can I help you sir?" CJ asked.

"My staff tells me that someone from the Counsel's office needs to see me," he said.

"That's true, sir," CJ verified. She walked over to the window and shut the blinds that allowed people in the hallway to see into her office. I thought that was extremely odd, but it didn't seem to bother Hoynes.

"Why was Carol making the appointment for him?" he asked. He took a seat in the guest chair across from CJ's desk.

"You're concerned that Carol was making the appointment?" CJ asked. I could tell that she was puzzled by that.

"What do you know that I should know CJ?" he asked.

"Sir?"

"If Carol is making the appointment for the new associate counsel then you know what he needs to see me about," Hoynes clarified. I supposed that made a certain amount of sense.

"I do, sir."

"And?"

"And I think Joe Quincy is the person you should be talking to about this," CJ said.

"CJ, we've known each other a while," Hoynes said. He was trying to be charming, but there was something about the way he said it that made it sound a little smarmy. I knew he had been on his best behavior lately and everyone was generally happy with him, but there was something about the way he looked at CJ that made me uncomfortable. Maybe it was because CJ always seemed a little nervous around him. It was like he knew something about her that other people didn't and she lived in fear that he'd spill the beans.

"Sir, I'm not sure I'm the right person to discuss this with," CJ said again. She took a seat behind her desk. "There are legal implications to what Joe needs to discuss with you."

"I'm a lawyer CJ," he said. "Let me worry about the law. What is he going to spring on me? I'd rather hear it from someone I know. This guy--Joe--it's his first day from what I hear. I don't know him."

"Sir," CJ said talking a deep breath, stealing herself with the confidence to say what she needed to say to him. "Helen Baldwin just signed a seven-figure book deal."

"And?" he asked. If the name Helen Baldwin was supposed to mean something to him he sure didn't flinch.

"I believe you know Helen Baldwin," CJ replied.

"I know her," he admitted.

"Do you know what she might be writing a book about?" CJ asked. I had the fleeting thought that CJ might be hanging out with too many lawyers based on how well she was able to question the Vice President. She was asking questions that she already knew the answers to. Very lawyerly.

"I don't know," he evaded. "She runs in the socialite circles."

"Sir."

"Yes?"

"Did you know that we have a report that says there's life on Mars? Or, at least, the report might say there's life on Mars? It's classified."

The color drained from Hoynes face. It became clear to him what CJ was getting at. It became clear to me that what CJ knew shocked him.

He swallowed hard. "That's what Helen's book is about?" he asked.

"Not entirely," CJ replied. "There's also some information about 100,000 computers in classrooms."

The silence in the room was deafening. I felt uncomfortable even swimming. I was still in the water and tried not to make any movements. It seemed like the thing to do based on the feeling that hung in the air in CJ's office.

"I see," Hoynes finally said. He stood up suddenly and paced a little. I thought it looked like he was looking for an escape hatch. "Joe Quincy knows about this?"

"Yes."

"Does anyone else?" he asked. Then an odd thing happened. He smiled. It was the smile of resignation and he added, "Of course other people know. Josh? Toby? Leo?"

"Yes sir," CJ replied.

"What did Josh say when you told him?"

I thought that was an odd question. I knew that Josh had once worked for Hoynes. I always thought there was a little animosity there, but I supposed when someone you worked for and looked up to fails, you're more apt to feel sympathetic for him, even if he let you down a long time ago.

"He didn't have a lot to say," CJ said.

"Nothing?" Hoynes asked, surprised.

"He was surprised that you'd leak the information," CJ replied.

"But not that I'd had an affair," Hoynes finished the thought.

"That's not for me to say. Didn't you sense that Helen Baldwin was the type of woman to do something like this?"

"No. I didn't think about it. It started out a lot like…" he let his statement trail off for a moment and I got the feeling that he was looking for the right words, or that he had just changed his mind on what he wanted to verbalize. "At the time it started I didn't think it was going to be a sustained relationship and then things changed."

CJ was silent.

"I love my wife CJ," he said. "I know that's probably hard to believe, especially for you to believe, but I do."

I wondered why Hoynes felt that it would be especially hard to CJ to believe that he loved his wife. That comment struck me as especially strange.

"That's between you and your wife, sir," CJ said uncomfortably.

"She was there, in the beginning, before all this," he said. "Before I was known. But somewhere along the way it wasn't enough anymore. I love her, but she doesn't look at me like other women look at me."

"That's my problem you know," he said with a half-hearted chuckle. "I've always had a weakness for beautiful women, but you already know that. Some men would mind, that women were only in it for what you represent, but I find it flattering."

"Sir," CJ tried to interject.

"It's true. You know it. I know it. Why do I feel like I need to show off? I'm the vice president. I was a state senator. Shouldn't that be enough?"

"Sir," CJ tried to interrupt him again.

"I've always thought that women like power. Is it even the intoxicating quality I think it is?" he asked. He seemed to be in his own tangent.

"John," CJ said a little loudly. If my head could have spun a 180 it would have. I couldn't believe she just called him John! "I don't think this is something we should discuss."

Hearing her use his first name instead of sir or Mr. Vice President seemed to snap him out of his train of thought. "Yes," he replied. He took a moment before adding, "Of course. So, let me ask you this instead; what are you going to tell him?"

"Tell who?"

"The president," Hoynes said.

"The president makes his own decisions," CJ replied.

"CJ you're the press secretary, a senior adviser to the president," Hoynes said. "You know he's going to ask you what you think. I want to know what you're going to tell him."

"Well sir," CJ said once again adopting formality. "President Bartlet believes the best in people. He's an idealist who always hopes things are going to work out."

"And in this case?"

CJ sighed. "If it was just an affair we could help you," she said. "But you leaked classified government information to your mistress and I don't know how we can get the public past that."

"I did," he admitted. "I was stupid. I broke the law. Does Josh agree with you?"

CJ looked uncomfortable. "Yes," she replied.

I wasn't sure, but it seemed like Hoynes was putting a lot of stock in Josh's opinion, and for that matter, CJ's as well. This was new to me. Did he actually care about their opinions or was he more concerned about how they could help him? For some reason I almost felt he was actually remorseful.

"You both think I should resign," he said.

"I didn't say that."

"Did Josh?"

"No," CJ said. I could tell she was being honest. I didn't know what they had discussed for what solution they could come to since CJ didn't seem to think they could get him through it, but I could tell she wasn't lying to him.

Hoynes took a moment. "So what was discussed?" he asked.

"How quickly the pieces are going to be put together by people outside the White House," CJ replied.

"And then?"

"And then it's up to the president."

"You just said you didn't think he'd want me to resign," Hoynes pointed out.

"Personally, I don't think he will. There will be others who will, not counting the Republican half of Congress."

"And internally? Who do you think is on the side of getting me out of here?"

"Mr. Vice President," CJ tried to say.

"Maybe Toby?" he asked. When CJ said nothing in response he replied, "Toby's a smart man."

CJ looked like she was at a loss for what to say next so instead she said nothing. I couldn't decipher the look on her face. It was part sad, part defiant and part defeated. I didn't know what to make of that. She never seemed to be a big John Hoynes supporter, but now it looked like she almost felt sorry for him. I had to admit that I kind of did to.

"Well," he said standing. "I appreciate you being honest with me."

CJ stood up as well. "We're going to do everything we can to get you through this," she said.

"I think we both know it isn't going to be that easy."

"You'll take the meeting with Joe Quincy now?" CJ asked.

"Yes," he replied.

He turned to leave the room and CJ said, "Sir? For what it's worth, I'm sorry this happened."

"But you're not surprised," he commented.

"Yes sir, actually I am," CJ said.

"Well," he said. "Thank you, CJ."

He left the office and CJ and I were left to digest what had just been said. Like I said, I felt like there was something else going on within the conversation that I just wasn't smart enough to pick up on, but even without that knowledge the conversation was telling. John Hoynes was more than a little flawed, but somehow I felt like he truly was sorry for what was about to happen.

I watched CJ as she tried to concentrate on what she had been working on before the visit, but I could tell she wasn't able to. She picked up the phone and punched in an extension.

"Hey," she said. "Are you in your office for a while?"

I heard a muffled response that kind of sounded like Josh. "I need to talk to you," she said before hanging up the phone.

After that she left. I heard her tell Carol that she was, indeed, going to Josh's office. I figured she wanted to tell him about the conversation that she'd just had with Hoynes. I wondered if he'd be surprised or upset. From the sound of things, it seemed like he didn't have much to say. I wondered if he would now.

I wasn't too surprised the next morning when I heard that Hoynes had resigned. He probably saw no other way out. CJ certainly didn't and even though I could tell she was sincere when she said she didn't want him to resign, we all knew that the situation could only end one way. I hadn't seen him very much, but his resignation struck me as something pretty important. I reminded me of something Toby had said once about a horse. It was like watching a derby winner put down because of a broken leg; sad, but necessary.

TBC


	37. Forward Motion

Author's Note: This takes place during season five's Jefferson Lives. Reviews are always encouraged and appreciated.

* * *

"Forward Motion"

CJ sat at her desk gazing out the window. It wasn't the first time I'd seen her do this, especially lately. There's probably a lot you think I'm skipping, but, from my point of view there isn't a whole lot to tell. Zoey was kidnapped by some bad people and CJ and the rest of the gang worked around the clock until she was recovered. In that time the president relinquished power to the Republicans, Toby had his kids and Danny published his story about the assassination. I'd have more details, but a lot of the story I had to piece together myself since it was mostly hearsay to me. Shockingly, none of the really important stuff happened in CJ's office.

That was over a month ago, but CJ was still hanging around the office a lot. It was nice that she was around more often, though not from her point of view I suppose. Toby had just left the office. He was showing CJ pictures of his kids. CJ got this look in her eyes that I couldn't quite place when she was looking at the pictures. I could tell she was happy for Toby, but in a way I almost thought she looked envious or sad.

They talked a bit and before Toby left he told her that she needed to go home, but for some reason she didn't. She looked tired and I felt bad for her, but I also liked the company. I was startled by a light tap on the door.

"CJ," Josh said.

She turned in her chair and faced him. She looked exhausted, but she smiled at him. It had been a while since Josh came by for a visit. He looked as tired as CJ, if not more.

"What's happened?" CJ asked. I thought that was an odd response. Obviously the fact that bad things seemed to be happening frequently had changed the way CJ responded to things.

"Nothing," Josh replied shoving his hands into his pockets. He entered the office and took a seat in the chair across from her desk. "I was just…I needed a break."

"Yeah," CJ replied.

"I can't do it," he said.

"Berryhill?" CJ asked. I didn't really know what they were talking about, but CJ and Josh seemed to follow the conversation so I figured it wasn't for me to know.

"Yeah," Josh nodded. "The one thing he wants and I can't get it done."

"How? He was confirmed in a landslide for Secretary of State," CJ said.

"Tell me about it," Josh said. "I'm so powerless. I sear if I ever have a chance to screw Haffley in a public and humiliating way, I'm doing it."

"Is that my warning for when I have to defend you to the press?" CJ smiled.

"Yeah," Josh said, resolved.

"I'm sorry," CJ said. She looked genuinely sorry.

"Yeah." I noticed how Josh clasped his hand together and put them behind his neck. I could tell he wanted to talk. He sometimes came in and stalled until he got up the nerve to discuss what he really wanted to discuss.

"Toby said you've been here a lot lately," Josh said.

"So have you," CJ pointed out. I thought she sounded a tad defensive, but I chalked it up to being exhausted.

"It doesn't mean it's good for either one of us," Josh said.

"Yeah," CJ sighed.

"I think we all need some rest," Josh said. "We're all getting a little punchy."

"I'm not punchy." I glanced at CJ thinking that her response sounded pretty punchy for something she was denying. She took a beat and added, "Maybe I am a little."

"It's been a hard couple of weeks," Josh said. "I don't think any of us are firing on all cylinders."

"We'll get back on track," she replied. I thought she sounded a little too hopeful. As if she was asking more of a question than delivering a decisive statement.

"I kissed Amy today," Josh said suddenly. He gazed up at CJ instead of his shoes to gauge her reaction. I couldn't really tell what she thought about it actually. She gave nothing away.

"And?" she asked.

"And I just needed to tell someone," he shrugged.

"Because you feel guilty about it?" CJ asked.

"No," Josh said. "Why would I feel guilty about it?"

"Why do you need me to approve it?"

"I don't," Josh said. "I just…I don't know."

CJ, who seemed a little stand-offish, softened. "So, what do you think?" she asked.

"About kissing Amy?"

"Yeah."

"I like kissing Amy," Josh said.

"You don't think kissing her might be a bad idea?"

"I think it could be a very bad idea."

CJ thought about his response for a moment then said, "As long as you know that going in, I say kiss her."

"Are you serious?"

"She's on our team," CJ reminded him.

"For now."

"True."

"You're really not helping," Josh said with a small chuckle.

"I'm really not am I?" CJ replied with a smile. I was glad someone smiled. It helped to break the tension. Conversations like these shouldn't take place when people are stressed and tired.

"Look Josh, we've all had a lot, _a lot_, going on lately. If kissing Amy makes you feel good then I say do it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," CJ replied.

"I'm a little surprised," Josh said.

"Did you expect me to stop you?"

"No, I just expected a little more admonishment," he replied. I wondered if he secretly wanted CJ to talk him out of pursuing Amy again. It kind of seemed like it.

"You've knocked on the wrong door," CJ said.

"You're all about free love now," Josh teased her.

"Peace, love and happiness mi amour," she said. CJ sometimes called Josh mi amour. I didn't know what it meant, but I always thought it was a funny nickname.

"Okay," Josh grinned. He stood up. "Are you to stick around for the fireworks?"

"Nah, I'm going to head home," CJ replied. "Happy Independence Day."

"You too," Josh said.

He left the office and CJ tidied up her desk a bit before she got distracted by the popping sound of the fireworks out the window. She turned her chairs and looked outside. She sat there silently for a while before another knock on the door disturbed her.

"You could be outside right now you know," Danny said.

I smiled at him, though it was probably imperceptible to him. He'd been around for the last few months and it was nice.

"It's quieter in here," she replied turning.

"Everything okay?" he asked taking a seat. "You look tired."

"That right there is what every girl hopes to hear," CJ joked.

"It has no bearing on how attractive you are," Danny replied. "You just look like you could use a good night's sleep."

"You're not the first person to tell me that," CJ said.

"Toby?" Danny guessed.

"And Josh and Leo earlier today."

"They might be onto something," Danny grinned. "So, I won't keep you. I just came by to say thank you."

"For what?"

"For giving me the heads up on filing my article a while back."

"That was months ago," CJ pointed out.

"Yeah, but I don't think I gave you enough credit. It would have been easy for you to just go along with what Walken wanted."

"I wouldn't do that you Danny," CJ said honestly. "I know we have this push-pull thing going on, but I couldn't do that to you."

"I appreciate that."

"So why are you really here?" CJ asked. I could tell by the look on his face that she had him pegged. He was visiting for other reasons.

"You know when I said I was back?" he ventured.

"Let me guess, you're not?" she asked. I thought I caught a hint of disappointment in her voice. Her eyes also gave her away. I knew she thought Danny was a pain, but if he was leaving again, I thought it might crush her just a little.

"Sort of," he said. "It's just a little more complicated than that."

"Isn't it always?" She smiled when she said it, but I could tell the smile was masking hurt.

"I'll be here sometimes, but not all the time."

"We're not interesting enough for you anymore?"

"You're always interesting to me," Danny said in a way that made me think he wasn't using the word interesting to describe a story. "Is everything okay?"

He had picked up on CJ's melancholy demeanor. CJ had been through a lot, but I was worried about her. She seemed sadder than usual and I didn't know why.

"I'm fine," CJ forced herself to reply.

"CJ," Danny prodded.

"Everything is changing."

"Life has a tendency to do that," Danny tried to joke. When CJ didn't say anything he added, "What's going on?"

"Nothing in particular," CJ replied. "It's more the whole picture than the sum of its parts."

"Such as?"

"Sam's gone, officially," CJ began. "We assassinated a foreign leader, Zoey got kidnapped, Toby had twins, he's got this whole family now and Josh is back to making out with Amy Gardner. Everything is moving forward and I sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck here watching everything change while I'm in the exact same place I was a year ago you know?"

That was a quite a bit that CJ had gotten off her chest. I suddenly realized why she was feeling so down lately. It made a lot of sense.

Danny was quiet for a minute as he processed what CJ had just told him. For a minute I thought he didn't know what to say.

"On the upside, on that list you just rattled off there, it seems like everyone is moving forward, you're standing still and, if Josh is back making out with Amy Gardener, then he's moving backwards," he joked.

CJ gave him a tiny smirk in response. "I can always count on Josh," she replied.

"You've had a lot to deal with lately," Danny conceded. "I'm sorry about everything that happened and I'm even sorrier that I had to be a pain in your ass while everything with Zoey was happening."

"That's not…I don't need an apology," CJ said.

"I know you don't. Maybe I just wanted to give you one," Danny said. "And you're moving forward. It might not seem like it, but you are."

"I have nothing to show for it."

"Is that what this is about? Is this about Toby and the babies?"

"What?"

"You mentioned things you had no control over, the assassination, the kidnapping, but you also mentioned a few things changing in people's personal life. Sam leaving, Toby and the twins, Josh and Amy," Danny said. "Do you want that?"

"Want what?" CJ asked, though I knew she knew exactly what Danny was getting at. I was a little surprised he was being so blunt. But then again, I wondered if he was being blunt because he was hoping she'd suddenly open up and tell him how she really felt about him. I felt bad for the poor guy because I knew that was unlikely to happen.

"A personal life?" Danny asked. I could almost hear the hope in his voice.

"What's that?" CJ replied with a chuckle. And just like that what I thought might turn into a serious conversation dissolved into a joke. Although I felt there were shades of truth behind each of their comments.

"I'm not sure," Danny replied. "I hear that dinner and movie might be involved."

"That sounds nice."

"Yeah, it does," Danny said. "Or, you know, we could just chuck it all and run away together."

CJ smiled wistfully. "You're going to run away from journalism? Not likely."

"About as likely as you running away with me tonight."

"Yeah," CJ said sadly.

"Are you really okay?" Danny asked turning the conversation back to seriousness again.

"I really don't know," CJ said honestly. Her eyes looked a little glassy. She wasn't going to cry, but she just looked tired and defeated. "I know it's been weeks and it's stupid to still ask questions--"

"It's never stupid to ask questions," Danny interrupted her.

"Do I infuriate you?" CJ asked. "When you ask me the most basic of questions and I can't answer you?"

Danny pondered that for a moment. "Yes," he replied with a smile.

"I haven't gotten a good answer," CJ said.

"About the assassination?" Danny ventured.

CJ pressed on without acknowledging his question. "No one can tell me what I want to hear and it makes me question a lot of things."

"That's understandable," Danny said.

"I've been here five years," CJ said. "Seven if you include the campaign, but it took me five years for the illusion to wear off. Isn't that ridiculous?"

"It's surprising," Danny said. "I would have thought MS was the tipping point."

"In a way it was, but I understood that," CJ said. "It wasn't right, but the rationale I understood."

At that moment I saw a look in CJ's eyes and I realized that she knew she was saying too much. Off the record or not, she was about to shut down on Danny and I felt sorry for her because it really seemed like she needed someone to talk to.

"The assassination was a pre-emptive strike," Danny said. He was talking, but it was too late. CJ wasn't going to continue to engage in the conversation anymore.

"I shouldn't have said what I did," CJ said closing down.

"We're off the record CJ," Danny assured her.

"I know," she said. "I just…it's late. I'm tired and I'm babbling."

"I don't think you are," Danny said.

CJ smiled at him and I saw the acknowledgement in his eyes too. He knew the conversation was over and he dutifully stood up before CJ had to ask him to leave.

"Anyway, if you reconsider running away together, you know where I am," he joked.

"Actually I don't," CJ replied. "You said you'd be here, but not here."

"Yeah," Danny said. "I'm just a phone call away though."

"Well I'll see you around I guess."

"You will," Danny said walking towards the door. "And CJ?"

"Yeah?" she asked looking up at him.

"If you ever need to talk," he said.

"I'm good," CJ said, cutting him off. "Have a good 4th of July Danny."

"You too CJ," Danny said.

He walked out of her office down the dark hallway while the fireworks still lit up the night sky outside of CJ's office. She only glanced at him for a minute before she tossed a few items into her bag and walked over to the door. She turned off the lights, took one last look at the bright fireworks outside and then she left for the night.

I wasn't really sure what had happened, but I felt like something had changed. I could tell CJ felt betrayed or confused by recent events. Normally she just went with the flow, but now I was beginning to think she might not be okay with being so complacent. I also got the feeling that she was a little sad with the way her life was turning out lately. I felt bad for her. I never wanted her to be sad.

I turned my attention to the fireworks outside; the ones that signaled independence and freedom. I wondered about that for moment. Freedom and independence seemed to me to mean you had choice, but really, even with choice, there is no control over what happens next. I imagined that could be a little frustrating. I wondered if CJ felt the same way. I didn't want to get to existential and so I turned my full attention to the fireworks and just thought about how pretty they were, rather than trying to assign meaning to flashing lights in the sky.

TBC


	38. Chicken and Stars

Author's Note: Takes place during season five's The Warfare of Genghis Khan. Reviews are always appreciated and encouraged.

* * *

"Chicken and Stars"

CJ sat at her desk reading notebooks and scribbling remarks in the columns. It was a little boring. She'd been in her office for most of the day, but she was busy. There weren't many visitors. There had been a guy a few weeks ago. He was quite dashing. He'd sent CJ a head of cabbage with a heart in it. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it was neat to look at. It had been weeks since anything exciting like that had happened though.

I swam around and then I saw Carol wander in. Yay! I was hoping she might have something interesting to say. Correction, I was hoping she'd have something more interesting to say other than, "Ben called."

Ben. He kept calling CJ and leaving messages and she didn't call him back. I never met Ben, but he seemed kind of persistent in a way that I didn't like. Danny was persistent, but in a cute way. And sure, I'm probably biased because Danny bought me, but this Ben guy didn't seem to be getting the hint. CJ wasn't interested in rekindling whatever thing they had years and years ago. At least, I didn't think she was.

Sure enough Carol came in to give CJ her messages, but I was pleasantly surprised when she said that CJ had a message from Danny.

"What did he say?" CJ asked.

"I'm not sure I can do it justice," Carol replied.

"Carol…" CJ prompted her a little impatiently.

I could tell that Carol was sighing internally and that amused me. What amused me more was when she said, "Bawk. Bawk, bawk, bawk. Bawk. Chicken noises."

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That was Danny's message? Chicken noises? I knew CJ was being taunted by some talk show host. She had been named Chicken of the Week. She probably wouldn't have paid much attention to it, but now that Danny had baited her, she told Carol to get her a copy of the tape of the show.

Carol dutifully walked out to find the tape, but CJ called after her. "And Carol, get Danny on the phone."

Yes! This day was shaping up. I hoped she was going to put Danny on speaker. She seemed busy so it seemed like there was a good chance she'd want her hands free while talking to him.

"Danny's on line three," Carol called.

"Daniel," CJ said as she hit the speakerphone button. Speakerphone, in my opinion, is the greatest invention in the world.

"Claudia Jean," he replied as formally as she was with him. "I assume you got my message."

"Yes, Carol was very enthusiastic while passing that on," CJ lied.

"I figured she would be," Danny replied. "I told her there might be some flowers in it for her."

"Danny," CJ said. "Where do you get off calling me a chicken?"

"A reputable news source told me that was true," Danny said. I could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

"Have you ever seen this guy's show?" CJ asked.

"A few times," Danny said. "He's something else. You've never seen it?"

"I've never heard of it until this afternoon," CJ replied.

"You should watch it."

"Carol is getting me the tape," CJ replied.

There was a brief silence. I wasn't sure if it was because neither knew what to say or because their silences were just companionable.

"You could take him," Danny said finally.

"I'm sure I could," CJ replied confidently.

"Mightier folks have failed, but I really think you'd have a good time," he said.

I saw the corner of CJ's lips curl. Leave it to Danny to know that a good fight would be the idea of a good time to CJ.

"I thought I was a chicken?" she said.

"Nah, I was just trying to get you on the phone," Danny said.

"Wasn't it easier to just show up in my office unannounced?" CJ asked.

"Yeah, it was."

At that moment Josh came into CJ's doorway. She looked up and saw him. Man, just as it was about to get good too! She gave Josh a small nod.

"I have to go," she said.

"Give him hell," Danny said.

"I didn't say I was going to do it."

"I think you will," Danny replied. "Bye."

I loved how he always seemed to cut off their conversations before she had a chance to get in the last word. CJ disconnected the call.

"Was that Danny?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," CJ said.

"I thought there was a new guy. Ranger Rick or something?" Josh asked as he took a seat.

"There's no new guy. _Ben_ is very much of the past and he's not…I haven't even talked to him."

"Okay," Josh said. "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

"She doesn't," CJ said giving him a look that put a cap on the conversation. "What do you need?"

"You're in the loop on NASA stuff right?"

"Yeah. What do you need?"

"Have you heard of MOB?"

"Mars or Bust?" she asked.

"Yeah. When did you hear about it?"

"I don't know. It's been around. I think they need a new acronym, but what can you do?"

"Yeah," Josh said a little introspectively. He seemed to be thinking actively about something.

CJ suddenly chuckled. "Man they know how to get to you," CJ said.

"What do you mean?"

"Donna told me about the hot scientist NASA sent to you after you blew them off."

"What?"

"Tall, brunette, very interested in space travel," CJ clarified.

Now this was interesting. I had heard rumblings that Amy and Josh were off again, but now it seemed that CJ had hit the nail on the head by teasing him with information about an attractive woman.

"It's not…they didn't," Josh stammered.

"They have your number mi amour," CJ said. Hee-hee. I had to agree with CJ. They really did. If Josh's slightly blushing reaction to CJ's accusation were any indication, he was a little bit smitten with this NASA lady.

"Why are you blowing off NASA anyway?" CJ asked.

"What?"

"The president is a space geek. When did we decide to blow off the space administration?"

"Since they kept screwing up," Josh replied.

CJ was silent for a minute before Josh continued. "Look CJ, he had his teachable moment with Galileo, but that was a huge failure. We looked silly."

"I just can't believe he doesn't want to go to Mars," CJ said.

"I'm sure he wants to, but its cost prohibitive."

CJ didn't really say anything. I wondered if it was times like this when she really missed Sam. I wondered if Josh felt the same way.

"So where's Miss Out of This World taking you?" CJ asked in a teasing tone.

"I'm not sure," Josh replied. "I heard you might know of a good chicken place."

"Ha-ha," CJ said. "Have you ever seen The Taylor Reid Show?"

"Yes. It's definitely something to behold."

"How have I never seen it? Or heard of it?"

"He hasn't been on that long," Josh replied. "He's only starting to get any buzz because of the way he taunts people."

"Has anybody gone on?" CJ asked.

"I saw Jasper and Kline," Josh said.

"But they're conservative," CJ pointed out.

"Yeah. I heard that O'Reilly went on and it wasn't good."

"Well he's got no social or media skills," CJ replied. "It's a wonder he ever got elected in the first place."

"That's the downside of name recognition in his district," Josh said. "So, you gonna do it?"

"I haven't even seen the show," CJ said.

"Yeah, but between Reid's taunting, Danny's taunting and my unrelenting—"

"I need to see the tape first Josh," CJ interrupted him. "Besides, I'm sure Toby will have something to say about it."

"Eh," Josh waved his hand at her. "You can take this guy."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Anytime," Josh smiled. He stood up from the chair and started to walk out.

"If you need any facts to impress Miss Out of This World ask Carol. She's got all the NASA stats," CJ said.

"Thanks," Josh replied.

"Have fun!" CJ called.

"I will," Josh said confidently as he knocked twice on her doorframe on the way out.

CJ shook her head and smirked as she got back to her work. "What do you think Gail?" CJ asked me. "Should I do the show?"

"I think following your instinct of seeing it first would be the best way to go," I replied swishing my tail back and forth a few times.

"Yeah, you're probably right," CJ said. "Seeing it first would be good, but…"

She let the thought trail off and she turned back to her work. It was at that moment that I knew she was going to do it. The last few months hadn't been good. CJ seemed kind of sad and I knew the best way for her to get out of her funk was a fight. Danny knew as much as well. I, for one, couldn't wait to see the results of CJ getting her fight back.

TBC


	39. Lights, Camera

Author's Note: Takes place during season five's Access. Reviews are encouraged and appreciated!

* * *

"Lights, Camera…"

Well I'm famous. I don't want to brag or anything, but for the last two days I have been documented on film by a real honest to goodness documentary film crew. Well, maybe _I_ haven't been documented. I guess CJ was the real subject of the documentary, but, being her fish and most prized-possession, I believe I was featured heavily.

I guess, in all honesty, I kind of made sure I was featured, but can you blame me? It was a film crew, filming CJ's desk and I am a pretty good desk accessory of I do say so myself. Plus, I heard the director or camera guy say that I brought a "splash of color" to the shot. So really, I wasn't _trying_ to be featured on camera. I was adding color to the shot.

You'll all see the documentary, so I won't bore you with the details of that, but there were some interesting things that happened before they showed up. CJ seemed a little nervous the day before the crew showed up and she's on TV all the time. I wasn't sure why she was nervous, but se seemed preoccupied with determining what everyone was wearing the next day.

"Why did we say yes to this again?" CJ asked Toby. His feet were propped up on her desk. He seemed pretty relaxed, for Toby.

"You thought it was good idea," Toby replied.

"I did?" she asked.

"You came to me with the pitch," Toby reminded her.

CJ nodded, recalling that she had thought it was a good idea. She seemed interested at the time, but now I wasn't so sure she was excited about it.

"I have to talk on camera?" Toby asked.

"You are my boss," CJ reminded him.

"But why me? I'm not what you'd call, you know," he said.

"Warm? Friendly? Camera-ready?" CJ ventured. I snorted. She was teasing him as she was wont to do.

"I was going to go with charismatic on television, but yeah," he said. "It's why you do the briefings and I don't."

CJ looked up from her briefing book. "Because I'm charismatic?" she asked. She obviously inferred a compliment. I was worried for her. I knew Toby was about to take her down a peg.

"Really it's mostly because most of the Press Corp is male and it's a little more acceptable if you flirt with them," he responded.

CJ stuck her tongue out t him and returned her focus to her binder. "Don't you have a Correspondent's Dinner speech to write?" she asked him snidely.

"It's percolating," he replied.

"You're going to be nice when they talk to you about me right?" CJ asked.

"Am I ever not nice?"

CJ didn't respond. She just gave him a look that conveyed everything she thought. It was pretty clear to me that CJ wasn't sure Toby was nice all the time.

"Point taken," Toby replied to her look. "Let me put it this way, do I ever put myself in a situation where I'd reflect poorly on the president?"

"No."

"Then you're fine."

"So you're only going to say nice things about me because you don't want to reflect poorly on the president?" CJ asked.

"No?" Toby ventured, not really answering the question.

At that moment Josh flew into CJ's office full of energy.

"Hey," he said. He held his arms between the door frames and leaned in. Sometimes he looked like he was a kid. "Donna said you wanted to see me."

"When don't I?" Toby retorted dryly.

Josh pulled a face and entered CJ's office fully. He perched on the arm of the couch and said, "Much as I enjoy our quality time together Toby I believe the message was from CJ."

"That makes a lot more sense," Toby said. He continued reading whatever he had in his hand. His idea of a speech percolating looked a lot like not doing much of anything.

"The camera crew will be here to stalk me tomorrow," CJ reminded Josh.

"Stalking?" Toby piped up. "I thought you were looking forward to this."

"I was."

"Yet you used the word stalking," Toby said.

"Following," CJ clarified. "Is that better?"

"I'm part of that thing right?" Josh interrupted their conversation.

"Yes."

"See, I do pay attention," Josh said proudly. "I'm supposed to say nice things about you."

"Ideally, yes. And _thank you_," she said pointed to Josh while looking at Toby. He seemed to ignore her meaning.

"Okay," Josh replied a bit puzzled.

"What are you wearing?" CJ asked.

"What am I wearing?" Josh asked.

"Tomorrow," CJ clarified.

"Uh, a suit?" Josh ventured. "This isn't black tie is it?"

"What suit?" CJ pressed. She sure seemed interested in what Josh had planned to wear tomorrow.

"Does it matter?" Josh asked looking at Toby.

"Don't ask me," Toby said. "She's the fashion police."

"What are you wearing?" Josh asked with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous grin.

Josh's humor was lost on CJ because she just pressed on, "A lavender suit, striped blouse and camera-friendly accessories."

"You walked into that one right there," Toby smirked.

"I honestly hadn't given much thought to what suit I was going to wear," Josh said. "I don't see why it matters."

"Josh, do you or do you not recall doing camera tests on the tie the president wears for every television appearance?" CJ asked.

"He's the president," Josh countered. "I'm just…me."

"You need to look good too," CJ said.

"I think I achieve that on a daily basis."

Toby made a noise that sounded like a chortle. It amused me greatly. Toby was in a rare mood today. Maybe it was because the speech he was working on was supposed to be funny. His sense of humor seemed to be heightened.

"That aside," CJ dismissed him. "What suit are you planning on wearing tomorrow?"

"I don't know," Josh shrugged. "I could wear the Joey Lucas suit."

"So you admit it's the Joey Lucas suit," Toby interjected.

"No, everyone just knows what suit I'm talking about when I use those terms," Josh defended himself.

"No," CJ dismissed him.

"No?"

"It's too light."

"It's a nice suit," Josh protested.

"It is a nice suit," CJ agreed. "It's too light. Wear something dark and a tie without too much going on."

"If you had my wardrobe picked out for me, why exactly am I in this conversation?"

"I didn't want you to think I was making decisions for you," CJ replied.

"And yet," Toby murmured.

"Don't listen to him," CJ said. "Oh and tell Donna not to wear something with too much pattern."

"Donna is gonna be in this thing?" Josh asked.

"I don't know," CJ shrugged. "I want everyone to be prepared. What do we have going on tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" Toby mused. "We've got a bill signing, the Fed numbers…"

"The thing in the Rose Garden," Josh interjected.

"Photos only?"

"Yeah," Toby replied.

"So we've got stuff," CJ said.

"Yeah," Josh replied confidently.

"I'm not gonna stuck with a film crew following me around and absolutely nothing to do," CJ clarified.

"You'll have plenty to do," Toby assured her.

Boy was he right. The day actually turned out to be pretty hectic and some bad stuff happened. It was surprising to think that the day before CJ thought she'd be talking about numbers from the Fed and some sort of photo op.

"Why are you doing this?" Josh asked.

"Why?" CJ asked.

"Yeah, you seem a little…tense about it," Josh replied.

"I'm not tense," CJ said. "I'm…It seemed like a good idea two months ago. Now, I don't know, what if looks like I'm incompetent?"

"You're not incompetent," Toby said seriously.

"I know," CJ replied rather confidently.

"Then what are you worried about?" Toby asked.

"I don't know," CJ replied.

"CJ," Josh said.

"It's just this feeling I have that maybe this was a bad idea," she said.

"It's not," Toby said. "It's a great way to shed some light on whatever the hell you do around here. I know I for one could use some video proof," he teased her. He really was in rare form today.

"You'll be fine," Josh reassured her.

"Yeah," CJ nodded. "So you're wearing what tomorrow?"

Josh sighed. "A dark suit and a tie without a lot going on."

"And you?" CJ asked Toby.

"The same thing," Toby replied.

"Make sure you don't wear the same color ties," CJ reminded them.

She was taking this clothing situation very seriously.

"Yes ma'am," Josh said giving her a mock salute.

"Get out," CJ chuckled.

"Come on," Josh said pushing Toby's feet off her desk.

"She was talking to you," Toby said.

"I was talking to both of you," CJ said. She looked up and gave them a smile. I shook my fin. They were all too much today.

Toby and Josh left the office and CJ looked at my bowl. "Are you ready for your close up Gail?" CJ asked me.

"Sure!" I replied. I was excited about this personally. CJ might be on TV everyday, but I certainly wasn't.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" she asked me.

"I don't know. It'll be fine. You shouldn't stress about it," I replied.

"You're right," she nodded. "I'm worried for nothing. It's going to be no different than any other day; except, I'll have more than a 30 second sound bite to get our story out."

"Exactly," I replied.

"I probably shouldn't talk to the fish on camera," CJ muttered to herself. "That might give this piece a whole different slant."

"An awesome slant," I added. But, I didn't take her comment too much to heart.

CJ finished the work day and quickly arranged piles of papers on her desk in a more orderly fashion. Carol came in that night straightened things up even further. I got some rest so I'd look bright and shiny on camera the next day.

So, that's pretty much the story about how I became famous. Sure, I guess the real story was the story of the crazy guy holding his family hostage and how it all unfolded during the documentary, but really, I look back at that day as my big break. A few people mentioned me in articles following the documentary. The only downside was that I had to wait 3 years for my big debut; something about national security, but I didn't care. I was famous, in my own mind, if not totally in reality.

TBC


	40. Guilt

Author's Note: Takes place after season five's Gaza.

* * *

"Guilt"

CJ was sitting in her office looking out the window. It had been a very bad day. I was surprised that she was still hanging around. The lid had been put on a while ago. I knew she had already visited Leo's office and yet here she was. I figured she was thinking or waiting for Josh to call. Donna was in the hospital in Germany. She'd been in a horrible explosion. Two congressmen were killed and so was Admiral Fitzwallace. It's all that was on TV all day.

CJ hadn't really said a lot, but I got the sense that she was feeling guilty. Before Donna left for Gaza there was a strange moment between them. It happened when the West Wing was crashed. Donna and CJ got locked in the office together. At first I thought it would be fun, but it quickly turned tense.

Donna said some things about CJ's relationship with Ben that hit a little too close to home. CJ ended up insinuating some things about Donna's relationship with Josh. I'm pretty sure that CJ hurt her feelings. When the crash was lifted Donna left in a huff and we hadn't seen her since. I imagined CJ had some regret about that just now.

I was as worried as CJ. I liked Donna. She popped in every so often and she seemed like CJ's closest girl friend, aside from Carol, who was more an employee than a friend. Like CJ, I also hoped that Josh would call with an update.

Almost on queue CJ's phone rang. It took her a moment to register the ringing sound and she finally turned to hit the speakerphone button. Her office door was closed and pretty much everyone had left for the evening so I guess she didn't want the privacy.

"CJ Cregg," she said.

"CJ?"

I swear, as imperceptible as it might have been, I would bet my bowl that CJ's lip curled in to a tiny smile at the sound of his voice.

"Hi Danny," she said.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm…here. How are you?"

"I'm okay," he said. It sounded like he was driving, or there was some sort of background noise. "I just thought, with what happened today…"

"I know," she said interrupting him.

"Any word on Donna?" he asked.

"No," she sighed.

"How's Josh?"

"He's on his way to Germany."

"He's going to Germany?"

"Yeah."

Danny took that in. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was thinking, which was that his trip to Germany showed more concern than a boss and employee relationship usually had.

"She'll be okay," Danny assured her.

"Yeah," CJ said absently.

"So, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell there's something," Danny said. "I can hear it in your voice."

"You can not."

"I really can, so are you going to tell me or are we going to play 20 questions?" he asked.

I liked that he was playing hardball with her tonight. I thought she needed someone to talk to. Normally I would have spent a little time being annoyed that it had been months, almost an entire year since he called, but tonight, I didn't dwell on it. It seemed petty. He knew that she probably needed someone and here he was, on the phone anyway.

"Are you writing the story on this?" she asked him warily.

"Come on," Danny dismissed her.

"I have to ask."

"I'm not writing this story," Danny replied. "And even if I was I wouldn't call you up like this. It's late. You know I wouldn't take advantage of you like that."

"I do know that," CJ admitted.

"So? What's the issue? Unless this is a matter of national security or something," Danny continued.

"I said something to Donna," CJ explained. "Before she left, I said something to her that I probably shouldn't have said and now she's in a hospital bed in Germany."

"You fought?" Danny asked. "That doesn't seem like you."

"It wasn't a fight," CJ sighed. "It was stupid."

"What did you say?" Danny asked.

CJ paused unsure of how to put it or even if she should say it.

"CJ?"

"She was complaining about her job and how she wanted to get more opportunities. I kind of implied that Josh was keeping her stagnant and she was happy to remain in neutral because he's oblivious and she's content to stay with him because of things that aren't necessarily work-related."

Yep, that about summed it up. It seemed more complicated than that when I thought about it, but then, I figured CJ's ability to simplify things was a good reason why she was the press secretary.

"I see," Danny replied.

"I'm an awful person," CJ said.

"You're not. You couldn't have known what would happen, CJ. You didn't cause this to happen."

"But why did I say anything at all?" CJ asked. "She was happy not thinking about it and I forced her to see something that she wasn't ready to see."

"Sometimes that happens," Danny said.

"It was the last thing I said to her before she left," CJ told him.

"You didn't try to fix things before she left?"

"There wasn't time," CJ said.

"And you're stubborn," Danny said.

"That has nothing to do with it." I chuckled. I laughed because not only had Danny called her stubborn, which was true, but she agreed with him.

"I'm sure that's the last thing Donna is concerned about right now," Danny assured her.

"I was mean," CJ admitted quietly. I thought that was pretty big admission for her actually.

"Why?"

CJ sighed. "She said something I didn't necessarily want to hear about myself. When I started in on her relationship with Josh I honestly thought it wasn't that shocking to her, but then I saw that it was and I just kept on going anyway because I was irritated. I could have stopped myself. If something happens to her I'm never really going to forgive myself for leaving it like that Danny."

There was a silence on the line for a moment after CJ spilled her heart out. I didn't realize CJ's motivation behind her conversation with Donna on the night of the lockdown. I knew she had broken up with Ben that night, after she'd gone home. I guess I didn't know that her conversation with Donna was the catalyst.

"Donna's a strong person," Danny said. "She made it out of that car and to the hospital and they're taking care of her. You should tell her."

"Tell her what?"

"That you're sorry. It's never too late," he reminded her.

"Until it is," CJ replied. I thought about her response and I thought it was sad. She was right. I mean, I was trying to stay positive and think that Donna would be okay, but in reality she was in a car explosion that killed three people. It could be too late for CJ to say she was sorry. I remembered CJ having these same feelings when Josh was shot.

"Then I guess the lesson is that you shouldn't wait to say what you want to say," Danny said. "If you really want to say it, that is."

"Yeah," CJ agreed thoughtfully. "Danny?"

"Hmm?"

"I miss you being here," she said. I guess she took Danny's advice to heart.

"CJ, I didn't mean-"

"I know," CJ interrupted him. "I know you didn't mean it so I'd…I just thought you should know."

Danny took that in. "Thank you," he said. "I miss being there too, sometimes."

"Hey, I don't miss you all the time. Particularly when you were on the scent of some non-story, but, there are times when I half expect to see your scruffy face to poke through my door."

Danny chuckled. "It's been awhile. I might not be so scruffy anymore."

"You are."

"And you know this how?"

"You have your sources. I have mine," CJ said. She smiled. It was the first time I'd seen her smile all day. If we were being honest and laying feelings on the table, I wanted to go on record as saying that I was happy Danny called. I missed him too, but mostly, I was happy for CJ to have someone to talk to.

"I don't know how much you miss me," Danny said. "I hear Greg Brock might be taking my place."

CJ made a face. "Where did you hear that?"

"I hear he likes to follow you around, show up unannounced and that there's a Nick and Nora thing going on between you," he fished. I could tell he only had hearsay. Besides, Brock hadn't been around that much. Although he did give CJ that story about Hoynes in advance and he seemed a little flirty.

"Greg Brock is…he will never replace you," CJ said.

"I'm holding you to it," Danny said.

"You can," CJ replied.

The air was tinged with something I'd call tension. It was almost as if Danny was in the room with us instead of on the phone. I knew CJ was just out of a relationship and she was pretty vulnerable because of everything going on, but I had feeling that whatever was between them was more than convenient comfort.

"CJ, I wanted to tell you-"

At that moment Carol knocked hard on CJ's window and CJ looked up, startled. "Josh is on line three," Carol called into the office.

"Danny," CJ said. "I'm sorry I-"

"I heard," he said, cutting her off. "Go. Talk to Josh."

"Bye Danny," she said. I almost heard a hint of regret in her voice.

CJ talked to Josh and we found out that Donna was going to be okay. She was going to be in the hospital for a while, but she'd be back. I could almost see the relief flood CJ's face. She even asked Josh when she could talk to Donna. I had a feeling she was going to take Danny up on his advice; or, not. I never could tell with CJ. Right now she seemed resolved, but in a few days or weeks, who could tell?

The one lesson I've definitely learned from living here is that victory is fleeting, defeat is just around the corner and there's no time like the present to tell people how you really feel.

TBC


	41. New Digs

Author's Note: This takes place during season six's "Liftoff." Reviews are always appreciated.

* * *

"New Digs"

We've known each other for a while and by now you've probably come to realize that I'm a creature of habit. Yes, I like variety and I like activities and different things to amuse me, but mostly, I like the status quo. (On a side note, I learned about status quo from Josh. He came in one day screaming about the Republicans and status quo. I liked the way that sounded. I've surmised that it basically means things staying the same.)

Recently something happened that definitely upset the status quo. Leo got sick. I'm not sure how sick, but I know he had to go to the hospital and have something called by-pass surgery. I'm not sure what it entails, but, I could tell it wasn't good based on the way people were talking about it.

I wish I'd known Leo a little better, but the truth was, he didn't drop by CJ's office as much as everyone else. He was the boss and people went to him. He did come by a few times and he always seemed nice, if a little serious. I supposed that his job as Chief of Staff meant that he had to be serious a lot of the time. I wondered if that contributed to his heart trouble.

But anyway, I listened as everyone came in and out of CJ's office with updates on Leo's condition. Then one night everyone went to the hospital to visit. That wasn't in any way strange. But, then CJ returned to the office. She was really quiet. She looked like she was in a state of shock. She didn't say a lot of anything. She just sat in her chair for a while and looked around the office. If I had to describe it I'd say that it almost seemed like she was trying to memorize the room. She didn't even say goodnight to me. It was weird.

The next day CJ was out of her office a lot. When she was in her office it almost seemed like she was cleaning things up. Carol looked like her eyes were kind of glassy, but I didn't get any explanation from anyone. It was quite annoying if I do say so myself.

Then, the following day, things fell apart. CJ didn't come into her office. Carol was busy tidying things up, which was odd and I was left swimming around wondering what was going on. Then, I saw it. CJ's briefing. She made the announcement that she was no longer press secretary.

I stopped swimming and just floated for a minute. I had no circulation in my fin I was so shocked and, if I'm honest, devastated. How could CJ not be press secretary anymore? Was she fired? Did she quit? How could she do this without telling me? I was stunned. I don't know how long I sat there, but it seemed like ages. And then, the next bomb was dropped. The president took the podium and announced that he had a new Chief of Staff—CJ!

If I had a jaw I'm sure it would have hit the bottom of my bowl and shattered. CJ was going to be the Chief of Staff? Wasn't Josh the Deputy Chief of Staff? I always thought that deputy meant second in command, but that couldn't be true if CJ was promoted to Chief of Staff. What in the world was going on?

I swam around for a bit, trying to understand what was happening when Carol, my wonderful friend Carol, came in to clean my bowl and tell me what was going on. Well, she probably didn't realize she was informing me of what was going on, or that I could understand her really, but it was very helpful.

"Hi Gail," she said. I could tell from the sound of her voice that she was trying to sound cheerful, but it was a forced cheerfulness.

"Did you see the press conference?" she asked me.

"Boy, did I! What is going on?"

"CJ was promoted," Carol informed me as I sloshed from my bowl into the holding bowl she used when she cleaned out my actual home. She smiled when she said it, but it rang false. I could clearly see that she was upset about this. She confirmed it when she added, "She's leaving us."

It almost looked like Carol was going to cry. I felt a sudden urge to hug her, but of course, I was unable to.

"You're going to be moving to Leo's office," Carol informed me. "Well, CJ's new office now, I guess."

Moving? I hated moving. I'd only moved once before, when CJ changed office after Josh got shot. In fact, Leo had visited her old office and saw that she wasn't doing very well. It was his suggestion that she move. I liked CJ's old office, but I had to admit that her current office was much brighter. I liked it. It was the place where people came to hang out. There was always something going on. I didn't really want to move.

"You'll like it," Carol promised me. "There's always a lot going on in there. You'll get to meet the president. I don't know if you've ever met him. Don't be intimidated. You'll be able to hold your own."

Okay, just that statement made me feel intimidated.

"We probably won't get to see each other much," Carol said. And now I was sure I saw her eyes get glassy. She was on the verge of tears and because she was on the verge of tears, I was also feeling misty and I can't even cry!

"Hopefully I'll still get to visit," Carol said. "It's going to be kind of weird not seeing CJ everyday."

I swooshed back into my freshly cleaned bowl. "I started working for CJ during the campaign," Carol told me. "It's been a while. She's a really good boss. I never minded working late because she was a good person to work for. I almost felt like we were friends most of the time."

Oh Carol. I felt awful. Here she was pouring her heart out to me and I couldn't do anything to make her feel better.

"Listen to me," Carol said. "It's not like she'd dying. She's moving fifty feet down the hall. I'll see her. It'll be fine."

"Of course it will be," I tried to assure her with a tail flick. I wasn't sure she picked up on it.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye," Carol said. "Let's go check out your new digs."

Carol picked up my bowl and we started down the hallway. I wasn't sure I was happy about this move. I would miss Carol. And what about everyone else? Would I get to see Steve and Chris and Katie? Would Danny know CJ had moved? Had I already seen Toby and Josh for the last time and not known it? I didn't even have a chance to say goodbye! How could this happen?

We sloshed down the hallway, or rather, I sloshed down the hallway. Carol just walked. She ran into Donna, still in a wheelchair after Gaza. She was looking better though.

"Gail's moving?" Donna asked Carol. "I guess that makes sense with CJ moving."

"Yeah," Carol nodded. "We're making the trip to her new office."

"Does Margaret know about this?" Donna asked as she smiled at me. Why did that question make me nervous?

"CJ mostly takes care of cleaning the bowl," Carol said. That wasn't exactly true. Carol, more often than not, was the one cleaning out my bowl. That was mostly because CJ was always so busy though. Did this mean Carol wouldn't be cleaning my bowl anymore?

Donna gave Carol a look. "Okay, I clean out the bowl a lot," Carol admitted. "I'm sure CJ can handle it if Margaret isn't into it."

Donna lowered her voice and said, "I heard Margaret is leaving."

"When? Did she tell you?" Carol whispered back. Oh, assistant gossip! I was up-close and personal for this. I mostly forgot about my impending move I was so riveted.

"Josh said she's Leo's assistant," Donna said.

"I don't think Leo will need an assistant now," Carol pointed out.

"No, I mean, that she's very loyal to Leo and if he's not here…for better or worse we're all kind of attached to our bosses. I can't say I'd be willing to put in 14-hour days for someone new,"' Donna said.

Then something weird happened. Carol's face kind of fell and Donna's eyes got wide, like she knew she'd said something wrong.

"I'm sorry," Donna said.

"No, it's fine," Carol said, cutting her off.

"Toby isn't a bad guy to work for," Donna said.

Toby was going to the press secretary? What? The only worse candidate would be Josh! I thought Toby was just filling in until they got someone else. Boy, this day was getting weirder and weirder.

"You've been helping him with the search. How's it going?" Carol asked.

"It's too soon to tell," Donna said with a look in her eyes that told me the search was going terribly.

"I should get going," Carol said. "This bowl is kind of heavy."

"Right," Donna said. "See you. Bye Gail."

"Bye Donna," I said with a frown. I hoped I'd see Donna again. We didn't really even have a proper goodbye.

We continued the long walk to my new home and my sense of dread of built even more. I hadn't seen CJ in over a day. Did she even want me on her new desk? Was there room for my bowl? I just didn't know what to expect and I didn't like it.

Carol made one more turn and we passed the desk of a tall redhead. She gave us a curious, almost wary look. We passed her so fast I didn't have a chance to really size her up. We passed the threshold and I saw CJ sitting on her new couch, surrounded by piles and piles of papers and booklets.

"Gail!" she said. She was up like a shot and happy to see me I might add. Sometimes I get myself worked up for nothing. I suddenly felt silly for even thinking that CJ might not want me around. Of course she would. I was her pet. Her confidant. How many times did she share things with me that she wouldn't, or couldn't, share with anyone else?

CJ set me on the desk and talked to Carol for a minute. She seemed really busy. If I was hoping for a heart-to-heart and catching up, I would have been disappointed. After Carol left CJ was all business. She had people running in and of her office and the red-haired woman, who I assumed was Margaret, kept coming in and out to give her messages, which mostly consisted of her telling CJ she had a phone call or a meeting.

I didn't know what to make of anything, but I can say this: CJ looked miserable. She even left for a while. I'm not sure where she went, but I could tell by the look on her face that she was feeling defeated. I wasn't sure I liked this job already. She was even fighting with Toby. Or Toby was having trouble accepting her as his boss. I couldn't really tell.

It took a while for things to calm down. In fact, it wasn't until the next day that something happened that I truly understood. Margaret came into CJ's office again. I wondered how many calories she burned going back and forth. I wondered if she just stood outside the door and waited to come in. I will say this, I liked her red hair. It reflected inside my bowl like a fire.

"CJ," Margaret said. Her speaking pattern was very direct and crisp. It reminded of Sam's pattern of speech in an odd way. "Can we talk about the fish?"

She gestured towards my bowl. She was talking about me! And, my name is Gail, Margaret. I stopped calling you the redhead yesterday.

"Gail?" CJ asked.

"Sure," Margaret said as if she was ready to verbally move on. But then she asked, "Why did you name her Gail?"

"I didn't," CJ replied. "Danny did, or, he said the guy at the fish store named her Gail."

I giggled. I loved that little lie Danny concocted. CJ saw right through it.

"Why would anyone name a fish Gail?" Margaret asked.

"I really don't know Margaret," CJ said. She looked like she had a huge briefing book to get through so she was still a little on edge, though she seemed to be having a much better day than yesterday, for which I was glad.

"Who cleans out the bowl?" Margaret asked.

"The fish bowl?"

"Yeah, see, when I was seven my brother and I got a fish. His name was Speckles," Margaret said. She seemed like she was gearing up for a big story. That was new. Carol didn't usually have long stories to share.

"My brother was supposed to be in charge of cleaning out the bowl and he usually did, but one day he was at baseball camp and he put me in charge of cleaning out Speckles' bowl. Speckles was a tetra. Are you familiar with the tetra fish?"

"I can't say I am," CJ replied. I could tell she was slightly annoyed, yet also intrigued enough not to cut off the story.

"The tetra is a tropical fish and they need warm water to give them the sense of home. I put Speckles in another container and ran the water so it would get warm. I put my hand under the faucet to make sure it was nice and hot to the touch and then I filled up Speckles' bowl."

"Margaret, is this going somewhere?"

"When I dumped Speckles back into the bowl he swam left and then he swam right and then he kind of went belly up."

"Belly up?"

"I boiled him," Margaret admitted. If my eyes could have gotten any bigger, they would have. I instantly shrank back in bowl so I was physically closer to CJ than Margaret. She _boiled_ her fish?

"You boiled your fish?"

"See, the water was hot to my hand and I didn't take into account that normal human body temperature is 98.6 degrees, which would have meant that since the water was hotter than my hand, that it might be too hot for Speckles."

She looked mortified that she was even admitting it. "I've been a little leery of fish ever since," Margaret said.

"I guess," CJ replied. "How about if I worry about Gail and her bowl?"

"That would be great," Margaret said. She looked relieved. She wasn't the only one.

"In fact, maybe don't even touch the bowl," CJ added.

"Good," Margaret exhaled. "Okay."

Margaret backed out of the office and CJ looked at me.

"Please don't leave me alone with her," I pleaded with her with my eyes.

"We'll be fine Gail," she assured me.

"Talking to your fish again?" Josh said as he entered the office from the hallway. Having three doors was something I was going to have to get used to. It was like people could sneak up on us all the time.

"Margaret just told me she had a pet fish when she was seven," CJ said. "She boiled him to death."

"On purpose?" Josh asked.

"No, but still…"

"Maybe Carol will want to stop by and clean the fish bowl." Josh said,.

"I've cleaned the bowl," CJ said. "I can handle it."

"Good thing," Josh said. "It sounds like Gail could be in danger if Margaret gets a hold of her.

I gulped, still not completely convinced I was safe in this new office with this new assistant.

"I've got her," CJ assured him, and me in the process. "What's going on?"

At that point I tuned out. CJ and Josh were talking about some really boring, complicated stuff that I didn't understand. I wished she had more than one TV in her new office. Oh well. I swam around a few times, still trying to get acclimated to the new surroundings. I had a feeling this office might be busy, but somehow more isolated than the other one. But, I put on my happy face. At least there were a lot of people coming in and out. For now, it was just Margaret that I truly was wary of!

TBC


	42. Hello and Goodbye

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's Faith-Based Initiative. I was watching this episode and I swear there are two goldfish in Gail's bowl. At first I thought it was a reflection in the bowl, but sure enough, there is a scene where the bowl is visible and there are two fish swimming in the opposite direction. It's what I saw anyway and this chapter reflects that. Reviews are always appreciated!

* * *

"Hello and Goodbye"

Things were boring in CJ's new office. Ever since she became Chief of Staff there wasn't much fun to be had. I sensed she felt it too, but from my point of view, I can say for certain that the fun had just vanished. There was a lot of talk about China. There was a big to-do about going there. That country sounds strict about rules and regulations. So CJ was gone for most of the holiday season, which wasn't fun for me. The pretty packages showed up on her desk and the paper made things seem shinier, but really, it was all an illusion.

Then, one morning, quite out of the blue Margaret came rushing into the office with a cup, which is spilled into my bowl. Before I knew it I had a visitor. A fish visitor! What was going on? My new friend looked dazed and possibly half-dead. Margaret looked equally as upset and in behind her rushed a small blonde woman, who, even to me, looked incredibly small. I knew the small woman's name was Annabeth. She was kind of new.

"Did you make?" she asked peering into the bowl.

"I think," Margaret said.

They both leaned over and peered into the bowl looking at the fish they just dumped into my bowl. The new fish was moving now, getting her bearings in the bowl.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Where am I?" she asked.

"My bowl. I'm Gail," I replied. "What happened to you?"

"I don't know," she said. "Who are you?"

"Gail," I repeated. I swam a little closer. Maybe she'd gotten too much oxygen. The cup of water Margaret dumped out wasn't too full. Her gills might have been exposed too long.

"Where am I?" the new fish asked.

"In my bowl," I repeated. I tried not to sound irritated, but come on girl. She looked fine. She seemed fine. She was sure exploring my bowl like it was her new toy. For a long time I'd thought it would be nice to have company; someone I could talk to and who could talk back, but this chick wasn't exactly who I had in mind.

"What happened?" Annabeth asked.

"You know Jane Wellington? She has this fish tank that she was moving from one end of the building to the other," Margaret explained. "She was right outside the office when someone from maintenance knocked into her and the tank came crashing down from the cart it was on."

"So this," Annabeth said pointing to my new visitor, "was the only survivor?"

"I think she might have been able to save one or two more. I just happened to be there with a half a cup of water in my hand," Margaret said.

"So Margaret," Annabeth asked.

"Yeah?"

"How are you gonna know which fish is which?"

"What?"

"Well CJ's fish and this fish look identical," she pointed out.

My eyes widened in horror. What was she talking about? I didn't look anything like this other fish. My fins were much more elegant. I always thought of them a wispy. Not to mention this new girl wasn't anywhere near as intelligent as me! I had heard them say that goldfish had horrible memories, but not me! I was starting to get worried.

"You can tell them apart," Margaret said looking into the bowl again. "Can't you?"

Annabeth looked down again too. "I don't know," she said. "They look alike to me."

"How can you possible think we look alike?" I shouted.

"Who looks alike?" the other fish asked.

"They think we look alike," I scoffed. "Isn't that crazy?"

She looked at me for a moment. "Not really," she replied.

"Are you serious?"

"I think we look alike."

"You've gotten too much oxygen," I said dismissing her.

"Do you think CJ is going to be mad?" Margaret asked Annabeth.

"I think CJ's going to be a lot more upset about the whole lesbian thing," Annabeth said.

Lesbian? I had heard the word before. I wasn't really sure what it meant, but I was pretty sure it meant that you wanted to date people of the same sex. The word didn't come up too often in the office.

"Oh shoot," Margaret said. "She's on her way in. I figured I should meet her. Can you…"

"Figure out which fish is which?" Annabeth asked helpfully.

"Yeah."

"I'll try?"

That didn't inspire confidence. Where were Josh and Toby? They'd be able to pick me out of a line up. I heard a ball bouncing in the hallway outside CJ's office. It made the water in my bowl jiggle. Soon enough Toby and Josh were entering the office passing a basketball back and forth.

"Do you know how to tie a ribbon better than this?" Josh asked Annabeth.

"Oh no, I'm not getting involved in this," she said.

Josh shrugged and passed the ball to Toby who placed it expertly on CJ's desk. I knew that CJ played basketball in high school. She was tall, it made sense; I was a little unclear as to why Toby and Josh thought a basketball was a good gift. I knew it wasn't her birthday.

"You think she's gonna be pissed?" Josh asked.

"Wouldn't you be?" Toby asked.

"I just don't understand how the press can even entertain it," Josh said. "I mean didn't they see Danny mooning over her for years right in the press room?"

"They saw CJ shoot down Danny," Toby reminded her.

"Okay, well what about Mr. Excellent in Bed Guy," Josh said.

Annabeth's eyes widened. "Should we be talking CJ's personal life this way?" she asked.

"She was the one who told the president she was good in bed," Josh replied.

Toby snickered.

"What are we talking about?" Will asked as he entered.

"CJ's sex life," Josh replied glibly.

"I want nothing to do with this conversation," Will replied.

"What conversation?" Kate asked as she entered. Geez, it was Grand Central Station in the office!

"About CJ's sex life," Annabeth helpfully offered.

"Why does she have to be a lesbian just because she played basketball?" Kate asked.

"You get the question sometimes don't you?" Josh asked, half-joking.

"Because I'm a woman in the military I must be a lesbian?" Kate asked.

"I didn't say it," Josh pointed out. "I just…wondered."

"Is it just me or are there two fish in the bowl this morning?" Toby asked, distracting everyone and coming closer to my bowl.

"Thank goodness someone noticed," I said.

"Noticed what?" the visiting fish asked.

"Never mind," I said. Come on Toby pick me out of a lineup.

"Do you know which fish is Gail?" Annabeth asked.

Both Josh and Toby got closer to the bowl and looked closely at us. I usually liked the attention, but today it made me nervous. What if neither of them could tell which one was me?

"The big one, right?" Toby asked.

"Yeah, the one with the longer fins I think," Josh agreed.

"Whew," I said.

"Are you sure?" Annabeth asked.

"Don't make them second-guess!" I shouted.

"I think so," Josh said. "You know who'd know for sure?"

"I don't know. CJ?" I ventured.

"Who?" Annabeth asked.

"Carol," he said.

"Yes! Yes! Carol would know who I was too."

There was commotion in the hallway and everyone got quiet. CJ entered the office and they had a meeting. I tried to listen, but my new "friend" had a lot of questions. If all goldfish are a dim as this girl, no wonder my species is not thought of highly like dogs or cats.

As it turned out someone online (I still haven't figured out where that is) said CJ was a lesbian. She seemed upset about it. I think it was mostly because she was still trying to impress this guy named Tommy that she'd been out with a few times. I got the feeling that finding out your girlfriend is a lesbian is probably one of those deal-breakers for new relationships. I didn't really know Tommy, but I didn't honestly think it would last anyway, lesbian rumors or not.

Anyway everyone went in a hundred different directions and I was left with my new companion. She had a lot more questions. Repetitive questions. I spent most of the morning trying to avoid her in a very small space. As much as I was nervous that Margaret would come and take the wrong fish, I was even more frustrated that I was stuck with someone not on my intellectual level. I finally understood how Toby felt a lot of the time.

Speaking of Toby, he had an interesting thing to say to CJ about halfway through the day. He said that Josh had one foot out the door. I inferred that meant he thought that Josh was leaving the White House. I'd heard CJ mention something about a job offer from Hoynes and Russell, but she didn't really think Josh would take it. I didn't either. Josh seemed a little unhappy lately, but they all did. I wondered if Toby knew something that CJ and I didn't. It wasn't long before I found out.

CJ was in her office after visiting the press work room. She was busy going over some things on the budget when Josh popped his head in the office.

"You got a minute?" he asked.

"I've got all night," she replied gesturing for him to come in.

Josh looked a little nervous to me. That was different.

"Who's that?" my companion asked me. She still hadn't left yet. How long did it take to get a new fish tank?

"That's Josh. He was in here this morning," I replied.

"He looks nervous," she commented. Man, if Mistress Oblivious agreed with my assessment, he must have looked bad.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Shh, I want to hear this."

"Okay, okay," she said. Suddenly she seemed interested as well.

Josh shut the door behind him and CJ looked up from her papers. Obviously he didn't usually shut the door. I began to see the look of alarm on her face when he walked over to the hallway door and shut that one too.

CJ tossed the papers she was reading back on the desk and face forward as Josh sat down. What could Josh possibly want such a private meeting for?

"She looks nervous now," my friend pointed out helpfully.

"Yeah," I gulped. She really did look nervous. This was a woman who could take on the White House Press Corp, Secretary Hutchinson and the possibility of nuclear war, but right now, she looked scared.

"What are you listening to?" Josh asked. Before he pointed it out I hadn't even noticed the music that CJ had on.

"Meditation," she replied.

"Is this Yo Yo Ma?"

"Yeah," she said, hitting pause on the CD player. "What can I do for you?"

He sat with his feet firmly planted on the ground and he rested his elbows on his knees. "I'm not really sure where to start," he said.

"The beginning is always a good place," CJ offered.

"You know Hoynes asked me to run his campaign," he said.

CJ nodded. So far so good.

"So did Russell," Josh said.

"I heard about that," CJ said. "Don't think I didn't give Will the what-for for trying to poach you."

She honestly did. She summoned Will to her office, shut the door and let him have it. She clearly didn't take kindly to having her people taken away. It was kind of awesome. Will didn't appreciate her rebuke, but it seemed to me that he had gotten the message. Maybe he didn't?

"He told me," Josh smiled sadly. "I should point out that I am a big boy though. I can make my own decisions."

"And you want to work for Russell?" CJ asked. I heard a hint of fear in her voice.

"No," Josh said, shaking his head. "No, I definitely don't want to work for Russell."

I turned and saw the look of relief on CJ's face. I guess Toby was wrong when he said that Josh had one foot out the door. It appeared his feet were firmly planted here.

"I don't want to work for Russell because I want to work for Matt Santos," Josh said finishing his thought.

"Who?" I asked.

"Who's that?" my companion asked me.

"I have no idea," I replied. I looked to CJ to see if her face gave any indication that she knew what he was talking about. She looked flummoxed.

"The congressman from Texas?" she asked.

"Yeah," Josh said quietly, looking at the floor.

"The guy who isn't running again?" she asked.

"Well, he's running for something a little better than Congress," Josh pointed out.

CJ didn't say much of anything. She had that moment of elation when she thought he wasn't leaving and now the realization that he really was leaving hit her. I could see it in her eyes. She looked so sad and defeated.

"He's a good man?" CJ asked him.

"Yeah," he said. I wasn't thoroughly convinced. "Leo…he said when you sense your moment you've got to take."

"And it's your moment?"

"I think so."

"Josh, please be sure," CJ said. She looked him right in the eye when she said it. It was a little intimidating.

"I am," he replied confidently. "CJ, I wouldn't do this if I wasn't sure. Do you think this is easy for me?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. It was so honest.

"You agree with Toby?" he asked.

"I don't know, what did Toby say?"

"He said I was leaving you with a get well card and a candy gram," Josh said. He seemed almost embarrassed to admit that to her.

"Maybe you are," she replied. "It's different on this side of the desk. I'm sure things look different from where you're sitting too."

"It is," Josh said. "It's infinitely different than it was. Don't you feel it?"

"Everyday."

Josh was quiet for a moment. "When are you leaving?" CJ asked.

"The filing deadline is Thursday," Josh said.

"Are you kidding me?" CJ asked.

"No," Josh said sheepishly. "I wouldn't do this, but CJ, I convinced the guy to run. It's only right that I run it."

CJ set her jaw. I could tell she was curbing the impulse to yell at him for leaving her in the lurch. She was struggling with the impulse because as much as she might hate him right now, she didn't want the last day she worked with him to be remembered in anger. I knew her well enough to figure that out. I sensed Josh knew as much as well.

"The president is in the Oval now," CJ said. "I'll have Margaret get you in to see him."

"I don't know how I'm gonna tell him," Josh admitted.

"I don't either," CJ said.

"Come CJ, you've thought about it. In Manchester at re-election, you thought about leaving."

"Because I wasn't a contributing member of the team Josh. I wasn't leaving to go run someone else's campaign," CJ shot back.

"You hate me right now?" he asked.

"A little," she said, then she let her lips curl up into a tiny smile. "But it wouldn't be a day in the office if I didn't hate you a little."

"You're going to miss me," Josh said confidently.

CJ looked at him. I could tell was biting the inside of her lip. She did that when she was trying to center herself, or trying her best not to cry.

"More than you know," she said seriously.

I looked at Josh to see how he was going to take this unexpected admission. If I didn't know any better I'd say his eyes seemed a little glassy. He stood up and walked over to CJ's side of the desk. She stood to meet him and he hugged her tightly.

"This might be the most difficult decision I've ever made," he admitted to her. I thought it might have been easier for him to admit it when he wasn't looking her in the eyes.

"Yeah," she replied as she pulled back. "It's just me and Toby now."

"You'll be okay," Josh assured her.

The look on CJ's face told me that she wasn't so sure. She'd been hit with a lot lately, not the least of which was the president's declining health.

"Margaret," CJ called through the closed door.

Just like that Margaret popped her head into the office. "Yeah?"

"Get Josh in with the president," CJ instructed her.

"You said he had to go back to the residence after his meeting," Margaret reminded her.

"I know," she replied before she looked at Josh. "But this is important."

"Okay," Margaret said leaving to go do as she was told.

"He should be wrapping up in there," CJ told Josh.

"Okay," Josh said awkwardly. I could tell he wasn't sure what to do. It struck me that this was the last time I might ever see Josh again. My fins drooped.

"You okay?" my friend asked.

"Not really," I replied.

"You're sad over this guy?" she asked.

"A little, yes," I said. For years I wanted a companion, but now I just wanted to be alone. First we moved offices and I hardly ever saw Carol and now Josh was leaving. I'd never been depressed before but I was fairly certain this was what depression felt like.

I sunk to the bottom of the bowl and watched Josh walk towards the door. He put his hand on the knob and said, "We'll still see each other."

"Sure," CJ said. I could tell by her tone that she knew the truth. Even if they did see each other it would never be the same. "Good luck mi amour."

Josh gave her that dimple-popping grin. "Thanks," he said. He opened the door and he was gone. I watched CJ sink into her chair. She looked at the papers she had been reading before Josh came in and rolled her eyes. She picked up the remote control to the stereo and hit play on the CD again.

The song she was listening to struck me as somewhat sad. I supposed it fit her mood. I knew that it fit mine.

"Well," CJ said to herself. "Then there were two. What do you think about that Gail?"

She looked into my bowl and I tried to look upbeat, though it was a chore. "How do you like your friend in there anyway?"

I didn't reply because I didn't want to hurt my visitor's feelings, but I tried to make it clear to CJ that I preferred my solitude.

"I wonder if she'll leave to go run some other fish's campaign," CJ wondered out loud.

There was knock on the doorframe that startled both of us. CJ looked at the door to find Toby standing there.

"Is the president out of his meeting yet? Do we have a budget?" he asked.

"We will," CJ assured him. Toby entered the office and sat down in the chair Josh had occupied earlier.

"I saw Josh waiting outside the Oval," Toby said. So that was the real reason he was poking around.

"Yeah," CJ said. "You were wrong by the way."

"About what?"

"About Josh having one foot out the door," CJ replied. Toby looked surprised before she continued, "He's got both feet out the door."

"He's leaving?"

CJ tossed Josh's letter of resignation over to him. He scanned it quickly. "He's telling the president now," CJ said.

Toby shook his head in what I could only classify as disgust. "Why am I not surprised?" Toby scoffed. "What did you say to him? Thanks for bailing on us? Did you call him a quitter?"

"No," CJ shook her head. "I could have, believe me, I could have."

"Why didn't you?" he sounded disappointed.

"Because he's not just some guy we work with Toby, he's Josh."

"Worked," Toby corrected her.

"What?"

"He's just some guy we _worked_ with."

"Toby," CJ sighed.

"What?"

"You and I both know that's not true. Besides, we don't have time for this. He's leaving and we still have a hell of a lot to do before the end. Are you with me or are you out the door too?"

I froze in my bowl. I always kind of wondered how Toby might answer a question like that. He was so opinionated about everything. Sometimes he seemed like he didn't like anyone in the White House.

"I'm here," he said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said forcefully. "It's me and you until the end."

"Didn't Josh tell you that too?" she called him out.

"I actually mean it," Toby responded.

"Okay," CJ said.

At that moment Margaret entered the office. "CJ, the president needs to see you," she said.

"Okay," CJ replied. She stood up and Toby did as well. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Are you going to talk to the press?" he asked as she walked to the door that connected her office to the Oval Office.

"Later," she said.

"You still insisting on a statement?" he asked.

"Toby," she said.

"Yeah, later," he said as he made a hasty exit.

I watched CJ take a deep breath before opening the door and leaving the office. I turned and saw my visitor staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You're way too wrapped up in these people," she informed me.

I shook my fin. I usually hated goodbyes. Saying goodbye to Josh was hard, but there was one goodbye I was looking forward to. I couldn't wait for someone to pick up my visitor so I could remain wrapped up in the people around me. So much for fish companionship. I found people much more interesting.

TBC


	43. Staggering Loneliness

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's "The Wake Up Call." Sorry about the lag in updates. Season six is my least favorite and thus very difficult for me to get through. Also, every other episode is a Santos episode and I'm not really sure what Gail is up to. Reviews are still appreciated.

* * *

"Staggering Loneliness"

CJ had been in and out of her office all day. Something big was going on, but I wasn't really sure what. I got to spend some quality time with Kate, who I really didn't know all that well and Lord John Marbury. I loved that guy. CJ used to be tickled by him, but now that she was Chief of Staff her main goal of the day seemed to be to try to avoid him. She had left Kate in charge of him several times that day. Personally, I enjoyed his company. He was very eccentric. I suppose if I'm honest the reason I liked him so much was because he would sneak over to CJ's desk and give me some food when Kate wasn't paying attention.

While hanging out with Kate and Lord Marbury was interesting, I'd have to say the most intriguing moments of the day occurred when people were talking about the wake up call. I gathered that CJ waited to call the president about the important thing that was going on that morning. Abbey was pretty mad at CJ. I felt bad for her. Abbey and CJ always seemed to have a fairly good relationship, but lately, it was anything but good. I concluded that they were at odds over the president's condition. Unfortunately, they each had valid points.

So, Abbey stopped by and got mad at CJ and then later on the president came in and yelled at her. I was a little mortified to be witness to it. He seemed pretty mad, but CJ stood her ground and I was proud of her. After the president stormed out I could hear the yelling from the Oval Office. CJ could hear it too. She finally stood up and closed the door that joined her office with the presidents. Although she looked slightly defeated, I also thought she looked somewhat pleased with herself for how she handled the situation.

I personally think this was why the night took an odd turn. CJ had seemed pretty unhappy as of late. Being Chief of Staff wasn't nearly as fun as being Press Secretary. It was nice that I got to see CJ so much, but if I'm being on honest, the poor woman was in the office about 16 hours a day and that's just too much. Josh had left the White House. Toby was more ornery than usual because CJ was in charge of him and with the president's health failing, it seemed like everyone was unhappy. I was almost hoping Danny would pick now to place one of his unexpected phone calls because CJ just seemed so lonely.

She was just about settled in with a bunch of folders when a man walked into her office. I saw him out of the corner of my eye before CJ did and I turned to see that it was Greg Brock.

"CJ," he said.

"What are you doing back here?" CJ asked him looking up.

"I'm looking for the tick-tock," he said. "Some of my lesser colleagues might be swayed by the beauty of Miss World, but for the serious journalists in the crowd, I thought I'd come get some answers."

CJ studied him for a moment. "First of all," she started. "How did you get back here? Second, I'm not the Press Secretary anymore, go find Toby or Annabeth and thirdly, how the hell did you get into my office?"

"Your secretary got sick," he said taking a seat and making himself comfortable.

"I didn't ask you to sit down," CJ reminded him. I could tell that she was very irritated. He was going beyond protocol at this point. "What do you mean Margaret got sick?"

"I assume it was morning sickness," he shrugged.

"Greg," CJ began.

"Come on CJ," he pressed. "We have jobs to do."

"So do I and it doesn't include notifying the press about the tick tock."

"Okay," he said. "I thought I'd try. I thought calling in my favor with you wouldn't be such a bad thing."

"The favor I owe you?" she responded in a softer tone. I could tell by her voice that her curiosity was piqued. I didn't know what to make of that at all.

"There was a time when you really needed an advance copy of an article I wrote," he recalled. "It somehow made it your way."

CJ's mouth set in a funny position. It was almost a smile if I had to put a name on it. "You really want to call in your favor with the Chief of Staff on today's tick tock?" she asked.

"I do," he said.

"Boy, are you going to regret that," she replied.

"Why is that?"

"Annabeth is in the press pool passing it out right now," CJ said a little smugly. "Your wish is granted, my debt, if that's how you see, resolved."

"Is that what you think?"

"I do."

He stared at her across the desk. This conversation was very odd. It was almost like flirting, but not really. I'm not sure what CJ was thinking. Maybe she was just bored.

"You never answered my third question," CJ said.

"Which was?"

"Why the hell are you in my office?" she asked again.

"I like you better than Toby," he said simply.

"Am I supposed to care about that?"

"I'd think you'd want the press to be happy people."

"And how can I make you happy people?" CJ asked.

Greg Brock looked like he had his own ideas about how she could make him happy. I wasn't sure about this at all. I'd seen CJ talk to him when she was Press Secretary. They always had a weird tone to their conversations, but I always thought it was the old game of cat and mouse that she was supposed to play with reporters. This conversation was different though. CJ almost seemed open to the idea of talking to him socially. She certainly wasn't kicking him out of her office.

Greg smirked a little. "You can work with us," he replied.

"We work with you everyday," she replied.

"I meant _you_ can work with us," he said. "I appreciate that Toby is the communications director, but it's a little hard for us to transition from you to Toby."

"No, it's difficult for _you_ to transition to Toby, not the whole room," CJ countered.

He cocked his head to the side. "Maybe."

"Why are you here?" she asked him again.

"I'm doing my job."

"Your job consists of coming into my office uninvited and pushing my buttons?" she asked. Yes! Finally CJ sounded like her old self. I was a little concerned that she was taken with him for a moment. There was still something going on that I didn't like. I think Toby had once called it subtext.

"I didn't come here to push your buttons," he reminded her.

"No, you came for the tick-tock. I've already told you Annabeth has it and yet you're still here."

"Maybe I thought you might need the company," he said.

"You're just looking out for me?" she asked.

"Something like that," he said.

"Why?" she asked again. CJ had become a lot more assertive since ascending to Chief of Staff. She didn't pull any punches when it came to getting to the point now. Although I thought she was giving Greg Brock a long leash on his topic of conversation. I assumed because it was because it was late and she'd had a hard day.

He looked surprised by the question. I'd guess that it was because he was used to being the one asking the questions.

"I probably shouldn't say," he finally replied.

CJ gave him a hard look as if she was trying to figure out what he was saying without words. I watched the way she looked at his face and something told me she found the answer she was looking for.

"It's a bad idea," CJ said verbally responding to his nonverbal response. I wish someone would say it out loud. I really didn't know what they were talking about.

"Is it?" he asked.

"You know Danny Concannon don't you?" CJ asked. Danny? Now, why was she bringing him up? We hadn't heard from him in a while and I suddenly wished it was him sitting across from CJ and not Greg Brock. Now honestly, Greg didn't seem like a bad guy I guess. I just didn't really know him.

"Yeah," he smiled. "Danny and I go way back. You could say we've got a healthy rivalry going when he's in town on the same beat."

"He'd tell you it's a bad idea too."

"Do the two of you still see each other?" Greg asked. It sounded to me like he was fishing for answers.

CJ considered the question for a moment. It looked like she was debating about her answer. I wasn't sure if it was because she didn't really want to tell him or if she was really just unsure how to respond.

"I'll take your silence as a no," Greg continued on in the silent pause. He leaned forward in his chair and lowered his voice, "So if Danny isn't an issue and I'm not bothered by it, what's the problem?"

CJ chuckled as if she was amused. "You're confident," CJ said. "I'll give you that. You're also insane. Since I didn't risk my career seven years ago for something like this, what in the world makes you think I'd do it now?"

"I'm charming," he said leaning back in his chair with a smile.

"You think it's that easy?" CJ said willing play along. So it seemed like they were definitely flirting now. Was he really so blatantly coming on to her? Was she willing entertaining his strange notion that they should go out?

"Don't answer that," CJ said. "I'm flattered and this has been a fun little ego boost for me tonight, but you need to leave."

"You're sure about that?" he asked, though I sensed he saw her seriousness.

"Very," CJ said forcefully putting an end to whatever foolishness she was indulging in. I guess I couldn't be too mad at her. She hadn't had much luck in the romance department. Things with Danny never got off the ground. Simon died before anything real happened. Dating Ben was a futile attempt to relive the past and that guy Tommy didn't last a month. Besides, I supposed if I put my biases aside, Greg Brock was a pretty attractive man.

"Okay," Greg said standing up. "Annabeth has the tick-tock?"

"She does."

He started walking towards CJ's office door. "If you ever change your mind…" he offered as he put his hand on the door.

"I know where to find you," CJ assured him. "But Greg, you shouldn't hold your breath."

He gave her a wry smile and nodded as he exited the office quietly closing the door behind him. CJ attempted to concentrate on the paperwork in front of her for a moment, but she quickly leaned back in her chair and looked out the window for a minute. She looked amused.

"What do you think of that Gail?" she asked me.

"I honestly have no idea," I replied.

"Greg Brock," she mused. "He honestly thinks a reporter and the Chief of Staff isn't a big deal? He's insane."

"Agreed," I nodded. But I suddenly felt like there might be more come in CJ's musings.

"Not that it isn't flattering," CJ continued. "He's attractive. He's got a good job. He's a good conversationalist…"

"Oh Claudia Jean, get it together," she exhaled under her breath. She fidgeted in her seat for a moment more before she finally seemed to settle down.

I watched CJ for a moment more, shocked that she really was entertaining the idea of Greg Brock being anything more than a reporter. Maybe it was just a fantasy. Everyone was entitled to them. I know I engaged in a few myself from time to time. I guess CJ was entitled to dream. She worked harder than anyone I knew. Why should I begrudge her a harmless fantasy?

There was more to the Greg Brock story of course. This was really just the beginning. Or, maybe the beginning happened when she was still press secretary and I didn't pick up on it. Anyway, that night kicked off the start of what turned into a relationship of some kind between Greg and CJ. I can't honestly say what it entailed. She called him on the phone a lot and she never put those calls on speakerphone so I can't say exactly that was said. All I know is that CJ was lonely. Things in the West Wing seemed to be falling apart and Greg was there.

The story of Greg Brock and CJ was nowhere near finished.

TBC


	44. Sound the Alarm

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's Drought Conditions. Reviews are always appreciated!

* * *

"Sound the Alarm"

I'm not sure why, but it always seemed that within the walls of the West Wing happiness was usually followed by epic upset, failure or sadness. Things hadn't been the happiest of happy lately. Sam had gone back to California, Leo was back, but not really around much because of his health, Josh was gone, Toby's brother died and CJ and I moved to an office closer to the Oval Office, but with no real chance to socialize on a human level. To say things seemed dire was probably accurate.

That was why I was so excited that there was a big DNC event being held in the White House. That meant that Josh would be back, I might see Donna and there was a chance that some fun would be put back into the day. I was especially happy because CJ had lunch plans with Josh. They were supposed to meet for lunch in her office and I was looking forward to it. I think CJ was too.

I was sad to find that CJ had to cancel their lunch plans late in the morning. My chance to see an old friend was gone. Leo was hanging out in CJ's office a bit more. He was trying to convince her to replace Josh with someone else. I hadn't given much thought to fact that Josh needed to be replaced, but apparently things were falling through the cracks.

Thinking about Josh being replaced made me sad. It was like Sam being replaced all over again. And even when Sam was replaced Will didn't last long. He defected to the Vice President's office. I wondered if Josh's replacement would do the same thing. Especially since Leo was trying to get CJ to hire a Republican to replace him. I didn't know much about political parties, but I knew that there was a pretty drastic difference between Republicans and Democrats.

CJ thought that Leo had gone a little nutty and I wondered if she might be right. While Leo and CJ were in the midst of yet another conversation about things I didn't truly understand, Josh burst into the office on his cell phone yelling at someone. I couldn't help it, but a smile crept upon my lips. It was good to see that although Josh had left us, he was still the same old abrasive Josh.

He hung out for a while, which was nice, but then CJ got busy. I wasn't sure where Josh had gone off to, but it didn't take long to find out. About an hour or so after Josh left the office Margaret came bursting in to CJ's office with a look of concern on her face.

"CJ," she said.

"Yeah?" CJ asked without looking up to acknowledge her. If she had, she'd have seen the look that I saw in her eyes. I knew something was wrong.

The silence that followed CJ's question made her look up and see that Margaret was sitting on some kind of information and it wasn't good.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "Is Leo okay?"

With that question I suddenly realized how much CJ worried for Leo's health. Even though he was back she was still nervous about how he was doing everyday.

"Leo?" Margaret asked. "No, it's Toby. Toby and Josh."

"What happened?" CJ asked.

"I think there was a fight," Margaret said awkwardly. It was like she felt she was betraying some sort of code. But then, once the truth was revealed, in true Margaret fashion, she spilled the beans.

"I was walking through the communications bullpen and I heard a scuffle of some kind in Toby's office. The door opened and Josh came out. They both looked like they were breathing pretty heavy. Toby was bleeding."

"Is he okay?"

"I think so."

CJ stood up from the desk and paced back and forth a few times. It looked like she wasn't quite sure what to do with this information.

"Is Josh still in the building?" CJ asked.

"I'm pretty sure he left," Margaret replied.

"Okay," CJ nodded.

She stood there and I could tell she really and truly didn't know what to do. She dealt with life or death situations on a daily basis and made decisions without any trouble. I sensed that she was conflicted because she wasn't sure who to go after first. Toby was easiest because he was in the building, but if Toby and Josh really got into a fight Josh was the type who might leave and never look back; although he had to come back for the meet and greet thing that evening.

"Okay," CJ said again. "What time is my next appointment?"

"Three-thirty," Margaret replied.

CJ nodded again. She was going to see Toby. I knew she was. Part of me wished that she'd summon him to her office so I could hear what they were going to talk about. But there was another part of me that didn't want to intrude. Toby and Josh getting into an actual physical fight was a big deal. I hated to think about it myself so I'm sure CJ was equally concerned.

She left quickly after that and I didn't see her for about a half hour. She walked back into the office looking sad. It was a look I'd seen all too often lately and it made me sad for her. She shut her office door, the one that led to the hallway, and she walked over to the door that led to where Margaret sat.

"Margaret," she said.

"Yes?" I heard Margaret call back.

"Can you…" CJ trailed off and I wondered if she was going to ask Margaret to get Josh on the phone. "Can you get me Sam?" she asked.

Sam? Wow. That surprised me. It had been months since she'd talked to Sam, at least to my knowledge. Once he went back to California his name didn't come up much. I wondered why she needed to speak to him.

CJ closed the door behind her and collapsed into her chair. She rested her elbows on the desk and rubbed the side of her head while she waited for the call to be put through. She seemed to rub her head a lot more now that she was Chief of Staff. I wondered if headaches were just a perk of the job.

Her phone finally rang, and, to my delight, CJ hit the speakerphone button to talk while she rummaged through her desk for aspirin.

"Sam?" she asked when the call connected.

"Hi CJ!" Sam said. I missed the sound of his voice. It was like an old friend; it was more than like a friend it was a friend. He sounded happy to hear from her. It was funny how much Sam could convey in just two words. "How are you?"

"Oh, you know," CJ said as she fished the bottle of aspirin out of her desk drawer. "It's as crazy as ever. How are things in California?"

"Sunny and seventy today," Sam said. "I can't complain."

"Sometimes I have to remind myself why I like you," CJ teased him.

I heard Sam chuckle through the line. "Yeah, I know it must be hard. What's going on? I haven't heard from you in a while. Is Leo okay?"

I found it interesting that both CJ and Sam inquired about Leo when they thought something was wrong. I guess it just enforced his importance to them.

"Leo is fine," CJ said. "I'm actually calling about…have to talked to Josh or Toby lately?"

"Uh, I talked to Josh about two weeks ago," Sam replied. "Toby called me after David's funeral."

"He told you about David?" CJ asked. She looked surprised.

"Yeah. Is he okay? He sounded like he was having a hard time when I spoke to him."

"He's," CJ sighed. "Yeah, he's having a hard time."

"What's going on CJ?"

"Josh was here today," CJ explained. "We were supposed to have lunch and I had to cancel at the last minute. He came by and…"

"CJ?" Sam prompted her.

"Toby and Josh into a fight Sam."

There was a pause on the line as Sam digested the information. "Toby and Josh always fight," he responded with a chuckle. "I sometimes think about the yelling now when I get homesick for D.C."

CJ's lips curled into a small, sad smile. "It wasn't verbal Sam," she informed him. "They fought, physically."

"They did?"

"Yeah."

There was another pause on the line. Sam definitely wasn't expecting to hear that.

"You can't make them stay friends," Sam informed her.

CJ's forehead wrinkled in a fashion that made me think she was genuinely surprised by Sam's comment. "What?" she asked.

I could almost hear a shoulder shrug in Sam's voice, which was odd, but I imagined him doing it anyway. "They don't work together anymore," Sam pointed out. "Maybe they were only friends because they were co-workers."

"You don't honestly believe that."

"No, but then again it's been awhile since I've been there."

CJ digested that by popping two aspirin into her mouth and washing them down quickly with a swig of what must have been three-hour-old coffee. She rubbed her fingers over her eyes.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked Sam.

"Nothing. They're grown men."

"I think you're wrong," CJ said.

"About not being able to do anything?"

"About them not being friends," CJ clarified. "We're more than friends. We're family Sam and family doesn't do this to each other. They need someone to get their heads on straight."

It was with that one statement that made me realize that CJ's job wasn't just a job. It was really and truly her life. These men were her not her friends, not her co-workers, but her brothers and she saw herself as the linchpin in the family. I think she'd rather have World War III break out among nations before she'd have Toby and Josh hate each other.

"It's not your job," Sam helpfully pointed out.

"If Leo were still sitting in this chair we wouldn't be here right now," CJ commented.

"You don't know that. From what I heard Josh and Toby were at each other's throats in the interim, before you were appointed Chief of Staff."

"They were," CJ admitted. "But if Leo were here Josh would still be here. I wouldn't be worried about them hating each other because the reason for the hate would be gone."

"What was the fight about?" Sam asked.

I was so happy that CJ decided to call Sam. She needed someone who not only knew her, but knew the situation between Toby and Sam. If she didn't have him to talk to I'm not sure what she would have done.

"From what I gather, it was about Josh leaving and not consulting Toby," CJ said. "More importantly I think it was the fact that Josh left and he didn't take Toby with him. He thinks Josh abandoned him here with me."

I was stunned by her revelation. Toby never really seemed happy in the West Wing, but I wouldn't have thought he'd leave. Especially since leaving the West Wing would mean leaving CJ.

"I'm sorry," Sam said understanding the gravity of her comment.

"It's okay," CJ replied. "I can't say knowing doesn't sting a little, but I understand it."

"This isn't your fault," Sam reminded her.

CJ picked a tiny piece of lint from her jacket and pretended it didn't bother her, but I knew it did.

"What are you doing in California?" CJ asked. "Any chance you're ready to relocate back to D.C.? I'm looking for a new Deputy Chief of Staff," she offered.

"Never," Sam replied. "I've gotten used to not working seven-days-a week. The warmth doesn't hurt either."

"I figured as much," CJ conceded. "Hey Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for letting me talk through this," CJ said. "I needed a friend."

"Anytime," Sam replied. I could hear the smile in his voice. "Although, I want to let you know that you're welcome to call even in a non-emergency situation."

"I know," CJ smiled and actual, real smile, for which I was glad. "I have to be better about that."

"I'm sure you're just sitting around doing nothing all day anyway," he teased.

"You're absolutely right," CJ said. "When I've exhausted the afternoon soap operas I'll try to remember to give you a call."

I could sense the call was winding down and Sam could to because he added, "Hey CJ."

"Yeah?"

"Anytime you need to call, we're family."

"Thanks Sam," CJ said quietly. I thought her eyes looked a little misty. "I should go. I've got an appointment."

"Sure. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye."

CJ disconnected the call and took a deep breath anticipating a knock on the door. Margaret would surely be along anytime. I wasn't sure what CJ was going to do about Josh. She hadn't talked to him, but then I knew she'd see him that evening. Maybe she'd pull him aside and find out what happened and get him to make up with Toby. I wish I'd be around to see it, but I sensed I wouldn't. Besides, something else happened before the big DNC event, which I should probably share with you, or, maybe not. I guess it can't hurt now since it's long past old news.

CJ got through the rest of her day without issue. Neither Toby nor Josh stopped by. In fact it was pretty quiet until just before the big event. CJ was in her office changing, as she so often did. Margaret had given her the five-minute warning and CJ came running in pulling off her jacket. Margaret closed the door to give CJ privacy and she pulled on a long black gown. I hadn't known it would be a fancy event until I saw what CJ was planning to wear.

She had the dress on, but I could see her struggling to zip the zipper in the back. Even though she had very long arms she couldn't seem to get the zipper to budge. It appeared to be stuck because she had no trouble reaching it. I laughed a little, even though I felt a little guilty about it. Watching CJ flail around the office trying to fight the zipper in back was quite a sight, I can assure you.

Finally after a few moments of trying to zip herself into the dress CJ walked over to the door that led to where Margaret sat. She cracked it a bit and peered out the door. I don't think she saw anyone because she opened the door further and called, "Margaret?"

No one answered and she poked her head out even further. She started to turn back into the office when I heard a voice say, "CJ? Are you looking for someone?"

"No," she replied.

"You look like you are," he said.

I could CJ's profile in the doorway and I could tell that she was really fighting with herself. She glanced at her watch and sighed.

"Come here," she instructed whoever was standing in the hallway.

She backed away from the door and that's when I saw him walk into her office. CJ only had the door cracked slightly and he opened it further, though CJ kept a hand on the door so he couldn't open it much more.

"What's going on?" Greg Brock asked.

"You haven't seen Margaret, have you?" she asked.

"No," he said. "Do you need her?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"Can I help?" he asked.

"What are you doing outside my office again anyway?" she asked.

"I was walking by," he replied. She gave him a look and replied, "Honestly."

CJ got a funny look on her face as if she thought maybe the last time he'd been purposely staked out outside her office door.

"You look perturbed," he said, still standing in the doorway.

"Get in here," she said pulling his arm as she closed the door behind her. "Before I ask you something, I want to be clear that this is a matter of necessity. I'm running late and this is nothing more than I need an extra pair of hands and yours are the only ones within a reasonable distance. Got it?"

"Okay," he replied skeptically.

"My zipper is stuck and I can't get it up or down. If I could get the dress off I'd just do that rather than ask you, but I can't."

"You need me to help you unzip your zipper?"

"No," CJ said emphatically. "I need you to _zip up_ my zipper."

Greg chuckled and I could tell he was going to relish the opportunity. "Let's see it," he instructed her. CJ turned around and showed him the back of her dress.

"Wow," he said. "That's a mess."

"Can you fix it?"

"I don't know," he said. He stood close to her and took hold of the fabric in his hands. I was glad CJ had her back to him because she wouldn't be happy to see that the look on his face was one that indicated that he was enjoying the moment.

He struggled with the zipper and the fabric for a moment. "Well?" CJ asked impatiently.

"Give me a minute," he said. "I'm sure you don't want your dress ripped."

"You're right about that," CJ said as she tried to turn around and see what he was doing.

"The more you move, the less I can do about this," he reminded her.

"You've been back there a while," CJ replied. "I'm not sure I trust you anymore."

"Have I ever given you a reason not trust me?" he asked while he worked.

CJ stopped squirming and replied, "I suppose not."

"Come on," Greg said as he spoke to the fabric.

"Don't rip it."

"I'm not going to rip it," he assured her. He continued to work and it seemed like he was getting close to dislodging the fabric when he added, "This is some dress. I almost wish I was going to this thing tonight."

"You're not?" CJ asked.

"Why bother? Don't get me wrong. We're sending a photographer and a low-level reporter, but there's no way the president is going to give any one of these guys an individual photo-op."

Greg worked on the zipper, but he moved in a little closer to CJ's ear when he didn't have to. He added, "Unless there's something you'd like to share with me in exchange for the help I'm giving you."

He smiled when he said it and he oozed something that I didn't quite understand. "Enjoy your night off," CJ said simply. I thought it was probably a good thing that she hadn't seen Greg's face when he said what he did.

"Do you hate all reporters or am I just lucky?" he asked good-naturedly.

"I don't hate reporters," CJ said. "And I definitely don't hate you."

"Really? It seems otherwise."

"I have trust issues with reporters," CJ clarified.

"Reporters are more trust-worthy than average people," Greg said. "We keep secrets and protect sources everyday."

"Until you decide it's a story and then I'm reading about it on the front page of a major newspaper," CJ retorted.

"I wouldn't do that to someone."

"You're one of the good guys?"

"I am actually," he said as he struggled with the zipper again. It seemed like he was making progress.

"Got it," he said triumphantly. He finally dislodged the fabric from the zipper with one quick tug. He slowly worked the zipper up CJ's back and spread his hands lightly over the back of her dress to smooth it out before she turned to face him.

"Thank you," she said.

"I sense that you might owe me one again," he said.

"Don't count on it," she said walking behind her desk. She removed her watch and tossed it casually on her desk.

"Okay," he said shoving his hands in his pockets. "I think maybe you wanted my help anyway."

"Excuse me? You were literally the only person out in the hall at the time."

"There's a door right here," he said pointing to the Oval Office. "I'm sure there are people in there."

"Yes, I definitely should have asked the President of the United States or the French Ambassador for assistance."

"It would have made for a good story though," he grinned at her.

In spite of herself CJ smiled back. She deserved to smile after everything that had happened that day. I thought it was dangerous to share a smile with Greg Brock though. Even though I tried to warn her with a stern look here and there she continued to allow him into her office and into her life. It was a dangerous game in my opinion.

There was knock on CJ's door and it opened almost immediately. Margaret entered the room and surveyed Greg with narrowed eyes.

"CJ, you need to be at the party," Margaret informed her.

"Thanks Margaret," CJ said. "Greg was just leaving."

"I didn't know he had an appointment," Margaret said pointedly.

"He didn't," CJ said. "He was helping me with something. Thanks again."

"Have fun tonight," Greg said before he took leave of the office.

Margaret gave CJ a look that was more of an unspoken question.

"It's fine," CJ dismissed her.

Margaret continued to look at her. "Don't worry about it," CJ assured her. "He was invited in."

"You're supposed to clear that with me."

"It wasn't scheduled," CJ replied. "Does this look okay?"

"You look great," Margaret said. "Although you should still tell me when you're expecting someone."

"I wasn't expecting anyone," CJ said as she put in her earring. "Is anyone over there yet?"

"A few people here and there," she replied. "Debbie said the president will be down in about ten minutes."

"Okay," CJ nodded. "If you see Josh before I do, will you ask him to find me?"

"Will do."

With that CJ was off for a night of mingling with select people and playing gatekeeper to the president. I'm not sure it was a great night, but at least there was lots of wine. I thought about the day while I swam around that night. It seemed like a day for the sounding of alarms. CJ called Sam to alert him about Josh and Toby and to get advice. I wanted to sound the alarm about CJ and Greg Brock, but I had no one to call. I could only hope that Margaret noticed what I did and would put a stop to whatever was happening there.

TBC


	45. Icy Cuban Relations

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's Ninety-Miles Away. Sorry it has taken a while in between updates. It takes a lot for me to power through season six. Reviews are always appreciated and encouraged!

* * *

"Icy (Cuban) Relations"

CJ was in her office going over some paperwork. She'd been in and out again, as usual. Something seemed to be going on involving Leo and Cuba. I sensed that CJ was being denied information about it, which was never something she was particularly happy about if I do say so myself. She had spent her time trying to get Cliff to get information from a senator and trying to get Margaret to get information on Kate. It all seemed rather involved and to be honest, I didn't really care that much.

The moment of the day that piqued my interest was when CJ asked Toby to check in with the campaigns in regard to Cuba. I thought it was a little strange that she asked Toby to check in with the campaigns because, from what I gathered, Toby and Josh still weren't talking. I snickered a little at CJ's request because she was making it a requirement of his employment to talk to Josh. I thought it was a good move. Toby definitely wouldn't talk to him unless it was required. I kind of wished that I could be a witness to the conversation, but the conversation wasn't going to be quite that easy.

CJ had asked Toby to check in with the campaigns at around one in the afternoon. Toby stopped by her office again around three and CJ asked him if he'd called Josh or Donna. When he told her he hadn't, it went something like this:

"You haven't called the campaigns yet?" CJ asked.

"I haven't had a chance," Toby replied with a little more attitude than usual.

"Really? What have you been doing since one?" CJ asked with more than a little attitude herself.

"I do run the entire White House Communications Department," Toby retorted.

"And while I appreciate that," CJ replied. "I did ask you to check in with them hours ago. It wasn't busy work. We need to know where they stand."

"Why?" Toby asked defiantly.

"Excuse me?" CJ asked. I saw her temper flare slightly. If Toby wanted to pick a fight he certainly chose the wrong day. Lately CJ wasn't warm and fuzzy on her sunniest of day and since she was kind of miffed at the president and Leo she certainly wasn't in the mood for Toby's attitude.

She walked over to her open office door and closed it. Uh-oh. This wasn't going to be good and Toby knew it. I noticed that he shuffled his feet a little and looked at carpet.

"Toby," CJ said in a low tone that was reserved for when she was really not happy with someone. "I'm done with this."

Now it was Toby's turn to say, "Excuse me?"

"You're mad at Josh," she clarified. "Fine. Whatever. I'm done trying to get you and Josh to talk, but, FYI, Josh isn't mad. He will talk to you civilly if you call him. But if you want to stay mad at him forever, so be it. I'd love it if we could all be friends again, but Sam tells me I have to cut my losses."

"Sam, what are you…?" Toby sighed trying to interrupt her, but she wouldn't be dissuaded.

She put up a hand to silence him and continued, "I asked you to check in with the campaigns in part because I hoped you and Josh would talk, but mostly, we need to know where the campaigns stand on this Cuba thing before we do anything drastic. Call Josh and Donna. This is not a request."

He looked at her and set his jaw. I could tell he wanted to tell her to go to hell. He'd done it before. He always apologized after, but when he really took a good look at her face I think he finally got the message loud and clear that she wasn't messing around.

"I will call Josh and Donna," he replied.

"Soon?" she asked.

"As soon as I get back to my desk," he replied.

I'm probably making it sounds really tense, but for some reason it wasn't quite as bad as it probably could have been. I think they finally reached détente. How do you like my big fancy word? Lord Marbury used it in CJ's office a few weeks ago. I think I'm using it in the right context now. It sounds so fancy. I try to work it in whenever I can. For example, CJ put a new plant in my bowl. I keep running into it because I forget its there, but we have now reached détente. Hee!

Anyway, you probably don't care about my fancy new vocabulary. You're probably more interested in the conversation Toby and CJ had. It's okay. I get it. I'm a little like Margaret in that respect. It rolls off my back.

"Thank you," CJ replied as she sat back down at her desk.

"You're welcome," Toby replied. He started walking to the door. He had his hand on the knob and everything, but then he turned back to CJ and said, "The president and Leo have a history. I'm sure keeping you out of the loop wasn't personal."

"I thought sitting in this chair would actually, finally, get me full access. I just had an odd flashback to my press secretary days."

"It's not like that," Toby assured her.

"Yeah," she replied.

Toby looked ready to turn the doorknob when CJ said, "Hey Toby?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really only asking you to call Josh because we need to get information from him."

"I know."

"It's not a punishment."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Okay then."

"I'll let you know what Josh and Donna say," he assured her.

"I appreciate that."

With that Toby turned the doorknob and left the office. The day went on and I suppose things with Cuba were on track, but a day just wouldn't be a day without an unexpected visit from Greg Brock. Sadly for me, CJ seemed to continue to enjoy his unannounced visits to her office.

"CJ," he said poking his head into her office around five o'clock.

"Greg," she replied not even really looking up from what she was doing. I wondered why she didn't keep the door that lead to the hallway closed more often. I further wondered how Greg was able to get consistently close to that door. The Oval Office was right next door. I suppose he had credentials, but really, shouldn't there be a little more security?

Greg stood in the doorway hovering until she looked up from her paperwork. He was getting better at not intruding too much. They almost had an unspoken way of interacting with each other that made me wonder if they hadn't seen each other outside of the office. I certainly hadn't seen them navigate each other quite as easily, though he stopped by so often now, maybe they just fell into an easy camaraderie that I hadn't really noticed the change.

"Can I help you?" she asked looking up.

"Castro?" he asked. That was obviously a question, but I didn't really know what he meant by it.

CJ chuckled. "Not in a million years," she answered him.

He smiled at her response as if he was expecting it. "I figured."

"Then why try?"

"I'm hoping that one day I'll wear you down."

"Not likely," she responded, flipping over a sheet of paper on her desk.

"Not likely isn't exactly never though is it?" he asked.

He was leaning against the doorway and I knew he was just waiting for CJ to invite him in. He reminded me of vampire in that respect. He needed an invitation to cross the threshold. He wasn't going to get one today though. CJ wasn't in that kind of mood.

"I've learned enough in my life to know that once you say never it's inevitable," she replied slyly.

"Then I hope to get to never," he said.

Once again it was another one of those conversations that seemed to be about something work-related, but had aggressive undertones of much more. I personally thought it was hard to follow, but they seemed to be doing just fine.

"Again I say, not likely," CJ said.

Greg smirked and shoved his hands into his pockets. He seemed to be just fine hanging out in her doorway. I knew CJ had things to do, but she wasn't sending him away.

"Toby seems busy today," he said finally turning his conversation to work, I think.

"We're all pretty busy today."

"I tried to see him a few minutes ago, but they told me he was on the phone," Greg said. "I thought I heard him yelling to Josh through his office window."

CJ smiled a tiny grin. I could tell that she was happy he had followed her orders. The smile was lost on Greg. There was no way he could know how difficult a call it was for Toby.

"Did you?" CJ asked evading his unspoken question.

"It's kind of strange that Toby would be checking in with the campaigns isn't it?" he asked.

"No," CJ replied.

"You guys stay in touch often?"

"Sure," CJ said. "Toby and Josh are old friends."

"I heard different," Greg said.

"You heard wrong," CJ assured him.

Greg surveyed her for a minute and I finally saw his moment of realization; the one that told him he wasn't going to get anywhere with CJ today. His evening of playing dress-zipper-upper was not about to be relived tonight.

"Okay," he said. "I was thinking of knocking off early tonight anyway."

"Really?" CJ asked.

"Yeah."

CJ looked at him and I couldn't quite read her expression. I thought it seemed like she was telling him something with her eyes that I didn't understand at all. I wondered if he picked up on it.

"Of course I do have some things I could work around here," he said nonchalantly.

CJ nodded subtly and Greg's forehead wrinkled a little. It was clear he was trying to figure out what CJ was trying to tell him as well.

"But, you'd never put the lid on early if there was a story coming, right?" Greg asked.

"Never," she said pointedly looking him in the eye.

He smirked. From what I gathered CJ's use of the word never meant that more news was inevitable and she was giving him the heads up. I wasn't sure why she insisted on reliving her press secretary days with Greg Brock, but maybe it was because she was happy then, happier than she was now.

"Thanks for that," he replied.

"Consider it a thank you for your assistance with my dress a few weeks ago," she said.

"I will."

"Good luck tonight CJ."

"Good night Greg."

He left her doorway and CJ got back to work. She must have sensed something was coming in regard to Cuba tonight and Greg was rewarded with an early heads-up. Although her relations with the president, Leo and Toby were a bit icy lately, it seemed that Greg Brock's relationship with CJ was warm as the Cuban sun.

TBC


	46. Moral Dilemmas

Author's Note: Takes place during season six's "Things Fall Apart." Reviews are encouraged and always appreciated.

* * *

"Moral Dilemmas"

Well we've come to it. I've been dreading this part of the story, but there's no escaping it now. I have to tell like I saw it. This is the part of the story where the train started to jump the track and there was nothing that anyone could do about it.

I should start by saying that things had been going well in the West Wing. Well, I suppose it wasn't great, but it had been worse. We were coasting along fine. CJ had continued to spend more time than I liked with Greg Brock, but from a work point of view, things seemed okay. Nothing was blowing up, no one wanted to kill us and CJ didn't seem quite as stressed. I think it was mostly because people were paying attention to the campaign for president. Since we weren't truly involved in that it was easy sailing for us. I should have known it wouldn't last long.

I suppose it all started during a meeting that CJ was having with Kate and some guy. To be honest I wasn't really paying attention. I was distracted when I saw Donna on TV, but then there was a pause in the conversation and CJ looked puzzled. It had something to do with astronauts and it seemed like Kate and the guy knew something that CJ didn't. She hated when that happened.

It turned out that there were some astronauts in space and they had some sort of problem with the shuttle. Our backup shuttles couldn't get to them in time and this guy mentioned that there might be a military shuttle available for the job. That was the piece of information that stymied CJ. I could tell that she was going to dwell on it too. Most people probably wouldn't notice it. CJ was good at hiding when things were eating away at her, but I could tell.

Anyway, they were having a lot of meetings and I assumed they were about this shuttle. CJ even talked to Toby about it. It was hypothetical and so I knew that she was just feeling out his position on the issue. Toby seemed to be very much for the military shuttle going to get the astronauts. It was mostly because of his brother. I could tell that he was personalizing it and not looking at it objectively; although CJ was having a real hard time looking at it objectively too. I could tell that if she had the power she'd tell NASA to send up the military shuttle immediately. Unfortunately for CJ, she didn't have that option. Like the rest of the world, she had to sit back and see how it would play out.

Not one to sit around and wait for things to happen I noticed CJ was doing a lot of reading and taking a lot of calls. It seemed that no one but she and Toby wanted to use the military shuttle to help those poor astronauts. I think that the thing she found most distasteful was the fact that the reason there was doubt was because there was a Russian cosmonaut up there with the Americans who might see the shuttle.

"Carol," CJ called. And no, CJ wasn't having a stroke, Carol was really working as her assistant. Margaret had gone on maternity leave about a few weeks earlier. I loved seeing Carol again everyday, but even I had to admit she didn't run the ship as tightly as Margaret. CJ had been running late to meetings since Margaret left.

"Yeah boss?" Carol said entering the office.

"Is Hutchinson available yet?" she asked.

"His assistant said he's in meetings until three and then who knows," Carol said.

Yuck. Hutchinson. We all hated him. He hated CJ and we all knew it was because he thought she was incapable of doing her job. Furthermore, we all knew he only felt that way because she was a woman. He relished every opportunity to make CJ look bad. I hated when she talked to him at all quite frankly.

CJ scoffed a little at Carol's response. "Who knows is right," she muttered. "Thanks."

Carol left the office and CJ continued flipping through her briefing book. She looked as though she was trying to find an answer to a problem that only had bad answers. They either saved the astronauts by using a military shuttle, thus pissing off about 100 other countries or they could let three astronauts die. Neither option seemed good.

Carol knocked on the outer door and entered CJ's office again.

"CJ?" Carol said. She looked a little nervous.

"Yeah?" CJ said looking up.

"I've got Greg Brock on line three," Carol said.

"Tell him he called the wrong office," CJ replied.

Greg had been calling CJ quite frequently lately. It seemed like he called once a day and CJ usually took his calls. Sometimes she made him call back, but eventually she had a conversation with him. However, today didn't seem like a good time. I had a feeling he might not get a call back until this shuttle business was worked out.

"I wish I could," Carol replied with a gritted smile. "He says he's on deadline and it's urgent."

"It's always urgent," CJ said. She was in no mood for him today. "Tell him to call the press office."

"He says he needs _you_," Carol said. "I can try to tell him again, but…"

CJ sighed. "Just put him through. If I don't talk to him now he'll show up here in an hour anyway."

"Okay," Carol replied. She left the office to put him through.

CJ always picked up the phone when she talked to Greg. It was mostly because lately she got a little giggly when she talked to him. Not literally giggly, but her voice kind of went up and she twirled her hair with her finger when she talked to him. Since I could never hear his side of the conversation I can't tell you what was said, but I know that it wasn't all business.

Since that was the usual routine, you can imagine my surprise when CJ clicked the speakerphone button when the call came through. It seemed like she wanted to continue flipping through her manual while talking to Greg. It was a happy day for me, initially.

"Greg," CJ said without saying hello. "You need to talk to Toby or Annabeth or someone else. You can't keep calling me because I'm not the one who can help you."

"Hello to you too," he said. He sounded tense. "I need to talk to you."

"About what?" she asked.

"Not on the phone," he said. That was cryptic.

CJ must have thought so too because she kind of chuckled. "Okay, well my trench coat and Fedora are at home so I'm not sure if I can pull off a spy-like thing right now."

"I'm not laughing CJ," he replied.

CJ gazed at phone as if she could see him. "Why do you need to see me?" she asked.

"Professional courtesy," he replied. He wasn't giving up a lot of information. It made me curious and I could tell that CJ was as well. If he was appealing to her curiosity he made the right decision.

"I guess I have a few minutes later," she said slowly. "If you want to stop by my office…"

"Not the office," he said.

"Greg, is your life being threatened? What's with the cloak and dagger?"

"I promise you that it's important."

"There are about five thousand important things going on here today and meeting you somewhere for a vague…I don't even know what, isn't high my priority list."

"Just meet me with me for five minutes," he said. "I'm not even going to ask you any questions.

"Then why do you want to meet?" she asked again.

"I promise you'll be glad you did."

"Where?"

"You know where," he replied.

She knew where? It sounded to me like she'd met him somewhere before and my mind reeled. When did this happen? They'd met outside the office before and I didn't know about it? It was like CJ had this whole secret life without me.

"What time?"

"Now?" he asked.

CJ sighed and looked at her watch. "I've got fifteen minutes," she said.

"Good thing it's close then," he said.

CJ rubbed her forehead lightly. She bit down gently on her lower lip. She was seriously considering this proposition. Of course I can't say I wasn't myself. I was so curious to find out what he was playing at with this phone call.

"Fine," CJ replied.

"Thank you," he said.

With that CJ hit the speakerphone and told Carol that she was going out for fifteen minutes. Carol looked as surprised as CJ at the declaration. I wasn't shocked she was going to meet him, but I hoped that it was worth it, whatever "it" was.

After CJ got back from her clandestine rendezvous with Greg she was in meeting after meeting. But eventually she came back to her office and turned on the TV. She was watching the Republican Convention. Arnold Vinick was going to be the candidate and she watched him speak. I did too and if I can digress for just a moment—that guy can speak! If I could vote, I would have voted for him that night, no offense to Josh, Donna or Will, but there was something about Vinick. I wondered if CJ saw it too. She was staring at the screen pretty intently, but then I realized that she was pretty much internalizing his speech about President Bartlet.

She stuck around longer than she had to that night. It seemed to me like she was going through the motions of what she thought she should be doing. Some people will probably say that's because she was guilty about spilling the beans about the shuttle to Greg Brock that day, but I disagree. She looked like a woman who knew something bad was about to happen and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

The news came the next day. Greg Brock wrote a piece about the military shuttle that was on the front page of the New York Times. So now everyone knew about it. The upside was that the astronauts could be saved. The bad news was, like I said before, we had about 100 different countries really mad about us weaponizing space.

So, back to my theory, here it is: I think the day that CJ met Greg for coffee he was giving her the heads up on the article. I think he told her that it was going to be in the paper. I think she probably tried to get him to tell her who leaked the information and I think he told her there was no way in hell he'd tell her. I think this because when the story broke in the paper that morning, CJ wasn't beside herself. She wasn't raving about it. She was sitting at her desk trying to keep everyone under control.

That probably makes CJ sound like a lunatic who runs around yelling a lot, but that's not what I mean. I mean that when something blindsides you, you don't usually take it calmly. You usually try to get your bearings. CJ didn't need to get her bearings because she knew it was going to happen. I'm sure there are some of you who will say, "Of course she knew. She leaked it," but I don't feel that way. We all know what happened now anyway, but honestly, even at the time, I never thought CJ did it.

After CJ, Toby and Kate had a meeting with the president they returned to her office and had an interesting conversation.

"He is hell-bent on finding out who leaked this," Kate commented.

"Is that surprising to you?" CJ asked.

"No, but I haven't seen that much fire in him in a while," Kate said.

"It's an internal leak. It's personal," CJ replied.

"Are you gonna take a go at Greg and find out if he'll tell us his source?" Kate asked.

Toby was oddly quiet during this exchange. He looked kind of nervous, but also kind of apathetic about the investigating that he and Kate were supposed to be running.

CJ chuckled. "Yeah that's gonna happen," she replied.

"You two are friends," Toby commented. It was a loaded comment if I had to describe it. The way he said the word friends made me wonder if he thought what I did; that there was something more to CJ's friendship with Greg than friendship.

"Are we?" CJ countered his statement with a question. "He's just a reporter."

"Who stops by your office once a week," Toby observed.

"Greg Brock will go to jail before he reveals his source Toby," CJ said with all the conviction of a woman who had already tried to get him to reveal his source.

"You really think he'll go to jail?" Kate asked.

"He's a principled reporter," CJ replied. "He'll serve his time before he gives anyone up."

Toby gave CJ a look that I didn't quite understand. I thought it looked a little like relief, which was odd.

"I don't think the president is going to be happy about that," Kate said.

"Maybe not, but that's the reality we have," CJ said. "Greg isn't going to say anything."

"You don't even want to try to get him to talk?" Kate pressed.

CJ gave her a hard look before admitting, "I already have. It's a no-go."

"You already talked to him?" Toby asked. "We were here at four-thirty this morning. I was in your office for most of the morning. When did you find time to talk to Greg Brock?"

"That's your most pressing question right now Toby? When did find time to call Greg?" CJ shot back at him.

"Where should we start the questioning?" Kate asked, attempting to diffuse the veiled accusation that Toby had just made.

"NASA," CJ said. "My money is on someone there."

"Okay," Kate replied. "Toby?"

"Yeah," Toby replied. "Let's go."

"We might not like it, but the president isn't going to let this go until we find the leak," CJ said.

Toby and Kate left the office and CJ took a seat in her chair. She rubbed her temple and I knew it was only a matter of time before she reached into her drawer for an aspirin. It was definitely going to get worse before it got better. Unfortunately for all of us, it was going to get a lot worse for very long time before it got better because CJ was about to become suspect number one.

TBC


	47. Free Fall

Author's Note: Takes place during season seven's "The Ticket." A big thanks to everyone who has been reviewing. They are always appreciated.

* * *

"Free Fall"

I've heard an expression around the White House. People say things like "well that hit the fan," or "It's gonna hit the fan." I'm not real clear on what "it" is in that expression, but I can only assume it's bad based on the context of how I've heard it used. I think I'd use that expression at this point in the shuttle leak investigation.

It had only been a day since the article broke and CJ had been in and out of the office in meetings. She was still doing her job, but she was also periodically meeting with the FBI about the leak investigation. They never met in her office so I'm not sure what was said or what the tone of those meetings were, but CJ always seemed exhausted after they were finished and it had only been a day.

From everything I'd heard the president was still on a rampage to find whoever leaked the information. I think CJ must have been right when she said that he was taking it personally.

On this particular day, two days after Greg Brock's article, I was honored with a visit from Oliver Babish, the White House counsel. From what I could tell Oliver was a pretty mellow guy, but he was also someone you didn't mess with. When he first came to the White House, during the MS fiasco, CJ didn't like him. She was very defensive when he came around. But now, she seemed to actually find him amusing most of the time. That was about to change drastically.

Oliver came into CJ's office when Margaret stepped away from her desk. He glanced at CJ's desk and saw me.

"Hi there fishy," he said.

"My name is Gail actually," I informed him.

"You must be the keeper of a boat load of secret information," he said.

"You have no idea," I said as I swished my tail back and forth a few times. I sometimes wondered why I didn't have code-word clearance.

He tossed his briefcase on the floor and took a seat on the couch. He was pretty patient at waiting. Eventually he lay down on the couch while he waited and when CJ came in and found him there I noticed that she gave him a welcoming smile. I figured she thought he'd be a good distraction from everything that was going on in her life.

Things started off cordially enough and continued for a while. CJ went over her story with Oliver. She had told it a few times already so she was pretty prepared for his questions until he got on the topic of who she shared information with. He pressed her about a few things and then he asked her a few questions about Kate. It sounded to me like he thought she wasn't trustworthy, or maybe he just wanted CJ to think that. I'm not sure. She definitely assured him that she trusted Kate and I was inclined to believe her. She had no reason that I knew of not to trust her.

CJ and Oliver talked for a quite awhile before Margaret came in and gave CJ a note. Margaret had just started back from maternity leave. It didn't really feel like she'd been gone that long in all honesty. CJ informed Oliver that she had a meeting and from what I could tell it sounded like Josh and Leo might be in the building. I hoped they would stop by.

Oliver asked CJ if she missed them. He didn't give her a chance to answer his question because he was already on to the next topic, but I swear CJ's eyes looked a little glassier when he asked her that question. Even if she never admitted it, I knew the truth. Things were just not the same around the West Wing since they left.

But, like I said, Oliver was already onto the next topic before CJ could answer and his next topic of conversation was a doozy. He asked her point-blank why Greg Brock's name kept appearing on her call log. Luckily CJ had a moment to think about how she was going to answer that question because she had to go. That left me to swim around and try to figure out where Oliver Babish was going with this line of questioning.

When CJ finally returned she seemed like she was a little more brisk than usual. I supposed that she wanted to get on with the questioning. She'd been through it before and it became tedious to her after a while. I suspected that she also wanted to get the Greg Brock part of the conversation over with as well.

Oliver questioned her and he had the nerve to bring up Danny as an example of how CJ showed favoritism with certain reporters. I found out I wasn't the only one who thought that CJ liked Greg a little too much because Oliver confirmed it telling her that other people said he was her favorite. I wondered who else thought that, apparently there were six of them.

Oliver kept pushing CJ and though she refused to answer his questions I could see that his line of questioning wasn't going to abate simply because CJ didn't like it. I just wasn't sure where it was all leading, but CJ did.

"You think the leak came from me," she said finally. "I'm the suspect."

In that instant it seemed like my world stood still. Everyone thought that CJ leaked the information about the shuttle? I was stunned and so was she. I could see it on her face. She couldn't believe that she was the focus of the entire investigation. I can't even accurately describe to you the look of hurt in her eyes when she realized that they were going after her. She looked hurt and defeated and also a little nervous. I didn't know what to make of that and still the questioning went on.

"Describe the nature of your relationship with Greg Brock," Oliver said.

CJ sighed and took a moment to get her bearings. I was kind of interested in hearing the answer to this question myself. He'd already sort of asked her what was going on. Maybe this time we'd get an answer, though CJ was very silent at the moment.

"It's not a complicated question CJ," Oliver prompted her.

"No, it's not," CJ replied. "It's the answer that's problematic."

She stood up and walked over to the window. Oliver sat patiently in his chair and reached for his pad of paper and pen. He obviously thought that CJ was going to answer him eventually, if not very soon.

"CJ," he prodded her.

"Can I just…" she sighed. "Can I have two minutes to wrap my mind around this please?"

"Take your time," he said, though he clearly didn't mean it.

"Look, I understand," he said. "It's not easy working here. You're the first woman to be Chief of Staff, you're hemorrhaging support staff daily, you're here at least twelve hours every day and you're a woman in your prime. It must be hard."

"You have no idea."

"So I get it. Greg Brock comes along. He's charming and, let's face it, you have a thing for reporters."

"I don't have thing," she started to protest, but Oliver continued to talk over her.

"You hate them, but you're a do-gooder. You like the truth and reporters uncover the truth. So you strike up a friendship with Greg Brock. He's charming. You're single. Things get complicated. You're sharing some pillow talk one night and you say too much, but it's too late and your subconscious is happy that you told him about the shuttle, even if your conscious is not."

CJ turned to look at him. "Sounds like you've got it all figured out."

He gave her a hard look. "The thing is CJ I don't really think it happened that way."

"But you think it happened," she said. "Does it really matter how?"

On a few occasions Josh had accused CJ of using sarcasm to hide intimacy or truth. I never really thought about how right he was until now. Her eyes were cold, as if she didn't care what Oliver thought because his mind was already made up.

"Tell me what happened," Oliver prompted her.

She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him a moment before she said, "Are you my lawyer?"

"Excuse me?"

"Do I need my own lawyer?" she asked.

"No. You just need me."

CJ dropped her arms and walked back over to her chair. She seemed resigned to the fact that the truth had to be told, finally.

"What do you want to know?" she asked.

"What was the nature of your relationship with Greg Brock?" he asked.

She slouched in her chair and looked a lot smaller than her usual six-foot frame. She rested her elbows on the armrests and laced her fingers together.

"That's a loaded question," she replied.

"Is it?" Oliver said.

"You have no idea."

"CJ, we've done this dance before," Oliver said. "I recall mentioning that I find nothing cute, not even you and your clever evasions."

"I know."

"So?"

"So Greg Brock and I have a complicated relationship."

"Are you sleeping with him?"

"No."

"Do you want to?"

CJ gave him a look of disgust, but on this one I was on Oliver's side. I wish CJ would just answer the question. I'd been dying to know how she really felt about him.

"Is it more palatable if I ask if he wants to sleep with you?"

"Does it have to come down to sex?" she asked.

"Don't most male-female relationships?"

"No, they don't," CJ replied. She paused a moment and I took in the silence before she continued to speak. "Regardless, our relationship started out weird. He helped me out with something when he first came here and so we were never exactly on equal footing."

"You felt he had something over you?"

"No," CJ scoffed. "He just wasn't like the other reporters. He was more like…"

"Danny?" Oliver said bringing up Danny's name again.

"What is your obsession with Danny Concannon. I haven't seen him in years," CJ retorted.

"So you've got a hole in your social life," Oliver pointed out. "Did you ever see Greg Brock outside of the office?"

"Yes," CJ admitted. I could tell she was biting the inside of her cheek. She did that when she was nervous, or ashamed.

"How many times?"

"Three or four I guess."

"What did you do?"

"Mini-golf," CJ replied smartly.

It was Oliver's turn to give CJ a hard look and she said, "We talked."

"About what? Where did you meet?"

"We met at a bar," CJ said.

"So you were drinking when you met with him?"

"I had one glass of wine. I wouldn't classify that as drinking."

"What did you talk about?"

"Not about work," CJ replied. "That was the deal."

"You had a deal?" Oliver asked. He was scribbling notes furiously. I don't know what he found so riveting. I didn't think she'd said anything of consequence yet, but then again, I' wasn't the lawyer in the room.

"I'd meet him for a drink and neither of us could talk about work," CJ clarified.

"So what did you talk about?" he asked.

"I don't know," CJ shrugged. "Nothing important."

"I'll be the judge of that," Oliver said.

"I honestly don't…it wasn't anything I recall. He told me about his daughter. I talked about my dad. He told me how he became a reporter. I told him how I wanted to be a championship ice skater when I was eleven."

"Why'd you meet him?"

CJ ran her hand through her hair. "I don't know. It was stupid and I was walking a fine line, but I did it anyway. I don't have a good reason for you."

"Were you interested in him?" he asked.

"Oliver," she said.

"You can't just admit it?"

"No I can't because I'm honestly not sure myself. On some level I suppose the answer is yes, but I would never, ever let anything happen between us. Not while I'm sitting in this chair."

There was a pregnant pause in the air and CJ started to chuckle. "Although I suppose I might not be sitting in this chair for much longer," she said. "You think inmates from different prisons can date?"

"You think Greg Brock is going to jail?"

"I learned a lot about Greg Brock when we were talking about nothing and there is one thing I know for sure and that's that he'll never give up his source."

"You're that confident?"

"I am."

"And you think you're going to jail to?" he asked.

"Based on the big picture…it looks that way to you too doesn't it Oliver?"

I wasn't sure if she was serious or not, but she sure looked like she was. I couldn't believe CJ could say that. We both knew she didn't leak the information. She hadn't exactly said it out loud, but I knew it wasn't her. Of course if it wasn't her, then who was it? If CJ was the only suspect maybe she'd end up taking the fall for this even if she didn't do it.

"You and Greg Brock had a personal friendship," Oliver clarified.

"Against my better judgment yes," CJ said taking a deep breath.

"But not a romantic relationship?"

"Not as such."

"Not as such? You channeling Ainsley Hayes? What does that mean, not as such?"

"I guess it means there was potential," CJ shrugged.

"Greg Brock wanted to sleep with you," Oliver stated.

"I suppose he did," CJ replied.

"You could have saved me ten minutes by telling me that the first time I asked you that question," he pointed out. "But you never had intimate contact?"

Now it was CJ's turn to raise her eyebrow at Oliver. "I believe Sam used to call it everything but," he clarified.

"No."

"When was the last time you met with him?" he asked.

"The night before the article came out," CJ said.

Oliver raised his eyebrows. "Why?" he asked.

"He asked to meet with me," CJ said.

"What did he say?"

"He said he wrote something that was going to piss a lot of people off including me," CJ said. "He was giving me the heads up as a professional courtesy."

"Did he tell you what the topic of the article was?"

"No."

"You didn't try to guess?"

"Greg isn't the type of guy who would tell me if I guessed right so no, I didn't guess. He met to say goodbye."

"To say goodbye?"

"He knew he'd be persona non-grata around here as soon as this thing was published."

"You haven't pulled his credentials have you?"

"No," CJ said. "The president wanted them pulled, but that would look pretty bad."

"Yes, it would."

"It took Toby and I twenty minutes to convince him of that," CJ said. I'd heard the president yelling the other day for quite a while. I wondered if that what was why he was yelling.

"When you met with Greg the other night he didn't talk about the topic of the article or his source?"

"No."

Oliver scribbled some more. Again, I had no idea what he found so riveting. I finally got the answer to what CJ was doing with Greg Brock. It sounded dangerously like a personal relationship to me, but she said they hadn't slept together. I wondered if he'd ever kissed her, but Oliver didn't ask her that question.

Finally, CJ prompted Oliver to ask her another question. She was getting anxious. He said he was done, but that he needed to see the president. I knew that was coming. I'm sure CJ did as well and it wasn't good news.

"What are you going to tell him?" CJ asked. I could almost feel her nervous energy in the bottom of my bowl.

"I'm going to tell him that the White House needs to stop its investigation," he said simply. "It's clear the leak came from inside."

"Are you going to tell him that you think it's me?" CJ asked.

"It's not for me to tell him," Oliver said.

CJ looked relieved, but only momentarily. "But CJ," Oliver added. "Someone's going to tell him eventually."

"Yeah," she said quietly.

I couldn't imagine what was going through CJ's mind at that moment. I wasn't really sure what I was thinking. There was a lot to absorb. Soon Oliver and CJ were walking over to the Oval Office and I was left to sit and ponder what life would be like if CJ was indicted.

TBC


	48. Adrift

Author's Note: Takes place during season seven's The Mommy Problem. As always, reviews are encouraged and appreciated.

* * *

"Adrift"

It was getting late. CJ hadn't been in her office much. Word on the street was that she was avoiding Greg Brock. Apparently, even though he printed some pretty top-secret information, no one was revoking his credentials. He was still free to roam around the building…for now. According to what the people on TV were saying it seemed like he might go to jail. The government wasn't too keen on him publishing that information and not divulging his source.

Of course, as the investigation progressed, and this one progressed quite quickly, it seemed like CJ was in a heap of trouble. I knew she didn't do it. Even Margaret knew it. She basically offered to lie for CJ when she got subpoenaed. Of course CJ would have none of that. She knew she was innocent, or innocent of leaking the information anyway. I'm still not entirely sure that her feelings for Greg Brock were as benign as she claimed, but she certainly didn't deserve to go to jail for it.

It seemed that the White House's approach to the leak, and putting an end to the internal investigation, was a thorn in Josh's side. He called CJ a few times and she never answered until she finally had to. She had Margaret find Toby and then I was witness to Josh yelling at both CJ and Toby over the phone about how they were messing up his campaign. They all got mad, voices were raised and all it did was put me in a funk. I used to like when Josh called or stopped by. Now it just depressed me. It was like they weren't even friends anymore. Every conversation seemed to devolve into a fight. I used to think of them as family, but they seemed more like strangers now.

I sometimes wondered what would happen if we had a lockdown and they were all trapped in CJ's office. Of course it would have to happen in CJ's office because I'd want to see it. I know it sounds silly that I wanted something like that to happen again, especially considering that the last time we were locked down CJ and Donna got into a little bit of a fight. But, I really did think that if they were trapped and had to talk and remember how it used to be, that they could all be friends again.

Anyway, CJ kind of avoided her office for most of the day. When I saw a shadow in the doorway I turned, thinking it might be her. I needed some entertainment. I'd been alone with the televisions for most of the day and quite frankly I was sick of hearing about the leak story because all it did was make me worry for CJ.

Imagine my surprise when I turned to see Greg Brock stroll in and look expectantly at CJ's desk. I wondered where Margaret was. She'd been playing bouncer all day. I knew Greg had stopped by a few times because I heard her shoo him away. Apparently Margaret had gone somewhere because Greg took the opportunity to wander in and take a seat. I saw him as he watched the TV. Apparently he was sick of the story too because he turned his head and stared out the window.

Now it's time for a little full disclosure. I know I've probably made it sound like I hated Greg Brock. I didn't. I never did. But, he worried me. There was always something about him that I just didn't trust. I think it stems from the fact that he'd been alone in CJ's office with just me several times and he never said a word to me. Not one word. It's just not normal. The President of the United States himself has talked to me when he wandered in CJ's office and she wasn't there and yet Greg ignored me. I don't trust people who pretend I don't exist.

Plus, I could see he had the hots for CJ. I could tell she was lonely and almost willing to go along with it and in her position I didn't want her to make any mistakes. Her head needed to be in the game at all times, but when she was around Greg I got to the distinct impression that the game was the last place her head was. So those were my reasons against embracing Greg Brock.

But…if you could have seen him that day, just hanging out in CJ's office like a lost lamb, you might have changed your mind like I did. He looked like a man who hadn't slept in days. I assume he thought his story would bring him a Pulitzer, but instead it looked like he was about to get a jail term.

He had a guilty look in his eye. It wouldn't be much later until I found out why he looked guilty, but at the time I figured it had something to do with CJ. I figured he had to have betrayed her in some way, however unintentionally, to get his story. I saw the look on his face and I knew, no matter if he went to jail or not, he was already punishing himself for hurting her and for not having the chance to see what could be with her.

Needless to say I only felt worse when CJ came back to her office and saw him there. He rambled about day care for his daughter. At first I wondered if that was to make CJ feel guilty about something out of her control, but the more he rambled, the more I realized he was just scared.

CJ only talked to him briefly, but if you could have seen the look on her face when she begged him to reveal his source before he walked out of her office, you'd know what I did; CJ could deny it all she wanted, but a little piece of her heart broke over Greg Brock that day. He complimented her on her suit before he left and that was last time I saw Greg Brock in person.

For the rest of the day CJ looked defeated. She watched a few news stories and then settled in at her desk to get to work. The reason for avoiding her office materialized and she didn't need to hide anymore. Although, I think she probably should have hid from the phone call that came shortly after Greg Brock left her office for the last time.

Margaret had gone home early. Her son was sick and CJ told her take off. That meant that CJ was answering her own phone. She usually let it go to voicemail when Margret wasn't around, but for some reason she answered it that day.

"CJ Cregg," she said picking up the phone after three rings.

"Josh," she sighed.

I could hear him yelling through the phone. Josh failed to realize that his strong-arm style of persuasion was never going to work on CJ or Toby, or anyone still at the White House.

CJ listened as Josh continued to yell, or at the very least, talk very loudly, into the phone. I saw her face fall. This seemed to be the last thing she needed today. All of her doors were closed except for the door that led to Margaret's desk. CJ stood up and reached out to close that door while Josh spoke. It closed with a light clicking sound.

"Quit yelling at me," CJ shouted once the mumbling on the other end of the line ceased.

Josh must have told CJ he wasn't yelling because she responded by saying, "My audiologist would beg to differ with you. You haven't been gone that long Josh. I know you know that no one tells the president what he's going to do."

There was more response. It seemed Josh didn't understand what "quit yelling" meant. I saw CJ roll her eyes. They looked glassy. I knew she was about to reach her breaking point for the day. Josh might just be the guy to push her over the edge. I hoped that wouldn't happen.

"Oliver Babish did," she replied tersely. It seemed she couldn't get a word in edge-wise with Josh at the moment. She was calm enough, but then Josh must have said something that hit a nerve because she started yelling right back into the phone.

"You're right," she shouted. "I have no idea what it's like to be out there where you are, but you've got no clue what it's like to be here anymore Josh! You left. You have no right to tell us what we should and shouldn't be doing. I couldn't give a shit about how you feel about all this. I've got enough on my plate right now without worrying about you and a campaign of which I am not a part."

She hit the speaker button on the phone and slammed the receiver back into the cradle with a loud thud that made me jump. CJ didn't often swear and it made me realize just how close she was to her breaking point.

Josh's voice was loud and clear shouting right back on the end of the line. "…wouldn't expect you to give a shit about me or the campaign. Do you know what my day was like today? I got accused of drinking the Bartlet Kool-Aid by Lou Thornton of all people! You guys are lucky I'm here to run interference, but I'm not going to do it much longer CJ. I'm losing creditability out here because of my blind loyalty to people who don't care about what I'm trying to do."

CJ rubbed her temple and stared incredulously at the phone. He posture seemed slouched and she didn't look like she was in the mood to fight with Josh anymore. "You're right," she said quietly.

"Excuse me?" Josh replied.

"You're right. I have no idea how you felt when Lou accused you to be being blindly loyal to this White House. That must have been frustrating for you. Probably something akin to how I felt when Oliver Babish told me I'm the suspect in the leak investigation," CJ replied quietly and calmly.

"What?" Josh asked. I could hear the incredulity in his tone. He couldn't believe what he'd just heard.

"Everyone thinks it me," CJ said softly. The president wasn't even in the building, but she lowered her voice anyway. I knew that there were rumors inside the White House that she was the focus of the investigation, but it wasn't outside news just yet. "I'm the focus of the investigation so I'm sorry the president called it off, but it wasn't to spite you. It's because they think it's me. Well, I guess the president hasn't told me he thinks it me, but the Chief White House Counsel has so, there you go."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Did you do it?" Josh asked. His tone was so innocent that I couldn't get mad at him for asking. CJ, however, thought it was hysterical. She actually started chuckling to herself.

"CJ?" Josh asked when he heard the soft laughter. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said pulling herself together. "You're just the first person to actually ask me if I did it."

"I am?"

"Oliver didn't want to know. Margaret never asked, but assumed I did it and Toby just keeps giving me these sorry looks, but you're the first one to actually _want_ to know if I did it."

There was another pregnant pause before Josh said quietly, "You didn't, did you?"

"No," CJ answered him honestly. "I didn't."

I could almost hear the sigh of relief in Josh's voice. It showed how long he'd been gone that he wondered if CJ could have been the person to leak the information.

"Greg Brock is going to jail," she said.

"I heard something about that. They'll probably let him loose while he's fighting the good fight."

"No," she said. "He's going to jail tomorrow."

"No chance he told you who his source was?" Josh asked.

"Why would he tell me?" CJ asked.

Another long pause on the phone said everything that no one would ask, save Oliver Babish.

"He didn't tell me," CJ said filling the void. But she quickly changed the subject by saying, "Santos should say something."

"Huh?"

"He should respond to this," CJ sighed. "Vinick did. Avoiding the question just makes it look like you don't have a good answer."

"I don't," Josh replied. "You think it would be a good idea to chastise the sitting president? His approval rating is in the sixties."

"He can't be re-elected," CJ said. "We survived the MS, the public isn't going to recall him for stopping an internal investigation."

"You don't want me to have him say anything," Josh said.

"No, I don't," CJ said, "But if wishes came true…"

"Yeah," Josh said. "Sorry I yelled earlier."

"I know."

"CJ?"

"Mmm?"

"It's going to get better eventually right?" he asked. It sounded to me like he was begging CJ for reassurance for him and her.

"It can't get much worse, can it?"

"I guess not. There was a pause and he added, "I have to go."

"Okay," CJ replied. "Bye."

She clicked the button to disconnect the call. I was glad that CJ and Josh had reached some sort of peace, but it still left me unsettled. They didn't say they'd talk later. They just hung up. CJ needed a friend about now and with Toby all but missing in action lately I thought maybe Josh could be that for her. Apparently that wasn't to be.

CJ got back to work and her phone rang again. Her eyes flashed to the caller ID and she raised her eyebrows. It piqued my curiosity when she did that, but I guess her curiosity was piqued too because she answered the phone on speaker (yes!).

"CJ Cregg," she answered.

"CJ," he said. "It's Danny."

Danny freakin' Concannon! We hadn't heard from him ages. I thought he'd forgotten all about us quite frankly and here he was calling her when she really needed someone.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi," he replied.

More silence. I couldn't really read CJ's face. She didn't look elated like I was, but she didn't look mad either. I guess wistful is how I'd describe it. Toby used that word once and I thought I captured the situation perfectly; kind of sad, but thoughtful in a way.

"How are you?" he asked finally.

"I've been better," she said honestly. She usually kept Danny at arms length, but tonight she seemed like she was in the mood to answer him honestly, much to my delight.

"I figured," he said. "Is Brock really going to jail?"

"You're the reporter, you tell me."

"Seems that way."

"Would you?" she asked.

"Probably," he replied.

"Probably?"

"I want to say I would, but it's jail CJ," Danny said.

"You would," CJ said adamantly.

"It would probably depend on who I was protecting," Danny said a little pointedly. "Someone at the level of ball he's playing, yeah, I would."

CJ nodded. "Where are you?"

"New Hampshire," he said.

"Why?" CJ scoffed.

"It's what's new," he said reviving a little joke President Bartlet had once told him about a rejected slogan for the state.

CJ chuckled. "I thought you were doing the overseas thing," she said.

"It got old. I'm covering local politics now."

"In New Hampshire?"

"I'm actually on vacation," he said. "I'm not working at all, but I saw the news and thought you could use a friend tonight."

Now the sad smile spread across CJ's lips. He knew she needed someone. I figured it was because he knew her so well. I also wondered if that meant he knew what Greg Brock meant to CJ. I wondered if that hurt his feelings.

"Why would I need a friend tonight?" she fished.

"Brock's going to jail tomorrow," Danny said. "I heard he's the new me. I guess I hoped that if I was being shipped off to prison that you'd be a little melancholy about it."

CJ nodded. "I'm glad I never had to think about that," CJ said.

"I wouldn't let it happen."

"Wouldn't let what happen?"

"I'd never put myself in the position Brock did," Danny said.

"You'd follow the story Danny."

"There are some tips I wouldn't take," he said. "You know that."

I could tell that CJ was remembering something. I wondered if she'd once tried to give Danny information that he wouldn't take.

"What are you saying?" CJ asked. Once again there was some veiled conversation going on that I didn't quite understand.

"I'm saying he took a lead he shouldn't have," Danny elaborated. "He's a good guy, but what he did…let's just say I wouldn't have done what he did."

"You wouldn't have followed the story? It was a pretty big one," CJ reminded him.

"And no good came of it. It's a good thing those astronauts were able to fix that shuttle all by themselves," Danny said feeding her the line the White House had pedaled to the public. I sensed that no one really believed it, but that's the story they were sticking to.

CJ nodded silently at her desk. "You're probably right," she said.

"I am."

Danny. He was sometimes infuriating with his confidence on certain subjects, but there was something old and familiar about it that made it seem like things could get better. For her part CJ said nothing. She just sat in the silence over the line. Danny's confidence quickly faded and he said timidly, "CJ?"

"I'm still here," she said. Although her statement was authoritative, her tone wasn't and it made me wonder if she was here, mentally anyway.

"You got kind of quiet," Danny commented.

"Just thinking," CJ replied.

"About?"

"Nothing in particular," she said.

"Brock?" he asked.

CJ sighed. "A little."

"It's not your fault he's going to jail," Danny said.

"I know that," CJ said.

"And you hate reporters," Danny reminded her.

"I don't hate reporters," she insisted.

"Okay," Danny replied. I could almost hear the smile in his tone. He didn't believe that she hated reporters, but she certainly put on a good show of it at times.

"Brock will live," Danny said. "I'm sure once everyone calms down and tempers cool someone will find it in their hearts to spring him."

"You really think it's that easy?"

"Don't you?"

"Not anymore."

"Don't let it change you," Danny said seriously.

"Don't let what change me?"

"Your job. You're too good to let it change you Claudia Jean," he said.

I smiled. Danny seemed to know exactly the right thing to say. CJ may not have believed she needed to hear it, but deep down, I knew she needed to have someone tell her that. She looked at the phone and sucked in her cheek on the left side. She did that when she was thinking.

"It hasn't," CJ replied and then after a moment he added, "much."

"I'm glad to hear it," Danny replied.

CJ's other phone line rang and she said, "Danny, I have to go."

"Okay. Take care of yourself CJ," he replied.

"Bye."

"Bye."

CJ clicked the button to disconnect the phone call. She looked sad a lot lately, but for the first time in months I thought that CJ didn't look quite as sad as usual. She didn't look happy, but there was something about her demeanor that changed. I hoped it was a sign that she was ready to get back to business and be the take-charge, fixer that I had grown to love. I suppose when I thought this I had no idea the exact type of fixing that would be required of CJ and just how much that would really cost her.

TBC


	49. The Bottom Drops Out

Author's Note: Takes place during season seven's Mr. Frost and Here Today.

* * *

"The Bottom Drops Out"

CJ was exhausted. With everything going on at the White House it was a wonder she got anything done, but once she realized she was the focus of the leak investigation she seemed to go into overdrive. It seemed to me as though she was trying to accomplish everything she could before she was hauled away in infamy.

She hadn't been sleeping; that much was obvious to everyone, but especially to me. She hadn't gone home the night before and she hadn't really slept in her office either. She was up all night reading and emailing and doing paperwork. I thought it had something to do with the fact that Margaret was scheduled to testify the next morning. CJ didn't say it to anyone, but I knew she was nervous about that. At the very least I figured Margaret's testimony would expose CJ's borderline inappropriate relationship with Greg Brock. It wasn't illegal, but it wasn't totally ethical either and now a Congressional committee would know about it in detail.

Greg was the other reason she wasn't sleeping, I think. She felt guilty that he was sitting in jail. She'd called a few people under the guise of work to get a little more information about him. From what she could gather he was in a prison that was fairly safe as far as prisons go. That seemed to ease her mind a little, but I knew she was still terrified for him. Unfortunately for CJ it would be a while before she was able to sleep well at all.

Charlie had been filling in for Margaret while she was testifying. Everyone expected her back early, but for whatever reason, her testimony was pushing into the afternoon. CJ was hyper, talking a mile a minute to anyone who was around, which was mostly Toby and Charlie. Toby stopped by to tell her that he'd been served.

From what I could gather from CJ's conversation with Toby the last person to be served was usually the focus of the investigation. Although Oliver Babish was a pretty reliable source for legal information, up until now it was just speculation that CJ was the prime suspect. Unfortunately for CJ it seemed like everyone was being served except for her, which just reinforced the thinking that everyone thought she was the guilty party.

Toby mentioned that CJ should get a lawyer. I took that to mean he felt like she was probably going to jail. I think CJ did too because she stated very forcefully that she didn't need one. CJ was being pretty stubborn about not getting a lawyer. I remember she had one during the MS investigation. It was probably because she was sort of guilty in a way. She had suspicions about the president's health and never revealed them to anyone. But now, when it seemed like she needed a lawyer the most, she was being bull-headed about seeking counsel. It didn't make sense to me.

Toby seemed to let it go after CJ's forceful refusal to lawyer up, but he gave her a look that I didn't quite understand. I'm not sure CJ did either. He almost looked like he felt guilty about something. I would come to know exactly what the look meant, but at the time I just thought it was odd.

Later in the day CJ was on the phone with Leo and found that he'd been served as well.

I could tell that CJ felt pretty bad about Toby getting a subpoena, but finding out that Leo was being compelled to testify really put CJ on edge. She seemed to think that if Leo had to testify, that Santos' campaign, and Josh's by extension, was over.

After a few more hours of running around CJ decided it was time to try to take a nap. She pulled the blinds and told Charlie to keep everyone out of her office. She had a few interruptions, but eventually she was able to get to sleep. That's when the interesting things happened. You see, when CJ is exhausted she talks in her sleep. She'd taken a few naps in the office and I'd heard her ramblings before, but on this day she seemed to be having several different conversations in her sleep.

While she was sleeping I tried to get some shut-eye myself. Since she was in the office all night I didn't get much sleep the night before either. I was just about to fade off for a nap when CJ's voice made me open my eyes.

"We shouldn't," she mumbled. I watched her as she turned over on her side to face me and I swear she had a small grin on her lips.

"Greg," she whispered as if she was going to be caught.

My eyes widened. Was CJ really having a dream about Greg Brock? Did she really just half-giggle his name?

"How can you miss me?" she murmured. "I'm still here."

She turned over again, clearly restless, though she was sleeping. For a moment I felt like I was invading her privacy, but let's face it, I like gossip. The odds of me ignoring her subconscious ramblings were slim to none.

"I want to," she said in an insistent tone.

She mumbled a few other unintelligible things that I wished I could make out, but it was no use. She got quiet again for a moment and I thought that my peek into her mind was over, but she started talking again. This time it seemed like the dream had taken a turn. She seemed irritated or angry with whoever she was babbling about. I could only assume it was Greg Brock.

"Tell me," she said.

"Why?" she half-shouted. She clearly wanted an answer to some question. I wished I knew what it was, but sadly she wasn't giving me both sides of the conversation, just hers.

"Greg, please," she said in a half-whimper that made me feel even worse for her than I had previously.

Then the talking stopped. Her body seemed to relax and she slept silently again. I wasn't sure what to make of all her incoherent babbling. Much as I wanted some sleep, after CJ's talking fit I couldn't help but swim around and try to put the pieces of her ramblings together.

I finally decided she was having a good dream about Greg until it turned bad. I assumed it had something to do with his article. I think at some point CJ had tried to compel him to tell her his source, but he wouldn't. It was funny to think that Greg Brock was protecting not only his source, but CJ as well.

I wondered about Greg at that moment. I wondered how he was adjusting to jail. I'd never seen jail, but I heard the gang talk about it a few times. It definitely seemed like a place you didn't want to be if you could help it. I wondered if he was doing okay and maybe even thinking about CJ at that moment.

I didn't have much time to think about that though because before I knew it CJ was shooting up from the couch; so much for a peaceful slumber. I wondered what kind of dream forced her awake. She had stopped talking well before she awoke so I was left to wonder. She seemed a little disoriented and I wondered if she could recall the dream she was having that forced her to talk in her sleep.

She hadn't been awake for more than a minute before a man stopped by her office. His name was Charles Frost. I thought that his name kind of sounded like a villain from Batman. He had a lot of crazy stuff to say about things overseas. I could tell that CJ didn't really believe him, but he seemed so convinced of his ramblings that part of me believed him. I wondered if CJ would be swayed too.

She eventually called Kate to her office to tell her about Mr. Frost and Kate seemed pretty miffed about him too. After that CJ was off and running for the rest of the day. She was gone for a while and she didn't return until well after six. She was at her desk writing notes and finishing up things. She seemed more frantic than usual. I assumed her power nap didn't really have the effect she was hoping for.

Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw Margaret return. She'd been gone all day testifying against CJ. I mean, she didn't want to of course, but I assumed that she ended up telling the truth, which would probably make CJ look guilty. I wished that Margaret would come in to the office, but it seemed like she was staying out of CJ's way for the moment. I expected that she had a lot to do since she'd been away from her office all day.

It didn't really matter that Margaret stayed out of CJ's office because around that time Toby came by. He tried to start speaking to her, but she was practically bouncing off the walls with energy. I sensed it had something to do with the designer coffee and espresso she'd been downing all day.

Toby tried to talk to her, but she started digging around in the closet for a bottle of champagne. She sat down to open it and told Toby about Leo being subpoenaed. Oddly, he seemed to already know about it. He also had that weird look on his face again and suddenly my stomach didn't feel so good. I had a weird feeling that I can't describe other than to say that it was like I knew something bad was about to happen. In a way I think that CJ knew something bad was about to happen too. I think it's part of the reason she continued to talk. If Toby couldn't get a word in edgewise, he'd be unable to break whatever horrible news he had building up inside him.

He took a seat beside CJ as she tore at the gold wrapping at the top of the champagne bottle. She was about to pop the cork when he dropped the bomb. He told her that he'd gotten himself a lawyer. CJ didn't really understand the implication of his statement at first. I could tell that it was taking her a minute to figure out what that meant, but I remembered their conversation from earlier. CJ had basically said that getting a lawyer was an admission of guilt and now Toby had gotten a lawyer.

She was still for a minute and I saw the small speck of light and hope that was still left in her eyes fade to black. It was heartbreaking to witness. Toby had tears in his eyes when he admitted to her that he was the one who had leaked the information to Greg Brock. CJ looked at him in disbelief, but there was a big part of her that was coming to the realization that Toby was telling the truth. My heart broke for both of them. There were no words for a moment, just silence, and it conveyed more than a twenty minute shouting match could ever accomplish.

CJ got up from her chair and put physical distance between them even as she told Toby they couldn't speak. They waited for someone from the Counsel's Office to come over to…I don't know what. Handcuff Toby and walk him from the building? I wasn't sure what the next step entailed, but I was pretty sure CJ did because even as they sat there, or stood in CJ's case, I was pretty sure I saw a single tear streaming down her cheek.

My mind was reeling. It seemed like the silence between them lasted a week and in that time I was finally able to put together the pieces. Of course Toby was leak. It's why he was acting so odd around her recently. It was also why Greg Brock was protecting him so fiercely. He knew how close CJ and Toby were. He knew that outing Toby as the leak would kill CJ and so he chose to go to jail instead. I'm sure he thought about the other ethical ramifications of revealing his source, but I also knew deep down that he was protecting CJ just as much as he was protecting Toby by staying silent.

I wish I had more to say about that moment, but the news was so stunning that I'm still speechless as I think about it today. Besides, things happened kind of quickly after that. The guy from the Counsel's Office came and took Toby away. That left CJ in her office for a minute to think about everything. She looked stunned. I wasn't sure she was even mentally processing what was happening at the moment. I'd never seen her look so detached from everything. I was worried.

I looked at the ice castle that CJ had put in my bowl earlier that day. It somehow seemed fitting. I wondered if CJ was psychic. Why else would she decide to put an ice castle in my bowl? It wasn't quite winter yet and yet that's what she chose.

I heard CJ ask Margaret to get Leo on the phone. I wondered what she wanted to talk to him about. I thought it was probably a pretty bad idea to get Leo involved in all this. After all, not a half hour ago everyone seemed to think that Leo getting subpoenaed in the case was extremely problematic. I figured talking to Leo now would be frowned upon. If CJ couldn't even talk to Toby, was she really supposed to talk to Leo?

Luckily, Margaret came into CJ's office and said, "I can't get Leo. Should I leave a message?"

CJ looked at Margaret with an expression I couldn't quite read. It almost looked like relief and then possibly fear. She shook her head. "No," CJ said. "No. Just forget I asked for him."

"Okay," Margaret replied wearily. I knew that Margaret probably thought that CJ was mad at her. She'd just spent the day testifying against her and now CJ was being really short with her. I felt bad that Margaret didn't know what was going on, though I figured everyone would probably know soon enough. However, at the moment the weight of knowing that Toby was the leak was only on a few people in the building.

"Shut my door will you Margaret?" CJ asked. "I need…a minute."

"Sure," Margaret said pulling the door shut behind her.

CJ sat at her desk and rested her elbows on the desk. She rocked back and forth a little. The movement was barely perceptible. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't even know she was doing it. I heard her mumbling, but I really couldn't make it out. I noticed that she was inhaling deeply through her nose and exhaling through her mouth loudly. She was trying to calm herself down, but her face looked almost white.

"Oh god," she murmured. "Oh god, oh god, oh god."

I didn't think she was praying, yet somehow it sounded like a call for help, or mercy, something that would help her make sense of what was happening. During this little interlude she was oddly calm. It was almost like she wasn't feeling anything except maybe anxiety.

I was about to swim up to the edge of the bowl in an attempt to console her when her cheeks suddenly seemed to puff out a little and she quickly grabbed for her waste basket. I'm not sure what happened, but I heard a terrible noise, a stifled grunt and then I saw CJ wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She sat there holding the garbage can for a minute in case she was going to be sick again, but she wasn't. She tied up the garbage bag and ran her hand over her face before checking her watch.

She looked disgusted. I wasn't sure if the disgust she felt was for Toby, the situation or herself. If I could have given her a hug in that moment I would have. We'd seen bad times before, but I don't think we'd ever seen anything quite this bad. CJ had literally no one she could turn to in this moment. Leo, Josh, Sam…they all left her. Toby was the only one left and now he would soon be gone, if he wasn't already.

CJ left her office to go deal with her job, I presumed, but it left me time to think. I wondered if CJ was feeling betrayed. I figured she must have a little guilt in her heart as well. Much as everyone was down on the person who had leaked the story about the shuttle, part of me knew that there was teeny-tiny part of CJ that had hoped the information would get out. Of course I knew she didn't want it to go down the way it had, but still, I knew there was part of her that was feeling guilty. It was probably the part of her that had gotten sick in the trash can.

For as much as I felt like an atomic bomb had gone off in CJ's office not more than an hour ago, it was quiet. CJ had come back to her office and had a tense conversation with Oliver Babish. He asked her of she spoke to anyone, and just as I thought, he had a big problem when she said she'd tried to contact Leo. He mentioned that it looked like she was trying to cover it up. I never thought of it that way. I just thought she needed a friend, or at least someone who could help her deal with everything that had happened. But, as I looked a CJ's reaction to his accusation I wondered if maybe it wasn't a little true. Maybe she was trying to cover it up. I don't know. I'm not really sure if she did either.

Finally, Oliver said that it was time to go see the president. I'm sure that CJ was just thrilled about that prospect. She was gone for a while again after that. Her television was left on and the world seemed normal. I heard a bunch of commotion in the Oval Office next door and I wondered what was going on. It only took about an hour until I saw the president on TV telling the world about Toby's betrayal. I found out that he'd been fired. I was sad about that, but I suppose there was no other way out really. Toby had screwed up in an epic way. The punishment fit the crime.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, CJ returned to her office. Her shoulders were slumped and she looked older than I'd ever noticed before. She came from the Oval Office and shut the door behind her. Her other doors were closed and she walked over to her guest chair and collapsed. Literally. It looked like her feet just gave way underneath her. She looked like she didn't have any fight left in her.

"Well Gail," she said softly. "It's just you and me now."

A forced chuckled came out of her mouth and the sound scared me. It sounded so resigned. "I never thought…"

Her thought trailed off and she never finished it because at that moment she began to cry. All the emotion of the day and the lack of sleep had finally caught up to her and released in a flood of tears that streamed down her cheeks. Her shoulders bobbed up and down as if forcing the tears from her eyes was a physical task. She put her head in her hand and just let the tears come. It wasn't pretty.

She sat there for a moment sobbing quietly, but although there wasn't hysterical noise, it was most definitely a hard cry. I couldn't remember the last time I saw her cry so hard. I think it must have been when Simon died, or maybe when the president and Josh were shot; I couldn't really remember. CJ usually kept her emotions in check at work, but tonight was just too much. I had a feeling the last six years had been too much and now she was alone.

After a good ten minutes of wracked sobs she lifted her head and she looked exhausted. I thought that she might finally get a good night's sleep because she looked so tired that lifting her head up seemed like a chore.

She wiped her eyes with her hands and wiped them on her skirt. Now that her eyes weren't flooded with tears I saw something different in them. They looked cold, almost void of anything and it worried me. I'd never seen her look so defeated. I wondered if this might not be the last straw. I hoped she would be able to work through it. She had to because there was a knock at the door.

"Come in," CJ called, her voice was thick with tears.

Margaret walked in and I could see the look of shock on her face to see CJ looking so disheveled and sad. "I'm sorry," she said, averting her eyes. "Speaker Haffley is on the phone."

CJ rolled her eyes and stood up. "No," CJ said. "Not tonight."

"He said it was important," Margaret said.

"It's not," CJ said. "He's probably calling to gloat over Toby. Take a message."

"What if he—"

"I can't deal with him tonight," CJ told Margaret forcefully. The look she gave her was almost pleading her to relent.

"I'll tell him you'll get back to him tomorrow," Margaret assured her.

"Thank you," CJ replied.

"CJ?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really sorry," Margaret said. "For everything."

"Thanks Margaret," CJ said. "Me too. You should head home for the night."

"Are you going?"

"Yes," CJ assured her.

"I'll go when you go."

"I'm going now."

CJ stood up and smoothed out her coat. She sniffed a little and I could tell she was stuffy from crying. Of course everyone in the building would be able to tell CJ had been crying. Her eyes were puffy and red and although the tears were gone, her eyes were glassy.

CJ pulled her bag from her desk drawer and walked out the door. She gave one last glance at the television before she turned it off for the evening. As I watched her walk out of the office for the evening, I wondered if CJ would ever be the same again.

TBC


	50. Cold

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during season seven's The Al Smith Dinner.

* * *

"Cold"

After Toby was unceremoniously fired and escorted from the White House things moved quickly. CJ had a little breakdown in her office the night it happened and I felt terrible for her, but when she returned the next day it seemed as though it was business as usual, except…CJ wasn't really herself. There was something different that I couldn't really put my finger on. She was cordial with Margaret. She focused on her work, but there was something in her eyes when she was watching Will brief the press that left me cold and I couldn't really figure out why.

I wondered if maybe CJ should have taken a day or two off after Toby's betrayal. She seemed like she needed it. But, then again, I knew better than anyone that the business of the president never ends. CJ could hardly get away for holidays, let alone to take a personal day to mourn the loss of her best friend in the West Wing.

"CJ," Margaret said entering her office.

"Yeah?" CJ said without looking up from her paperwork.

"Have you seen Will?" she asked.

"Yeah," CJ said.

"I know you did before," Margaret said. "I meant now. The press is going after him pretty good again."

"Yep," CJ replied, as if she didn't really care. And, sadly, for the first time in our relationship I wondered if maybe she really didn't care anymore.

"You're okay with it?" she asked.

"It can't be helped," CJ replied. "Is there something else?"

"No," Margaret said fidgeting with a folder in her hand. "I just thought that you'd want to know."

"Thanks," CJ said. She looked up and forced a smile for Margaret, but there was nothing behind it.

Margaret looked about as puzzled as I felt and she simply nodded and left the office. CJ took a second to glance at the television and watch Will. He was getting pretty well decimated and the look on CJ's face seemed to be something that looked like relief. I was a little horrified by her reaction. I wasn't sure what was wrong with her. I knew that she'd basically been gutted by Toby's betrayal, but I'd never seen her look so unfeeling. I didn't like it at all. I wished I could speak because I'd have talked some sense into her.

CJ quickly looked back down at her papers and began writing again. She even reached over for the television remote and pressed the mute button. She didn't even want to hear what Will was going through. It was the first time I looked at CJ and saw that she wasn't on the pedestal I'd always put her on. I knew that she was going through something pretty awful personally, but her complete apathy to what Will was dealing with struck me as wrong.

She went about the day in the same way. Her personal interactions seemed forced and cold. It was as if she didn't really care about anyone anymore; getting her job done was more important. That's not who she was deep down, but apparently everything she'd been through had broken her. It had only taken seven years, give or take. I suppose the campaign took it's toll too.

Charlie stopped by the office a little while later. He knocked on her door and waited for her to look up.

"Charlie," she said. "What can I do for you?"

Charlie entered the office and closed the door behind him. I saw the look of alarm flash in CJ's eyes when the door shut. It was as if she was now conditioned to equate shut doors with bad news.

Charlie took a seat in the chair across from her desk. "How are you doing?" he asked.

"Me?" CJ asked. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I think I'm doing better than you," Charlie said. Charlie and CJ had a unique relationship. For some reason Charlie was able to just speak freely to her without fear of retribution. I think that was mostly because Charlie had terrorized CJ pretty good once upon a time in a prank war. She knew he had the upper hand if he wanted it.

CJ put her pen down and sighed audibly. She leaned back in her chair and clasped her fingers together on her stomach. "What does that mean?" she asked.

"Will is getting pummeled out there and you don't seem to care," Charlie pointed out.

CJ smirked. It was kind of sickening to see her smirk at that comment actually. That was the moment I knew that she just wasn't herself. "He's cutting his teeth," CJ said. "Being press secretary can be a pretty thankless job."

Charlie gave her a hard look. "You don't want to offer him any words of encouragement?" he countered.

"Who have you been talking to?" CJ asked.

"I know you're probably having a hard time right now," Charlie acknowledged. "But throwing Will in there blind…do you think that's the best decision?"

"Yes," CJ said matter-of-factly. That was it. No more comment; no discussion.

"CJ," Charlie started to say.

"Charlie, I don't know what you want from me," CJ said. "Will is doing what I need him to do. Does he want a medal or something?"

"I think a little encouragement wouldn't be out of line," Charlie replied.

I wondered how CJ was going to take this conversation. Given her mood I wasn't sure she was going to put up with Charlie for long.

"I appreciate you looking out for him," CJ said. "But you might want to think about how invested you get in Will. He's not your friend, he's just a co-worker and at the end of the day we all have our own stuff to deal with."

There it was. I was waiting for the moment where CJ would verbalize what was really going on in her head. She wasn't getting invested in Will. If she kept him, and everyone else, at arms length, then she'd never be as hurt as she when Toby betrayed her. I could tell that CJ was taking Toby's decision to speak to Greg Brock personally. He hadn't betrayed government secrets or the president, he had betrayed her.

"CJ," Charlie said. "You and Toby are friends and what he did was terrible, but you can't ignore everyone around you because you don't want to get hurt."

He was right. I waited for CJ to explode of course, because as it hadn't been that long since Toby was escorted from the building, I don't think she was ready for the little truth bomb that Charlie dropped on her.

"I'm not ignoring anyone," she said in a tone that indicated he was walking a very fine line. I'm sure it was not lost on him. "I'm giving you a sage piece of wisdom. Don't get emotionally involved in these people. They'll only break your heart."

"Like Toby," Charlie finished for her.

"And Leo and Josh and Donna and Sam and Billy Robinson who asked me to the junior high school dance," CJ said spitefully. "Don't psychoanalyze me Charlie."

"I know you're hurting," he said, continuing to push forward. I had to give Charlie credit for forging ahead. CJ certainly wasn't a woman to be reckoned with, yet he didn't seem to care. "But I think Will is the kind of guy who needs a little encouragement. That's all I'm saying."

"So noted," CJ said exhaling loudly. "Is that all?"

Charlie stood up and wavered between wanting to leave and wanting to stay and finish the conversation, but he thought better of it, which I thought was a good call, and he just said, "Yeah."

He left the office shortly after that and CJ just sat staring at the papers on her desk. I felt like she was really thinking about what he had said. Maybe she sensed it was the truth, but I'm not sure she was ready to face it just yet.

"Margaret," she called.

Margaret poked her head into the office and said, "Yes?"

"Can you…" CJ started to say. She was thinking now. There was an uncomfortable silence that fell between them while CJ mentally decided what she wanted. I thought for sure that she was going to have her get Leo or Josh or maybe even Sam on the phone, but in the end she just said, "I'm sorry. Never mind."

"Are you sure?" Margaret asked.

"Yeah," CJ nodded.

Margaret closed the door behind her and left CJ sitting there alone, in silence again. I wondered if this was an occasion that she might have wanted to call Greg Brock, but of course she couldn't call him either. Before his article he was probably her closest confident. Now she really had no one.

CJ fidgeted in her chair a little. I could tell that she was at a loss for what to do next. Her eyes, normally sparkly and full of life, now looked cold and unfeeling. I hated seeing CJ like this. We'd been through so much and she'd always bounced back, but this time, I just wasn't sure she had another rally in her.

She looked sick again. She'd thrown herself into work all day as if that would save her from the hurt and betrayal she felt inside, but it clearly wasn't working. Maybe it would have if Charlie hadn't stopped by to make her see how her uncaring attitude was being perceived by other people. Personally, as much as I hated to see CJ acting so unfeeling, I thought maybe people should cut her some slack. She hadn't had much time to live with the reality of her new life.

CJ leaned forward and picked up the phone. She punched in an extension and waited. "Are you busy?" she asked whoever was on the other end. There was a pause and she said, "Can you come by my office?"

She hung up the phone and I was kind of excited for a visitor. CJ didn't normally do her own summoning and I wondered who could be coming. A few moments later there was a knock on the door and CJ said, "Come in."

The door opened and I was so happy to see Carol walk through the threshold. She gave CJ a smile that was so warm that I felt like I wanted to bask in the good feeling it gave me in my stomach.

"Hi," she said. "How are you?"

"Hanging on by a thread," CJ answered honestly. "How are you?"

"I've been okay."

"I'm sorry we haven't really had a chance to talk since…well, since I moved to this office, really," CJ admitted.

"It's okay," Carol replied.

"Do you want to have lunch today?" CJ asked.

"Sure," Carol said. "I'd like that."

"Do you want to go out?" CJ asked. "I have to get out of this building."

"Yeah," Carol said. "I just have to check in with Will before I leave."

"Sure," CJ said. "How is he doing?"

"You haven't seen the briefings?" Carol asked.

"I have," CJ admitted. "I meant personally. He's been by a few times and he seems kind of frazzled."

"You might be underestimating it," Carol informed her. "I think he could use a pep talk."

CJ nodded.

"I think someone telling him that he's doing a good job would go a long way," Carol added. That Carol; she always had a way with CJ. CJ always teased her, but Carol was pretty good at getting CJ to see the forest for the trees. It didn't matter that Charlie had told CJ the same thing earlier. Somehow Carol made the news sink in.

CJ bit the inside of her cheek and thought about what Carol said. I could tell that she was thinking about something, but I wasn't sure what. "I guess we learn from our teachers," CJ said. "After my first disastrous press conference Toby had no sympathy. He told me to get off the mat; round two was starting whether I was ready or not."

Carol wisely said nothing. She allowed CJ to talk, which might have been what she needed to do in the end. She had feelings that needed to get out, but all day she had no one to share it with. In Carol, CJ had found the long-lost friend she had been looking for. At least, that's the way I saw it.

"It's funny," CJ said. "The things you remember."

"I'm sorry about Toby," Carol offered.

"Me too," CJ replied.

It was at that moment that something funny happened. The cold, unfeeling look I saw in CJ's eyes all day slowly started to fade. She looked sad, depressed even, but not quite as hard as she had before. I knew Carol was responsible in some small way for helping CJ break through the wall she had quickly built around her heart.

That's not to say that CJ was cured of the ennui that had settled upon her. She definitely had her moments. For the next few months she seemed more detached than usual, but at least she didn't seem quite as cold as she had that day.

"Let's go get some lunch," CJ said.

Carol and CJ left, but when CJ returned she had a pink rubber ball. It reminded me of Toby. He used to sometimes bounce that little pink ball when he was thinking. CJ was tying a red ribbon round it and I wondered who it was for. I never did find out, but all I know is that I saw a little piece of the old CJ while she was tying that red ribbon around the little pink ball that reminded us both of the man who broke our hearts.

TBC


	51. Not Yet Broken

Author's Note: Takes place during season seven's Undecided. Reviews, as always, are appreciated.

* * *

"Not Yet Broken"

I was swimming slowly around my bowl. It was Saturday morning. Saturdays and Sundays were usually pretty boring. CJ rarely came in and nothing fun ever happened. I guess most people would find that restful, but I bore pretty easily.

I turned towards the door and saw a shock of red outside CJ's office. I was puzzled for a moment until I saw Margaret enter the room. Yay! If Margaret was here that meant CJ wouldn't be far behind. I didn't know why she'd be in on a Saturday, but I didn't care. I'd be entertained. And also, I'd probably get a few flakes for a treat. Today was shaping up to be a good day—for me anyway—I assumed CJ was probably in for a bad one since she was here on the weekend.

Unfortunately, no sooner had CJ entered her office than she exited it. It seemed she was there to help Ellie plan her wedding. I couldn't figure out why that was happening. CJ seemed busy enough with her own job, let alone that of a wedding planner, but the more I thought about it, CJ was probably the only option. No one was around anymore. Everyone we knew was out on the campaign and we had a bare bones staff. I sometimes marveled at the thought that the government was running at all given that the smartest people I knew, save CJ, were out campaigning for other people.

I wondered how weddings were planned. This one seemed to be extra special because it was happening at the White House. I wondered if all weddings had so many details. I also had to chuckle to myself thinking about CJ helping to plan a wedding. She wasn't exactly the wedding planner type. I mean, she didn't even have a boyfriend. Although, the more I thought about it, when she was press secretary she had to deal with seating arrangements and protocol so I guess she did have some experience.

I had just gotten used to being alone again when Kate entered CJ's office. I'd come to learn that whenever Kate showed up something bad was happening. It wasn't that I didn't like her, but when she stopped by CJ's face got all wrinkled and stressed. Kate usually talked about things that sounded complicated and were hard to understand. I'd rather Will stopped by. At least he dropped names that I recognized from the press pool.

Just as I suspected, Kate had some dire news for CJ. It was about something involving Russia and China. I'm not really sure what, but it required CJ to hand over wedding planner duty to Will. She didn't seem too broken up about it either. She sat in the office with Kate and talked some things over and then there was a lull, but you'll never believe who stopped by. Josh!

It had been a while since I'd seen him. He looked about as tired as CJ did and for a minute I wondered why either of them bothered with these jobs. Of course he didn't stop by just to visit; he had a request of CJ. He wanted the president to fly to California—the next day. I chuckled to myself even as CJ gave him her standard "I'll ask" answer. She knew it was never going to happen and so did I. Had Josh really been gone so long that he thought it was a possibility?

Anyway, he seemed encouraged by CJ's response and just as he was leaving CJ asked if he'd talked to Toby. I froze in my bowl. It was the first time she'd uttered his name in a casual setting since he'd been escorted from the building. She was really bad, emotionally, for a while after Toby left. She seemed detached and abrupt with just about everyone. I thought it was because she hadn't quite processed everything that had happened. She never said Toby's name anymore, not even to friends who would ask. She had to talk about Toby when Oliver stopped by, but she always brushed off questions about him if it wasn't required that she answer.

It turned out Josh hadn't spoken with him. It didn't surprise me. Josh and Toby had resorted to fisticuffs not that long ago. I figured they hardly spoke anymore. CJ looked a little let down after finding out that Josh hadn't spoken with him. She said she hadn't talked to him either, due to the case against him, but I wasn't so sure that was true. Even if CJ had the ability to talk to him I'm not sure she would have. The pain of his betrayal was still too fresh.

Josh left after that and then Kate came back and a whole bunch of Russia-China talk ensued. I liked having the company, but I sure wish I had clue what they were talking about. I used to be able to follow the plot better than this.

Eventually Kate left and a briefing book came for CJ. I figured it was to get her up to speed on what was going on. I didn't feel so bad that I wasn't up on the details because it looked like CJ wasn't too keen on them either. She started to read silently and it was getting late. For someone who didn't come in on Saturday it looked like CJ was going to be here for a while. She even had to turn on her desk lamp when it got dark outside.

She sat back in her chair and stretched a little when her phone rang. I was hoping it would be someone interesting, though I wasn't sure who that could be. Seeing Josh today was already a bonus, even if they seemed somewhat detached in person.

"CJ Cregg," she said as she hit the speakerphone button. She had sent Margaret home an hour ago since she had told her not to come into work anyway.

"Hey, it's me," Josh said. I snickered at his casual greeting. CJ talked to hundreds of people every day, but he just took it on faith that she would recognize his voice in three words. Of course, she actually did. It surprised me that humans could remember something like that even after not talking for so long.

"Hey," CJ said as she highlighted something in her briefing book. "Did Margaret call you?"

CJ had outsourced the work of calling Josh and breaking the news that the president wouldn't be traveling to California the next day. I wondered if CJ was about to get another earful from Josh about the president. He had a shorter fuse nowadays than he used to.

"Yeah," he said. "Thanks for trying."

"It was such short notice," CJ reminded him again.

"Sure," Josh said. There was a pregnant pause and CJ was opening her mouth to say something when Josh continued, "Did you even ask him?"

"I'm sorry?" CJ replied looking at the phone with a furrowed brow.

"I went to Toby's after I saw you today," Josh explained. "I told him what you said when I asked about the president and he said that was your pat answer for when something isn't going to happen."

CJ stared at the phone and put her forearms on the desk. She leaned forward and bit her lower lip. I couldn't tell if she was happy that Josh had seen Toby or if she wanted to wring Toby's neck for telling Josh her secret buzzwords.

"How is he?" she asked. I guess that answered my question. She was more concerned about Toby than mad at him.

"He's…this indictment hasn't changed him if that's what you were thinking," Josh replied. He sounded angry. I assumed their visit hadn't gone well. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Were you placating me by saying you were going to see what you could do about the president?"

CJ thought for a half-a-second and said, "Yes."

It was simple and straight to the point. I thought she'd offer him some explanation for why he got the standard "it's not gonna happen" response, but she didn't. A silence hung over the phone line for a moment.

"Toby seemed to relish the thought of your response," Josh informed her.

"Josh you have to understand that-"

"I get it," Josh interrupted her. "I mean, I was mad when he told me, but I'd have done the same thing if I were you."

"You would?"

"You know I would have," Josh said. "I'd probably have laughed in the face of the person who asked."

"You're not mad anymore?" CJ asked.

"I wasn't really mad at you anyway," Josh said.

That surprised me. Josh was usually one to get mad and make the people he felt wronged him know it. It wasn't like him to turn the other cheek so easily, but maybe he had mellowed with age.

"Don't get me wrong, it would have been nice to know up front that there wasn't a chance in hell of it happening, but I get it."

"Josh you knew there wasn't a chance in hell it was going to happen. When did you become an optimist?"

I thought I heard a muffled chuckle on the other end of the line. "I'm not. I don't know. I guess I thought it was worth a shot."

"So you went to see Toby," CJ fished. She may have been mad at Toby, but she still cared about him. At this point I figured she realized that he was probably in worse shape than she was.

"Yeah," Josh said. "That was a mistake."

"He's not doing well?"

"He's doing fine," Josh said. "He took the opportunity to tell me than Santos isn't going to win the election. That was nice to hear."

"I'm sure he didn't-"

"Don't," Josh cut her off again. "He meant it."

"He's," CJ started to say. "I honestly don't know what to say. He changed over the last year. I don't know if it was David or the job, but he just hardened. I don't even know if he'd talk to me if I could talk to him."

"I should have called him," Josh said. I heard regret in his voice. "I'm doing the campaign, but it was no excuse."

"You and Sam are about the only people who can talk to him," CJ reminded him. "Everyone else is barred from contacting him, including Leo."

"Yeah," Josh said. "He made a comment today about me not being man enough to say I wouldn't see him again."

CJ was silent. I didn't know if it was because she was waiting to give Josh space to continue his thought or if she just didn't know what to say.

"Did you?" CJ asked finally when he didn't speak.

"Did I what?"

"Plan to see him again?" CJ asked.

"I don't know," Josh replied honestly. "You're right though. He's got no one. I mean, I guess Andi and the kids, but he's really alone."

"Yeah," CJ replied. I could almost hear her silently add _"I know the feeling"_ to the end of that sentence. "How did you leave things?"

"He accused me of not being man enough to say I wouldn't see him again and I left," Josh said. "I'm going to go back tomorrow."

I saw CJ's expression and it was one of surprise. "Really?"

"He's a little bit right," Josh replied.

"So you're going to prove him wrong then?" CJ asked with a grin.

"Something like that."

"I'm glad he'll have you there."

"What would you say to him if you could talk to him?"

"I don't know. I want to tell him that I hate him for what he did; that I'll never really forgive him for leaving me here alone, but at the same time I miss him. I miss being able to see him and talk things through with him everyday."

Now it was Josh's turn to be silent. I wondered if he expected such an honest answer to his question. Somehow I thought he probably wasn't really prepared for it. He usually wasn't one for heavy emotion; at least he never used to be.

"It's difficult," Josh said.

"Yeah," CJ agreed.

"So, how's the wedding planning going?" he asked.

"Oh just great," CJ replied. It seemed like she was happy to have a change of subject. "Will has really endeared himself to Ellie and Vic."

Josh chuckled. "Somehow I think he might be a better wedding planner than you though."

"Excuse me? I am the queen of event planning around here," CJ said.

"Yeah, but you tend to forget key people in seating charts," Josh reminded her.

"Okay, that happened once," CJ admitted with a grin. I was happy to see her smile again. It had been a while since I'd seen a genuine smile from her.

"Was it weird? Thinking about planning the wedding, I mean."

"A little," CJ admitted. "I never played wedding when I was little. It seemed so far off the radar even then. I guess I never thought I'd have to worry about planning one."

"Well you'll be ready for your own when the time comes," Josh said.

"My imaginary boyfriend will be thrilled," CJ replied wryly.

Josh and I both snorted at CJ's response. "I'm glad you're going back to see Toby," she added.

"Me too," Josh replied. "Listen, I have to go. I've got a conference call on this speech tomorrow."

"Good luck," CJ said. "And Josh."

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry the president couldn't help."

"No you're not," Josh replied good-naturedly.

Now it was CJ's turn to grin. "I hope it goes well tomorrow."

"That makes two of us. 'Night CJ."

"Goodnight Josh."

She clicked the button on her phone and got back to her reading, but when I looked at her face it didn't seem as stressed and worried as it had early. I thought that her conversation with Josh, however brief, made her feel better about the future. I was glad it made her feel good. It made me feel better too. For the first time in a long time I felt like maybe things were looking up.

TBC


	52. Brush with Death

Author's Note: Takes place before and during season seven's Internal Displacement. Sorry this update has been so long in coming. I guess there is so little West Wing left at this point that I hate re-watching the episodes because I know there isn't much left. Reviews, as always, are appreciated.

* * *

"Brush with Death"

CJ was in her office and it was almost eleven, again; it wasn't unusual for her to be here so late lately. Things seemed to be falling apart even more than usual. I wasn't sure why, but at least things were busy. President Bartlet's daughter had gotten married a few days earlier. I had hoped to catch a glimpse of the festivities, but the most I got was seeing CJ and Kate in their wedding attire. They had to leave to go to the Situation Room. There was a bunch of stuff going on that sounded like it had the potential to get bad, but I guess, for whatever reason, tempers cooled because I didn't really hear much of it.

I guess Josh and Donna were invited to the wedding. I wished one of them would have had a reason to pop into CJ's office, but they didn't. So, I swam around and watched CJ reading and writing a bunch of things. But really, I wasn't watching her so much because Leo was TV! CJ was half-watching the Vice Presidential debate. Word on the street was that he was going to do very poorly and I was happy to see that he was proving everyone wrong. He was actually pretty good.

I'd met Leo a few times and sometimes he came off as a little bit scary. I wondered if that was why expectations were low for his debate performance. But I'd also seen the softer side of Leo too. He seemed to be the perfect candidate for Vice President in my mind. He was a hard, take-no-prisoners kind of guy when he had to be, but he was also level-headed and would give the shirt off his back to someone in need.

I saw CJ stop what she was doing and watch the debate every so often. Unsurprisingly she always looked up when she heard Leo's voice. I saw her crack a few grins and I knew she was enjoying it even if she didn't look completely engaged with the television. Just as the debate wrapped CJ's phone rang. No one was around and her office doors were shut so she just clicked the speakerphone button to answer.

"CJ Cregg," she said.

"Oh, hi," a male voice said on the other end. He sounded surprised that she answered.

CJ stopped what she was doing as soon as he spoke. Like me, she'd know that voice anywhere. It was soft and warm and familiar; the kind of voice that made you feel comfortable.

"You're surprised I answered my own phone?" CJ asked him.

"A little," he admitted. "It's late. I kind of thought I'd get your voicemail."

"You didn't want to talk to me?" she asked. "That's not the Danny Concannon I know." From what I knew they hadn't spoken in quite a while, but CJ reverted to that old, slightly flirting tone when she talked to him.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said. I could almost hear a slight smile in his voice. "I didn't think you wanted to talk to me. I've been running Margaret's gauntlet of trying to get you on the phone for a week so I'm a little surprised I'm talking to _the_ CJ Cregg is all."

"Well you've got her," CJ replied. "Margaret has been giving you a hard time?"

I knew CJ knew that Danny had a called a few times already that week. Margaret gave her the message each and every time, but for some reason CJ didn't call him back.

"I highly doubt she's neglected to give you my messages," Danny challenged her.

CJ's upper lip curled slightly and I could tell that there was something like satisfaction or delight in the fact that he called her out on her question.

"She's given them to me," CJ confirmed. "It's been really…I've had a lot going on."

There it was; the good old CJ Cregg aversion. She'd start a sentence to articulate the truth, then change her mind halfway through because she remembered she was talking to a reporter. I'd seen it years ago with Danny and I'd seen it recently with Greg Brock. Much as CJ wanted to be truthful there was part of her mind that wouldn't let her say more than she should. I wondered if she'd been burned by a reporter long ago. She had a wall that went up quickly when she was afraid she was revealing too much.

"I understand," Danny replied congenially. "I don't imagine you have a lot of time for reporters lately."

I wondered if he was reaching for some connection to Greg Brock. Was he insinuating that CJ was distancing herself from reporters because of everything that happened with Greg? I wasn't sure, but I could tell that CJ was thinking along the same lines by the look on her face.

"Not really," CJ said. "I know Leo didn't talk to reporters as much as I have as Chief of Staff."

Not wanting to start a fight, Danny changed topics when Leo's name came up. "Yeah, did you watch Leo tonight?" Danny asked. "He did well, not that expectations were very high. Josh did a good job on keeping them low."

"I don't think Josh had anything to do with that," CJ said. I thought it was possible that Josh had called the night before. I was half-asleep and CJ didn't put the call on speaker, but I thought she'd said his name at some point. Yeah, yeah, I'm not the greatest historian ever, I know.

"You've talked to him?" Danny asked.

"Yesterday," CJ confirmed. "If Josh had anything to do with lowering expectations he certainly didn't say it."

"He was stressed?"

"He was Josh, so yeah, I guess you could say he was stressed," CJ chuckled lightly.

"So listen," Danny said, getting to the point, "I was wondering if you'd have dinner with me."

I had been swimming in the opposite direction of CJ, but as soon as the question left Danny's lips I quickly turned to catch her reaction, which was one of surprise and possibly shock. I knew she wasn't expecting it and to be honest I wasn't either.

"You want to have dinner with me?" CJ asked. Her question deflected his and I knew that was a classic tactic of hers when wasn't sure how to respond. I could tell she wanted to say yes, but I could also tell that the idea of having dinner with Danny was utterly terrifying to her.

"Yeah," he said. "Shocking though I know it is that I'd want to have a meal with you, I thought I'd ask."

"Okay," CJ said finally. I honestly thought I could actually see her shut off the thinking part of her brain and just take the leap. I'd come to find that CJ had two distinct sides. There was the thinking, rational CJ and there was the emotional, impulsive CJ. She rarely allowed impulsive, emotional CJ out these days. Everything was order and rational behavior. I couldn't really blame her. The last time she let emotional CJ out she got caught up with Greg; the time before she found herself falling for her Secret Service agent, her emotional side didn't have the greatest track record.

"Okay," Danny replied. I could practically hear the smile in his voice. If he knew what was good for him he'd get off the phone before she changed her mind. "Let's say tomorrow at nine?"

"Uh, I'm not sure I can," CJ started verbally talking herself out of dinner, but then she surprised me by saying, "I could probably do ten."

"Great," Danny replied. "I'll see you then."

I heard Danny disconnect his end of the call and I thought that was probably a good decision. He had her scheduled for dinner. Now he just had to be sure she didn't change her mind. The best way to do that was to stop talking and not pick up the phone until after their scheduled dinner.

CJ clicked the speakerphone button and looked at it for a minute. I could tell that she was processing the conversation. We hadn't heard from Danny in a while. I knew she wondered what he wanted, but I could also see that she was excited about the prospect of seeing him again. Of course, I could further tell that she was terrified at the thought.

"What do you think of that Gail?" she asked me.

"I'm surprised," I said. "You've kind of blown him off for years."

"He is tenacious," she said. "I'll give him that."

"Because he loves you," I told her, but my comment fell on deaf ears.

"This was probably a mistake," she said to no one. I wasn't really part of this conversation anymore. And just when I thought I didn't need to pay attention anymore she said, "That's the problem Gail. The feelings never really went anywhere. They were there and then he was gone…and I'm sitting here pouring my heart out to a fish at eleven at night. It's time to go home."

With that CJ packed up a few papers and turned off the television and the light and went home for the night. I was left to contemplate how she felt about Danny, though I didn't really need to think about it. She always had feelings for him and she was probably right; they still lingered because they never really went anywhere. I wanted to think about it some more, but I was a little sleepy and so I settled in for the night. It was a good thing I did. I'd need all my wits about me to get through the stress of the next day, which would bring more terror than I'd felt in my entire life.

* * *

CJ was in pretty early the next morning. I took that as a bad sign. I thought if things had gone well she'd have been out late and maybe overslept. Unfortunately, she was in the office at her normal time, maybe even a little earlier than usual. She seemed preoccupied, though she was doing her job with her usual zeal. I wondered if Danny had said something that had gotten to her. He was always good for getting her to realize something she hadn't before and I thought that maybe he might have made her think about things that she didn't want to when they were together the night before.

It turned out that he had made her think about something she didn't want to think about, but it had nothing to do with her life or career, it had to do with Liz Bartlet's husband Doug. I hadn't seen Doug much. From what I had heard he thought he was tight with Josh and Liz had always fancied herself somewhat close to CJ. That put CJ in a particularly awkward position since, from what I could gather, Danny had told her that Doug was cheating on Liz, or that he had cheated on her.

Pretty much the rest of CJ's day was spent trying to get Will to figure out if the story was true. I assumed that she confirmed it because she had Doug summoned to her office and she forced him to withdraw his application for the president to campaign for him in New Hampshire. That was an awkward conversation, let me tell you.

But, then I suppose you probably want to hear about the stress I alluded to before. I don't really like to think about it as it was my one and only brush with a near-death experience. I wondered if the feeling I had was the same as what Josh and the president had experienced at Rosslyn. No, I didn't get shot, but I can tell you that what happened to me was by far the scariest thing I'd experienced since the guys unleashed those unholy turkeys on me in CJ's office.

Before CJ summoned Doug to yell at him about his indiscretion she called Danny to confirm that the story was true. Since it was during business hours she didn't put the call on speakerphone, but I heard her side of the conversation anyway. She asked Danny if his information was correct. She was nervous about it, mostly because knowing it was true was going to put her in a pretty terrible position with the president and Liz. Well, because she was being awkward and because Margaret surprised her by walking into the office I almost died.

I know I have a flair for the melodramatic. I will admit to sometimes sensationalizing details to keep you all captivated by my adventures in the White House, but this time, I promise, I'm not embellishing. I was swimming around, listening to CJ's side of the conversation with Danny, hoping to pick up on any little detail that I could dissect later when I saw that the black cord that connected the big part of the phone to the receiver started inching closer to the bowl. I can tell you that when you're in the bowl the world outside looks a little distorted. Everything looks a bit liquefied and large, but when a phone cord is coming your way at a fast rate you know it's not distorted. It's coming for you and there isn't anything you can do about it.

CJ walked towards the door and the cord came at me at the fastest pace I'd ever seen anything come at my bowl. Suddenly the force of CJ's movement and the cord swept my bowl across the desk. I'll admit, at first it was a little fun. I felt like what I think ice skating must feel like. I was gliding across the desk in my bowl. But then, very quickly, I realized that there wasn't much desktop left. The bowl was rapidly reaching the end of the desk and my bowl started to tumble. It slipped off the edge and the freefall was intense. I didn't have that moment people talk about when their life flashes before their eyes. I didn't have time to process what was happening, but I can tell you that even though it happened quickly, to me, it was in slow motion as my home fell rapid down the side of the desk.

I let my mind go blank and thought that it was the end when suddenly the free fall stopped. The hard thud I was expecting didn't come and I turned in the water, which was miraculously still in the bowl and saw that CJ had dropped the phone and was holding my bowl in her hands. She looked as terrified as I felt and I could hear Danny yelling into the phone that now hung off the desk. She set me gently back on her desk and I had to take a moment to compose myself while she finished her conversation with Danny.

I got myself together enough to hear her agree to what I think was another date with Danny and then CJ was off talking to some weird guy who seemed really mad about something. Josh stopped by and also seemed to have ticked CJ off, but honestly, I was just too happy to be alive to take notice of what they were sort of fighting about. I spent the rest of the day trying to regulate my heart, which wasn't easy.

I made a decision that day though. I wasn't going to take a moment for granted because how did I know when I was going to be pushed off the desk or accidentally dropped when my bowl got cleaned. I felt like up until then I was making the most of my life, but that day I decided that a more concerted effort was required to make my life more meaningful and that was going to start with paying more attention to things.

To that end, CJ told the president that Doug was cheating on Liz. She didn't have much of a choice. The story was coming out and she didn't want him to be blind-sided by the information. I didn't envy her that job. CJ did go out with Danny again and from all accounts it went very well, but reliving my near-death experience is probably enough excitement for one day. It's a good story for another time.

TBC


	53. Meltdown

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during season seven's Duck and Cover. Sorry it's been so long since updating. I'm getting so close to the end that I want to savor it for Gail. :)

* * *

"Meltdown"

I know you're all probably wondering what happened after CJ and Danny's next dinner out. I wish I could tell you, but the truth is I have no idea. After my brush with death CJ was supposed to be meeting Danny for dinner (again). I never did find out how the night went though because before I knew it CJ was back in her office, which wasn't a good sign because she had gone home for the night. Whenever CJ returned late at night it always signaled that something had gone horribly wrong.

She wasn't in her office a whole lot, but from what I could tell something called "the plant" in San Andreo, California was in distress and in danger of melting down. I'm not exactly sure what that meant, but it didn't sound good. From the way people were running in and out of CJ's office and the rate at which she was wearing a hole in the carpet between her desk and the Oval Office, I can pretty much tell you it wasn't a good thing.

Since CJ was in and out of the office so much I didn't get a whole lot of detail from her, but luckily she left the television on and I was kind of up-to-speed about what was happening. They were evacuating the area around the nuclear power plant because it could blow up. Oh, and they were venting some gas from one of the buildings that could hurt people, I think. I told you after my brush with death I was going to pay more attention to things, but honestly, my fish brain can only handle so much information. I'm much better at reading feelings than policy.

I didn't get a whole lot of sleep that night. CJ stayed there all night and into the morning. I was exhausted, but I didn't want to sleep for fear that I'd miss something. Luckily I stayed up because in the wee hours of the morning CJ came in from the Oval Office and sighed. She took a seat in her chair and looked at the phone for a moment.

"Do I want to start with easy or hard Gail?" she asked me.

"Probably hard," I responded, though she didn't hear me.

"Talking to Josh should be easier than Bruno," she muttered to herself, "But Josh isn't going to want to hear what I'm telling him."

"Oh call Josh!" I implored her. I liked hearing voices from the past. As it was I knew I'd never hear Toby's voice again. Hearing Josh on the phone would be like a visit from an old friend; although, lately CJ and Josh seemed more antagonistic than usual.

CJ gathered a few papers together and hit the speakerphone (yes!) to call someone. She punched in a few numbers and the phone rang once, then twice before someone said, "Hello."

"Bruno, it's CJ," she said. "The president is planning a trip to California this morning and we'd like Senator Vinick to join the California delegation on the plane."

Ah, so this is what would have Josh so angry. It seemed like whoever got the most face time with the president got some sort of advantage in the election. I assumed the president going on a trip with Senator Vinick would be seen as an affront to Josh and the Santos campaign.

Again, I didn't pay attention to the rest of the conversation with Bruno. Sorry. My head was too busy swimming with how bad this conversation with Josh was going to be. By the time my focus was back CJ was off the phone with Bruno and dialing what I assumed would be Josh's phone number.

"Josh Lyman," he said after one ring. He had only said his name, but he sounded wired.

"It's CJ," she replied.

"What's going on with the plant?" he asked. "It didn't explode or I'd have seen it on TV."

I saw CJ take a deep breath and summon her courage in her tired state to break the news to Josh that his candidate was going to miss out on a photo opportunity with the president.

"Josh the president is-we're all going to California in a few hours," CJ said. "It's customary to ask-"

"Don't say it," he said cutting her off. "Don't even say it CJ."

"The members of the California Congressional delegation have been asked to join him," she finished.

"Are you kidding me right now?" he yelled into the phone.

"Yes Josh," CJ answered angrily. "I decided to call you in the middle of the night to play a little joke on you."

Josh had commented a few times on CJ's sarcasm. At one point I thought maybe he liked her snarky wit, but I imagined right now he found it anything but amusing.

"CJ putting Vinick on that plane is body blow to Santos and you know it," he yelled back. "Did you decide to start working for the RNC? You know what kind of traction he's going to get out this. How can you do this?"

CJ sighed silently and shut her eyes for moment before opening them. "The president would like to speak with Congressman Santos to let him know about the trip," she pushed forward hoping to avoid Josh's wrath.

"Well he can't," Josh replied. "I'm not gonna let him talk to the Congressman and tell him he's personally screwing his campaign."

CJ shook her head and started to speak in a low, quiet tone that made her scarier than if she'd been yelling back at him, "Josh, this has nothing to do with the campaign. You know damn well that's customary for the Congressional delegation from the home state of any disaster to fly with the president. I'm sorry if you feel like you're getting screwed here, but the people who are really screwed are the families fleeing from nuclear fallout and the civil engineers who are in the containment building trying to fix it so spare me your mellow drama for one night. Is Congressman Santos available to speak to the president or not? I'm not calling again."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment and I wondered if CJ had made Josh feel sufficiently humbled. I know I did and I wasn't even the one yelling at her.

"I'll go talk to the congressman and have him on the phone in five minutes," he said.

"Thank you," CJ said as she reached out to disconnect the call.

Before she could hit the button I heard Josh said, "CJ."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not as heartless as you probably think I am right now."

"I know you're not."

"It's a bubble out here on the road," he said. "This campaign is all I think, eat, sleep, breathe. I just…you know this screws us."

"I know it's not ideal," CJ replied. "You know that this isn't intentional don't you?"

"Yeah," Josh said unconvincingly.

"Josh it can't be helped. It's how it is," CJ said again forcefully.

"It doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Do you like anything lately?" CJ asked.

"No, do you?" he shot back at her.

"Not really," she admitted.

"I remember the campaign part as more fun," Josh admitted.

"Yeah," CJ said clearly thinking back to better times.

"I'm sitting on something that I want the press to know about," Josh admitted.

CJ smirked. Leave it to Josh to yell, apologize and then try to get insight into the press in a ten minute conversations.

"They'll figure it out," CJ assured him.

"I'm not sure they will. It's…they should be running with it by now."

"They will."

"You don't know what I'm talking about," he said. "This thing is a big deal."

"Josh, they'll get to it," she said again.

"You know for sure?"

"If it's as good as you say it is they'll find it," she replied. "How often did the press let our little foibles slip through the cracks?"

"Never," Josh said.

"Well there's your answer then."

"CJ—"

"We're in stage one of the story," CJ said. "Stage one is explanation and drama. If it bleeds it leads. Stage two is figuring out who is at fault. Wait for stage two."

Josh took in her advice and said, "Give me five minutes to get with the Congressman before the call."

"Will do."

CJ hung up the phone and looked at it for a moment. She looked as though she was seriously considering picking up and making another call. I wondered if she might be thinking about Danny. I assumed that she must have left him somewhere because she'd left for dinner and come back rather quickly. Of course, dinner might have also ended badly. CJ wasn't the same person she was seven years ago when Danny found her beguiling. She'd changed over the years because of many things and while I still loved her, I wondered if maybe Danny didn't. She'd been through a lot since Danny disappeared. It might not have been as easy to pick up where they off. That was a sobering thought that would fester.

Luckily I didn't have much time to think about it because CJ thought better of picking up the phone. She stood up to leave and the phone rang almost immediately.

"CJ Cregg," she said picking it up. I wished she'd have put it on speakerphone. It was so much better to get two sides of the conversation.

"What are you doing up at this hour?" she asked whoever was on the other end of the phone.

"I didn't mean to rush out," CJ started. I wondered for a moment if maybe this was Danny. Was it possible that she had been thinking about calling him and he just called her out of the blue?

Her statement was cut off by whoever was on the other end of the phone. Whoever it was seemed to be talking quite a bit and CJ just listened. I think I saw her whole face soften and I thought that it must be Danny on the other end. No one had the ability to make CJ soften like him.

"I know," she said finally. She knew what? With one statement this one-sided statement had me reeling. Who was on the other line? What did he or she say? Why did CJ's face look like that?

"I need to do this now Danny," she said. "You know that, right?"

So she was talking to Danny. She listened some more as I wondered and wondered what was being said on the other end of the line.

"I understand," she said. What did she understand? I have no idea. I wish I could tell you.

"This might be best left for later; after the election," she said. "I promise I'll call you."

So whatever Danny was saying CJ was once again putting off for later; not a big surprise. She had a lot to do and at the moment part of the country was melting down. Who could blame her? I wondered if Danny understood where she was coming from. He must have because she didn't seem like she was fighting with him when she said, "Thank you."

"Yeah, we fly out in a few hours," she said. "Will you still like me if I'm radioactive?"

I saw her smile at his answer and I assumed that he must have said what she wanted to hear.

"I'll call you," she said again. After a pause she added, "I will. Goodnight Danny."

She hung up the phone then and left the office leaving me to wonder what was said between them and what it all meant. All I knew for certain is that Danny most likely said he'd wait for her no matter how long it took.

TBC


	54. A Chill in the Air

Author's Note: Sorry the updates have been so few and far between. I find season seven hard to get through sometimes, but rest assured I plan to finish out the series through Gail's eyes. Reviews are appreciated.

* * *

"A Chill in the Air"

CJ returned to the White House from California. She didn't look radioactive. I wasn't sure what radioactive people looked like, but I assumed they probably wouldn't have let CJ or the president into an area that put them in danger; at least I hoped that was the case.

She got right back into her work and I didn't see her a lot for a while. She was in her office occasionally, but she was mostly reading. It seemed that since the nuclear meltdown she was more focused on international relations; something about two countries being on the brink of war. I know I said I'd be better about paying attention and I was trying, but really, I was more concerned about the people I was friends with. I hadn't heard anything about Toby in weeks. There was no word on Sam for months and every time CJ and Josh had a phone conversation it seemed that they got into some type of argument. It made me sad.

This day was no different. Josh called CJ's office and they talked, unfortunately for me, not on speakerphone. I'm not sure what Josh's side of the conversation sounded like, but I could guess based on CJ's reaction to what he was saying. She was telling him that his candidate needed to come to the White House for a meeting with the president. I knew from being around Josh for years that he didn't like being told what to, but since he left the White House I'd seen that he really didn't care for it and playing the "we're old friends" card would get CJ nowhere.

There was a time when she'd yell and get angry at him on the phone when he was resistant to what the White House wanted, but today instead of getting mad she put on her Press Secretary hat and told Josh what it would look like if Arnie Vinick showed up at the White House alone. I assumed that got his attention because it sounded like he was coming after all.

CJ hung up the phone and sighed. I felt bad for her. I'd felt badly for her a lot lately and I didn't like it. I wanted to be happy for CJ. I wanted to live a life on legs vicariously through her, but honestly, the last year had me rethinking that wish. I guess CJ was feeling pretty defeated herself because she started talking to me. She talked to me a lot over the years, but lately we really hadn't had many heart-to-hearts.

"Was I really asking for that much Gail?" she asked me.

"You were doing what the president told you to do," I said. "You didn't have a choice."

"He acts like I'm single-handedly screwing his campaign," CJ said.

"He's probably just stressed," I tried. "It's a close race."

"I don't remember Josh being like this when we were campaigning," CJ said. "Maybe he was, but we were on the same team and I didn't notice. Maybe it was because I had other people to talk to."

Ah, so here we were; the heart of the problem. Josh was being pissy with her lately and sadly, he was the only one she still spoke with from the glory days of the Bartlet years.

"Is it so much to hope that he'd be nice when we talk?" she asked me. "I always fool myself into thinking we'll have a good conversation. I guess I still think of us as friends."

"You are," I yelled. "You'll always be friends. Josh is just wrapped up in so much right now. So are you. Maybe after the election you can be better friends."

"Maybe we never were friends. Maybe we were just co-workers and I thought it was friendship. I thought Toby and I were friends and look what happened there."

"You and Toby are friends," I reminded her, though she couldn't hear me.

CJ exhaled loudly. "Thank god for you Gail," she said. "You're the only one I've got left."

"You've got Danny," I reminded her.

"I suppose I have Danny," CJ said as if she'd heard me. She shook her head at the thought. "But that has to wait."

I wasn't sure I agreed with her plan to backburner Danny. Hadn't she done that for years? He seemed like he was back and ready to start something and I wasn't quite sure why CJ was still putting him off. Yes, he was still a reporter, but she wasn't the Press Secretary. She wasn't undermining the integrity of the room. That was a phrase CJ used a lot over the years when it came to Danny.

"Why does it have to wait?" I asked giving her an admonishing wag of my fin.

"I know," she said looking at me. "Okay, I know that technically it doesn't have to wait, but I'm not…there's a lot I have to accomplish here before I can give my attention to that."

"Right," I grumbled.

"I think I'm losing it Gail," she said to me. "I haven't had a lengthy out loud conversation with you in a while. This is a little disturbing."

"I don't know why," I said. "I hear you just fine."

"But in a way you're all I've got around here lately," she said resigned. "Thanks for listening."

"I'm here anytime," I replied.

She always felt a little silly talking to me out loud. Margaret walked in on her talking to me once. She gave CJ a weird look and she tried to play it off that she was rehearsing some talking points out loud. Margaret didn't believe her and then CJ didn't talk to me for a while. Luckily, today Margaret had the day off.

CJ got back to work after that. There was a lot to do to get ready for the two presidential candidates. Kate and Will were summoned and acted weirder than usual while in CJ's office. I think she wondered what was up, but they didn't reveal anything. I thought Will kind of liked Kate as more than a co-worker and I wondered if CJ thought so too. She seemed to pick up on something between them and I could tell it amused her. At least she had the antics of those two to keep her mood lifted.

About a half hour later we got a surprise visit from the man next door. You probably know him as the president, but in the last two years I'd begun to think of him as our neighbor. He didn't visit often, but when he did it was usually something important. This visit was no different.

There was a knock and the door opened and CJ was standing as the door opened and President Bartlet walked in. He was using his cane today. Some days he didn't, but I assumed the stress of the possible military action probably made his condition a little worse.

"Mr. President," CJ said as she began to stand.

"Sit, sit," he waved his hand at her as he made his way over to her guest chair. She obeyed his command and took a seat as he made himself comfortable in the chair across from her.

"This military action," he started. "It's not an easy decision for me."

"I know Mr. President," CJ nodded.

He looked slightly uncomfortable with what he was about to say next. "I don't want you to think that I don't value your opinion and the opinions of others that have been in the room, but I need outside counsel on this."

"Of course Mr. President," CJ said. I assumed she wasn't offended by his remark. CJ had never been in the military, but I wondered about his comment on the others. Surely there were generals and other high-ranking military people in the room when options were being discussed. I knew the president missed Admiral Fitzwallace in the Situation Room. CJ had mentioned it offhand to Kate one day, but I would have thought that there were others who had stepped up to take his place by now.

"I need Leo," President Bartlet said suddenly.

CJ looked at him, her eyes a little wider, but with understanding. Leo had been by the president's side longer than anybody else. Every military decision the president had made had been vetted by Leo up until now. I understood his statement, but I did wonder how that would work. Leo was technically on another team now. He was running for vice president.

CJ nodded. "I understand Mr. President," she said. "But, I want to remind you that the polls today have Santos and Vinick in a virtual tie for president. You'd be pulling both Democratic candidates off the campaign trail and leaving the Republicans with their VP choice on the field."

I grinned slightly in spite of myself. Even though CJ didn't feel like she was friends with Josh, here she was spewing what would surely be his position on the issue. I wasn't sure if she was doing it because she believed it or because she was going to bat for Josh.

"I know," President Bartlet replied. "It's not ideal."

"I'll be honest with you Mr. President," CJ spoke candidly. "Josh wasn't pleased with having to bring Santos here tonight. If I call him and tell him to bring Leo with him I honestly don't think he'll listen to me."

President Bartlet considered that. "Try the usual scheduling avenues and let me know if he has a problem," the president said. "I'll call him myself if I have to."

I'm almost certain I saw CJ stifle a grin. I could almost see the thought running through her head; Josh getting a call from the president summoning Leo to the White House over his wishes. I could see why CJ would be tickled at the image. He'd been so contrary every time she spoke with him lately. It would be nice for her to know that he was forced to bring Leo under duress. I wondered if she felt a pang of guilt about feeling happy at the thought, but somehow I thought maybe not.

"Okay," CJ replied.

The president stood up and CJ followed suit. "I just haven't made a military decision without talking to him," President Bartlet continued to explain. "With Fitz gone…it's a big decision."

"You should feel well-informed before you make it," CJ assured him.

The president nodded and just like that he was gone, back behind the closed door that connected the offices.

CJ picked up the phone and tapped in a few numbers before she said, "Hi Rachel, I need you to call the Santos campaign and tell them the president has also requested that Leo attend tonight's meeting," CJ said. "If they give you trouble, please call Debbie and have the president make the call."

She hung up the phone with a satisfied look on her face. I'm not sure if Leo showed up or not, but I was pretty sure he must have because I saw hide nor hair of Josh Lyman in CJ's office that night; a sure sign that CJ had won and he had lost.

TBC


	55. Possibilities

Author's Note: Takes place during Election Day Part I, with a little callback to Election Day Part One. Reviews are appreciated. I can't believe this story is almost finished.

* * *

"Possibilities"

Things in the White House were moving at a frantic pace, as usual, but there was something in the air. It felt like finality to a job that wasn't quite finished. I wasn't sure why, but the impending election seemed to mean different things to people around the White House.

Charlie seemed to think it was time to start looking for new opportunities; specifically, that CJ start to look for new opportunities. He'd been by CJ's office a few times with briefs and binders and job offers. I guess this meant that CJ wasn't going to be Chief of Staff once the new president was elected. It was funny that I didn't really understand that until the job offers started pouring in.

Even though it seemed like CJ was the most popular girl in the White House, she seemed to be in denial about the whole thing. Charlie prodded her to look at the offers and she blew him off or changed the subject. Whereas Charlie saw the end to the White House gig as an opportunity, I guess to CJ the election meant she was out of a job and aimless. I couldn't tell if she was looking forward to that or not.

In the end, the actual election didn't really seem to matter because something really bad happened on election night. CJ was in the office late. She had intended to stay until they called Texas. I heard her tell Margaret that earlier in the day. Everyone around the White House seemed like they were going to stick around so it wasn't odd when the phone rang just before the election results started trickling in. What was odd was that Josh was on the other end of the phone.

"CJ Cregg," CJ answered her own phone on speaker.

"CJ," Josh said. His voice sounded funny. It had an edge to it that was more nervous than I'd heard before.

"Josh?" CJ asked, surprised. She clearly thought it was odd for him to be calling on election night as well. "How's it going? They're just about to start calling states."

"CJ," he said. "I don't…it's Leo."

"What's Leo?" CJ asked.

"He collapsed," Josh replied. "Donna and I are on the way to the hospital now. I don't know what…I don't…"

CJ's eyes widened in alarm and she picked up the phone to take Josh off speakerphone. As much as I was upset not to be able to hear the whole conversation, I was more upset at the thought that there was something wrong with Leo. He'd collapsed before and he almost died. I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that it was happening again. Apparently CJ couldn't either. I could see her eyes looked glassy, but she was too strong to allow the tears to drop.

"Which hospital?" CJ asked. Josh must have answer and then CJ said, "I'll let the president know."

Josh was talking again and CJ was listening. I saw her bite her lower lip. I wasn't sure if it was an indication of her nerves or if she was biting it to keep herself from crying. As it was, I knew she was thinking the worst.

"He's strong Josh," she said finally. "Please keep me posted and drive safe."

She hung up the phone and sat there for a moment. She was collecting her thoughts. I thought I heard her whisper, "Please don't take Leo," as she gazed upwards briefly. After that she called Margaret into the office. She asked for the first moment that the president had available. He was supposed to be with his daughter and her cheating husband in New Hampshire, but I guess he came back early.

Before CJ let Margaret leave her office she said, "You should know that the call I just had was about Leo."

Margaret nodded, but from the look on her face I could tell that she was internally bracing herself for bad news.

"Josh said he collapsed," CJ said clearing her throat. "Annabeth found him and they're on the way to the hospital now."

"Thank you for letting me know," Margaret said. "Will you tell me if Josh calls with news?"

"Of course," CJ nodded.

Margaret nodded back and left the office while CJ sat there alone in the dimly-lit room. I wondered what she was thinking about at that moment. Leo had been the president's confidante and friend for so long. I knew that CJ thought of herself as a poor replacement for Leo as Chief of Staff. I assumed she wasn't looking forward to being the one to tell the president that Leo had collapsed.

CJ reached out and picked up the phone. She punched in three numbers quickly, then a fourth more slowly and finally a fifth number before she hung up. I wondered who she was going to call and then it dawned on me that she was thinking of calling Toby. I don't know how I know, I just do. After living with someone for so long they sort of become an extension of you and if I were CJ I'd have wanted to call Toby to let him know too. It made me sad for so many reasons to think that she couldn't.

A while later CJ was sitting at her desk watching the television reports on the election. I could tell that she was only half-paying attention to the television and to the work she was pretending to do. I knew she was anxiously waiting to hear from Josh, but the phone didn't seem to ring…until it did.

She was expecting important news so she didn't put it on speakerphone. She just answered it.

"CJ Cregg," she said.

The look on her face said it all. I didn't need to hear the news delivered to know that Leo had died. If I had tear ducts I would have cried. Instead, all I could do was float to the bottom of my bowl and remain still in a moment of sorrow for Leo. I didn't know him as well Josh, Sam, Donna and Toby, but I knew he was important to CJ and that was enough.

"Thanks Donna," CJ said. "I'll let the president know. How's Josh?"

So Josh wasn't the one to deliver the news. I knew that Josh had known Leo just a little better than everyone else and I assumed he must have been crushed by this news. The fact that Donna was one who called CJ only confirmed this for me.

"Tell him I'm thinking of him," CJ said. "Take care."

CJ hung up the phone and this time I could see the tears beginning to pool in her eyes, but she still had one more thing to do before she could grieve. She stood up and walked over to the door that separated her office and the Oval Office. I didn't relish her position to be the one to tell the president that his best friend had died. Then, again, Leo was a boss, confidante and friend to CJ as well. I mostly just wished that this night hadn't happened at all.

CJ returned from the Oval Office faster than I would have thought. I didn't hear any yelling or crying from the president, but then, that would probably be reserved for later when he was alone with Abbey.

CJ closed the door to the Oval and walked over to the door that separated her office from Margaret's area and she closed it as well. She walked over to her chair, sat down and her shoulders collapsed as she began to cry. It as well passed quitting time and she felt comfortable letting go of her emotions. If I could have jumped from my bowl and given her a hug I would have.

I hadn't seen her cry like this since Toby's betrayal. Almost seven years with her and I'd only seen her lose it like this a few times. It was devastating every time though. Her shoulders shook and her head was bowed close to her chest as she wept silently. I wished she'd had someone to comfort her, but there was no one left, save the president, who knew how Leo had touched their lives.

Almost as if an angel above had heard my prayer, CJ's phone rang. She looked at the phone, tears streaming down her face and she sniffed. I could tell that she didn't want to answer it, but she thought it might be something important, as if anything could be more important than the passing of Leo. She must not have had the strength to hold the receiver because she hit the speakerphone button.

"CJ Cregg," she said. Her voice was thick. Anyone who knew her would know there was something wrong.

"Hi CJ," he said. "It's Danny."

At the sound of his voice and his name I could see the tears steam down her cheeks freely, as if Danny was one of the few people she could be herself with tonight.

"Hi," she said, trying to make it sound like she wasn't crying.

"Look, I don't know how to say this," he started. I could tell he was going to broach the subject of Leo and I wondered, horrified, if it was for a story. But instead he said, "How are you?"

CJ chuckled, as if she were cracking under the emotion of it all. "Awful," she replied honestly. "How are you?"

"So it's true then," he said. "Leo…"

"Are you calling for a story?" she asked, a little meanly.

"No. No, I'd never…I read something online and I thought if it was true that you'd need someone."

CJ nodded to herself and the empty room. "It's true," CJ confirmed. Once, she wouldn't have been so quick to confirm it to a reporter, but Danny had ceased to be a reporter for a while now, even though she occasionally tried to keep him kept in that box.

"I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

"How's the president?"

"He took it better than I thought he would, but we had a heads up that it might happen before we really knew. I still have to tell Margaret and I don't know how I'm going to do that."

"How's Josh?"

"I don't know," CJ said reaching for a tissue and wiping her eyes. "I talked to Donna. I'd assume that means not well. Tonight was…_is_ supposed to be his night."

"It still could be."

"I'm not sure it'll mean as much," CJ replied.

"It'll mean more," Danny assured her.

"I don't know what I'm going to do for the next few months," CJ admitted. "I've always had Leo in my back pocket in case something went wrong. Who can I call now?"

"You can do it without Leo. He taught you well," Danny reminded her.

"It's so sudden. He's so young," CJ said.

"Yeah, he was."

Suddenly, as if she remembered that she was talking to Danny the reporter, she said, "Danny, I can't…this isn't on the record. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that Claudia Jean," he replied. Use of her full name indicated his annoyance at her accusation. "I'd never take advantage of you that way."

"I know," CJ said timidly, as if she knew that she had offended him. "I'm sorry. Tonight has just been…"

"I know," he interrupted her. "Has anyone talked to Toby?"

"I don't know," CJ sighed. "I can't. Josh is the only one who talks to him and I don't know how Josh is doing. He's got a millions things going on."

"It'd be a shame if Toby heard it on the news," Danny said.

"Yeah," CJ agreed.

"Do you want me to call him?" Danny offered.

I thought I saw CJ's eyes finally focus and soften, realizing what Danny would do for her. She didn't even have to ask. Her lips curled into a sad smile.

"No," she said. "But thank you. You don't know what it means that you offered."

"Are you sure?"

"I am."

"Okay," Danny replied. "Well, I don't want to bother you. I just wanted to check in and see if you were alright."

"I'm not," CJ said. "But I will be."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"Danny," she said. It was one of those moments where I just knew that CJ was getting ready to say something. I'd seen it a hundred times before and I knew that she was going to rethink it and say nothing, as she usually did. But on this night she surprised me.

"It's good to hear your voice," she said. "I've missed it."

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment and I wondered if Danny was trying to process what he'd just heard. "Really?" he asked.

CJ actually laughed a little as she replied, "Yes."

"I've missed you too," he said, taking her declaration a little farther than she'd implied, which he often did. The funny thing was that tonight, CJ didn't correct him. I wondered if losing Leo made her rethink her position on waiting for the perfect moment with Danny. I'd learned over the years that perfect moments were elusive. I wondered if CJ was learning that lesson now.

"I'll talk to you soon Danny," she said. "Thanks for calling."

"Hang in there CJ," Danny replied. "Leo might just get elected Vice President yet."

The call disconnected and CJ said quietly, "From your lips to God's ears Danny Concannon."

TBD


	56. Moving Forward

Author's Note: Takes place during season seven's Requiem. Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed or has yet to review this story. It's slow in coming, but it will be finished soon.

* * *

"Moving Forward"

So, I have some interesting news for all you. It's news I think you might be tickled by; I know I was. CJ and Danny…are dating. I know! It was a shock to me at first too. I mean, I know he called and she ignored him and he emailed and she ignored him and they went out to dinner and she ignored him, but now, somehow, someway, CJ and Danny are dating.

I think it all stems from Leo's death. I mean, Danny was circling CJ again before Leo passed away, but I think losing someone kind of lights a fire under people, at least it seemed to with CJ. Forgive me if my memory of everything seems a little muddled. Everything happened so fast. One day we were anxiously awaiting election results and the next Leo was gone and then everything seemed to change. Leo won by the way; he's the vice president, in name anyway. I guess there's some sort of appointment that has to be made, or maybe there's another election. I don't really know. I haven't been playing that close attention because of what happened with Leo.

After CJ told the president and Margaret about Leo she went home. She left with her tear-stained face and came back the next day looking ready to get to work, but she was distracted. I could see it in her eyes. Will came in to talk about something, but she was barely listening. I could see her trying to mentally focus her thoughts when Kate came in with news about national security, but her heart wasn't in it.

"How are you holding up?" Kate asked after she'd apprised CJ of her news.

"I'm here," CJ said.

"But not mentally," Kate said.

CJ looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and replied, "No, I guess not."

"It's understandable," Kate said. "You and Leo were close."

"Yeah," CJ agreed.

"He was a good man," Kate offered. A lot of people were saying that, as if it meant something important and yes, Leo was a good man, a great one, but saying it wouldn't bring him back .

"He was," CJ agreed. "Leo was one of the best; maybe the best of us all."

Kate looked a little apprehensive, as if she was unsure of whether she should say what she was thinking, but she forged ahead anyway. "Have you talked to anyone? Josh? Toby?"

CJ glanced up and gave her a look that indicated that it was still too soon to utter Toby's name in her office. "No," she replied. "Donna was actually the one who told me what happened. I assume Josh was having a hard time holding it together last night. He had a lot going on."

"It might be nice for you to see him tomorrow," Kate offered. "Old friends are good to have around when things like this happen."

A look crossed CJ's face that I didn't quite understand. I'd say it seemed like something was dawning on her and then her expression became resolved. Resolved to what I didn't know, but it definitely looked like she'd made up her mind about something and I think Kate might have had something to do with it.

"Yeah," CJ nodded. "Death has a way of making you miss people who are still here."

That was pretty much the end of the conversation. CJ didn't seem to want to talk and Kate wasn't the type to press so she left and CJ got on with her day. I heard a few snippets of conversation about the funeral. I'd heard the word before, but I can't say for sure I really knew what it meant. I'd never been to a funeral; my bowl is a bit of hindrance.

So, things went on as usual for two days, which I thought was kind of odd. The world continued to turn. CJ got back to normal and by the morning of Leo's funeral I'd say she almost seemed happy in some way, which seemed very strange to me. I hadn't seen CJ look that content in quite a while. I'd kind of expected her to be more depressed. It wasn't until later that I figured out why she was in the mood she was in.

After CJ and Margaret returned from the funeral Danny stopped by her office. Their conversation started out a little strange. First of all, Danny came in the office like they'd been speaking regularly. He'd called the night Leo passed away so I suppose it wasn't so odd, but he seemed very at ease in her office. And then they shut the office doors and I got all the details!

Apparently CJ stopped by Danny's house the night after the election and from the smile on Danny's face and the blush in CJ's cheeks it was clear to me what happened before either of them said anything. After listening to their conversation it became very clear that they were planning to get together again that night. If I had the ability to blush I'm pretty sure I would have.

They both seemed very matter-of-fact about what happened and they seemed very enthusiastic about doing it again. It was odd for me to see CJ acting so carefree, but it was nice. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better match than Danny. Obviously I'm extremely biased because he gave me to CJ, but I knew from the minute he drove me to the White House that he was in love with her. He'd been hanging on for a while and I was glad that he was finally getting his chance with her.

Anyway, after Danny stopped by CJ was in and out of the office. I even got to see Josh for a little bit, which was nice, but he didn't stick around long. I didn't even really get a chance to say hello. He and CJ talked about Leo and I saw that look in CJ's eyes again; the one that told me she was still mourning the loss. Josh didn't look so hot either. I wasn't sure if it was because he was exhausted from the campaign or the funeral, but either way, I knew he wasn't himself just yet.

A while later I was startled awake by the sound of CJ returning to the office. It was almost eleven and I'd forgotten that she was still in the office. She'd gone to a private memorial in the residence and I didn't expect her back. She sat down and thumbed through a few messages that were on her desk and was surprised by a light rap on the door.

CJ looked up to see Danny standing there. "You're still here?" she asked.

"I was hoping to catch you after the memorial," he said.

"Come in," CJ said sitting back and gesturing for him to enter. Danny didn't need to be told twice and he promptly closed the door behind him. Apparently they were having closed-door conversations from now on.

"How are you holding up?" Danny asked as he sauntered in.

"I've been better," she admitted. "The president's private memorial was nice."

"It was everyone that knew Leo best," Danny agreed.

"Yeah," CJ nodded. "I needed it."

Danny took a beat and I could tell he was getting ready to switch topics of conversation.

"Look, CJ," Danny said. "I don't want to make this any more complicated than it needs to be, but I have to know…is tonight really about Donna staying at your place?"

I was confused. When they'd left CJ's office earlier it sounded like they had plans, but now it sounded like Danny was saying that CJ had changed her mind and it had something to do with Donna. I wasn't sure why, but I knew that CJ had been looking forward to seeing Danny again so I was also left to wonder what had changed.

"Danny," CJ started to protest.

"Because I get it if you thought about it and decided that the other night was a mistake," he said. "We've been circling this thing for so long and I understand if maybe it didn't live up to what you had in mind…"

CJ stood up from her chair and got to Danny in two long strides. She put her hands on his cheeks and leaned in and kissed him hard and purposefully on the lips. It almost reminded me of the very first time I saw them kiss except this time they seemed more confident. I saw how Danny pulled CJ closer to him and how she ran her fingers lightly through his hair.

Being a fish I don't need air to breath, but I'm pretty sure than humans do and I was astounded by how little air CJ and Danny needed at that particular moment. When they finally came up for air CJ ran her hand down the breast of his suit and said, "This not only lives up to my expectations, but exceeds it."

It was Danny's turn to look a little embarrassed now and he took CJ's hands in his. "I just know that losing Leo is a big deal and sometimes when we're confronted with grief we make rash decisions. I don't want you to feel pressured to go forward with this if you're not sure."

CJ chuckled and pulled Danny over to the couch. Once they were settled she turned to look at Danny and just stared at him for a moment. I'm not sure what she was thinking, but she definitely took a moment to take him in.

"Danny," CJ began. "I have never been so sure of moving forward on anything in my entire life. Not going to your place tonight…I'm not hesitating on this. We've opened the door and I have every intention of seeing where this takes us."

I noted a look of relief on Danny's face at CJ's admission. "But?" he asked.

"But, I'm not ready to announce it or declare it or think too much about it just yet. I'd like it to just be this thing that only concerns us right now. I feel like telling Donna, or anyone else, makes it something that needs to be defined and if you're okay with it, I'd kind of like to leave it nebulous right now."

It was Danny's turn to chuckle now. I thought he looked a little surprised as well. "I'd never have thought you would want to leave something nebulous," he said.

"I like wiggle room," CJ replied.

Danny laughed again. "Don't I know it," he said. I got the feeling that there was some kind of joke going on in his reply that flew over my head because CJ laughed as well.

"I like having this, you, to myself," CJ said. "I don't want to overthink it and if I have to tell Donna where I'm going tonight she'll ask questions and then I'll ask myself questions and being with you just makes me feel good, human even. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah," Danny nodded. I noticed how he ran his hand over her leg for a minute and let his hand rest on her knee. I wondered if he was taking in the moment as well. So often I could tell that he was reaching out to her and she was rarely there. Now he had her, fully present, in his hand.

"I just don't want," Danny started and then he rephrased his thought. "You said earlier that we've put this off for seven years and you asked what would one night hurt; I just got a little nervous that maybe you were putting this on the back burner again."

"I'm not," CJ said. "I promise you I'm not. Would it make you feel any better if I told you that I told Donna I wasn't going to be home tomorrow night?"

Danny's expression perked up. "You did?"

"I did."

"Where did you tell her you were going to be?"

"I told her that I've got a late-night meeting with Kate here and an early-morning call to China with the president so I was probably going to stay in the office."

"It sounds oddly like the truth," Danny said skeptically.

"That's because it is," CJ replied. She scooted closer to him on the couch and said in a tone that she reserved solely for flirting, "But, I was kind of hoping that maybe there might be room in your bed tomorrow night. This couch is kind of awful."

Danny slipped his arms around her and said, "I think there might be a vacancy."

CJ kissed him again and for a minute I thought I was going to have to turn around, but CJ pulled back and said wickedly, "Good, you live closer to the White House anyway."

"I knew you were just using me for my proximity to the White House," he teased.

"I should have taken advantage a long time ago," CJ played along.

"You really should have," Danny said a bit seriously. "But I'm just glad you finally did."

CJ picked up on this serious tone and said, "Me too."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Danny leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on CJ's forehead. He stood up and CJ followed suit. "I should let you finish up here," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Count on it," CJ said firmly.

Danny left CJ's office and she got back to sorting through her messages. Just before she left she got that faraway look in her eye as she stared at the chair that Leo used to sit in. "Thank you Leo," she said softly.

She stood up, walked to the door and turned off the office light. I watched her go and wondered what she was thanking Leo for. It could have been for a multitude of things, but I think she was thanking Leo for forcing her to finally see that she was putting Danny off for too long. After all, no one knows how much time is left and I was glad for CJ that she seemed to want to make the most of it.

TBC


	57. Limbo

Author's Note: This chapter takes place during season 7's Transition.

* * *

"Limbo"

After a new president is elected there's a weird period of time where the old regime is still in charge. I guess it helps the new people get acquainted with how things work, but to me, it seems a little odd. The old people, like CJ, are still around doing their jobs like nothing happened, except every decision they make hinges on whether the newly elected guy will like it. It's a weird period called transition.

The best part about the transition was that Josh stopped by to have a meeting with CJ. As had been the case for a while now, it seemed like when they met they weren't really friends anymore. It was all business and it made sad to think that they couldn't talk or joke like they used to.

They talked about how things would work with the new people and the old people and then Josh mentioned that he called Sam to offer him a job. Just hearing Sam's name made me excited and I made sure to listen a little more closely than I had before. CJ's expression changed at the mention of his name too. She made a comment about getting the old band back together and I honestly don't know what that meant, but suddenly, gloriously for just a moment, Josh's expression changed and he looked like the Josh I used to know so well.

He said something that kind of sounded like he was offering CJ a job with the new administration, but then CJ got a little weird, like she wasn't ready to talk about another job yet. She hadn't been ready for a while, even though Charlie kept hounding her about what she was planning to do. Honestly, I wasn't really sure what all this change meant for CJ or me. I like chaos and people and I had the sinking suspicion that wherever CJ ended up, it wouldn't be the same; not that things had been normal for a while.

I waited for CJ to stop acting like it was awkward to contemplate a job offer from Josh because in truth, I'd have liked to stay where we were. But, CJ made some comment about how she didn't think they should talk about it just yet, which was odd because apparently now was the time to be thinking about working for the Santos people.

As soon as CJ shot Josh's offer of a discussion down he left and she was left staring at her desk. There were a pile of papers on it, but I knew she wasn't reading any of them. I could tell because she was biting her bottom lip, which meant that she was thinking. I thought she might finally be thinking about what was next for her, but as quick as she zoned out, she was back again, shuffling papers and moving on to the next thing.

Another part of the transition that I disliked was the fact at CJ was rarely in her office anymore. I'm not sure what happening all over the building, but apparently it concerned CJ because she wasn't around much. I did get some extra nap time because of it, which was nice, but sometimes I missed things because I was sleeping.

For instance, after Josh left I got some shut eye and I awoke to CJ talking on her cell phone which was strange because she usually talked on the phone that was on her desk. The only time she talked on her cell phone was when the conversation was personal. She talked on her cell phone a lot during the Greg Brock months, but I knew he was in jail so I wasn't sure who she was talking to, but I had my suspicions.

"I can't," CJ said with a giggle. "I'd like to, but I've got things here."

The voice on the other end was speaking then and I saw CJ's lips curl. It was at that moment that I knew she was talking to Danny. Ever since Leo's funeral it seemed that they were most definitely what you'd call "on again." I don't think they'd really defined what they were doing, but I knew CJ was seeing him after work. But, in the last few days she seemed a little less joyful. I wondered if she had finally started to think about the ramifications of what they were doing. I assumed it freaked it her out once she really thought about it.

"It sounds wonderful," she said. I saw as she listened to whatever the voice on the other end of the phone was saying. Even though she was saying that whatever he was proposing sounded good, her face didn't show it any more. She looked almost weary; never a good sign.

"Danny," she protested while he continued to talk. "If I can I will. I've got a lot going on here today."

I could tell that he was talking more and I could tell that even though CJ wanted to say yes to whatever he was proposing, she wasn't going to. "I promise," she said.

"_Liar," I thought._

Lately I noticed that CJ had taken to telling Danny that she was really busy. Aside from the occasional trip to the Situation Room I knew she wasn't that busy. She had plenty of time to see him, but she was being evasive. Weeks removed from Leo's death, immediacy was apparently no longer CJ's concern. I knew she liked Danny. She already admitted it, but it was like she was trying to take it back somehow by not being completely available.

Now, maybe it's because I'm just a fish, but I would have thought that leaving her job would have lit a fire under CJ to cling to something solid, but instead she just seemed adrift. It was like the conversation she had with Josh that morning. Much as I knew she wanted to have a conversation with him about a job, there was something holding her back. The same was true with Danny. I knew CJ cared about him, but she wasn't ready to admit it. She wasn't ready to let go of the White House. The sad part was that I knew she didn't realize it yet. Danny had proven that he'd wait for her and she was taking advantage of that.

"I'll call you later," CJ said into the phone.

She hung up the phone with a smile on her face. She enjoyed taking to Danny so I couldn't understand why she was putting up a wall again. She didn't have that much going on. Or, should I say, she didn't have that much going on. Part of the conversation that CJ had with Josh earlier included her telling him that the president wanted an amicable transition.

"CJ?" Margaret said, standing in her doorway.

"Yeah?" CJ replied.

"Nancy McNally is here to see you," Margaret said.

It wasn't often that Nancy McNally showed up at CJ's office. I'd heard her name a few times and always within the context of something military. If Nancy was here that meant that maybe CJ wasn't lying when she told Danny she had a busy afternoon.

"Nancy," CJ said as she stood up. Margaret closed the door behind her and Nancy looked at CJ with a face that meant trouble.

"I mentioned earlier that we were listening to conversations between the President Elect and Russia," Nancy.

CJ got a look on her face immediately. "What did he do now?" she asked as she took a seat. Nancy sat down across from her as well.

"He spoke to China," Nancy said.

"China?"

"He expressed his displeasure with President Bartlet's plan."

"Son of bitch," CJ said under her breath. "Anything else?"

"He alluded to military action when he inherits the situation."

Nancy's face was very serious. I'd never seen her smile and based on what she was saying now I doubted I would see her smile during this visit to CJ's office either.

"Margaret!" CJ called.

After that it was off to the races. CJ summoned Josh back to her office and that meeting went about as well as expected. I had almost forgotten that they had shared a nice movement earlier in the day. CJ yelled at him and then she had Margaret set up a meeting with the president.

CJ and Nancy went into the Oval Office and I assume they told him about the conversation Matt Santos had with someone in China. I didn't know Matt Santos at all, but it seemed to me that he never listened to requests from the White House. That combined with the fact that his election meant CJ was out of job meant that I didn't really think too highly of him. I'm not sure CJ did either. She never said anything out loud, but she never really said anything particularly positive about him either.

Once she returned to the office she looked annoyed and defeated. She sat back in her chair and sighed. Margaret entered her office and asked, "Did you need anything else tonight?"

CJ looked surprised that she was still there. "No," she said shaking her head. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Margaret?" she asked as an afterthought.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know what you're doing after this?"

Margaret looked puzzled at CJ's question and CJ elaborated, "On January twenty-first, what do you plan on doing?"

"I was going to look for a job soon," Margaret admitted. "But when Josh was here he asked if I'd be interested in staying on."

CJ looked surprised. "Working for him?"

"It wasn't exactly clear."

"No, he'd be smart to keep you at his side. I'd have been lost without you. Are you going to stay?"

"I'm not sure," she said. "I told him I needed some time to think about it. Part of me can't picture not working here, but then a part of me would love a normal nine-to-five schedule."

"I hear that," CJ said.

"Has Charlie convinced you of what to do next yet?" Margaret asked.

CJ chuckled. "No, I haven't seen him in a few days. I think he's probably setting up interviews for me as we speak."

"Has the Santos campaign asked you to stay?" Margaret asked.

"No," CJ shook her head. "I mean sort of. Josh half-heartedly asked if we should talk about it, but I don't think there's place for me."

Margaret nodded. "I don't know him," CJ admitted. "Santos…he's Josh's guy. I mean the president was Toby's guy, but he brought me in so early."

I saw that it hurt her to even think about Toby let alone say his name. It had been so long since she's uttered his name in relation to anything positive. I think it took her by surprised as much as it took me by surprise.

"I was in on the campaign with him. He became my candidate."

"And you don't know Matt Santos," Margaret said.

"Isn't that silly? I should know everything I need to know about him. He's been vetted in a primary and national election, but I've been so immersed here that I can't say I've really given much thought to what happens next."

Margaret looked like she didn't know what to say. "Sorry," CJ said. "You want to get him to your little boy. Go ahead. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight," Margaret said as she left.

CJ looked at me. I wondered if we might have one of our late-night talks. CJ was keeping Danny at arm's length and as bad as I felt thinking it, CJ didn't really have anyone else to talk to anymore.

"What do you think Gail?" she asked me.

"I think you should go to Danny's," I said. But, as usual, she didn't hear me.

"How do you go from being the Chief of Staff to just another cog in the White House wheel?"

Ah, so that was CJ's problem with Josh's job offer. She'd be accountable to him and possibly others, including Sam. Right now, aside from the president, she was the most powerful person in the building. I think I finally understood where she was coming from. After this job, what came next? She had the skill and ability to rule the country. I guess anything other than that would seem like a step down.

"That's probably selfish," CJ chided herself. "It's Josh's turn now. He deserves to be in charge of this. In fact, it might be kind of nice to not have to deal with it, but if I don't have this, what do I have?"

For so many years CJ was defined by her work. I saw now how scary and uncertain the transition was for her. She was good at her job and although she might be tired of doing it, it was only thing she'd known for the last nine years. It was kind how I felt scared thinking about what would happen once I wasn't on CJ's desk anymore. I might finally get to see where she lived, but if she was gone all day, what did I have?

CJ sighed and pulled her cell phone out of her desk drawer. She punched in a few numbers and waited until someone answer. I knew it was Danny before she even spoke.

"Am I too late?" she asked.

I saw her grin at his response and she replied, "I'm on my way over. I'll see you in ten minutes."

CJ turned off the television and the office lights and I was alone with my thoughts. In my opinion, transition is just a fancy word for limbo. No one is really sure what comes next and there's a whole lot of anxiety when dealing with the unknown.

TBC


End file.
